MI$ gUy Reviews

The Godfather Part III (1990)

Not necessary to see Godfather III

[6/10 · 22 October 2001]

I just watched Godfather III for the first time. Godfather I and II were two of the greatest films of all time. However, although the third is a decent film, it is nowhere near the level of the others.

Michael Corleone, as the Don, is supposed to be a powerful man. In no point in this movie does Michael actually look like a Don. This is a far cry from the strong character he was in the second movie. This may well be showing the fall of organized crime, but I don't think that was Coppola's intention, and if it was he did a bad job of conveying that message. Also, Connie is suddenly a powerful character. Apparently all of Coppola's strong characters were dead so he had to take the only recognizable character that was left and make her some sort of family business matriarch. In the first two movies she had nothing to do with the family business. The plot in this movie is also disjointed and confusing. At the beginning of the movie it seems like Michael barely recognizes Vincent Mancini, but throughout the film Vincent is his right hand man. This made no sense at all.

******6 out of 10******

Universal Soldier: The Return (1999)

Worst Movie of 1999

[1/10 · 9 December 1999]

I have seen many movies this year, but this one is definitely the worst. It ranks up there with the likes of Teen Wolf Too, as the worst movie ever. I actually liked the first Universal Soldier, and I generally like Van Damme movies. Perhaps it's just that i've gotten older and wiser, but I don't think so. This movie would be boring even for a 12 year old. The action scenes are horrible. Any actor could do the lame martial arts displayed by Van Damme here. I am also a fan of wrestling, but Bill Goldberg's presence didn't help at all.

I suggest that you avoid this movie at all cost. I wouldn't even watch it again if they showed it on TV.

The New Newlywed Game (1984–1989)

A game show not about money or winning?

[9 December 1999]

When watching The Newlywed Game, I could care less who wins and how much they win. This game show is just funny. The reason people watch this game show is to see how the husband will embarrass the wife (and vice versa). It didn't take a genius to invent this show, but it is very entertaining. The only difference between the different versions of this show is that Bob Eubanks slowly gets balder and balder throughout the years. (i think he might have been born balding though).

Live with Kelly and Mark (1988– )

Regis is the BOMB!!!

[9 December 1999]

Before I watched this show, I thought this was just a women's show. Now that I watch it, I still think it is. Despite that the beginning where Regis and Kathie Lee talk is very funny. It's as good as any other talk show monologue. The rest of the show is only "ok". I would only recommend the rest if you like the person they are interviewing. However, I think anyone could enjoy the beginning, even though the majority of the audience is women and elderly people.

Kathie Lee and Regis have a great chemistry. However, I think without Regis, Kathie Lee would fall flat on her face. Regis is sooo funny. It is a far cry from the serious man he is on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire".

Overall it is an entertaining show. Check it out.

Schindler's List (1993)

Powerful, moving, mind blowing film

[10/10 · 6 December 1999]

I had no intention to see this movie. From the previews I had seen, I could tell it was a true to life movie with social significance. However, I thought it would probably be long, drawn out, and boring. Boy was I wrong.

Luckily, it was showing on a movie channel and I sat down and watched it. At the very beginning I was a little confused with what was going on. I also didn't match up most of the character's names with their faces. However, this only makes me want to see it again. This is definitely a movie I could see over and over again.

This movie will blow you away more than any of Spielberg's other movies which are heavy in special effects. This is perhaps the most realistic movie I have ever seen. I can't imagine a person not liking this movie.

This is a must see and a must own!!! I give it a 10 out of 10.

The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974)

The most demented movie of all time?

[8/10 · 6 December 1999]

I just saw this movie for the first time. This movie is sick, twisted, and demented. Because of the way they filmed movies back then, this movie seems very realistic. The movie takes many unexpected turns, and you will ask yourself many questions throughout the movie such as: 1. Who is gonna die (next)? 2. Who is the main character?

and the most common question: 3. What the hell?

This movie is not for the faint of heart. Showing this to children could severely mess them up. I would compare this movie to Natural Born Killers, in that these are the two weirdest movies I have ever seen. However, I will say that I enjoyed the Texas Chainsaw Massacre more. Ok, well maybe I didn't "enjoy" it. I don't want people to think I'm demented. However, I will say this is a very good movie.

My only regret is that this movie is so short. However, can anyone handle any more than an hour and a half of this? I think not.

Phat Beach (1996)

Nothing else on TV?

[3/10 · 19 June 1999]

Is nothing else on TV? Are you really bored? Well, then watch Phat Beach. However, don't rent it and definitely DO NOT buy it. That would be a big mistake.

I watched this on TV and found myself laughing at certain points. I did not laugh long and I did not laugh hard. However, there were subtle jokes and comments I laughed at. If you are looking for an extremely funny "hood" movie then watch Friday. If you are looking for a powerful emotional movie (something that this movie tries at..kind of) watch something like hoop dreams or Jason's Lyric. If you are lookin for some good black "booty" go watch a Dominique Simone porn flick, because the nudity in this movie is nearly non-existent. However, if you have nothing better to do and this is on cable, go ahead and watch it. You will be slightly amused.

***3 out of 10***

Judge Dredd (1995)

The Most Disappointing Movie EVER

[1/10 · 19 June 1999]

If you love the comic (2000 A.D.) do not, I repeat, do not watch this movie, because you may never see Judge Dredd in the same light again. I had waited for this movie for years. When I heard that Stallone was playing Dredd I thought nothing bad of it. I knew that with him in the picture it would be in wide release, and I knew that much like Batman, Judge Dredd does not need a great actor to play him. Stallone seemed to fit the bill of someone who could be tough, have little dialogue, and shoot up the enemies. Little did I know that Judge Dredd would be put into the same category as Batman Forever, and Batman and Robin, in that they are all "disneyland" versions of a much darker comic.

In the comic, the future is a bleak place. Comic books don't get much darker or bloodier than this one. It is not a "fun, happy go-lucky" comic. However, it is extremely exciting and if translated correctly could be the perfect action movie.

Showing a human side of Dredd was the worst mistake of this movie. For one Dredd does not take his helmet off. For two he does not have a sidekick.

If this movie had been made correctly it would have received comparison's to the likes of Terminator 2 and Predator. However, after seeing this movie, I think it would best be compared to the likes of Teen Wolf Too, as one of the worst films ever made.

Bad Girls (1994)

Don't make the mistake I did

[1/10 · 19 June 1999]

A few years ago I reached down into the bargain movie bin for what I thought was The Quick and the Dead. To my horror it turned out that Bad Girls was also in that bin and I mistakenly grabbed it, bought it, and brought it home. When I realized the mistake, I decided "This movie can't be too bad." How farther from the truth could that be. I have a collection of several hundred movies, and too this day my worst movie still remains "Bad Girls". It is an abomination and a dishonor to all other movies (except maybe teen wolf too).

With such horrible acting (and plot...etc) at least they could have made this movie into a wannabe porn or something. Well, never mind. In order to do that they would need to hire actresses that wouldn't make you wanna puke if you saw some skin. I don't think even a combination of Jane March, Sharon Stone, Selma Hayek, and Jeniffer Lopez could have saved this film from a sub 5 rating...well maybe a 5.

I warn you now, do not see this movie. If you do not heed my warnings you will be wasting your money, your time, and my time for going through the trouble of warning you.

G.I. Joe: The Movie (1987 Video)

Like GI Joe?? Gotta see this movie!!!

[9/10 · 19 June 1999]

If you loved the 1980s TV show you will love this movie. G.I. Joe the movie is not mearly as good as the TV show, but rather is much much better. This movie comprises of the same guys we love (or love to hate), such as Duke, Sgt. Slaughter, Cobra Commander, Serpentor etc etc. However, it is the new characters that really bring life and intrigue into this movie (ie. jinx, lt. falcon, nemesis enforcer, golobulus etc etc).

My favorite scene of this movie was the opening scene where pythona infiltrates the inpenetrable terradrome. I also loved the slaughterhouse training, and the many changes that occur within Cobra Commander. Then again, as a child I watched this movie all the time so I may be just a tad bit biased.