TheCowSays Reviews

Four Rooms (1995)

Fun, But Sometimes Slow

[22 October 2000]

This movie was pretty good. I, of course, will have to grade this segment by segment: The first segment wasn't very good. It was dumb and raunchy (with an bizarre amount of nudity.) Does Madonna seek out bad roles? Nothing really seemed serious or funny enough for you to really care about what was going on, and the conflict is resolved with so little effort, that you wonder why they even bothered creating it, and why Madonna would waste her time. Lily Taylor is completely wasted in it. Still, it's moderately entertaining mostly because of all the gimicky wipes, bad humor, and a dumb, feel-good attitude. 4/10 The second segment tried a little harder to creating an interesting situation, but, alas, it was a big dull dud. Nothing else to say. 2/10 The third segment was really good. It was packed full of good humor and some funny (and disturbing) surprises. I can't say much more about it, except to say that it was really, really good. 9/10 The final segment ended the movie well. The long takes got kind of annoying and distracting, but overall it was pretty good. The first half of the segment was kind of dull, but the second half was pretty interesting, and it ended the movie on the perfect note. 8/10 Overall, despite some dull parts, this movie was good enough to recommend. However, I wouldn't watch it again. 7/10

Ordinary People (1980)

A Classic Character Study

[21 October 2000]

This is one of those movies that everyone probably forgot about a few years after it was made (I bet Shakespeare in Love and Forrest Gump will soon follow.) It's great, and doesn't deserve to be forgotten. It should be in the top 50 on this list. This is probably the best movie I've ever seen that has such a slow moving plot. People compare it to American Beauty, though they're really quite different. Ordinary People has a much better message and is less plot-driven than American Beauty. The characters are excellent. Everyone in this movie deserved an Oscar, especially Mary Tyler Moore, in what is, by far, her strongest performance (and pretty much what is her only major serious performance.) Mary Tyler Moore and Timothy Hutton's few scenes are the highlights of the movie, although the rest of the movie is also wonderful. If you want to see an emotionally manipulative movie that uses simple, unoriginal Hollywood ideas that have been used a billion times, go see a movie like "Pay It Forward," but if you want genuine emotion and a good message, go see this movie. I hope I've made the point I was trying to make. 10/10

Cruel Intentions (1999)

Good Movie Destroyed By Bad Ending

[14 October 2000]

This movie was really good. It was so close to being classic. I read Ebert's review, and I totally agree when he said that: "It crash-lands with an ending of soppy moralizing, but until the end, it's smart and merciless in the tradition of the original story." The ending was just awful. It just didn't fit with the tone of the story at all. But before that, it was compelling, often hillarious, and wonderfully twisted. I especially loved Sarah Michelle Gellar and Selma Blair's performances. They were cast well. If it'd had a twisted ending that didn't try too hard to prove that "no, you should not be like Katheryn", I would give it an A, but the ending is always extremely important in how you view a movie (and this had an awful ending), so I give it a C+.

Switchblade Sisters (1975)

A Group Film

[13 October 2000]

I don't know how anyone could even watch this entire movie without a big group of people. It'd be like watching Manos: Hands of Fate without the MST3K commentaries. This is a BAD movie. It's, of course, not to be taken seriously, but it's still a bad movie. You can't expect much from this film, and you won't get it. There's some laughable outfits and some bad acting, but nothing that would make it especially better than any other exploitation flick. It's just a bad movie. The only reason, I'm sure, that anyone would see this movie is because of Quentin Tarrintino, but, trust me, his introduction to the movie is more interesting than the movie itself. 2/10

Ellen (1994–1998)

Pretty Good

[8 October 2000]

This was a pretty good show. Kind of like an updated I Love Lucy. It wasn't one of the best, but I can say that it's four year run, and was funny in a Just Shoot Me kind of way. The show started mediocre in it's first season. The second season was probably it's best, and the third was almost as good. The last season wasn't very good only because they sacrificed humor for the sake of sending their message, but I think ABC should've let Ellen on for another season to see if it shaped back up into a funny show, although, if it had stayed on and continued to not be funny, it may have lost a lot of it's supporters. It's amazing what this show was able what this show was able to do, and Will & Grace, which is one of the best shows on the air now, would obviously never even exist if it wasn't for it.

Little Indian, Big City (1994)

What is Up With This Movie?

[7 October 2000]

What is up with this movie? It's awful. Why of all the foreign language films, did THIS one get a major U.S. release? Why did they remake it (Jungle 2 Jungle)? Did they think that making it in english would make it better? Roger Ebert gave it his rare Zero Stars, and, I can assure you, it deserves every star it didn't get. 1/10

The Secret World of Alex Mack (1994–1998)

A Ridiculous Concept Makes For A Really Fun Show

[6 October 2000]

This show was fun. I'd completely forgotten about it until I looked up the profile for that girl from "Dark Angel." I think she was that girl that Alex hated because she was dating the guy Alex liked. Something like that. I remember specifically watching the last episode. Although, I didn't know, then, it was the last episode since they marketed it as the season finale, but it was a pretty good finale (which you could expect considering the gimicky concept.) Shows like this, "Clarissa", and "Salute Your Shorts" make me wonder whatever will happen with these shows. They seem like too much fun to just never show again, but there aren't really nearly enough of them to fill a network. Home video, maybe? I think they should show them on TV Land weekly as part of their regular schedual because it seems weird just to let some of these shows which are filled with rising stars just to sit on some shelf.

Death Becomes Her (1992)

A Comedy For People Who Like Black Comedies

[6 October 2000]

This is a bizarre movie. If you can't enjoy a comedy whose main characters have pathetic, sad lives, or if you can't laugh at black comedies, don't rent this. I, for one, love black comedies, and this is a pretty good one. It's not the best movie, ever, but it's all around fun (in a sick kind of way). It kind of stumbles during the last quarter, but fortunately it ended perfectly, which made the last quarter of the movie worth watching. I thought it was the absolute perfect ending for this movie, and I love when a movie knows how it should end without going overboard. 8/10

Being John Malkovich (1999)

The Strangest Movie Ever Made

[1 October 2000]

This is the most strangest movie ever made. I don't think many would disagree. I can't say much about it, except to rent it. You WILL NOT be disappointed. It's hilarious, it's sad, and it's bizarre. I have no doubt that this movie will be remembered, while The Green Mile, Cider House Rules, and The Insider will undoubtedly be forgotten. The only thing, I think, that could've made it stranger, is if it was a musical, too, but maybe that would just be too much.

Titanic (1997)

Wonderful

[1 October 2000]

This is a really good that definitely deserved its Best Picture Oscar. It's almost bizarre when you think that this is a movie made by James Cameron, considering his other work. I was really surprised that I liked this movie, since normally I would hate a romance movie, but this one blew me away. It's a 10. It's a lot like American Beauty, in that, if you completely ignore it's message, it's a masterpiece. Just as American Beauty glorified pedophiles and drug dealers, this movie glorifies the idea that it's quite all right to completely ignore the fact that you're getting married and have a fling with some guy you barely even know. I have no idea why the MPAA thinks it's all right to make a movie like this PG-13 (with the message that is definitely not teen-friendly and the nudity), but makes a movie like Almost Famous R (considering doesn't have any more nudity than Titanic, and it has a message that's great for teens.) Nonetheless, it's a really, really good movie.

The Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975)

Strange Movie...

[1 October 2000]

I've never been to a midnight showing or anything like that, but this is the second strangest (close behind Being John Malkovich) movie I've ever seen. It's funny. It's trash. It's the kind of movie that in 20 years, people will wake up in the middle of the night, turn on the tv, and see, and think..."What the...?" It's good. This is an enjoyably bad movie, but it's not really bad at all. This is the kind of movie that deserves a place on some top 100 list.

Hamlet (2000)

Confused (w/Spoilers)

[30 September 2000]

Julia Stiles was good. That's all I can really say about this. I had nearly no knowledge of this play whatsoever. The only thing I knew about this play was from a random comment on an episode "Third Rock From The Sun" about how Hamlet resembled the Lion King (give me a break, I'm only 15). I really should've thumbed through the Cliffs Notes before heading off to see this. I figured out most of what was happening after a while, but I still don't get I didn't get why Bill Murray hated Hamlet, and I don't get why they put all the microphones and stuff on Ophelia (to make sure that she broke up with him?) Parts of the Ophelia storyline seemed severely edited and completely confused me. I guess you were supposed to pick most of it up in that scene where her brother steals her hair clip? I can't grade this movie, due to the fact that I didn't understand it. A note to the editor and director: How is it that you probably watched this movie a billion times before it's release, but you didn't cut out the boom mikes? I bet everyone in the audience noticed the one in that scene before Ophelia's death.

Coneheads (1993)

All Right

[30 September 2000]

People are way, way, way, WAY too harsh to SNL films. This is an ok movie. Not the greatest, but good nonetheless. It's predictable, but aren't even some of the funniest movies predictable? Has some funny moments, and I'd recommend it if you wanted to watch a movie with a group of friends, but you didn't really want to have to pay close attention to.6/10

The Green Mile (1999)

Shawshank, Again

[23 September 2000]

This is the Shawshank Redemption all over again. It's a good movie, but not really original at all, and really long. It has several elements that are much like Shawshank. The wrongly accused murderer changes people's lives, and so forth. It's good, but it certainly isn't one of the greatest movies of all time, and neither is the Shawshank Redemption. It was pretty much thoroughly entertaining considering it's length, and was basically a movie that has some clever parts that'll make you smile just like the Shawshank Redemption, but nothing more, really. There are a lot of movies that should be on this list before this movie, but it's a good movie nonetheless. 7/10

Clarissa Explains It All (1991–1994)

I Still Love This Show

[23 September 2000]

This is arguably the most fun and original sitcom I've ever seen. Odd, since it was on the American children's network Nickelodeon. I still over this show. It sort of reminds me of Ferris Bueller's Day Off, only better. I love that she talks right to you, and my favorite part of this is that she writes on the screen and has drawings and stuff. It's the best. It'd be really cool if they'd make another show like this. I wish they'd still show this. If they were ever to release all the episodes on DVD, I'd definitely buy them. This was such a fun show.

Road Trip (2000)

Unexpectedly Hilarious

[19 September 2000]

This is by far the best comedy of the summer. I was incredibly surprised, too, since it didn't really get any good reviews. My expectations were low, so I was blown away. I thought that it was far superior American Pie, and is probably the best teen comedy since Clueless. I understand why it got some bad reviews since it has a paper-thin plot and lots of gratuitous nudity and the really funny parts are pretty far between. It's an all around fun movie, though, and I'm definitely going to buy it when it comes out on video.

The House of Yes (1997)

One of the Funniest Movies I've Ever Seen

[15 September 2000]

I love this movie. It's great. It's definitely in my list of the top 5 funniest movies of all time. I was surprised to see that Entertainment Weekly and Roger Ebert both gave it bad reviews (well, actually, not bad reviews, just not reviews that could be interpreted as good.) I guess it's an acquired sense of humor, and the plot leaves some to be desired. There isn't really much plot, and the movie is pretty slow paced (it's obvious that this was once a play), so if you don't like dark humor, don't rent this. It's basically filled with lots of one-liners and such, most delivered by Parker Posey, in what is probably her greatest performance to date. While Parker usually plays the same character you love to hate (or just plain hate), she always plays it well. Has she ever played a good-natured character? Anyway, if you like dark comedy, and you can enjoy a movie no matter how sick the plot is, I would think that you would love this. It's up there with Pulp Fiction on my favorites list. 10/10

Two of a Kind (1998–1999)

Who Couldn't Like This Show...

[11 September 2000]

I watch this show every day when I get home from school on the Fox Family Channel, and now they've started showing it in the morning (three times a day for a show that has less than 30 episodes.) The plots ARE full of dumb sitcom cliches, but it's all good because it's still funny, and they seem to actually make it more enjoyable. Lots of fun to watch and usually has some really funny moments, even if the dad's personality is so cliched that he isn't convincing as a human being. A thoroughly enjoyable show.

Friends (1994–2004)

My All-Time Favorite Sitcom

[6 September 2000]

This is my all-time favorite t.v. show ever. My second favorite is "Newsradio", which is also great, but it doesn't come close to matching this. If they would release them on video here in the U.S.A., I would buy every episode. I envy the British who have every episode on tape (including even the most recent) and all but the latest season on DVD. It's a great show, and I think it's better than Seinfeld, which is pretty much responsible for it's popularity. Speaking of Seinfeld, I wish they'd release all those episodes on DVD, too, ala X-Files.

In the Company of Men (1997)

Odd

[3 September 2000]

This movie is really odd. I wasn't sure if I was going to like it at the beginning, seeing as their plan was evil. Evil, evil evil. Disturbing. But that can make a movie interesting, and it certainly did with this one. This movie is interesting from start to finish, and I really wanted to know how it turned out. *Spoiler* However, as the movie unfolds, cliches are spread everywhere, and by the end, I really felt like I was watching "She's All That" meets "Cruel Intentions". This was mostly evident in the scene where the guy tells her that it's all part of Chad's game (but I'm really in love with you CAN'T YOU SEE!), and in the end where it turns out that Chad was just trying to see how far the guy would go. This doesn't necessarily make the movie worse, it's really didn't really seem to flow well with the mood of the movie. I really liked the final scene, though. Most of the movie was good, and it's obvious that this writer/director has talent: 7/10

Buffalo '66 (1998)

Surprisingly Good

[3 September 2000]

The more I think about it, the more I think it's odd that I enjoyed this movie. It is amazingly well-acted and is convincing throughout. Christina Ricci was amazing in her performance as Layla, the tap dancer that Billy kidnaps. I never once doubted that she really cared about Billy. When I thought about it, Billy and Layla's relationship vaguely resembled the relationship of Nicholas Cage and Elizabeth Shue in that God-awful excuse for a movie called "Leaving Las Vegas", which is why I'm surprised that I enjoyed "Buffalo '66". The difference, I've decided, is that, because of the wonderful performances, you actually cared for Billy and Layla, where in "Leaving Las Vegas" you couldn't care less about Nicholas Cage and Elizabeth Shue (How exactly COULD you feel for an alcoholic whose only goal was to die and the street whore who fell in love with him?) "Buffalo '66" is not without flaws, as certain scenes get boring after a while, but it was good nonetheless and interesting for the most part. Good ending, too. 8/10

The Usual Suspects (1995)

If that's the ending...

[3 September 2000]

*Spoilers*

I just finished watching "The Usual Suspects". I didn't like the movie at all until the ending. The ending, to say the least, saves the movie. I have to say though, I would never watch it again. I thought the rest of the movie was pretty dull, and is pretty hard to understand for no good reason. If I understood the end right, Kevin Spacey made up on the spot pretty much all of what he said. I didn't get why they made the rest of the movie so dull, when it probably could have been a lot more interesting. I was thinking, if that's the end, why did I sit through all those unnecessary, boring, and complicated lies. Couldn't they have trimmed it up a bit to make it more interesting. Much like "The Cell", they used stuff that wasn't necessary to the plot to cover up how empty the plot really is, except in "The Cell", the unnecessary stuff was at least interesting. I think it would've worked much better if it was shorter... like an hour shorter. Definitely not in my top 20... or my top 500 for that matter. 4/10

Norm (1999–2001)

Laurie Metcalf is Hilarious...

[2 September 2000]

I love this show and I hope it stays on for at least a few more years. I think it's superior to Drew Carrey, which is also a great show. While, Norm is indeed wonderful, Laurie Metcalf (the sister from "Roseanne") steals the show. She's perfect for a show like this. Good sitcom-y fun.

Ally McBeal (1997–2002)

Surprisingly Wonderful

[2 September 2000]

I like this show. It's so bizarre. I can't think of any show I've ever seen that's this bizarre on a regular basis and always managed to work (if you want to see a show that's bizarre on a regular basis and doesn't work watch "Working" sometime.) The only problem with the show, is that, while each episode is always as good as the last, if I watch it regularly for more than about half a year, I'll get sick of it because every episode pretty much has the same feel to it, and I won't want to watch it for a while. Nonetheless, almost every episode is a masterpiece by itself, so I sincerely hope that it's on long enough to go into syndication.

My So-Called Life (1994–1995)

Good

[4 August 2000]

This show was really good, and most won't disagree. What bothers me, though, is that while I was reading through the user comments, that someone said "In this show she's supposed to be 15 but going on 35!" Unlike most teen shows, Claire Danes was actually 15 during the show's run.