Avg. Joe Reviews

Coyote Ugly (2000)

It ain't "The Wizard of Oz," but I still like it.

[9/10 · 26 June 2002]

When Jerry Bruckheimer committed to produce "Coyote Ugly," I don't think he was intending to remake "The Wizard of Oz" or "Gone With the Wind," widely regarded at two of the greatest movies of all time. And while I don't think "Coyote Ugly" is one of even the fifty greatest movies of all time, I did like it for what it was; a cute little movie that can lift your spirits when you're down.

Violet Sanford, played by the heartbreakingly sexy Piper Perabo, decides to pick up and leave her smalltown New Jersey existence - much to the chagrin of her toll-booth operator father, played by John Goodman in a show-stealing performance - for the Big Apple for a shot at success in the music business. Once there, she finds out there's a lot more to it than simply having great songs. One night, she happens upon one "Mr." O'Donnell (or Kevin, played by Adam Garcia) and gives him her demo tape thinking he's in the biz. When it turns out that he's nothing more than a guy who works odd jobs, she gets disgusted when he won't leave her alone (she's so cute when she say "So, I'm going to say 'good night...'").

After more meetings, a rather embarrassing, um, performance at an open-mike night (which we get to see her legendary stage fright) and being robbed, she happens upon three women, one of them who is saying goodbye to the other two, at an all-night eatery. "Are they hookers?" she asks excitedly. "No," says the dive owner as he hands her a matchbox with the name of a bar, the infamous "Coyote Ugly;" "They're coyotes!" She then decides to "audition" for the empty slot.

Somehow, over time, she impresses the hard-as-nails owner Lil, played with /chutzpah/ by Maria Bello, formerly of "ER," with her way with rowdy New Yorkers ready to get into a fight over a girl, her ability to raise $250 in two minutes by auctioning off an intimate night with Kevin as a means of payback and saving her fellow waitresses from impending trouble by singing along to "One Way or Another" by Blondie on the jukebox.

And while she falls in love with Kevin (who helps her get over her stage fright), she disappoints her father when he finds out that she's working at what he must believe is a strip bar, having seen his buddies at work putting her picture up in their toll-booth windows.

I think that the screenplay could be written a little better (Gina Wendkos does a better job with "The Princess Diaries" in my opinion). But the directing here is adequate; and I feel that, all things considered, the movie is well-acted; Melanie Lynskey was cute as Violet's long-time, always loyal friend. It's quite interesting to see Bridget Moynihan and Tyra Banks, two models, cast in the movie, Moynihan as the sexy "New York b****" and Tyra Banks as the sexy law student (who I would have liked to have seen more of). I feel that both of them held their own. And Izabella Miko was hot as Cammie, "The Russian Tease!"

I love the use of music throughout the film, including Violet's songs, which were actually written by Diane Warren, as well as the music played at the bar. Being of the male persuasion, I can't help but love the dance numbers with the Coyotes - love those outfits especially (even if it's really stunt dancers). And I can tolerate the sappy love story. Overall, this is a fun movie for anybody who needs to be cheered up (and who /doesn't/ these days!?).

9 out of 10.

Waiting to Exhale (1995)

WHINE! WHINE! WHINE!

[2/10 · 26 June 2002]

With all the hype surrounding "Waiting to Exhale," I was looking forward to renting it on video. It's nice to know that someone has made a movie with four strong, independent African-American women.

But when I saw it - and maybe this is me ranting because I, being a white male, am not part of the target audience - I was annoyed by all the whining, especially regarding that the men that these women were sleeping with/getting divorced from were leaving them for white women.

I can understand them being upset, even furious, with all of the philandering. But they act as if it would be OK if the men left them for other African-American women. Not to make light of the issues of racism, adultery, or divorce, but I can image Bernadine saying, "Hey, Savannah, I see that you're sleeping with my husband. Care if I join in!?" (Apologies to those who may take offense).

Speaking of Savannah, why is Whitney Houston complaining about finding the right man when she seems to be able to have sexual relations with any man that has matinee idol looks and a job - not to mention is *MARRIED*. I guess that any man who isn't married is a loser to Whitney.

Having not read the book, I realize that this is merely an adaptation - or, for Terry McMillan's sake, I hope it is. I'm not knocking any of the acting. Angela Bassett, Whitney Houston, Lela Rochon and Loretta Devine, as well as the supporting cast, are all talented and do commendable jobs. And Forest Whitaker proves himself to be a talented director. It's just that the lion's share of the characters come off as unsympathetic.

I realize that I'm merely scratching the surface, but I've wasted enough time on this movie. "Why Do Fools Fall In Love," the movie which describes Frankie Lymon's battles with the recording industry and liasons (sp) with three different women, one of which is Rochon, is a far superior movie and worth at least $5 of the $6 that I paid to see it.

I give this one 2 out of 10.

New Jack City (1991)

Excellent depiction of the war on drugs

[9/10 · 26 June 2002]

"New Jack City" is probably one of the best films of the early 1990s. Here we have the story of Nino Brown, played powerfully by Wesley Snipes, a drug lord hell-bent on contaminating the community, particularly the African-American community, with crack cocaine. Recruited to stop him are Scotty Applewhite and Nick Perreti, played respectively by Ice-T and Judd Nelson.

There is much doubt about these two officers because of their shady pasts. And a big brouhaha occurs when Applewhite recruits a kid named Pookie - played brilliantly by comedian Chris Rock in one of his early roles - a former "runner" (which is street for dealer) turned addict himself. Ice puts Pookie on the road to recovery and sends him in to infiltrate the CMB (Cash Money Brothers), Brown's underworld organization. When things start to go wrong, Applewhite decides to infiltrate the group himself.

All in all this is a great movie. I love the producers' use of music throughout the movie as a means of setting the tone for this cinematic war on drugs. Mario Van Peeples does an excellent job of directing and does a pretty good job playing the officer who recruits Applewhite and Perreti. Ice-T is excellent in one of his earliest roles and, thus, has proven to be a good character actor. And the supporting cast is top-notch. Michael Michelle (of "ER" fame) is totally sexy as an early financeer of CMB and an initial love interest of Snipes.

I could surely live without Judd Nelson as Nick Perreti though. Throughout the movie he looks like he's trying to be this bad-a** biker cop and comes off as though he's trying to be black, though his response to a comment made by Rock regarding a Marvin Gaye song suggests that maybe he's a bit of a racist. Casting Nelson makes me wonder sometimes "WHAT THE F*** WERE THEY THINKING??? A BRAT-PACKER???"

The ending to the movie could be stronger as well as it seems a bit cut-and-paste for my taste. I feel that they could've shown more testimony from more of the different players. However, they do redeem themselves with a violent confrontation between Nino Brown and an elderly World-War II veteran who had been evicted from the apartment building that the CMB now occupied and who had since been hounding him with phrases like (and this is not an exact quote), "Your soul is required for a meeting in Hell, you idolater."

I suggest that you look past Judd Nelson's weak acting and the cut-and-paste ending and check this movie out. Sadly, this story still holds true today even if some of the players are different.

I give this one 9 of 10.

Behind the Music (1997–2021)

Behind the Music is the worst music show ever.

[3 April 2000]

Behind the Music is the worst music show ever. All they're interested in is pointing out the shortcomings of all of the artists they profile. They deride the heck out of 'em, like a tabloid show. I liked it at first, thinking these quirks simply a "new-show-with-no-budget" thing. But BtM never changed.

The Beautician and the Beast (1997)

Though I've seen better, I liked it!!!

[7/10 · 3 April 2000]

I have to admit that, for a while anyway, I had a serious crush on Fran Drescher. Those outfits (in Joe's chauvinistic voice): "OH, YEAH!!!" That big '80's hair. And that voice (except when she got whiny)??? Uh-huh-huh! Uh-huh-huh!

"The Nanny" was a good show, though not great. It was raunchy and funny, though, to me (and maybe this is me being more old-fashioned than I'll admit), raunchy sex jokes do not go together with family entertainment. Thus, I was always convinced that it was in a bad time slot. NBC doesn't show "Law & Order" at 8:00 (or 7:00 if you're in Mississippi like me).

Nitpickiness aside, when I heard that she was doing a movie titled "The Beautician and the Beast," I was quite skeptical. I didn't think that it would be any good. But I sucked up any doubts I had and saw it anyway.

I have to admit that, while it's not the best, it's not the worst, either. I actually liked this movie. Granted, the movie is VERY dated (for the most part, Communism is dead), quite predictable (can you say "The Nanny?") and can get downright stupid (what's with the chicken?).

But it can also be funny, like when Joy, Fran's character, gets the workers to strike, in the tradition of Norma Rae, thus angering Boris Pochenko, played adequately by Timothy Dalton. And there were a lot of raunchy references to her relatives, i.e. one of her aunts having to have facial hair removed. And, without giving anything away, I thought the begining was really cute as well.

Not to mention that I was really impressed with a scene near the end of the film where she stands up to Boris. To me, it sounded as if she was really acting, speaking past her quirky voice and speaking the lines with gusto. That may explain how she got a part in a Woody Allen movie, even if it's a bit part.

This film isn't for everybody, especially if you're put off by Fran's voice. And, though there are no sex scenes, there are benign sexual references, not to mention mild language. Others might say "bring the whole family," but I wouldn't. While *I* think she's funny (like I said before), I believe her humor is too raunchy for family entertainment. And some of her humor deals with generalizations, which may explain why you don't see her being compared to Julia Roberts, Jennifer Lopez or Rene Russo, strong women who aren't afraid to be "one of the boys."

Clerks (1994)

Even if you've only had a job, watch this film

[10/10 · 31 March 2000]

It took me six years to finally see this movie (even though I bought it on video in '98); and I have to say, if not one of my top fives, it's easily in the top ten. I've never worked as a clerk (unless you count sometimes when I have to ring up some of the customers at the record store I work at now). But I've worked at a couple of different stores, a supermarket and my current job, as a sales associate at - you guessed it, a record store. The idiots in "Clerks" are almost as stupid as some of the people that I have to deal with on a daily basis.

I don't see how Dante (played by Brian O'Hallaran) and Randal (played by Jeff Anderson) put up with these people without going insane. Especially a man I affectionately call "The Egg Man," who insists who checking all the eggs, breaking them, putting them in his mouth and just annoying the sh** out of Dante, Randal, or anyone else in the store, just so he can get the perfect dozen. Or the "Milk Maid" who insists on digging through the gallons of milk in the search for a gallon that "won't go bad for, like, a decade. And I know what it's like having to deal with f***s who will not go somewhere else to do their dirty deeds, i.e. Jay (Jay Mewes) and Silent Bob (Kevin Smith, who did a fine job of directing the movie as well), though some of their craziness was knee-slappingly funny (yes, in case you haven't figured out, I'm from the South).

Made for less than $30,000 AND in black and white, I am impressed with how just totally awesome "Clerks" is (excuse my grammar). The script (?) is wickedly funny, the dialouge is witty and the grainy feel is perfect. And, even if you haven't worked as a clerk, say if you were merely working somewhere, you will know where this movie is coming from.

My problem (and this is nitpickiness at its worst) is that the women in the cast weren't given much to say and that a good deal of the acting left much to be desired (then again, if YOU only had $30,000, you're not gonna be getting Julia Roberts or Bruce Willis to do your movie anytime soon). But the hilarity of it, the situations and the stupid customers, totally make you forget about the second-rate acting.

Highly recommended, though there is some harsh language; so it's not for the weak of heart.

Back to the Future Part II (1989)

So confusing, it's ridiculous

[4/10 · 31 March 2000]

"Back to the Future" was a wonderful movie. I wouldn't mind taking my kids to it if it weren't for the mild language and the little bits of sexual innuendo.

However, I have to say that "Back to the Future II" /doesn't/ work for me. OK, it's entertaining, to a certain extent. But what killed it for me was its logistical errors. Sure, Dr. Brown (played wonderfully by Christopher Lloyd) and Marty (the star of the movie, Michael J. Fox) go ahead into time to "the amazing year" 2015. And they stop Marty, Jr., Marty's son, from being a part of a crime that was the idea of Griff, Biff's grandson (both played by Thomas J. Wilson). By the way, I would have thought that Biff wouldn't have any grandchildren, let along children in this being that George, Marty's dad, stood up to him. The rest, I'm not even going to go there.

But, then, Biff gets wind of the whole situation with the time machine, not to mention that Marty wants to profit from it by buying a sports almanac for the years 1950-2000. He steals the DeLorean behind Doc and Marty's backs to give the book to young Biff. And it's obvious to me that not only would George McFly get killed by Biff and that Doc Brown would be committed to a mental institution, but also that old Biff would probably get stuck in 1955 because the DeLorean would have disappeared something like everything else that changed with Marty's meddling.

But, I don't know. I guess Zemekis (sp) needed a sequel to "Back to the Future."