rob1n Reviews

Operation Avalanche (2016)

Fun, witty, throws up a few ideas

[7/10 · 19 January 2020]

Conspiracy theorists will live it, believers won't.

I'm still torn. I was inspired as a child by the Apollo programme, was laughed at in my face by teachers and classmates for wanting to be an astronaut or work on the space programme. After college my first job was in satellite communications, I worked on writing software for ground stations, as part of that I had to develop simulation software. It had to be good enough to plug into a ground station and mimic perfectly a satellite, or vice versa. The point being nobody would be able to tell the difference between the two.

I talked with some of the rocket engineers about Apollo, when they laughing stopped they'd suggest we got back to work and the real world.

This comes close to what I think they did, we went but the footage is all fake.

Area 51 (2015)

Is that it?

[1/10 · 22 December 2019]

Seriously? Is that it? Really? Ok, this guy has never set foot on any military base anywhere ever. The sheer mundanity of these places you can't set foot anywhere without being noticed, anytjing out if place stands out like a sore thumb. Throw in young adults crashing and thrashing about the place like a humpback whale in crockery shop. Why did I watch this to the end? Even within the genre it fell away, ideas set up but not explored. It could be reworked to make a genuinely frightening film with the strong aliens among us myth.

Truth Behind the Moon Landing (2019– )

Awful

[2/10 · 24 June 2019]

The pro conspiracy side are picking in the elements that are easily debunked or questionable at best.

Then the official line side seem to rely exclusively on the gut getting angry and saying it's an insult to all his colleagues past and present.

For my money out the astronaut one of the lunar Landers we have withvdoneine else, then have them get into a spacesuit and get out of the lander. With the survival pack, cameras etc just as the astronauts did, or didn't.

I can't see this series pleasing either side, the neutrals, or the indifferent. I'd rather just watch a series of old 1940s to 1979s space research films never seen before. This series is about to get turned off permanently in my house.

Rollergator (1996)

Some films are a must see

[1/10 · 10 September 2015]

There are some films made that are must see cinema, from fabulous storytelling, through superb acting, talented direction, to stunning cinematography. Sadly Rollergator isn't on of them, if there was ever a film made not to be seen than Rollergator meets all the criteria and more. it's appalling. Words almost fail me, there are no redeeming features whatsoever in the film, there are some parts that beggar belief, from the alligator himself through to a painfully lame martial arts display. Oh yes, I forgot the soundtrack, endless strumming away bu someone undoubtedly a friend of the film makers who did it as a favour in return for a credit listing, what a dreadful racket. I was almost reduced to tears begging this film to end. By comparison Hobgoblins is the work of a master, and that was what I would have said previously the worst film I'd ever had the misfortune to see. It's hard to forget this film, I will remember when and where I was when I saw it, it is etched into my consciousness and not in a good way. If you like really bad films then this is one for you, but be warned, this film is worse than you imagine it could be no matter how many reviews you read, how awful the comments here are about it, and how based on your previous film history you think ti could be, it's worse than that! No amount of alcohol or other substances is going to improve it either.

Mystery Science Theater 3000: Pod People (1991) Season 4, Episode 3

Nothing can save this film

[1/10 · 4 April 2015]

I love MST3K, i cannot speak highly enough about it, but not even Joel and the bots can save Pod People. It stinks, everything about this film is atrocious, there is no saving grace whatsoever. I have the DVD and every couple f months attempt to sit down and watch it all the way to the end, I've had the disk for over ten years, not made it once without giving up in disgust or falling asleep. As one is supposed to give hints of impending spoilers here is the warning, this film stinks, this film is awful, even with the MST3K treatment this films stinks, do anything you need to do in order to avoid this film, it is that bad, you will regret the time lost watching it. Seriously if you're faced with cleaning out a blocked drain in a downpour while being attacked by aggrieved weasels and being abused by your mother in law while you get on with clearing the obstruction, then believe me the drain blockage, the weasels, and that woman have nothing on the misery and pointlessness of this film.

Frank (II) (2014)

What could have been

[6/10 · 26 December 2014]

I enjoyed the film for what it was, but I went to college in Manchester at the time when Frank was first a celebrity on the local scene. Sadly all of that was lost, where was Little Frank, the appearances on the telly, not one mention of Timperley, He was English, he was a Northern lad, he was as Manc as you can get, how the hell did this end up in America?

Now this has been made, and I hope it made some money, could that be reinvested to make a proper film about Frank, set in the right place, that reflects the reality of his life.

As I said I enjoyed the film and if I had no memories of Frank from my younger days then it wouldn't matter, but I do have those memories so it matters. Next thing will be a film about Tony Wilson and it will be all set in LA or New York, or a film about the creation of the Northern Football Union set in a pub in Wales instead of Huddersfield. I dislike revisionism like this where to gain an audience the truth and facts can do one.

The Interview (II) (2014)

Oh dear, where to start

[2/10 · 26 December 2014]

To quote Bart Simpson "I never thought it was humanly possible, but this both sucks and blows". If Kim Jong Um wanted to make a point about the decadence of the West and America in particular then he should have let his people see this film. It's dreadful. It's so puerile, badly acted, poorly written, and utterly lacking in any of the elements that made Team America so funny by comparison.

This film is a prime example of American freedom and the American way. The makers of the film should be free to make their film and people be allowed to go and watch it, the film then stands on its own merits or it falls flat in its face.

It's not one for me, but I am sure there are those who found it funny, and at least we're able to watch it and comment about it and that is the important thing.

Les Misérables (2012)

Fantastic, I don't think I've ever seen a better film

[10/10 · 23 January 2013]

This film is so far out of my comfort zone it is scary. This is not the kind of film I would normally watch. Thank God I went to see it, I have never been so moved by a film in my life, I sat crying my eyes out by the end, washed away with emotion, from the despair to the joy and everything in-between. The direction of the film, the effects, the singing, the acting, the lighting, you name it everything came together in a perfect storm and created a truly wonderful film. I've been to see it twice and both times it moved me so much it's ridiculous.

If you go to see the film take some tissues for the tears, if you go and you're not moved then I pray for your soul, because this film would move immovable objects to tears or cause unstoppable objects to deflect from their path.

I can't recommend this film enough, it's a true masterpiece of cinematic art.

The Muppets (2011)

OK, it's not classic Muppets, but...

[10/10 · 26 February 2012]

It may not have the elements of the original, but this is a very family friendly film, with something for everyone. Leave your prejudices at the door, ignore the niggles about characters and those involved, just go with it, let yourself go and have a fun time!

We went as a family, from the youngest to the oldest, and everyone got something from the film. The smallest child sat giggling throughout the film, my Mum, pushing 70, was wiping away tears of laughter. Everyone laughed out loud, enjoyed the whole experience, and we had a great time.

There were a couple of things I could have lived without, I found the human characters a tad over twee, and their songs a bit much, but they moved things along, and the kids enjoyed those parts.

The chickens singing "Forget You" had me crying with laughter in my seat thinking of the original Cee Lo Green title.

Overall, I think the best thing to say about the film is Mahna Mahna! Maniacal laugh, maniacal laugh, maniacal laugh!

By Appointment Only (2007 TV Movie)

Not a bad little film, but...

[5/10 · 4 March 2010]

This is quite a good little film to while away an hour or so. It was engaging and entertaining. However, and this is where the spoiler comes in, was anyone involved with this film involved with diabetes! No use of an injection pen, the use of a bottle and syringe as shown is pretty archaic by any standard, but maybe there are people out there who find the old ways the best, they enjoy messing about like that, rather the the more simpler use of a pen with a disposable needle.

Also, being a diabetic and knowing lots of other diabetics both type I and type II this part of the story just doesn't ring true. Maybe if the General had a heart condition then the story might have been somewhat improved. Of course that may have aroused the interest of those with heart conditions.

Hardware (1990)

This is the second worst film I have ever seen

[1/10 · 25 February 2000]

Other than Independence Day this was undoubtedly the worst film I have ever seen. I cannot believe I sat there for its duration. It must have been the impression I formed that it must improve at some point, but sadly it never did.

This is the only film I ever asked for my money back. If the producers of this rubbish ever read this, you guys owe me £2.70!

I hope Mystery Science Theatre 3000 comes back someday, because here is episode I.