cjwilkinson-81808 Reviews

Heckle (2020)

This is what you get when you don't develop an idea

[3/10 · 16 May 2023]

This is a genuinely badly-made film - poorly written, poorly directed and poorly produced.

You do at least get fair warning of this from the very start, where the music crashes into clips of dialogue during the introduction, which is accompanied by typography somewhat amateurishly overlaying the visuals.

The plot is utterly implausible, and totally unconvincing. The characters are all unlikeable - although the acting is not completely awful by any means - just that the actors have nothing at all to work with.

The problem is not that this film is low budget - it's that is completely devoid of anything - depth, imagination, fun, scares - even jokes - and the central character is supposed to be a comedian.

Instead of developing the idea of a heckler haunting the protagonist, it looks as if they wanted to make a slasher film and just used the initially promising concept as a way into making something much more formulaic - with predictable results.

Sanatorium (2013)

Dismal Borefest

[2/10 · 14 May 2023]

So, here we have the usual group of twenty-somethings exploring a disused medical institution, bringing their cameras with them.

We are supposed to believe that these people are well-known documentary makers, despite showing no depth of knowledge or even interest in their subject, any aptitude for film-making or charisma in front of the camera. In fact, there is nothing about this group even to like, let alone engage the viewer.

The plot is no less sub-par. Without wanting to give the plot away (thin though it is), can you guess whether this group make it out of the building again?

That is the correct guess.

For the entire first half of the film, nothing happens. I am not exaggerating. They wander about the building, and that's it.

For most of the second half, they yell, scream, holler, wail, shout at each other and run about in a blind panic

A good editor would have cut this film down to about 5 or 10 minutes, and it would have still been too long..

No Time to Die (2021)

A Bond Movie, But With All The Fun Taken Out Of It

[4/10 · 1 May 2023]

Every Bond film is to a certain extent a remake of the ones that came before it, but this one is almost unique in that it only seems to take the ideas that have already been bled dry and/or have become hopelessly outdated from previous Bond movies .

Although the production values and acting are good (which is a given for such a huge franchise), whereas previous Bond films have dazzled, the poverty of imagination in the creation of this movie is the only thing that will leave you with a sense of wonderment.

It's as if the producers decided to take all the worst and most dated aspects of Bond movies and put them into one film. Where once it was clever, it is now just faintly ridiculous that the "baddie" organisation has a sinister name. Similarly, the idea of villains in underground bunkers on islands is such a tired old trope that it would have to be done brilliantly not to be the dull caricature of previous movies it is here. And Bond is still driving a vintage car, which now just looks incongruous now.

The basic failings of the plot are compounded by trying to involve the audience with Bond's emotions and personal life. It's a Bond film - nobody cares about him being in love or his conflicted emotions. It's just tedious, and the overriding impression of No Time To Die is that it's just no fun.

The film is a long one, but it feels even longer as it takes itself so seriously. You won't shed a tear at the end - you'll just be relieved that not only is Bond put out of his misery when the film's over, but that you are too.

The Prom (2020)

All the good things about this film can't disguise its one major failing

[5/10 · 9 April 2023]

The Prom looks great visually - bright, colourful, sharp and stylish.

The acting (unsurprisingly, bearing in mind who's in it) is engaging and entertaining and the dialogue is pretty good, even during those awkward transitions from speech to song.

The plot is pretty predictable and not very challenging or inventive, which although slightly disappointing isn't necessarily a deal breaker in a musical.

However, the central problem with this film is that (whisper it quietly) the songs really aren't very good. They're well arranged, well-played and well sung - but some of the lyrics are cringeworthy and there's not one memorable tune throughout.

And for a musical, that's a bit of a problem.

Smile (V) (2022)

Genuinely Scary

[9/10 · 9 April 2023]

Whether it's generic or not I couldn't really say; but what does it matter? The bottom line is that in a genre where there is so much dross, this is a sharp and gripping film that keeps you on the edge of your seat all the way through.

What this film does so well is keep you guessing as to where the next scare is coming from - to the point you're already unnerved before it arrives. The device of juxtaposing something positive (a smile) with a horrific event (death) may not be revolutionary, but it's used to such great effect here you have to wonder why more films don't do it.

Smile also avoids falling into the traps that mar others in the genre - the settings and interactions are all convincing and draw you in and it's not filmed in the dark either.

I would definitely watch this again.

Hollow Man (2000)

So much of what is wrong with so many movies is summed up in this film

[4/10 · 6 January 2022]

I like the idea, however unoriginal it is - but really, this movie should have been so much more.

Instead, we spend our time watching a group of thoroughly unlikeable characters who wreck their nauseatingly perfect lives through their own hubris and stupidity.

Excellent special effects - but as has been noted already, these are no substitute for making an engaging movie.

The "relationships" between the characters have been Hollywooded up - i.e. Place front and centre despite the fact they're completely irrelevant to the story, such as it is.

The characters operate in a bubble with seemingly very little connection to the outside world.

Features some big name Hollywood stars - again, not enough to compensate for a lazy story and dull script.

By the end, most of the characters are dead - and you won't care.

The Perfect Race (2019)

A worthy follow-up to Remember The Goal

[7/10 · 15 May 2021]

Where the film really works is as a sports movie. The concept is brilliantly worked, and the strategic and scientific approach of the coach sets it apart from most other sports movies, which tend to rely on ultimately less impressive "charismatic" leaders to bring the best out of their athlete. Not that Allee Sutton Hethcoat isn't charismatic, it's just that her character Coach Donnelly doesn't rely on it to make up for a lack of a coherent coaching approach.

Where The Perfect Race falls down is that it doesn't know its strength and instead tries first and foremost to be a Christian movie, which once again means crowbarring in biblical analogies to risible effect. And for what? Pandering to an insular echo chamber of Christian viewers only denies it the wider viewing that it deserves.

Remember the Goal (2016)

A good movie, but it could have been a great one

[7/10 · 3 May 2021]

This is a good movie - but not for the reasons you might think looking at other reviews. Let's be honest - the God Squad viewership will give anything 10/10 if it fits their narrative, even if the film is a pile of poo.

This is a good movie because the premise of a coach who appears to be underqualified and inexperienced turning out to have a great unexpected strength is a winning one. If the directors had played this up, it could have been a great movie and not just a good one.

The religious lessons are shoehorned in with cringeworthy clumsiness resulting in the utmost hilarity. However, there is a certain charm about the desire to impart inspirational messages, and it does not stop the film from being an enjoyable watch.

The Hospital (2013)

Nothing you haven't seen before - although you can't actually see much at all.

[2/10 · 3 May 2021]

This film is shot almost entirely in the dark. Why bother making a movie if the viewers can't see what's going on? I can't see any excuse for making a blunder like this today at all - this really is basic stuff.

From what you can make out, it's slow-moving and has pretty much nothing of interest in it.

I got to 20 minutes in before I started skimming through it to see if it got any better. Sadly, it didn't.

Altered Hours (2016)

Well worth a watch

[7/10 · 2 December 2020]

Intriguing storyline, well acted, impeccably scored - there's a lot to like about this movie.

According to other reviews here this movie suffers from being low budget. I disagree - there doesn't seem to be anything missing and I felt every aspect of the film was done well. There's no flab on it, and none of the bloated pomposity and the taking itself far too seriously that you often get with big budget blockbusters though

Altered hours is a clever and well-made movie, and bears watching more than once.

Skid (2015)

If it wasn't for the soundtrack...

[5/10 · 28 November 2020]

The light, childish scoring of the movie soundtrack is SO WRONG. How could absolutely nobody on the production team have picked this up? Extraordinarily misjudged pretty much throughout.

Haunting of the Mary Celeste (2020)

Shot pretty much in darkness throughout

[3/10 · 31 October 2020]

Of all the faux pas of movie directors, to make a film where you can't make out what's going on because you can't see has to be the worst. there's simply no excuse for it!

Combine this with it being pretty boring when you can follow it, you may struggle to make it to the end. About 2/3 through was the best i could do.

Crazy (II) (2008)

Professional, slick, and a bit dull.

[3/10 · 22 September 2020]

This movie has the well-produced vintage look of similar music biopics, but unfortunately has even less action and drama.

Who knew being a musician could be this boring? Although in being well-produced, expertly crafted and carefully staged but without any real emotional punch, Crazy does at least faithfully reflect the music.

Seamonsters (2011)

Uninspiring

[3/10 · 21 August 2020]

Going by some of the reviews here, I think I must have been watching a different film. Mind you, some of the reviews (one review only - of this movie) are clearly fake and shouldn't still be up.

The cast and crew do a decent job, but the bottom line is that if the characters in the movie are boring, you end up with a boring movie.

Project Power (2020)

All style, no substance

[2/10 · 20 August 2020]

A movie full of super-cool, slick, utterly humourless and self-important characters whom it is absolutely impossible to like or have any empathy with. This movie gives you absolutely no reason to engage with it - even the effects are so overblown as to be utterly tedious. Nicely shot though, hence the only 2 stars I gave it - a waste of the photographer's talents.

Ice Twisters (2009 TV Movie)

Shallow and super-lightweight but quite fun

[4/10 · 14 August 2020]

The plot's silly, the effects are very average, and the characterizations not very deep, but it bowls along at a decent pace and is pretty watchable.

Thankfully its relatively small budget (at least that's how it comes across) prevents it from becoming the over-serious and pompous borefest of a blockbuster that it looks like the director was aiming for. Sometimes the lack of a huge budget can be a blessing.

Flight World War II (2015)

Better than it has any right to be

[8/10 · 5 May 2020]

Good acting, sharp writing, believable characters, and very well-paced movie in which the pluses easily outweigh the minuses. This may be low budget (the special effects make this obvious) but crucially, and unlike many movies with several times the budget, it gets the basics right.

The actors are all convincing, and look like real people . The music is stirring when needed but doesn't dominate or fight the dialogue. The storyline is clear and easy to follow while still maintaining enough tension to keep you interested all the way through. The screenplay and photography are decent too - everything about this movie is refreshingly competent - in fact, better than competent.

A good watch, and definitely recommended.

Thy Will Be Done (2013)

You don't need to be a church goer to enjoy this

[7/10 · 1 May 2020]

This film looks like it was made on a budget of an average night out - however, it really doesn't matter, because what is good about this movie is so outstandingly good that overwhelms all other considerations.

So it's like this - the screenplay is clunky, the photography flat, sound mix (apart from the songs themselves) poor, and it commits the worst faux pas a music movie can make in having the musicians very obviously not playing the backing we're hearing.

However, it scores high where it really counts. The story is fine - it doesn't matter if you're a church goer or not - it's a nice story and it's moving too, helped a lot by some excellent acting from all the players. The real treat with this movie though is the amazing singing - in fact I don't think I've ever come across a movie before with so many incredible vocalists in one place.

A treat if you enjoy soulful, moving music delivered by top quality performers.

Fanatic (2019 TV Movie)

Horrible Film

[1/10 · 29 February 2020]

The most perplexing thing though is how such a relentlessly low budget movie got to be shot so well, because everything else about it is unremittingly awful, especially the music, which is as low rent as it gets: one eighties-sounding synthesizer. Dreadful.

Zombie Doomsday (2011)

What you might expect from an improvised movie

[2/10 · 16 February 2020]

If your idea of a terrific movie experience is watching people standing around all shouting at each other at the top of their voices, then this is the movie for you. Add implausible reactions, one dimensional characters and an incoherent plot, and those who feel that the convention of having writers and a script is an unnecessary indulgence will feel equally well catered for.

Timmy Failure: Mistakes Were Made (2020)

A one-joke movie

[8/10 · 9 February 2020]

But it's a very good joke - laugh out loud funny at times. And there's a lot more to it than that - this movie is well worth a watch.

There Are Monsters (2013)

Could be a good movie...

[6/10 · 26 January 2020]

...but the overdone shaky and out of focus cam makes it pretty much unwatchable at times.

Other than that, this is a very decent "Invasion of the Bodysnatchers"-type remake with a lot going for it. It's a shame someone didn't point out that the shaky cam was just absurdly over-the-top and get the camera operator to hold it a bit steadier - like virtually anybody else using a hand-held video camera would.

Agent Jade Black (2020)

Absolutely hopeless

[2/10 · 9 January 2020]

This is an American low rent James Bond with the lead so completely miscast you might well wonder if the whole thing is a an elaborate spoof. I made it a whole 17 minutes into this - where do I claim my prize?

Impossible Horror (2017)

Interesting Movie

[6/10 · 31 December 2019]

Impossible Horror has some interesting ideas at its heart, though they might have been more fully developed given more time/money. Even so, unlike many low budget movies, there's enough here to get you interested.

Like many indie / low budget films, Impossible Horror has some of the usual giveaways that betray its lack of budget that all film makers should be avoiding as a matter of course by now.

Most unforgivable is have the entire soundtrack played on what sounds like one single cheap synthesizer. It really is better to have no music at all than music that just sounds awful.

The other giveaway is that nearly all the cast look to be about the same age - possibly in the same year group. This is less of an issue in this movie than in some others, however, because the scenes are so intensely focused around the two leads.

Speaking of which - the two leads are both really really good; empathetic, strong, and convincing - there's nothing low budget about the quality of the acting, which will keep you gripped right until the end.

Similarly, Impossible Horror is beautifully shot, putting most far bigger budget movies to shame: subtle yet sumptuous colours, strong contrast yet with subtle detail and superbly framed. Even though a lot of the movie is shot at night, you never feel frustrated in wanting to see more.

Impossible Horror is held back by some of its obvious budgetary limitations; however, if a conscious decision was made to spend the bulk of the money/effort on high quality cinematography and quality actors and not worry too much about the rest, as opposed to spreading the budget evenly risking an even mediocrity, then I for one applaud it. It's rare to find low budget movies that excel in any areas, let alone two.

Undercover Brother 2 (2019)

17 years to make a sequel and this is the best they could do?

[2/10 · 8 November 2019]

Compared to the original, Undercover Brother 2 is amazingly bad. Yes, there where were some funny moments and some original ideas, but the overall impression I was left with was how there simply weren't any high points or standout moments, sequences, or characters throughout the entire movie

Where the original sparkled, Undercover Brother 2 fell flat on just about every level. Maybe there was just no sequel to be made here.