Change Your Image
Kraorh
Reviews
Wolfridge (1994)
Damn, I forgot to load this thing.
"Wolfridge" was made in New Mexico, and as far as I know, only available in theaters there. I saw this with my girlfriend at the time, and we were amazed at how quickly the theater cleared out within the first 30 minutes alone.
The story, if it can be considered such, is a convoluted tale about an older Navajo wise man murdered by an insane villain. Why do we know he's insane, other than the fact that he kills people? Shortly after the murder, he plays with a pistol, putting the barrel in his mouth, taking it out again, apparently in a fit of existential doubt as to whether he should kill himself or not. At this point, I blurted out, "Damn, I forgot to load this thing. Suicide might be easier if it had bullets." This bizarre sequence lasted an eternity.
The fantasy element came in at the very end, when the murdered Navajo came back as a wolf to fight the man who murdered him, thus saving both the hero and the heroine. The audience at this point is treated to a cheesy animated segment where we witness a less than seamless shift between wolf and man. The computers used to create this were probably state of the art in 1974, but not in 1994, and worst of all, were unnecessary. The movie makers certainly didn't need special effects, cheesy or otherwise, for the audience to figure this out, all the hackneyed dialogue indicated this Native American "legend" about the dead coming back for retribution against those who killed them.
If we should ever have the misfortune of having this movie released on video or DVD, thus wasting the valuable plastic that could be used for more worthy purposes, I recommend only seeing this movie if you and the people you see this with (because seeing this movie alone would be painful) are good at MST3K'ing what you watch. This movie belongs in the same hall of shame that other movies filmed, produced and marketed exclusively in the American southwest are in, such as Arizona's "Werewolf" and New Mexico's "Track of the Moon Beast." At least these two exist as MST3K episodes, and the latter even gives you a recipe for chili (see user comments on that film to see what I mean).
Orientation: A Scientology Information Film (1996)
Shame MST3K never got a hold on this one...
The movie: okay, this was bad. Unspeakably bad, but to the person informed about the truth about Scientology, kind of funny in a very sad way (think "Battlefield Earth," only worse, and with a lot of the same people involved). The audience won't be getting an unbiased view of this cult, but that's to be expected in a feature produced by the Church. What's unexpected is the degree to which it is pure, unadulterated propaganda, at a level that would make Leni Riefenstahl blush with envy. For example, Kirstie Alley, with a look of seriousness that is unsettling, declares, "Without Scientology, I would be dead today." The viewer is paraded with a number of Scientology suits, each with their own title. (One person, introduced as the "Director of Processing," acts as Orwellian as his job title implies. A sinister, b-movie villian chuckle, and the exaserbated sigh, (paraphrased) "The world out there is such a corrupting influence. We really have our work cut out for us in breaking our new recruits of that influence." Ick.
Nevertheless, the propaganda of this film is produced in such a cheesy way that the film approaches self-parody. When actors like John Travolta are tapped as intellectual spokesmen (no offense to Travolta, but he isn't exactly Stephen Hawking), when L. Ron Hubbard is portrayed as the ultimate renaissance man/prophet/saint with utter sincerity, it's difficult to take any of the film's claims seriously. And as self-parody, you almost don't even need the MST3K crew to heckle the show; one would have to have the intelligence of peanut brittle to be unable to do it oneself.
Despite a rating of 1, I will recommend people see this movie at their local Scientology centers (the only place this movie can be seen), if anything else, for a good laugh, and a view at how intellectually bankrupt this excuse for a film really is. A word of caution though: after this film, I and the group of friends I saw it with were split up and separately "interviewed" by members of the church. They were reluctant to allow us to leave, and were eager to have us confess personal shortcomings that caused us distress and difficulty in life, which of course they alone could solve. How you choose to handle this is up to you, but I ultimately found any attempt at a dialogue futile. I recommmend that you treat this situation like you would a telemarketer, politely thank them for their movie and their time, but state you aren't interested and leave. Certainly don't give them personal info like your address and phone #.
So sit back, wait for the movie to start, bring your own popcorn (since they don't provide any), and say together with your companions, "MOVIE SIGN!!!"