mrbluto Reviews

Bad Santa (2003)

One of the best disgusting comedies of all time

[10/10 · 29 June 2005]

Bad Santa is a disgusting, nasty, vulgar movie that is one of the funniest of all time. Billy Bob Thorton is great as the drunk profane Willie, it may be his best performance ever. Tony Cox is wonderful as Willie's sidekick, the evil dwarf. The cast is great, Lauren Grahme is wonderful as Willie's girl friend who has a Santa fetish. Bad Santa is one of the most disgusting vile movie of all time, but it is so vile and disgusting is a laugh riot. Bad Santa is also the last movie of John Ritter, he is great as the uptight store manager who cant say the word fuckstick. Bernie Mac is his usual boring self, his part could have been played by almost any actor in Hollywood. Bad Santa is what adult comedies should aspire to be. 10 out of 10 see it with someone you can have sex with.

The Alamo (2004)

Boring, Tedious and full of Bull

[12 November 2004]

I am a fourth generation Texan, I am proud of my state and my heritage, that been said, I am ashamed of the movie the Alamo, I am ashamed of the director, John Lee Hancock a Texan, turning David Crockett into a coward, I am ashamed of the director for turning the back injury Jim Bowie had at the Alamo into him being a sick drunk. I am ashamed of the movie studio for forcing this crap on Ron Howard and Russell Crowe until they quit the movie. The worst tripe of the movie was the idea that David Crockett was not killed at the Alamo, there he stood at the end of the movie on the wall, what a crock of crap, the director is telling you that after fighting the Indians, the French and the English, Crockett was now a coward, who begged for his life. The Alamo along with it's many historical inaccuracies is a slow moving, tedious, boring piece of bull that should never been made. Ron Howard did research for two years to make the real story of the Alamo, when the studio wanted to add a bunch of lies in to the movie; Howard quit, as he should have. The entire cast was boring and lifeless. 2 out of 10

Last Tango in Paris (1972)

A tangeled mess of a movie

[20 September 2004]

Las Tango in Paris is a tangled mess of a movie, horrible acting, a terrible script from a terrible book and terrible directing. To turn a terrible book into a terrible movie was such a feat, I have seen company promo videos that were more interesting. Brando turned in a shuffling, mumbling performance that may be his worst ever. We see why maria shell never was a great actress, in this movie she looks like she is in labor the whole time. The director should have been whipped for putting this junk on film. How is the hell did Brando and the director get an Oscar for this crap pile of a movie? I give it 0 out of five stars go see something more interesting, like a taco bell commerical.

The Last Samurai (2003)

WOW! WHAT A MOVIE

[18 June 2004]

Tom Cruise movies are 50-50 with me, he has made some good ones and some stinkers, I waited to see Last Samurai and now I wished I had seen it in the theater. Last Samurai is a great movie in the vein of Braveheart and Dances with Wolves. Cruise may have his best performance ever and deserved at least a nomination for an Oscar. The real star of Last Samurai is Ken Watanabe, the noble Samurai Lord, his performance is one of greatness, and he is fierce and brave, gruff and kind, fighting to save his way of life. Last Samurai is one of the best 20 movies ever made. 9 out of 10

S.W.A.T. (2003)

WOW, WHAT A MOVIE!!!

[16 April 2004]

I did not want to see this movie in the theater because most rehash movies from old tv shows suck. I was so wrong, SWAT was an over whelming surprise, full of action, male hormone and a tough as nails Swat chick played by Michelle Rodriguez. Sam Jackson does his usual great performance, Colin Farrell is the hot shot swat cop who is turned on by his partner. LL Cool J is wasted as the cop that runs a lot. The ending scene could have better, it was the same fight at night most movies have to hide faces of the stuntmen. SWAT is great, lets hope for a Sequel. 7 out of 10

Open Range (2003)

To long and slow to be great

[10 April 2004]

Costner loves long movies, and open range is a long movie and that drags and drags and drags, until you just want it to be over. Open Range should have been cut down to 1 1/2 movie. It takes forever to set up, takes it sweet time to get to the plot and the end is 100% unsatisfying. The cast is great, the scenery is great. The dialogue was forced, some of the lines will make you want to cringe. Annette Bening is terribly miscast, she does not belong in a western. Open Range is a great movie if you like two men riding horses, case that is most of the movie. This could have been a great movie but it was wasted. 3 out of 10

The Alamo (1960)

One of the Dukes Best films

[8/10 · 21 February 2004]

As a Texan, I love the Alamo, this film captures the spirit of the battle that made Texas famous. This version of the Alamo has a lot of errors, but that does not take away from the fun and fight of the movie.

Do this mean what I think it do? it do.

Nigella Bites (2000– )

Wonderful show

[5 December 2003]

Let me say I am a self taught cook and I respect Nigella for teaching the art of cooking. She has a quick wit to go along with her beauty and cooking ability. I also love that she is not one of those perky chatty cooks that is so often seen on foot tv.

Elf (2003)

As Magic as Christmas

[22 November 2003]

Elf is a magic movie for the whole family, no cursing, no sex, no nudity, but a lot of fun. Will Ferrell is an Elf named Buddy that is human but has the spirit of Christmas all year long. The cast is great except for James Cann who is miscast as Buddies father. Elf takes it's place alongside other magic Christmas movies like Big, White Christmas and it's a wonderful life. 9 out of 10 stars.

The Matrix Revolutions (2003)

The second best of the trio

[9/10 · 6 November 2003]

Revolutions is the second best of the three movie for a few reasons, the makers went back to what made the first movie great great, human feelings, they second thing is they kept Reeves (who is terrible) off the screen most of the movie till the end. Revolutions is light years ahead of the second movie and all three kick the dog out of the current star wars movies. 9 out of 10

Scarface (1983)

Yuck!!!

[6/10 · 29 September 2003]

Al has made two great movies in GF 1&2 and two of the worst in Dog Day Afternoon and Scarface. The lines are written like it was for a high school play, the acting is like a soap opera. The worst is Al, his accent is one of the worst ever in movies. The movie is stupid, makes no sense and should be used as a plan for a bad B movie. 1 out of 5 stars I have seen worse but not often.

Jeepers Creepers (2001)

Great in spots but has problems

[26 August 2003]

Jeepers Creepers is great first half of the movie, it is tense and horrific with bits you figure out 5 minutes before they happen. If they had left the creature unseen (like jaws)until the last few seconds it would have been a better movie, seeing the creature, you start to see the fake ness in it, it is part creature from the black lagoon and Pinhead. The movie had greatness but it when away. 6 out of 10.

Frida (2002)

The Journey is the Art.

[8 August 2003]

Frida is a moving movie about the journey from schoolgirl to artist. Life journey's are never easy as shown in Frida. Salma Hayek proves she is a great actress, Frida was her labor of love bringing it to the big screen. Salma Hayek should have won the oscar for her role as the damaged artist. Alfred Molina shows again that he is the best but underrated actor in movies, Alfred Molina to should have won the oscar. Frida is a gritty, sexual movie with bits of heart and love. Friday is everything great movies are suppose to be. The only problem I have is Salma Hayek should have kept her breasts covered except for her self portrait, she is known for her boobs and they should have been left out. I also love the fact that Salma Hayek did some of her own painting. 8 out of 10

American Wedding (2003)

A Nice Way to wrap up the Pie

[7/10 · 2 August 2003]

First let me say at the end of American Wedding, I was sad, sad to see these people I have loved through three movies go, I was sad for them to grow up, I was sad that we all have to grow up. Now to the movie. American Wedding was better than the first one but not as good as the second. Half of the cast of the first two movies is not in this movie but that is not a bad thing, as this movie centers on the stars Jim, Michelle and Stifler, as it should. American Wedding is everything the first two movies are, it is gross, juvenile and after all is said and done, sweet. American Wedding is one of the top 10 best comedies of all time.

watch out for Grandma.

Old School (2003)

Old School is funny in parts

[25 July 2003]

Old School has funny parts that are of the most funny ever. But the rest of the movie drags in parts. Will Ferrell as Frank a mild mannered married man that hides a secret, when he drinks he becomes a wild party guy named Frank the Tank. Ferrell steals the movie just as Bluto did in Animal house 23 years ago. Luke Wilson is the boring ad guy that has his world turned over when he finds out his wife is having special adult parties. Vince Vaughn plays Bernard 'Beanie', Campbell a guy that is married with kids and longs for his college days. Beanie is a guy that comes up with crazy ideas and drags his friends with him. I think the problem with Old School is they had werent gross enough, if they had gone for the 100% over the top gross it would have been an even better movie.

You're my boy, Blue

Xanadu (1980)

The Magic of Xanadu was Gene Kelly

[5/10 · 21 July 2003]

Xanadu is one of my guilty pleasure movies, it is bad in so many ways, but it is good in as many ways. Gene Kelly made Xanadu magic, what other 75 year old dancer would co star in a movie with a pop star? none. He dances he sings he rollerskates. He was hip till the day he died, he even Was dance consultant for Madonna's 1993 "Girlie Show" tour at the age of 76. The music is great. The best scene in the movie is when they mix rock (the Tubes) and a big band, the stages come together, it is a delight. Xandau is pure fantasy and fun, the only message being dont give up on your dreams.

XANDAU!!!

Exit to Eden (1994)

Exit Stage Left on this Comedy

[4/10 · 19 July 2003]

Exit to Eden was a fine erotic book by Ann Rice, full of texture, sensuality and drama, all of the things the movie is not. Why Gary Marshall chose to turn a great novel into a non-funny comedy with the miscasting of Rosie O'Donnell and Dan Aykroyd is beyond me. The subject of this movie has never been dealt with in a non-X movie and it should have been done with tact instead of a loose comedy hand. The cast is good except the above duo. Dana Delany is great as the Mistress of a pleasure island; she takes a chance and shows her sexy side of herself as well as full body nudity. You watch this movie and shake your head about how good it could have been. read the book, forget the movie. 4 out of 10

True Grit (1969)

Good but not Dukes Best Movie by a long shot

[7/10 · 19 July 2003]

Lets make no mistake, True Grit was a good movie but it is far from John Wayne's best. Stagecoach, Red River , Quiet Man, Searchers, In Harm's Way and the Cowboys are far and above better than True Grit. I think the Oscar voters must have felt bad for passing Duke over in all these great movies he made and made up for it with True grit (like cher in Mask). True Grit has great things, writing, story and the drunken 'Rooster' Cogburn and the outlaw Ned Pepper played by Robert Duvall. True Grit also has some terrible things, the acting of Kim Darby and Glen Campbell are horrible, some of the worst ever in movies, TG would have been a lot better with different actors playing the parts. 7 out of 10 stars

I call that bold talk for a one eyed fat man. Fill your hands you son of a bitch!!

The Love Bug (1969)

The Love Bug will drive it's way into your heart

[7/10 · 19 July 2003]

The Love Bug is one of my favorite Disney movies. A movie about a car with a mind of it's own, a vw beetle with a heart, how could you not love a movie like that. Among all the great characters are the evil Peter Thorndyke, the beautiful Carole, the down on his luck driver Jim Douglas and the best one of the bunch Buddy Hackett as the wonderfully eccentric Tennessee Steinmetz, Tennessee has a Buddhist soul and does not discount the car as being alive. Love Bug is funny, sad and has scenes that will leave you to tears, you will laugh and shake your head. RIP Buddy wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Die Another Day (2002)

Not the worst Bond Movie but very close

[18 July 2003]

The worst Bond movies were all the Dalton ones and On her Majesties Secret Service. Die Another Day has bad acting, bad story and a confusing plot. Hallie Berry is wasted as Jinx, the may or may not be the good girl / bad girl spy. The villians in DAD are horrible, some of the worst ever in Bond movies. The director of DAD has done something no director has done with Bond since Brosnan took over, he has over directed it, with a heavy hand he took a lot of the charm away from Bond. 3 out of 10 stars.

Prophecy (1979)

The worst movie ever made

[1/10 · 18 July 2003]

Prophecy is the worst movie ever made. An all star cast and a great director cant rise above a horrible script and the worst special effects and makeup ever done in a movie. What were Talia Shire, Robert Foxworth and Armand Assante thinking when they saw the script, they had to have known this movie was dentined to be added to the hall of shame with the like of showgirls. The worst thing is at the end of the movie we get to see the full mutant creature, it looks like a bear with a plastic dog head glued on. This movie is so bad it was rejected by MS2K. 0 out of 10 stars.

No Man Is an Island (1962)

Not the true story

[7/10 · 11 July 2003]

No man is an island could have a been a great movie. Hollywood took the true story of George Tweed and ripped it to shreds, leaving nothing but a fake story that has so many things wrong it is a crime. Someone in Hollywood should do a remake of the true story of George Tweed, they might have a winner on their hands. 3 out of 10 stars

The African Queen (1951)

Please stop the bitching and moaning, This is a great movie

[8/10 · 11 July 2003]

African Queen, The (1951)

African Queen is one of the best movies ever made. No special effects, no car crashes, just a man, a woman and a boat. The writing is simple and to the point, the acting and chemistry of the two stars is honest and likeable.

Humphrey Bogart and Katharine Hepburn play two lonely people in the congo, he a river rat with his own supply boat, her a spinster sister of a christian missionary, their differences in life make the story. John Huston directs African Queen with the simple touch of an artist, each scene is better than the last, leading up the last great scene.

This movie is a a timeless classic. If you are a real movie fan you will love African Queen and want to see it again and again. if you are not a fan of any movie made before 1980 you will hate this movie.

Ghost (1990)

Wonderful story of fantasy and love mixed with comedy

[8/10 · 7 July 2003]

Ghost was a movie that nobody wanted, the studio wanted two big names for the lead but no stars like the script, they picked two slightly unknown actors (Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze), the script was rewritten, the studio did not like the finished movie and put it on the shelf to collect dust, the studio brought in a different head of production and he discovered Ghost, as did we all. Ghost is lighting in a bottle, perfect acting jobs by three people in Hollywood that get no respect, (Moore, Swayze, and Whoopi Goldberg. A wonderful story of fantasy and love mixed with comedy. The music was wonderful and fit the movie perfect. Ghost would not have been as good without the ending, it will make you cry and think about the afterlife. 8 out of 10

Mary Poppins (1964)

My Favorite Disney Movie

[8/10 · 6 July 2003]

Mary Poppins has been my favorite Disney movie since I saw it at four years old (43 now. The magic, the music, the actors, the animation, the story are all perfect. I just cant begin to tell you the utter joy I have when I see Mary Poppins on TV, it brings me back to my childhood, the entire family (who are all dead now) would go to the Tyler Theater and enjoy Mary Poppins, the dancing penguins make us all laugh for days. Mary Poppins is as close to a perfect film as have ever been made.

And a special raspberry to those three or four people who dont like Mary. bleecccccccccccccccccccccccccccchhhhhhhhhhh.