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Psychist
Reviews
Beast Machines: Transformers (1999)
Doesn't live up to it's predecessors.
I have watched just about all of the episodes of this show and let me point out in an intricate list on what think of it. Warning: spoilers ahead
1) Most of the interesting characters from Beast Wars were killed off: Thinking that the show wont be on again, Mainframe killed off most of the characters at the end, the list goes Quickstrike, Tarantulas, Tigerhawk, Depthcharge, Rampage, Inferno, Transmetal Dinobot and rid itself of Waspinator (I've probably forgot a few).
2)Regardless of what ever people say, they morph: Well, it's sort of true, the Vehicons and Megatron actually transform, while Optimus and the Maximals definetly morph. Maximals just beam out blinding light and just pop out as a robot. When they just materialize as a robot from a beast, I consider that morphing.
3) WARNING: Spoiler: When Thrust turns out to be Waspinator, this puts an 8.9 on the Richter scale of WTF?: How did he travel between time and space to be a Vehicon? That alone makes no sense.
4) The entire series is using stuff from the original Transformers series a bit too much without explaining: The Key and Vector Sigma were from the original series, but wasn't explained enough. When stuff is brought from over a dozen year old series, you'll need a better then a one sentance explanation like Optimus gives.
So concludes my article, I still watch, waiting to see if it will pick up from the slouch it is in now.
Deep Rising (1998)
Recycled bits of movies and games ground together into this
Deep Rising is one recycled aspect to another. my main problem is, not many people know this, the monster is actually a creature called a Deepspawn in Advanced Dungeons & Dragons (under the Monstrous Manual, made in 1989). Seriously, TSR could easily win a lawsuit against CGI, lucky for them, noone watched this bomb.
American Playhouse: Overdrawn at the Memory Bank (1983)
Thank the people at Best Brains, or else, who knows what pains could have happened?
Without MST 3000, your local deranged video clerk might have left this unparalleled slice of inanity for someone to rent. The movie starts with a guy in a 3rd class job named Fingal (Raul Julia) who slacks off work by watching forbidden digitized movies named under "Cinemus", they are not dirty by the way, so there isn't a slight point of reason why they are forbidden. Fingal seems to like Casablanca a lot, but he gets caught and is sent to an aging masculine psychiatrist woman named a "Psychist" who really just does what her computer tells her to. He is then sent to what is normally a vacation spot to learn the error of his ways by becoming an old baboon named Daisy, the exercise is pointless, Fingal just rolls down hills and inadvertantly gets wasted. By some freak accident, the system crashes (Y2K?) and I can not tell you the rest, due to spoilers, fat men and near sex changes. Rest assured this can be listed as one of the worst movies not only in America, but Canada as well (standing tall and proud with the Final Sacrifice).
Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1989)
Is a refreshing take on the old movie series.
This Jason movie is a new take on the old border-line mini-series Friday the 13th flicks. Apparently, the public wasn't going to watch Jason killing people on the lake again, so the writers thought something along the lines of "Hey, why don't we put Jason in the city?" "Pfffttt... what if he was seen killing someone?" "What would they do about it, arrest him?". So Friday the 13th; #VIII was born! This movie also has good flashbacks, they bring you up to speed if you havent seen all 7 previous Jason movies and establish a supernatural presence at once. This Jason also has the regular Jason/Michael Myers basic elements, taking shots from a wide variety of firearms, explosions, rudimentary teleportation, stabbings, drownings and futile pleas for mercy. However F13#8 has endearing qualities unlike any of the other Jason films, the almost funny scene when he stands next to the billboard with his exact likeness and when he disses the street gang and scares the hell out of them instead of killing them, showing that he takes priority over those who step near his lake. This is one of the best Jason movies as of late, but the upcoming battle between Jason and Freddy Kruger is sure to bring some closure to both longwinding series.
Squirm (1976)
Just 'cause you have a lot of Creepy Crawlers does not mean you should make a movie.
Squirm was a movie I saw during the twilight of MST3K and for good reason, to see this garbage without MST 3000 is the equivalent of a lobotomy. Squirm starts off in the incredibly southern town known as Fly Creek, if you see the residents, you'll find there is more than one maggot. Apparently, in Fly Creek, when you put electricity in a swamp, bog, puddle or in a waterlogged lawn, the worms get mutated or ticked off (no explanation given) and start eating people. These worms seem to like to stick together in one place, which is smart, because the main way they attack is that someone opens a door and they fall on someone. The "hero" is a weak little pansy who has fallen for the most redneck female on this planet and beyond. The town police officer is a middle-aged (you guessed it) redneck who seems only interested in the job so he can pursue easy women and bully yankees around. I've warned you adequately, now go, beware of this embodiment of white trash!
The Gumby Show (1956)
Incredibly unique!
Gumby was, and still is, a very innovative show. I usually watch it around 12:30 AM on Cartoon Network because it is very hard to find on any other station, morning or night. Gumby was more of an experiment than anything else, and a somewhat successful one, take for example the DANNY! talk show, one season. The lesson learned, Jonathan Taylor Thomas will be gone, eventually, FOREVER!!. But I lose my place. Gumby stretched the limits of what a flat piece of green clay can do. Gumby was a sort of predecessor to all kiddie cartoons (this was 1957). Gumby had fictional violence which you just get up and shrug off an assault by a robot or steamroller crush and then whale the tar out of the antagonist. The Gumby Show also had a cute little band, not much, but surpassing the Archie, Josie & The Pussycat and Jabberjaw cartoons (where do they get off, anyway?). Gumby does have his flaws, mainly the dialogue sounds like a bunch of words taped together and then sent through a tin can and being 100% reliant on claymation. But these problems can detract or enhance the Gumby experience, it depends on the viewer. END
Diabolik (1968)
Total luck and Random acts of God...
...is how this movie got enough cash to dub and mail this piece of euro-trash off the Mediterreanean. Absolutely no one is likeable in this horrible film. The "hero" kills innocent people with less qualms than the crime-lord who must spend a fortune on fuel because he seems to spend half the movie in an airplane. Our "hero" seems to have a girlfriend named Eva, who seems to be in the incredibly 60's relationship for the money, absolutely nothing in this movie says otherwise. At least the thugs who chloroformed the nurse didn't ram steak knives into hapless security guards' necks, unlike a certain hero...
Listen, our "hero"'s name is Diabolik, apparently, that's all you need to know to justify the mass murders and grand larcenies he does daily. Bottom line avoid this film unless M&TB are there with you.
FINE