MatrixFn Reviews

Bless the Child (2000)

WAY over bashed

[8/10 · 16 August 2000]

Sure this movie isn't perfect, but it is a hell of a lot better than the reviews may lead you to believe. I've seen a lot of stupid comments out there:

"Not Really Scary" - no duh, it isn't a horror movie "Lame Special Effects" - since when do special effects make a movie good/bad? "Poorly edited" - Um, no, it is done the way it is for a reason

If people would stop taking movies so seriously, and learn to enjoy them, perhaps everyone would be a lot happier.

Seven Samurai (1954)

Easily the most over rated movie ever

[2/10 · 21 May 2000]

They should change the title of this to "long, pointless, and boring." Seven Samurai has no redeeming value whatsoever.

Even the subtitles sucked. In fact, they were the absolute worse I've ever seen. Half the dialogue either wasn't translated or was white or white and therefore unreadable! This made the plot hard to follow; fortunately, there wasn't much to follow. A five year old could guess the conclusion after the first 10 minutes!

A lot of people say there is incredible depth in 7 samurai. They must be on crack. The characters on incredibly shallow. We learn nothing about anyone in the movie. You'd think in three hours one could probe the characters minds - find out why they act as they do, but nope, once a character is introduced their developement stops.

Then their are the inane sub-plots that go nowhere. Please! If you are going to introduce a plot device, have it go somewhere. In real life, everything isn't meaningful, but this isn't real life - it is a movie. If I wanted to see pointless stuff happening, I could look out my window!

It is said that the Brigand's helmet inspired Darth Vader's. If that's true, then the dumb "comic" guy must have inspired Jar-Jar (that is not a good thing). At least Lucas had an excuse for including a dumb character - Phantom Menace was a kids movie. Akira had no business doing so in Seven Samurai.

So why does this movie have such a high rating? I attribute it primarily to the fact that everyone is afraid to you they didn't like a "classic." If people stopped thinking like drones, maybe we could come to realize that some "classics" really aren't very good. Just because a film is old & very known, doesn't mean it is great.

In conclusion, Seven Samurai is terrible. It is juvenille, lacks depth or character developement, and, in general, is highly overrated.

TV Nation (1994–1995)

I love Michael Moore

[30 April 2000]

Michael Moore is one of the funniest guys I've ever seen. One can't help but love his style, even while disagreeing with what he has to say. As a stanch conservative, I find it amazing that such a liberal person and I could have so much in common.

TV Nation was one of my favorite shows for its brief lifespan. I especially enjoyed the episode where they lobbied for TV Nation day and the one where he visited Clinton's home town.

To Moore nothing is sacred, not even the leaders of his own political party and for this, more than anything else, I can admire him. He reminds us that life is no fun if we take things too seriously.

The Iron Giant (1999)

A good movie with one significant flaw

[8/10 · 19 March 2000]

The Iron Giant is a good movie, but falls short of great due to the ending.

The movie shows the destructive nature of fear and hate in a compelling fashion. It is also funny.

The ending is quite beautiful, at first, as our hero sacrifices himself for the good of humanity. Unfortunately, he is brought back to life to please the kids the film is aimed at.

7.5/10

Princess Mononoke (1997)

Not all its cracked up to be

[5/10 · 19 March 2000]

"Go and see this movie. You won't be disappointed"

I was disappointed. While certainly a well-animated and relatively unique picture, Mononoke Hime is far from a great picture.

It suffers from too major problems: Corny dialogue and pointless elements. While the first might be do to poor translation, the second surely is not. Ideas are introduced but not developed several times. Other apparent plot elements disappear without explanation, never to return again.

Yes, there are much better animated pictures out there. Antz, for example, has many significant advantages over Mononoke Hime.

The Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975)

Probably the worst movie I've ever seen

[1/10 · 28 February 2000]

Why anyone would want to waste a couple of hours of their life watching this dribble is beyond me. The plot is stupid and the promised humor is nonexistent. Susan Sarandon must be embarrassed to have been part of such utter crap.

As if the movie wasn't bad enough, the audience participation makes the film absolutely unbearable. I left the theater with a huge headache from all the incomprehensible yelling.

A must miss to be sure, 0/10!

8½ (1963)

Perhaps the best test of a true movie fan ever created

[9/10 · 18 February 2000]

While 8 1/2 might not be the best film ever created (although it certainly ranks up there), it serves as the best test I know of a true movie fan. Let me explain...

The public (non-true movie fans) wants movies that are formulaic, that are plot driven, and that are fun to watch. The critically minded (true movie fans) want movies that are artistic, insightful, and well directed. Symbolism is an added bonus, but not essential.

Now, the problem is that most great movies are both plot driven and artistic. So, the true movie fan and the casual viewer alike will like enjoy these films.

8 1/2, like no other film I know, stands as a pinnacle of art, insight, and symbolism. Plot is secondary and, indeed, insignificant. Plot alone could not, and does not attempt to, carry the film. For this reason, 8 1/2 will be rejected by casual viewers, but embraced by true movie fans. 8 1/2 is certainly not the only film that exhibits this ability - Bringing Out The Dead or Magnolia from last year, for example - but it is the best, thereby making it the best test.

8 1/2 is a drives deep into the human experience. It asks what is life, and answers with an absurdist view that life has no meaning; things happen but order does not exist. Yet, it doesn't stop there. It drives deeper and deeper, forever asking why. Events from our hero's life are recalled, but to what purpose? to what aim? Is there a logical connection or is it an illusion?

**Spoilers Ahead**

The movie begins with a preview of the movie's themes. A man is trapped in a car. All around him there are others, but no one seems to care about his plight. Eventually, he escapes and achieves apparent freedom floating away, but alas it was an allusion. He is pulled back down to earth.

Our hero has traveled to the spas to cleanse himself, to get away from it all, but he can't. The "cleansing" spas and "healing" mineral water offer no escape, as characters and memories keep coming back to haunt him. Indeed, he draws these people to him - his psyche will not let him escape; he must confront reality. He thinks he wants to escape the demands of others, but what he really wants to escape is his loneliness, for he seems incapable of relating to others on anything but a superficial level.

Thinks steadily get worse for our hero as he furthers his self-denial. He says he wants no lies, but speaks only lies. He envisions a world where all the women of his life live together in peace, serving his every need, but then there is a revolt. Down with the tyrant they shout. He attempts to whip them into obedience and the revolt ends with no apparent resolution. Our hero is deeply confused. In addition, he wants his movie to contain "everything" but he can supply it with nothing.

The inward probe comes to a close, as our hero is discovered for what he is - a has-been with no more ideas. He crawls under the press table to hide and its appears as if he is in a jail cell. Hands are grabbing for him from every direction. Finally, a gun shot is heard and the scene ends.

The movie ends with an absurd scene where nothing makes sense. The scene appears to contradict the themes of the movie. This is done purposefully, despite the views of many would-be critics. The movie has come full circle and ended where it began. That is, with the absurdist view of life, that there is no order or meaning, or random events.

Run Lola Run (1998)

Overrated

[4/10 · 28 January 2000]

I can't, for the life of me, understand why people like this film so much. Sure it is stylistic. Sure it has a cool sound track. Sure, it is funny at times. But, it seems to lack any real content. The movie has nothing significant to say and seems rather trite to me. It might be enjoyable, but it certantly isn't as great as its high rating suggests.

The Green Mile (1999)

Best movie of the year and, perhaps, all-time

[10/10 · 17 January 2000]

Green Mile is the BEST movie of 1999. It is absolute perfection on the screen.

Frank Darabont does an incredible job. Normally, such a 3 film tends to drag along, but not so with Green Mile. There is plenty going on at all times. In fact, the story would be hurt if the film was cut even 5 minutes. I salute the director, producer, and film company for being daring enough to release the film in its entirety, a move that likely cost it some box office dollars (many people are not willing to sit through such a long movie, plus the length limits the number of showings a day).

Tom Hanks and Michael Duncan are brilliant. There performances are second to done. All other parts are well-played, as well.

The plot, screen play, and dialogue are perfection. I can not imagine a better story, told more perfectly.

Green Mile envokes deep & true emotion in the viewer. Never before have I felt so involved a the movie. I truly felt the pain and joy of the characters.

When I saw American Beauty, I though there was no way it would be topped this year, but I was wrong. Green Mile is far better than American Beauty and deserves to win best picture. American Beauty is a truly great picture, but Green Mile is simply better. Green Mile is the best of the best and should help nail 1999's mark in movie history as one of the best years for movie making ever.

In conclusion, Green Mile is perfection on the screen, the best movie of the year, and perhaps the best ever. I give it a perfect 10, an honor which I have only ever given 1 movie before.

Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964)

Very Good but...

[7/10 · 1 November 1999]

Dr. Strangelove is a really good movie, but I don't feel that it deserves to be #9 all-time (its rank as of this writing). My main problem with it is the ending. I felt that the movie should have ended when the first bomb hit. If Kubrick wanted to include the dialogue which followed, he should have but it before the bomb landed.

The other thing I want to point out is that General Ripper's theory about floridated water is not as creative as it seems today. The belief that floridation was a communist plot was a real and fairly wide-spread belief during the 50s.

Overall Dr. Strangelove is quite good, a certaintly a classic. I just don't feel it should be #9 all-time. Rating: 8/10

American Beauty (1999)

A very good movie, but...

[9/10 · 19 October 1999]

American Beauty is a very good movie. However, it does not deserve to be ranked #1 all time as it currently is.

There is really no need to repeat what everyone is saying (i.e. that the film is great, has great acting etc.), so I'll just add one comment which most people have overlooked...

The reason American Beauty is such a great film is because of the incredible precision of the dialogue. Every line is so crisp & fresh; it is quite amazing.

After Life (1998)

How to make a bad "art house" film

[1/10 · 19 October 1999]

There seems to be this idea that just because a film is a low budget "art house" film, it must be good. This attitude is not much different than saying that every big budget action flick must be good.

After Life is a perfect example of how an "art house" flick can fail. A good picture must have meaning AND be well put together. A film that has meaning but is poorly put together is no better than a film that is well done but has no meaning. After Life is an example of the first.

Sure After Life is based on an interesting idea - what one memory would you like to keep for all eternity - but it is very poorly put together. Scenes are long and boring, extending on for several minutes when a minute would do. After a while, scenes grow highly repetitive. The "plot" development is so ridiculously slow that the viewer could easily fall asleep for 20 minutes and miss nothing.

I'll give credit to After Life for making the viewer think, but as stated before a movie must also be well put together. The single sentence "If you could choose only one memory to keep forever, what would it be?" invokes as much thought as this movie.

**Warning minor spoilers ahead**

Furthermore, the movie is so full of clichés it is hard to believe anyone could find it inventive or insightful. For example, there is the old man who chooses a memory of sitting with his wife alone on a park bench. Sadly, this character was the main focus of the movie.

Other characters are nearly as cliched. The film professes to have some great insight on life, but ends up saying very little. To remember ones friends, it argues, is what is really important.

In conclusion, After Life is a perfect example of how an "art house" film can suck. It takes nearly 2 hours to state what could be said in a couple sentences. The film fails to draw the viewer in, as it rambles on and on. After Life might have meaning, but has very little else. Overall, one would be much better off talking with real people about their favorite memories than watching this extremely long and boring film.

Rating: 2/10

Limbo (I) (1999)

Hands down one of the worst movies of the year

[2/10 · 28 September 1999]

This movie is terrible!

There is no plot, no point, and terrible writing.

If you like movies where nothing happens and the best parts turn out not to be real, then see this movie. Otherwise avoid it like the plague.

Mystery, Alaska (1999)

Overview: From Jay Roach, director of Austin Power...

[5/10 · 24 September 1999]

Overview: From Jay Roach, director of Austin Powers, and David Kelley, writer of Chicago Hope and Ally McBeal, comes the new sports drama/comedy Mystery, Alaska.

Plot: Local hockey team gets written up in Sports Illustrated. Article generates a lot of attention and sparks match with pro-hockey team the NY Rangers. Who will win the big game?

Review: Mystery has a lot of strong points. The emotion it carries is pure and wonderful. The action is fast paced. The acting is good, including a cameo by Mike Myers (Austin Powers), and the cinematography is excellent. However, it has its shortcomings as well. The writing leaves something to be desired, relying on clichés and low class humor. The film's main problem is that it tries to do too much. Dozens of subplots are introduced, for no apparent reason, and only a few go anywhere.

All and all, Mystery is a very good film. Its shortcomings are minimal in comparison to the remarkable emotion it invokes in the viewer. I would recommend this movie for those interested in an emotional drama. I would not recommend it for those looking for a sophisticated comedy. Overall, I would rate Mystery, Alaska, as one the top five films of the year to date.

Rating: 8/10 (5 is average).

Tarzan (1999)

Quite possibly the best Disney cartoon ever

[8/10 · 22 September 1999]

Tarzan is quite possibly the best Disney Cartoon ever. Now that is saying a lot!

Designed for children? Perhaps, but there is plenty in the movie for adults as well.

The casting is excellent, as the voices really match the characters personalities. The story flows very well form one scene to the next. There is enough going on to keep the viewer interested throughout. In Tarzan, Disney avoids their tendency to over play the "musical scenes."

The real beauty of the film comes in the strong emotion it captures. The film really draws the viewer in. One feels Tarzan's struggles to be accepted. The turns the movie takes makes the viewer sad, then mad, and at last high again.

I rate Tarzan as the 3rd best movie of 1999 (so far), behind The Matrix and and just behind October Sky.

Sweet Murder (1990)

Odd movie

[4/10 · 15 September 1999]

I just watched this one at broadcast.com.

It is an interesting movie, but not a very complete one. Like many low budget movies, the cinematography is poor. Scenes do not flow well, but seem to jump around. At times, things are overdone and at times they are way under done.

The acting is acceptable.

The movie also lacks is a logical plot. Things are not tied together well. Events just happen, without any logical sense.

The opening & ending scenes are quite intriguing, but unfortunately the rest of the movie falls short. It was a good idea, in theory, but it just doesn't deliver. Overall, slightly above average 6/10.

The Blair Witch Project (1999)

Jerks ruin the movie!

[8/10 · 12 August 1999]

I have to admit, I did not enjoy The Blair Witch Project when I saw it last night. It wasn't because it was a bad movie though, it was because several jerks in the theater were making dumb-ass comments throughout.

The Blair Witch Project is a movie that is based on mood, atmosphere, and suggestion. When someone is sitting by you making stupid comments, this is ruined.

A think there are two groups of people who have been bashing this movie, the teenagers who were looking for a gory, dead bodies everywhere, special effect laden, scare fest, and the people who might actually enjoy the movie if it wasn't for the first group ruining it. Please, if you might be in the first group, either don't go or sit there quietly, because some of us actually want to enjoy the movie for what it is a suggestive work based on atmosphere and mood!

I suggest that if you want to see the movie, you either wait until the crowds go down or go at twi-light when few other people are there. This way you will be able to enjoy the movie fully.

I went ahead and gave this movie a 9/10, something I rarely do (I try to keep my average vote around 5), because I could tell it was a very good movie, even with the jerks talking through the whole thing.

Inspector Gadget (1999)

A movie not should of been funny, but wasn't

[2/10 · 12 August 1999]

I'm not quite sure why, but this movie just doesn't play the way it should. It should be humerous and fun, but instead is just boring. I think a large part of it is because they way over played the "gadgets." The old cartoon it is based on is much better.

3/10

Arlington Road (1999)

Boring and stupid

[5/10 · 23 July 1999]

In principle, this should have been a good film. The plot was intriguing, but unfortunately it was poorly developed. The story moves along extremely slow and the acting leaves something to be desired.

Then when the action starts, it is so unbelievable it is funny. In one scene the main character's car gets slammed by a bus; in the next the car is only slightly dented. Then there are the crazy scenes where the main character drives his car up on to the sidewalk. Boy was I laughing at the pure stupidity of the chase scene! And, of course, it is not supposed to be funny.

The ending is surprising and comes close to saving the movie. Overall, the film is only average; I give it a 5/10.

The Thirteenth Floor (1999)

A poor movie at best

[2/10 · 17 July 1999]

There is nothing wrong with not having a lot of special effect in a movie, however, when you have no plot either that is a problem. The 13th floor is extremely boring in every aspect. The acting is terrible and the script isn't much better.

The plot is interesting in principle, but is so poorly played that is completely falls apart. The story moves extremely slowly and yet is hardly developed at all.

The best line in the whole movie ("What did you do to the world?" "I turned it off.") turns out to be completely stupid in context and no other lines are even slightly interesting.

In summary, this is a poor excuse for a movie with poor acting and is excruiatingly slow. I give it a 3/10, and I would give it a 1/10 if it weren't for the interesting concept.