rpzowie Reviews

Clerks (1994)

Overrated, pointless, stupid film

[1/10 · 21 May 2008]

A friend in the Army had a copy of this on video. I sat down and watched it and after 15 minutes lost interest. To me, it was nothing more than people using a lot of profanity to talk about the most stupid of things. If you like this, fine, but for me, it was stupid. I'm sure Kevin Smith is a nice guy, but he should really leave the screenplay writing to people who actually know how to make an interesting film. The same went for Mallrats, another incredibly-banal movie. And based on the previews I saw of Clerks II, it looked the same.

I've seen a few movies in my time that I consider unwatchable: Saw IV, National Lampoon's Senior Trip, and this would be added to them.

Dharma & Greg (1997–2002)

One of the best

[10/10 · 7 April 2008]

To my regret, I didn't discover Dharma and Greg until it was in syndication after it had ended as a series. I have since become a big fan and hope someday they do a reunion of sorts. From listening to Chuck Lorre, Jenna Elfman, Mimi Kennedy, Alan Rachins, Susan Sullivan and Mitchell Ryan comment about it on the DVDs, the show was perfectly cast.

Yes, I know there are conservatives out there who might not have liked the show because of Dharma's family's liberal ways. Well, I'm a Reagan-loving conservative and absolutely enjoyed the show. To me, the show was very balanced in its humor: Dharma and her family were made fun of just as Greg and his family were.

I think one of the funniest episodes was when Teller guest starred as Jane's cat Mr. Boots. I envision Jane paid Teller's character to act like a cat--just to mess with Greg.

I wish this show had gone on longer...it would've been great to explore D&G having children and trying to raise them despite their differences. In the meantime, I hope Jenna Elfman is able to get back into doing sitcoms again. She's far too talented as a comedic actress not to.

A year or so ago, I received an e-mail from an actor who had a brief guest starring role on D&G. He told me that Jenna, Thomas and Susan couldn't have been nicer.

Don't Go in the Woods (1981)

Very inspiring, for the wrong reasons

[1/10 · 30 March 2008]

Don't Go in the Woods terrified me when I saw it as a 15 year-old. Now, 20 years later, I honestly don't remember why. While the music can be nice and ominous when needed, the acting is beyond terrible. The actors literally appear to be doing nothing more than reciting lines.

It really makes me think that if these people, awful actors they were, can be in a movie, anybody can.

The only thing that truly surprised me about this movie is that it didn't have any nudity in it. Generally, the worse a horror flick is, the more likelihood of seeing skin. It's what directors probably do when they know the film can't be sold on its own merits.

Carnivore (2000)

Ugggh

[1/10 · 12 December 2006]

Why this film hasn't been on MST3000 is beyond me. A horrible film. Horrible. Horrible. Makes Stepfather 3 seem like a cinematic master piece. Sound's terrible, looks like it was shot on video. I've seen low-budget Christian films with better acting and dialogue. And of course, there's that gratuitous nude scene that was probably inserted in a desperate attempt to keep viewers watching. This is the type of movie they'd show at a film school to teach students how NOT to make a movie.

I find it very telling that for most of the characters in the film, this was their first--and ONLY--movie. Also got a hoot out of the government agents who wear sunglasses, even when it's nighttime.

Left Behind: The Movie (2000)

Fire the screenplay writers

[2/10 · 24 April 2005]

I'm a Christian who generally believes in the theology taught in Left Behind. That being said, I think Left Behind is one of the worst films I've seen in some time.

To have a good movie, you need to have a well-written screenplay. Left Behind fell woefully short on this. For one thing, it radically deviates from the book. Sometimes this is done to condense a 400-page novel down to a two-hour film, but in this film I saw changes that made no sense whatsoever.

Another thing, there is zero character development. When characters in the story get saved (I won't say who), the book makes it clear that it's a long, soul-searching process. In the film it's quick and artificial. The book is written decently enough where people like Rayford Steele, Buck Williams and Hattie Durham seem real, but in the movie scenarios are consistently given the quick treatment without anything substantial. In another scene where one character gets angry about being left behind (again, I won't say who), it seems artificial.

I realize as a Christian it's unedifying for me to say I disliked this film, but I can't in a good conscience recommend a film that I feel was horribly done. Perhaps it would've been better to make the first book into 2-3 films. Either way, Christians need to realize that to be taken seriously as filmmakers, we need to start by putting together a film in a quality way. I realize a lot of effort probably went into Left Behind, but that's the way I see it.

Tangled (2001)

Underrated movie

[8/10 · 20 February 2005]

I thought this was an extremely well-done suspense mystery that attempts to answer the question: what does a young man do when he's in love with his best friend, only to see someone else move in on her? Jonathan Rhys-Meyers' performance was well beyond convincing, to the point where it felt I was watching actual events transpire before me. Overall, I thought this was a very good story line with some good plot twists. Rachael Leigh Cook and Shawn Hatosy were also well cast. This is the type of film that will generate a lot of things to discuss regarding the plot, antagonists and so far. It might not be Heat (my favorite film), but it's good.

Heat (1995)

Diamond of a film

[26 June 2004]

As a person who watches films for both pleasure and criticism, I can honestly say that right now, at 31, my favorite movie is Heat. The flaws in this film are so minimal that they're negligible. Of all the movies I've ever seen, this by far is the best character study. The story flows, the acting is great, and the shootout sequence is well-done. What I really enjoyed was how the two lead characters discover they're a lot more a like than what they realize. If circumstances were different, Neil and Vincent wouldn't just be best friends--they'd be brothers. Besides this, the soundtrack was great and for a 3-hour film, every scene was crucial. Of the minor characters, besides being a big fan of Ted Levine's, I especially liked the callousness conveyed by the restaurant manager who was stiffing Breedan.

What really floored me about this film are all the subplots. Usually, with this many subplots things get missed and there's always that tendency for casting of less-than-convincing characters. Not so here. The young black lady who played the prostitute killed by Waingro (the first one whom he told that he could always spot a liar). When she tries to lie, she does so convincingly (to the film watcher) that you think she's telling the truth. And her face changes as she realizes she's in grave danger.

I note that this film received no Oscar nominations; this tells me all I need to know about how misguided and overrated the Oscars are.

SPOILER

Even after Vincent fatally injures Neil, Neil is resigned that while Vincent admired him, he still was doing his job.

FOUR STARS (out of four).

Searching for Wooden Watermelons (2003)

'Searching for Wooden Watermelons' anything but wooden

[10 June 2004]

Searching for Wooden Watermelons, a 2003 independent film, will probably seem unremarkable to some viewers. It has no sex scenes. The profanity is minimal. There are no strikingly hilarious scenes. There are no action scenes, no scary or gory moments.

Don't let those things discourage you from watching it. SFWW is an excellent

character study that follows the discontentment of someone who, rebelling against their apparent destiny in life, decides they want more. From the appearance of an outsider, 25 year-old Jude Farnie seems to have a happy life. She was born and raised in Beaumont, Texas. She's finally about to graduate from college after transferring twice. She has a steady boyfriend who loves her and plans soon to propose to her. For all practical purposes, everything's falling into place for Jude to settle down as a wife and as a court reporter.

While watching this film, I got the strong impression that director Bryan

Goldsworthy and Wendy English (who stars as Jude and also wrote the screenplay and co-produced the film) both know how to make the most of this independent

film's limited budget. One of the first shots in the movie is of Jude walking down the road in her royal blue graduation cap and gown-an excellent way of drawing a

viewer's attention and a strong indication that something isn't right. The film gets directly to the point. As it turns out, Jude walking down the road in her graduation outfit serves a purpose: she left her graduation ceremony prematurely out of no desire to claim it since she doesn't want to work as a stenographer. And although she does love her boyfriend and her dysfunctional family, she wants something more out of life.

In my lifetime I've seen countless low-budget films, most of them horror and sci-fi films from the seventies and eighties. Of them are Tourist Trap and Exterminators of the Year 3000. What usually plagues these films, besides the laughable special effects, silly plotting and other low-grade production values, is the terrible acting. I was really surprised by the good acting in SFWW. As the opening credits rolled across the screen, I recognized no names-not even that of a yesteryear star looking for any type of role to either make a comeback or (more likely) pay some bills. Despite it, though, I found myself amazed that all of the principle characters did a fine acting job.

The good acting could be because this drama-comedy is also largely

autobiographical: English left Beaumont to follow after a dream of working in the entertainment industry. I think her own personal experiences help to make this film work. The characters come across as genuine and down-to-earth without any of the small town stereotypes that often come when even established actors play the parts without knowing the area.

As we watch the film, we see that Jude has been recording countless sitcoms on television since she got her first VCR nearly 20 years ago. Her apparent reason: to study comedy shows, see how they're written and develop the skills to become a successful TV writer. This is her dream, her calling in life. She and her best friend, Riley Jefferson (played by Chad Safar), have plans to become partners in comedy writing. Riley, though, faces a dilemma, follow his dreams and go with Jude out to California on little more than hope or stay in Texas and help his father try to keep the family's theater business going in the black?

Jude is a character many of us, particularly me, can identify with. What's better-to settle down into a comfortable life that you find yourself discontent with or take a chance and follow a dream? As Jude contemplates what to do, the film also focuses around her family and friends' reaction to what she wants to do. Jude also faces the task of dealing with a death in the family, a grandparent's declining health and her relationship with her child-like mother.

SFWW is primarily a drama with some comedy thrown in. Throughout the film,

there's narration thrown in (something I've always liked). At the end in the final narration, Jude speaks from the angle of looking back five years later. English tells you just enough to leave you hanging as to what ultimately happened to her

character, but just enough to let you know that her character has no regrets.

3 STARS (out of four)

Malcolm X (1992)

disjointed

[16 May 2004]

I read the Autobiography of Malcolm X and really looked forward to seeing this film. Unfortunately, I saw only about an hour of this before turning it off. Besides starting off with the much taken out of context Rodney King beating, this film makes me wonder if indeed Spike Lee knows how to tell a story. His camera movements might be good, but I found myself very confused by how the story line kept jumping across. I remember one scene where, out of nowhere, the scene cuts to X's father being killed.

The best way to have done this movie, in my opinion, would've been the way the book did. Start it with X meeting Alex Haley at the end of his life and have the movie go chronologically with X providing voice-over narration. The acting I did see was good, so out of four stars, I'd give this film two.

Apt Pupil (1998)

Groan

[31 March 2004]

I sincerely hope Imdb is merely falsely reporting a rumor that Stephen King sold the film rights to Apt Pupil for $1, because Apt Pupil is one of the worst screen adaptations of a King novel. It ranks up there with Children of the Corn and, perhaps ironically worst of all, King's "Maximum Overdrive."

Apt Pupil is one of the most chilling King works I've ever read with only Children of the Corn being scarier. It's a cat-and-mouse story of a cocky, smart American kid who discovers that man who lives near him is actually a fugitive NAZI--one of the evil high-ranking officers that has thwarted the authorities for decades. But instead of doing the obvious right thing and turning him in, the boy engages in a deadly quid-pro-quo game of blackmail: he tells "Arthur Denker"--real name Kurt Dussander--to tell him everything that is too explicit for the war books and magazines.

The novel has a very dark ending, which you'd expect when a person makes a critically terrible decision and then tries endlessly to cover it up. This movie almost completely sanitizes it. Further, Brad Renfro was a horrible miscast as Todd Bowden. He acts nothing like the Bowden in the book. The pacing for this film was all wrong and never allows any of the characters to sufficiently develop. Only Ian McKellan and the well-intentioned efforts of David Schwimmer save this film from being a total skunk.

Jaws: The Revenge (1987)

Hilarious...

[30 March 2004]

...unfortunately, this wasn't supposed to be a comedy. Let's see, the shark swims down the coast as though following the family to the Bahamas. Then there's Mario Van Peebles trying to sound Jamaican but sounding instead like Miss Cleo's long-lost brother. But here's my favorite: there's a scene where Van Peebles gets crushed in the shark's jaws but later escapes only with blood-soaked clothes and a noticeable limp. Hysterical. If you treat this film like a comedy and forget that a good director named Steven Spielberg directed the original, you should enjoy this one. Jaws the Revenge proves one thing: sequels are often a perfect example of failing to quit when one is ahead (and in the case of Dumb and Dumberer, failure to quit when one is behind).

Runaway Jury (2003)

A worthless pile of tripe

[21 March 2004]

Politically, I'm conservative and feel that most "strict" gun control laws will only keep guns out of the hands of law-abiding citizens. However, I still watched Runaway Jury out of the hopes of enjoying a good, thought-provoking film that had the superfluous suspense many legal dramas do.

My wife read this book and told me that in the book the people being sued were Big Tobacco. It figures. The storyline and plot of this movie come across as though superglued, scotch-taped and frantically re-written at the last minute. Much of the plot is non-sensical, from the verdict of this patently-frivolous lawsuit to the notion that these jury members were so brainless that one man can sway everyone to vote his way to the caricature bad-guys the defense is made out to be. Without question, this is one of the worst films I've seen in sometime. Gene Hackman, et al, deserve better material than this. ONE OUT OF FOUR STARS.

The Carol Burnett Show (1967–1978)

The best show in TV history, bar none

[18 January 2004]

The Carol Burnett Show, a.k.a. Carol Burnett and Friends, is my favorite show in TV history, without question. It made me laugh endlessly with its sketch comedy. For me, the best comedy revolves around lines that often seem ad libbed; the spontanaety often results in some of the best humor around. What also made this show special was Tim Conway's deliberate ad libbing of lines and actions to try to make the other actors bust up laughing. A classic example of this is when Conway, playing a NAZI officer in one sketch, tries to interrogate a POW (Lyle Waggoner) with an Adolf Hitler Puppet doll.

Whether its Tim Conway as Uncle Waldo, Carol Burnett as "Missus Uh-Wiggins" or "Eunice", Jim Nabors as Yung Fool, or Vicki Lawrence as Mama Harper, this show's absolutely priceless.

Frasier (1993–2004)

Priceless humor

[17 January 2004]

The very first few times I watched Frasier, I absolutely hated the show. It seemed as though Frasier was always fouling up a relationship, and I detested Niles. But as I watched further, I fell in love with the show. The episodes that won me over, and still remain favorites, include "Frasier Crane's Day Off", "The Innkeepers", "The Two Mrs. Cranes" and, of course, "Something Borrowed, Something Blue Part 2". The ironic, witty humor is well-done and the characters are very believable. Frasier has quickly become one of my all-time favorite comedies, and it saddens me that it must share a swan song with Friends. My favorite characters generally are Daphne and Roz, partly because its their jobs to help the Crane boys (especially Frasier) keep their egoes in check. People often ask me what the difference is between Frasier and Seinfeld, and I say: "Frasier is actually FUNNY!"

Matlock (1986–1995)

a nice family show, but way too predictable

[12 July 2003]

Don't get me wrong. I like Andy Griffith. Courtroom shows, while relatively unrealistic as they are, are among my favorites to watch. Matlock, though, just didn't really do it for me. I like to be surprised, shocked and angered when I watch courtroom shows. With Matlock (at least in the many episodes I've seen), the same formula is followed: Matlock and his team do their own investigating and then gets the real killer on the stand, where he cross-examines them into admitting they were guilty. This is boring and predictable. At least in Law and Order there are many times when the guilty go free or unpunished.

Jaws: The Revenge (1987)

two words describe this film

[19 April 2003]

Two words sum up this debacle of a Jaws film: unintentionally hilarious!

I concur with Gislef's review of this film (another reviewer in imdb). This was a bad film. It's in the ballpark of Plan 9 in the sense of bad plotting. Frankly, if you watch Jaws the Revenge as a comedy, it's one of the funniest movies you'll ever see. Unfortunately, it wasn't filmed or marketed that way.

My favorite parts: Jaws swimming down the coast and trailing the family from Bermuda to the Bahamas (or whereever the heck this film is set); Mario Van Peebles appearing virtually unscathed after being ostensibly crushed in the jaws of Jaws; Michael Caine landing his plane in the water and then swimming later to the boat (the boat didn't look as though it was designed for water, and I found it hard to believe that a) he could survive the crash and swim to the surface and b) he'd destroy an expensive piece of aircraft).

Children of the Corn (1984)

funny

[8 March 2003]

The Stephen King short story was truly terrifying. This movie isn't. If anything, it's funny. I even had a roommate at college that looked almost exactly like Isaac.

King's short story had a dark ending with a valuable lesson of doing what your instincts tell you to do. I think what ruined this one was the insistence of some producer to give it a "send everyone home happy" type of ending.

Yes, trivia fans, the Courtney Gains who played Malachi is the same Courtney Gains in Back to the Future who tries to step in on George and Lorraine McFly's dance. He also was the sheriff in Sweet Home Alabama.

Con Air (1997)

Treat Con Air as a Com Edy

[26 January 2003]

This was one of the most laughable films I've ever seen. I don't think Wisconsin has nearly as much cheese as this film has. It's predictable, riddled with factual errors about the military justice system, and just plane comical. And then there's Nicolas Cage's horrible attempt at a southern accent.

Erin Brockovich (2000)

Much ado

[1 December 2002]

This film itself wasn't bad. Of course, being based on a true story helps. However, as I watched this film, I found myself wondering why Julia Roberts got an Oscar for best actress. To me, she essentially plays the one-dimensional characters she's perfected in chick flicks like Runaway Bride, Pretty Woman and Notting Hill. If there's a more overrated actress out there than Ms. Roberts, I'd love to see them. Her winning an award has led me to conclude the academy awards are nothing more than a popularity contest. The fact that she has an Oscar while actors like Gary Oldman have not even a nomination is, to me, farcical.

Windtalkers (2002)

Watch it for the sake of the Navajos

[15 June 2002]

One of the benefits I have with working in media is getting to see advance screenings of films. I saw this movie about two weeks before it officially opened. My wife and I went to go watch it.After the film, I told my wife that I felt the film focused way too much on combat scenes (and the totally unecessary plot twist of Cage's character's budding love life) and nowhere near as much on the windtalkers.

Frankly, I think someone like Steven Spielberg or James Cameron, both of whom seem very adept at balancing action/special effects with solid story lines, would've done a much better job directing this film. Woo's films, to me, seem way too top heavy on the action sequences.

Frankly, I was disappointed in this film. You'd think that a 2.5 hour film would spend more than around 15 minutes in the scenes revolving around the Windtalkers and their code. There's one brief scene where they get recruited, another brief scene where they are taught the code in school and scribe the code being used, another scene where they use the code to have the Navy give them fire support, and one brief scene where a Japanese voice interceptor listens to the code and says "It sounds like they're talking underwater! Are they speaking in English?"

Frankly, I think the movie should've had more scenes with the code being used, a ton of more scenes with the Japanese trying to figure out what to do (they broke every code we'd previously used and never broke this one).

In short, John Woo failed to properly tell the story of the Windtalkers. Frankly, I'd give it 1.5 stars out of four, but see it anyway for the sake of the Navajo. Considering our track record as a country for treating the American Indians, they deserve recognition for their efforts in World War II.

The American President (1995)

no thanks

[7 April 2002]

I turned this film off about an hour or so into it. Not that it was a bad film, but becuase, to me, it's nothing more than a two-hour Democratic Party infomercial. It's not enough for Aaron Sorkin to tell a story, there has to be a liberal agenda to be pushed along with it. If you're a liberal person and you liked this film, I'm happy for you. For me, I say, no thanks.

Any Given Sunday (1999)

a waste of film and time

[9 February 2002]

I love football and thought this would be an enjoyable film to watch. I was grossly wrong. Many pro football players are egotistical, boozers and womanizers; why on earth did Oliver Stone find it necessary to waste so much time on something we already knew? Even if we didn't, why was so much time wasted on it regardless when the film itself had what looked like a fairly interesting plotline. I got to the point where I had almost forgotten what the plot was and finally decided I no longer cared. Out of four stars, I'd give it one star.

Johnny Be Good (1988)

Not good, not horrible

[9 December 2001]

I was amused that Leonard Maltin wrote in his review that the seriousness of the issue (presumably, unscrupulous recruiting tactics) totally eluded this film's makers.

Of course, this is very contradictory for Maltin to say considering he has given positive reviews of countless films that totally elude the seriousness of issues like premarital sex, drug usage and underaged drinking.

In Johnny Be Good, true, unethical recruiting is presented in a comical format. However, Johnny's parents, girlfriend and high school coach take a clear stand of him going to the wrong college. At the end, he makes the right choice and goes to a college that focuses on education as well as athletics. The unscrupulous recruiters then face the consequences of their actions.

Don't get me wrong. This wasn't a great film, and Anthony Michael Hall wasn't well-cast in this film. However, Maltin's reasons for not liking this film are ridiculous at best and hypocritical at worst.

From the Hip (1987)

Funny film that tackles a relevant legal issue

[9 December 2001]

What should an attorney do when defending a client they know is guilty? From the hip deals with this legal dilemma in a very amusing format. Judd Nelson is hilarious as an irreverent attorney who gets results. I thought this film was hilarious. Why people, thought this was a "mongrel of a film", makes me wonder, again, if they were actually awake when reviewing this film. Lighten up. I give this film three out of four stars.

Me, Myself & Irene (2000)

If this is Carrey's best work, heaven help us

[4 November 2001]

Me, Myself and Irene is one of only two movies in my lifetime I've walked out on. This film was disgusting with profanity that was completely excessive. I hate Seinfeld and Pauly Shore, but I'll gladly watch one of their shows or movies before I subject myself to this worthless trash again. Without a doubt, this film is in a class with such wastes of plastic as "National Lampoon's Senior Trip". Without a doubt, one of THE worst films I've ever seen.