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Shogun (1980 TV Movie)
1/10
Possibly the worst movie of all-time....
20 April 2003
I haven't seen the original 10-part, 10-hour mini-series, but the 2 hour condensed version is appaling. How did they think they could chop 10 hours into 2? The plot is impossible to follow; nothing is explained, and all the main events have no discernable meaning. The most ridiculous representation of how this film was cut down, is a scene of the two main characters in bed together, when 5 minutes earlier she explained why they could never be together! The ending involves numerous battles in which the viewer has no idea who is fighting who. A flat-out horrible movie. It's like watching the chopped up version of Once Upon a Time in America but 100 times worse.
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Superstar (1999)
3/10
Frighteningly Bad...
10 January 2001
Most of us are familiar with Mary Katherine Gallagher, Molly Shannon's popular Saturday Night Live character. She now joins the ranks of the many SNL sketch characters on the big screen, with disappointing results. Most of the sketches that have been made into movies suffer from a fairly simple problem: taking five minutes of sketch material and stretching it to an hour and a half. Some writers are able to develop the character and surround them with an interesting plot, but this film fails on both counts.

Superstar revolves around Mary Katherine Gallagher, a Catholic high school girl with big dreams and a serious lack of social skills. An outcast at her school, Mary dreams of getting kissed just like she sees in movies, and the only way she can envision it happening is by becoming a superstar. The object of her affection is Sky (Will Ferrell) the most popular guy in school, and the best dancer. Standing in Mary's path is Evian (Elaine Hendrix), Sky's girlfriend: blonde, bitchy, beautiful, and a great dancer. Mary's opportunity for stardom and popularity arises when her school hosts a talent competition, with the winner getting the chance to be an extra in an upcoming movie. In some comedies predictability is comforting, but in Superstar it turns into annoyance; anyone who has seen Flashdance knows the story already. The characters are fairly standard as well: Tom Green as Sky's sidekick, Helen (Emmy Laybourne) as Mary's nerdy friend, Slater (Harland Williams) as the cute mysterious guy with a Harley. Mary even has a wheelchair bound Grandmother. Will Ferrell's character Sky is the only one who offers something new.

Those familiar with SNL know how funny Ferrell is, but he is a surprisingly good actor as well. Sky is different from the normal 'Mr. Popularity' role, and the change is refreshing. Instead of being an insensitive jock, Sky is very feminine and sensitive, with hilarious results. When asked who was the most naturally funny comic on SNL, Shannon immediately said "Will" Molly Shannon wrote all the material for Superstar involving Mary Katherine Gallagher and Steve Koren (SNL, Seinfeld, and A Night at the Roxbury) created the rest of the story and the other characters. Shannon's talent shines through in the solo scenes; without having to worry about plot or other characters, her comedy is at its best. A scene with Mary talking to her own breasts is extremely funny, and shows the potential Superstar has. By the end of the movie though, Mary's character is too pathetic, and the audience ceases to care whether she gets kissed at all. The problem with Superstar is in the writing. As opposed to a good SNL spin-off, such as Wayne's World, Superstar takes on a cheesy sitcom feel as the movie drags on. By the end of the film the viewer is bombarded with Cosby show values on having dreams, being yourself, and knowing who your friends are.

Essentially, Steve Koren dilutes Shannon's edgy comedy to make it appeal to a wider audience, but in the process takes away the heart of the movie. When asked whether she wanted to do movies or television in the future, Shannon said it didn't matter because, "what's most important is working with good writers." Obviously the writing team for Superstar wasn't good enough. Kids in the Hall fans may see hope in Bruce McCulloch directing Superstar, but aside from a few dance scenes McCulloch cannot inject anything into the weak script. Shannon notes that "Bruce McCulloch is really into the robot...and would would keep adding scenes with the robot dance." It seems his addition is simply based on his membership in the Lorne Michaels SNL family.

Hopefully in the future Shannon can throw the SNL monkey off of her back and make comedies that challenge the viewers instead of simply making them drowsy.
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6/10
So Close...
10 January 2001
Warning: Spoilers
The Ninth Gate has been dubbed a thriller, but thankfully the film for the most part does not revert to cliches associated with the genre. Far from a horror movie or thriller, The Ninth Gate is a mystery and an adventure, with the feel of a dark Indiana Jones picture, without the one-liners. Director Roman Polanski comes close to making a great movie, but three quarters of the way into the film The Ninth Gate loses itself, and the audience.

Adapted from the novel The Club Dumas by Arturo Pérez-Reverte, The Ninth Gate revolves around Dean Corso (Johnny Depp), a rare book finder who sells his discoveries to the highest bidder. He is contacted by Boris Balkan (Frank Langella), a wealthy publisher with his own rare book collection, all relating to the Devil. His most precious is titled The Nine Gates, one of only three copies in existence. A legend states the book was co-authored by Satan, and that the nine etchings contained within can conjure up the man himself. Balkan wants Corso to compare his book to the other two copies for authenticity, and to bring the real book back by any means necessary. `Any means necessary sounds illegal', Corso replies wryly. A large cheque quickly convinces him, and Corso heads to Europe. Soon things begin to go awry and death follows Corso wherever he goes, as well as a mysterious woman (Emmanuelle Seigner) who acts as a guardian. Faces of people in the etchings begin to look remarkably like people Corso meets in Europe, adding to the eeriness. (minor spoiler) Upon comparing Balkan's book with the others he notices the etchings are slightly different, and that some are signed LCF (Lucifer). A race for the Devil's etchings ensues, and the power they contain, with Corso in the middle.

What is most intriguing about the movie are the books it focuses on. The audience is brought into the world of bibliophiles, collectors of rare books, and soon their passion becomes our own. Scenes of books being removed from shelves, carefully opened, and delicately looked through evoke feelings of mystery and discovery not easily forgotten. Memories of going into attics, tingling with excitement at the hope of some discovery are what The Ninth Gate brings back.

The cinematography in the Ninth Gate is amazing, courtesy Darius Khondji. Close-ups of Corso's fingers running across 400 year old pages lets the audience feel them as well. The movie was filmed on location in Spain, France, and Portugal, and scenes at twilight amid castles and the countryside are breathtaking. Even the colors of the film are noticeable; dark, rich shades are prominent and it seems everything is dimmed without being gloomy. Rounding out the look and feel of the picture is Wojciech Kilar's perfectly matched music, setting the mood without being overly menacing.

The acting in The Ninth Gate, and the casting, is top notch. Depp really fits the role of Corso, if not from just a physical standpoint. With his librarian glasses, dark clothes, and mustache with goatee, Corso looks both educated and mysterious. As for his acting, Depp begins with a stock character; Corso is a mercenary without conscience and lives for profit no matter who is in his way. Thankfully, throughout the movie Depp adds enough wrinkles to the character to keep the audience confused as to Corso's true intentions. Corso's alcohol intake increases with every scene, and he unravels, forming an obsession surrounding the book rivaling Balkan's. Frank Langella is simply perfect as Balkan. He takes on a character that could easily be done in an over the top fashion, but he remains reserved, creating a complex and frightening character.

The pace of the film is a treat, but with a running time of over two hours the Ninth Gate loses its power towards the end. The search for the truth about the book is given time to develop instead of being forced upon the audience, but this doesn't justify the length of the movie. Adding to the problem are the unnecessary twists in the last 30 minutes of the picture. Just when a resolution seems near, a new fold appears, and Corso must follow along. The plot twists simply appear, without letting the audience take part in their development. Finally, when making a film with an epic storyline such as raising the Devil, the director has to decide how far to take the story. The Ninth Gate is foremost about the search, and Polanski leaves the rest to the imagination. This is probably for the best, but the viewer still leaves the theatre feeling a little cheated by the ending.

Under any other director but Polanski, The Ninth Gate could have degenerated into standard thriller/horror fare. Instead we are presented with a movie focused on mystery instead of fright. Polanski though can't seem to pull the film together, and near the end the tingly feeling of wonder in the back of the viewer's neck disappears.
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Titan A.E. (2000)
7/10
Good... (if you are 12 years old)
10 January 2001
Titan A.E. precedes X-Men at Fox's attempt to corner the young movie-going market this summer. Combining standard animation with computer-generated special effects, Titan A.E. aims at audiences too old for Disney and too young for American Pie, a market the Phantom Menace corralled last summer. The results are better than expected, even though Titan A.E. will seem too juvenile for anyone out of their teens.

Titan A.E. begins with the destruction of Earth in the 31 century by an alien race called the Drej. Without a home, the human race is scattered across the galaxy in make-shift colonies, slowly dying out. The only hope for human survival is Titan, an enormous ship that escaped the Drej attack, which holds the secret for a new Earth. The story focuses around Cale (Matt Damon), the son of the Titan's creator, and the key to finding and activating the hidden ship. Fifteen years after Earth's destruction, Cale is found by Korso (Bill Pullman), an old friend of Cale's father, to search for Titan and save the human species.

The characterization is generally good in Titan A.E., with the notable exception of Cale. Surrounded by non-humans, and still angry at his father for 'abandoning' him, Cale is essentially a jerk for the first half of the film. It would seem that leaving your child to secure the fate of the entire human race is justifiable, but apparently it isn't to Cale. The result is an audience initially left with a main character no one likes. Akima (Drew Barrymore) is Cale's love interest, but acts as a very strong female character, and the film's best pilot. Of all the actors, John Leguizamo stands out in the character of Gune, a mole-like eccentric genius helping to find Titan. Unlike the infamous Jar-Jar Binks, Gune is actually funny, and the viewer cares about his survival.

Thankfully Titan A.E. gains some momentum in the last half after a shaky start. Cale finally loses the chip on his shoulder, and amid some sexual innuendo, he and Akima begin to fall for each other.

Following this, the audience is hit with a genuinely surprising plot twist, throwing the Good vs. Evil paradigm for a loop. Most films of this genre set the protagonists and antagonists from the beginning, so it is refreshing when Titan A.E. alters the formula.

One noticeable problem with Titan A.E. is the ridiculous soundtrack. It is as if the producers randomly gathered the songs by which title fit the movie's plot. A scene with Cale getting the chance to pilot a ship is made laughable by the repeating chorus of The Urge's `It's My Turn To Fly'. The rest of the soundtrack proves to be a feeble attempt at connecting with audiences too old for Phil Collins/Elton John arrangements. The visual results are mixed as well. The special effects are no doubt impressive, but they also serve to make the standard animation look that much more cartoony.

Titan A.E. must be looked at for what it is, a cartoon geared at audiences too old for Disney. Of course the cliches are incessant, but combining a workable plot and enough action to hold the short attention span of a 12 year-old boy is daunting task. On the whole, Titan A.E. succeeds, but it remains to be seen if audiences will take the bait.
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The Impostors (1998)
7/10
Not Always So Funny...
10 January 2001
The Impostors is a film made purely for comedy's sake. The characters and plot both exist for one reason: to make the audience laugh. Films like The Naked Gun and Austin Powers were of this genre, and worked for one reason: they delivered the laughs. Plot development and sophisticated dialogue play no part in this type of comedy, so if the film isn't funny, there is nothing to fall back on. In this way, a movie like The Impostors must be funny throughout in order to distract the viewer from the silliness of the plot and characters.

The Impostors both fails and succeeds in this way; some parts are as hilarious as they are meant to be, while other parts leave the audience shifting in their seats. The unfunny scenes seem to carry on and on, giving the viewer time notice just how silly the film really is. This turns out to be one of the movies biggest problems.

Other films of this nature combat this problem by firing the jokes off one after another, so that if one joke bombs there is another to take its place. The Impostors needed to utilize this technique more. This is not to say that the film was a dud. Many scenes and characters are very funny, but the bad ones tended to be very noticeable.

The Impostors revolves around Maurice and Arthur, two veteran actors in Depression-era New York, trying to earn a living through acting. Parts are scarce though, and the two spend their days honing their skills by acting out 'scenes' with made up characters on the unsuspecting public. After a wild chain of events, Maurice and Arthur end up as hunted stowaways on an ocean liner headed to Paris, where they become entangled in the lives of the other quirky passengers.

The Impostors has the feel of a silent movie; every gesture, facial expression, and action seems to be exaggerated for comedic effect. Many of the scenes would be funny even without the dialogue. Slapstick humour runs throughout the movie creating that silent movie feel. The Impostors plays out like Saturday Night Live sketches pieced together to form a plot. This method has funny results, but when one 'sketch' fails the whole movie suffers.

Maurice and Arthur are played wonderfully by Oliver Platt and Stanley Tucci, respectively. The two characters weasel their way into the hearts of the viewers from the very beginning, just as characters in a good buddy movie should. Platt and Tucci's relationship is based on a Laurel and Hardy model, or for a modern reference, David Spade and Chris Farley. There are other great performances from characters on the ship. The Impostors has a good cast with Woody Allen, Steve Buscemi, Lili Taylor, and Isabella Rossellini in small, one dimensional roles. The funniest performance by far is Campbell Scott in his role as Meistrich, the German ship director. Meistrich comes complete with a monocle, a scar, a thick German accent and the attitude of World War Two General. When he is not hunting down the stowaways (Maurice and Arthur) his is trying to win over Lili Taylor's character, Lilly, with hilarious results.

The Impostors concludes with the cast suddenly dancing joyously off the set and around the studio where the filming took place. Obviously the actors enjoyed making the movie; the performances during the film and the dancing afterward attest to this. In fact, it seems they had more fun making the movie than audiences will have watching it. The Impostors makes a good effort, but in the end it isn't quite funny enough to pull the whole thing off.
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Lolita (1997)
8/10
Haunting...
10 January 2001
North American distributors have been leery of circulating Lolita due to its sexual content; namely a sexual affair between a 40-year-old man and a 12-year-old girl. Critics who are offended by the subject matter say Lolita glorifies paedophilia. Using the same line of argument, one could say that murder is offensive and illegal, so why doesn't the public have a problem with movies featuring serial killers? Did The Silence of the Lambs glorify murder? Ironically, the violent scenes in Lolita are more disturbing than the sexual ones. It's a shame all the hype surrounding the movie isn't concerned with the film itself.

Lolita is stunning, emotionally and visually. Adapted from the novel of the same title by Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita focuses on Humbert's (Jeremy Irons) relationship with Lolita (Dominique Swain) and the tragedies it creates.

Humbert is a scholar who is infatuated with young girls. A reason for his 'condition' is given in the film, but it really doesn't explain the extent of his desire. It seems reasonable that Humbert would be an evil predator in the eyes of the viewer, but what makes the movie so interesting is how he is portrayed as a tragic figure trapped by his desires. Humbert understands his affair with Lolita is wrong, but he is unable to change it-stating the relationship was a "paradise, whose sky was the color of Hell-flames." To Humbert, Lolita is not just an outlet for his sexual desires. He falls in love with Lolita herself, not just the idea of her as a sexual object.

The viewer's sympathy for Humbert has a lot to do with Lolita herself. In many ways she is more of a predator than he. Lolita initiates the first few sexual encounters and is fully aware of what she is getting in to. Yet, as with Humbert, her innocence in the affair shines through. Director Adrian Lyne contrasts Lolita's sexuality with child-like images. In one scene Lolita is reading a comic book and laughing, when the camera pans down to reveal a naked Humbert underneath her. In another scene she is lying soaking wet beside a sprinkler, and for a moment the viewer forgets her true age, until her smile reveals a retainer.

Newcomer Dominique Swain shines in a very difficult role. She can go from woman to child in a instant, which is crucial to the part. Without Swain's ability, Irons' character would be much less sympathetic to the audience.

Lolita's beauty can be found in its character's complexities. In many films the characters are one-dimensional and predictable, making even a good script seem dull. The viewer wants to feel sorry for Lolita and to despise Humbert, but the characters and script don't let conventional norms take over.

Lolita runs at two hours and 15 minutes, and for the last half-hour, it loses some of its focus. The ending is disappointingly over-dramatic, but it doesn't take away from the first hour-and-a-half. Lolita isn't exactly a fun ride, but it's one you should take.
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Quills (2000)
4/10
Shockingly Disappointing...
5 January 2001
Warning: Spoilers
In a movie that could have been so good, it is stunning to see how much went wrong. Quills is not thought provoking, since each theme is laid out with the subtlety of a shovel to the head. All the fuss surrounding Eminem in today's culture is spelled out in Quills; how far can freedom of expression go?... Does life imitate art?... Are artists responsible for deeds done in the names of their creations? Conservatives and Liberals have argued over these issues for centuries, likely with more tact than Quills. With the infamous Marquis de Sade as the protagonist in the film, the audience should be able to figure out the issues at stake, but Quills feels the need to recreate every known cliche of plot and character to set the stage. The acting is superb (especially Rush), but, aside from the Marquis, the actors are given little to work with. -SEMI-SPOILER- The characters of the Doctor (Michael Caine), and his wife, are laughably one dimensional. Caine, the 'villain' who wants to silence de Sade's immorality, is, of course, not so moral. His young wife, brought up by nuns, is, you guessed it, tainted by the Marquis' writing. Phoenix, the priest and head of de Sade's asylum home is (gasp!) tempted by the pleasures of the flesh and in turn questions his religion. The script is cute, rife with smart one-liners, which are not smart enough to hide the fact that they are still one-liners. Everything takes place for the purpose of making the viewer think, instead of helping them think. Of course, the subjects that Quills raises are important ones, and the movie does bring them into the open. The means by which is does, however, are both insulting to the movie going audience and film itself. Art is about a dialogue between the artist and the audience, a dialogue which is non-existent in Quills. Being spoon-fed does not make for an enjoyable movie experience.
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