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Vampires: Los Muertos (2002)
Enough Wooden Acting to Kill Any Vampire
Ugh, what can I say other than, ugh. I rented this film because it was labeled as a sequel to the original Vampires. This movie could not have been any lamer. Lacking not only in plot, but the acting is atrocious. Combined with some obvious plot holes makes this movie a very hard one to watch. Many times I questioned my own sanity at continuing to watch the film long after the plot had jumped the shark. Here's a sampling of the lamer aspects...
***SPOILERS***
Professional "Slayer" insists on sleeping outdoors by himself at night. He wakes up to a woman crying, sitting no more than 3 feet from him in the middle of nowhere. He immediately goes to comfort her without questioning her sudden appearance. She goes from crying to seducing him, and he lets it happen with obvious results...
One of the main characters is Zoe, was bitten by a Vampire, but as long as she takes these "experimental pills" she got in Mexico City, she's fine, although her body temperature is below room temperature...
Guard outside of monastery where hero is staying the night is killed by vampires, hero leaves the next day. He then returns a day later only to be surprised that the vampires attacked the monastery the night after he left...
...avoid this movie.
The Grudge (2004)
Typical
I was rather disappointed that a movie bearing Sam Raimi's name on it would wind up being your typical mishmash of cheap thrills. Predictable to the last. Nothing really new here that hasn't been done before. Some of the the"special" effects really weren't very special. I'll keep it vague in order to prevent spoilers. Even the ending was predictable.
Pluses: Some general startling moments, and some nice little freak-outs
Minuses: Freak-outs repetitive and over used. Most things were telegraphed way too far ahead, predictable.
See it if you're into cheap thrills. But if you're into seeing something that hasn't been done a thousand times before, avoid it.
Dagon (2001)
Tedious + Predictable = Boring
My main gripe with this film is the long, drawn out chases that seem to dominate the first part of the movie. I was had just picked up my remote and started fast-forwarding through them in order to get to the end of it, and hopefully get to something interesting. Well, nothing interesting really showed up. Sat through to the end, utterly disappointed.
Giants: Citizen Kabuto (2000)
Absolutely Hilarious
While the game itself would be good enough to stand alone, the story line and characters really turn this game into a laugh riot. The cut scenes between missions are very cleverly scripted and the animations are great. I've never played anything like it.
Soldier (1998)
A Very Good Movie
This movie and Blade Runner have much in common. Not surprising, since of them were written by the same person. You have awesome visual effects, a plot line that is driven by the plot, not the dialogue, and a conflict of man against android. (Say what you will, Caine 607 was a biological android.) As in Blade Runner, their isn't a terrible amount of dialogue, and the main characters are a kind of anti-hero. In many ways, I liked this film better than Blade Runner, because you could relate to the incidental characters better. I believe that this is one very solid movie.
Mission to Mars (2000)
Not as bad as everyone is saying....
Yes, Mission to Mars owes a lot to other sci-fi movies. Yes, it's not as action packed as every one wanted. And yes, There are a few inaccuracies. This all said and done, Mission to Mars was in my opinion, slightly above average (I gave it a 7.) I did not notice the score "drowning out" any part of the film. I liked the special effects, I liked the actors, the script was okay, not great. Over all, I (egad!) liked the movie.
Pitch Black (2000)
Be Prepared To Root For The Bad Guy!
...and I'm not talking about the creatures. Good movie, interesting characters, great special effects. My girlfriend and I loved it. See it on the big screen. The only things I didn't like were A: Camera work in the beginning unnecessarily shaky. B: Beginning starts off a little too chaotic.
Lexx (1996)
The Dumbest Sci-Fi Series Ever Produced!
I can't believe some studio idiot somewhere green-lighted this piece of garbage. The only good thing I have to say about this show is that some of the special effects are okay. I've tried to sit through a couple of episodes of this piece of trash, and couldn't. The dialog is just stupid, the sets are obviously cheap, the story lines are prepubescent, and the "action" sequences lack even anything remotely resembling action. I just hope that the Sci-Fi channel comes to it's senses really soon.
Teletubbies (1997)
Whoever invented it was a genius!
Okay, for a grown up, it's just plain stupid. But after watching my one-year-old son stare at the screen, and then begin to interact with it, I'm convinced. The only thing wrong with this show is the live-action sequences with the children in the teletubbies belly. Not even my son pays any attention to it, and they show every clip TWICE. The thing that kills me, is that someone actually was able to convince a television producer to make the show. Brilliant!
Hardware (1990)
Absolutely The WORST Film I Have Ever Seen.
I went to see this movie with a friend when it first came out. The previews made it out to be some type of post-apocalyptic future where robots are hunting mankind. Unfortunately, the reality is one robot who reconstructs himself in an absurd way, in an apartment with a woman. Needlessly boring, shockingly absurd, I cannot find a good thing to say about the movie. Both my friend and I came out of the theater wondering why the heck we shelled out money for that piece of dreck. I guess I should have taken the hint when we were the only two people in the theater. Please, save yourself, save your money, save your sanity. Do not, under any circumstances see this movie. My only regret is that I cannot give it zero stars.
Mystery Men (1999)
Stupid
All I can say, is that I'm glad I didn't pay any money to see this pile of rubbish. Despite a talented cast, this movie is just stupid. From the lame flatulence jokes with "The Spleen" to the ineffectual anger of "Mr. Fury" you sit through this movie waiting for something truly funny to happen. It doesn't. The best part of the movie was watching my 1 year-old son start dancing, every time a disco song started playing. Please don't waste your time and/or money.
Supernova (2000)
Dull.
While I have seen many worse science fiction films, Supernova leaves a lot to be desired. From the start, I knew who was going to die and who was going to live. Everyone who died had extremely 2-dimensional characters. Interesting but dull plot, okay acting, but a script that was mediocre at best. The action was slow moving and had me looking at my watch often. Good special effects. Don't see this in theaters, don't rent the video, wait for the television release. At least the commercials will give you something to get interested in.
Orgy of the Dead (1965)
Putridly Stupid.
I love bad movies, but this one I couldn't stand. From Criswell's obviously reading his lines off of a cue card, to the "It's night, It's Day, It's Night" driving sequence, to the "More Gold!" where you can hear the plastic poker chips, to the awful and I mean AWFUL dance number. This movie should come with an air-sickness bag.