syarrow Reviews

The Legend of Hell House (1973)

My two bits, and an extra bit of clarity...

[10/10 · 14 August 2000]

First off let me deal with a VERY IMPORTANT issue: I just read all the other comments IMDB users have left regarding this film, and a number of them said that the movie 'THE HAUNTING' is much better. It is CRITICAL that nobody, BUT NOBODY, think that they are talking about last year's Liam Neeson/Catherine Zeta-Jones super-budget crap-o-rama from Dreamworks. That movie sucked (forgive me for using the vernacular, but it really is the best word here). Don't watch it. What they are talking about is The Haunting circa 1963, which is almost universally regarded as the best haunted-house film ever made. Which means you should see it. It probably means I should see it, too...

Anyhow, on to The Legend of Hell House, which I HAVE seen, and which I absolutely love (which makes me wonder how in Sam Hill any movie could be better). Now, let's look at what makes Hell House so darn good...

1) Every actor and actress in this film puts in a solid performance, and therefore every character has an appropriate effect on the audience. For example, a panicky character will start to annoy the heck out of you, as well it should.

2) The film is, for the most part, visually simple. Watch both versions of 'The House on Haunted Hill' (1958 and 1999) and you'll appreciate how the KISS ('keep it simple, stupid') principle applies just as well to haunted-house movies as it does to other things in life. The original is every bit as scary, but far more believable. It makes sense, then, that The Legend of Hell House, a movie which relies very little on high-tech special effects, is, I must say, the scariest movie I've ever seen.

3) Hell House has probably the most bizarre and unpredictable ending you will ever see in a haunted-house movie. Some people don't like it, but when I watched 1999's 'The Haunting', I found myself hoping it had a similar ending. The ending is more satisfying than many endings in the horror genre, and, in a weird way, is more believable than most - instead of the evil spirit finally manifesting itself as an oversized, quasi-corporeal, loud and violent spectre which the surviving heroes somehow deal with or flee from, the entity behind Hell House ... well ... you'll have to watch it for yourself, I'm afraid.

4) The interior of the house itself it perfect. The colours are simple and dulled from age, the place is full of dust and cobwebs, and, remarkably, there are plenty of moments where the old house is actually silent - remember it well, friends, because silence is not something you're likely to hear in the cinema nowadays, now is it? Sometimes silence really is golden; like a calm before a storm, nothing is more frightening than some well-placed silence, causing you to bite your nails and shift to the edge of your seat because you just know something is about to happen. Ahh, what fun!

So there you have it. I love Hell House. It's scary, it's fun, it's BETTER THAN 'GHOST STORY' (ahem!), and it's definitely worth watching. Some say The Haunting (**circa 1963!**) is better, but I wouldn't know. What I do know is that I can't get enough of The Legend of Hell House. So watch both.

StarCraft (1998 Video Game)

Manages to out-do one of the most addictive games ever...

[9/10 · 9 August 2000]

What seems like eons ago now, I used to invite myself over to my best friend's house at least twice a week just to play WarCraft. I was completely taken by the whole bird's-eye-view-real-time-war-strategy thing. I soon became a master of defensive formations. Then came Command & Conquer. It was ok, but somehow lacked the addictiveness for me (it also didn't help that it was nearly impossible to cheat!). After that, WarCraft 2, which seemed a little more cartoony than its predecessor, but was no less addictive, and the numerous new characters, including the one-of-a-kind heroes, were a very welcome change. What made it even better was the built-in map editor feature, and, more than the icing on the cake -something more like an entire new layer to the cake- the fact that it was the most fun, most addictive multiplayer game ever.

Then came StarCraft.

Where WarCraft 2 had two races to choose from, StarCraft has three. Where every WarCraft 2 character had its equivalent character in the other race, StarCraft's three races are so distinct and so painstakingly designed that it's practically impossible to draw any parallels whatsoever. Where WarCraft 2's storyline was excessively simple, and the Orc and Human campaigns were concurrent (that is, they're just two different perspectives on the same story, happening at the same time), StarCraft's storyline is as rich and detailed as a sci-fi novel, full of dissention, assassination, and alliances made and broken. Further, in StarCraft, the campaigns are meant to be played in a specific order, because they are not concurrent, but rather entirely different chapters in this wonderful complex story.

The multiplayer aspect of StarCraft is the best part of all. StarCraft, like WarCraft 2, has a built-in map editor, although it is more difficult to use, simply because the game is more complex. Unlike WarCraft 2, StarCraft includes everything you need (except an internet connection) to join the exciting world of on-line StarCraft gaming on 'battle.net'.

I first played StarCraft at another friend's house, from 1 a.m. to 3 a.m. in the morning. Suffice to say I was too tired to figure out what was going on, and was baffled by all the complexities of the game. A week later I said 'Give me your copy of StarCraft so we can play online'. And the rest is history. Once again, just like with WarCraft and WarCraft 2, I'm not much good at strategic attack, but I've become an expert at defensive formations. Once again, I prefer to use humans - I suppose I understand their technology better than aliens or Orcs. Blizzard scored another winner with StarCraft, and as technology gets better and people's hard drives get bigger, many aspects of computer games improve accordingly: StarCraft has better sound, more in-game sounds, a longer storyline, better between-level graphics, more between-level videos, more characters, more races, more buildings to construct, more upgrades to make, etc.

In closing: buy this game. (And the Brood War expansion ... I don't know where I would be without my medics and my nukes!)

Half-Life (1998 Video Game)

Brilliant, addictive, and scary.

[1 August 2000]

This game requires patience, quick wits, quick fingers, and good problem solving skills. So do games like Mortal Pongbat. What makes Half-Life exceptional is the senses-shattering realism which laces the entire in-game environment. The textures are realistic, the colours appropriate, the sounds rich and flawlessly integrated for stereo separation (as in a monster on your left will always be heard from your left speaker), the level of interaction possible with the environment and the human characters is above and beyond what one might expect (FYI: punch the red button under the security guard's desk to set off an alarm and make everyone mad!), and the monsters are just as scary, slimy, and vicious as they come, and backed by a good AI to boot. The level design is incredible, with a perfect balance of problem solving and creature-killing, and the environment and enemies never seem repetitive, so you always have a sense of progress and a need to trudge on in the hopes that your goal might be just around the bend. All this makes this came perhaps the most addictive and awe-inspiring game of all time. And if you pass it and get bored, try the new alternate-take-on-the-same-story game, Opposing Force. And then if you get bored, join the even MORE addictive world of Half-Life online gaming (Team Fortress Classic or Counterstrike)!

Don't Be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood (1996)

Stupid and pointless, but hilarious

[1 August 2000]

Whatever plot this movie has is not at all memorable. What are memorable are a number of jokes and running gags in the film which left me in stitches. From the foul-mouthed grandmother and the father who's younger than his own son to the way the first kid from the hood to ever go to college gets shot dead climbing the college stairs on the first day and the fact that the kids in the hood really are innocent, and it all really is the fault of The Man, who's trying to bring them down, this movie is full of laughs. What's more, you can tell what most of the jokes are parodying, which makes them all the more funny. This movie is not for a serious movie watcher, but I definitely recommend it for two or more people between 15 and 25 years old with nothing else to do with their evening but watch a video.