b-96875 Reviews

Sucker Punch (2011)

?

[3/10 · 1 May 2021]

Why does everything have to be green, Zack? It takes a special director to make Oscar Isaac look like a complete amateur. Extra points for Jon Hamm.

Zack Snyder's Justice League (2021)

Zack Snyders Justice League

[18 March 2021]

Would the reviews for this be anywhere near as good if the Whedon cut wasn't such a bomb? I don't think they would be, and 4 hours for a superhero film can't possibly be what Snyder had in mind when he was originally slated to direct.

Mulholland Drive (2001)

Mulholland Drive

[10/10 · 15 December 2020]

I could write an entire think piece on this film but I'm not going to. The Club Silencio scene is absolutely mind-blowing.

Kirk Cameron's Saving Christmas (2014)

This review is dripping in sarcasm.

[1/10 · 3 December 2020]

Wow! My man Kirk singlehandedly saved Christmas! Incredible!

Session 9 (2001)

Session 4/10

[4/10 · 28 November 2020]

Well I spent a good 70 minutes of the 100 minute run time learning about the dangers of asbestos which is always good, right?

Dead Silence (2007)

Simply horrific.

[2/10 · 23 November 2020]

It's been four days since I watched Dead Silence, a horror from Hollywood's most commercial horror director James Wan.

Now, I like James Wan's films (and LOVE Leigh Whannels two main efforts) and I would not typically single out James Wan's films in the way that I would Dead Silence. But what does Wan actually get right in this? It uses, and exhausts, nearly every single horror trope out there to tedious effect, Donnie Wahlberg plays a "good cop turned cheesy", and the ending (which I shall not ruin) is unforgivably bad. It's not even hilariously bad-it's horrific. Avoid.

THX 1138 (1971)

THX1138

[8/10 · 23 November 2020]

When your career is defined by something on the magnitude of Star Wars, it would be very easy for the majority of your filmography to disappear into the ether; this is sadly the case with THX 1138, a largely unsung but hidden gem from one of Hollywood's best known directors. While it may suffer from some issues with pacing, THX1138 is reminiscent of films such as 2001 and Under The Skin where the striking visuals do a better job of telling the story than the dialogue. It's also, on such a shoestring budget, very technically astute.

House (1977)

What...?

[9/10 · 23 November 2020]

I decided to put on Hausu as my first film last night in a movie triple header and it's fair to say I have never, not once, seen a film that has given me anything even remotely similar to the viewing experience Hausu afforded me.

What is going on? Don't really know. Is it scary? Not in the slightest. Does it represent the visuals afforded to you in the weirdest of all fever dreams? Absolutely. Is it, for all it's campy strangeness, a masterpiece? Without a shadow of a doubt.

Clue (1985)

Clue

[6/10 · 13 November 2020]

I'll be honest, I overlooked the scepticism of the critics and actually rather enjoyed Clue's hammy murder mystery comedy mash up. It may not push the boundaries of high art or even classify itself as a top level comedy with laughs abound, but what we have here is a competent byproduct of its time supplemented by equally competently portrayals from the likes of Tim Curry and, strangely enough, Christopher Lloyd.

Undoubtedly worth a watch, but not one I'd consider to be a timeless classic as the jokes are a byproduct of the time they were written in.

Venom (2018)

Venom

[5/10 · 9 October 2020]

My biggest issue with Venom isn't the fact that I don't care too much about Marvel films anyway, it's not the CGI (there's a lot of it but it's used well), and it's not Venom's humour (because the films attempts at humour aren't too shabby. It's undeniably well made, don't get me wrong, but Riz Ahmed (who is an excellent actor) as a relatively timid antagonist? Michelle Williams as a whole? Tom Hardy feeling like Logan Marshall-Green from Upgrade but not having the ability to carry it off on the magnitude that is expected of him in this is a non-starter.

The Greatest Showman (2017)

The Greatest Showman

[3/10 · 1 October 2020]

I agree with the critics on this one, I'm afraid. The Greatest Showman might be the perfect film for you if it takes very little to inspire you, but to me it seems muddled and forgettable.

Feardotcom (2002)

A hot mess.

[3/10 · 1 October 2020]

You know, if Feardotcom was directed by someone with a greater level of competency than William Malone, this had the potential to be a cult classic as some of the establishing shots aren't too bad. However, what you end up getting with Feardotcom is a clunky and clumsily executed mess with few to no scares and a tired concept used to greater effect by the likes of Kurosawa in Pulse.

Paddington 2 (2017)

Paddington 2

[9/10 · 1 October 2020]

How can anyone not like this movie? It has universal appeal, is genuinely funny, the blend of animation and live action is so defy and the supporting cast is excellent. I defy anyone to find an issue with this movie.

Enola Holmes (2020)

Enola Holmes

[6/10 · 1 October 2020]

Enola Holmes is a fairly enjoyable film starring Milly Bobby Brown as the titular character, with Henry Cavill in a strong supporting role and a vibrant colour palette along with some relatively tight direction from Henry Bradbeer. However, there are some glaring problems with Enola Holmes that prevented me from enjoying it more.

As I remember, Mycroft Holmes has always been portrayed as Sherlocks cynical brother but always one that has the welfare of the Holmes' at heart. In Enola Holmes, Sam Claflin portrays Mycroft (through no fault of his own I may add) as essentially the antagonist of the film, completely overshadowing Frances De La Tour as the real antagonist. There are no likeable character traits to get behind or make you feel as if Mycroft is there as anything other than a generally unsavoury individual. I've not read the Enola Holmes books so I can't say whether this is as a result of the source material, but treating the character like this affords him very little justice.

I don't understand the necessity of this film to begin with, or what it's target audience is supposed to be. Any real sense of mystery and intrigue is lacking. The supporting cast feel like exactly that; aside from Sherlock, characters such as Tewkesbury, Mycroft and the Dowager are not allowed any real screen time to develop or get behind as this is all about displaying Millie Bobby Brown's capabilities as an up and coming actress. That's fine in a TV series, but it doesn't lend itself too well to a two hour long feature.

I'm Thinking of Ending Things (2020)

A film in two parts.

[5/10 · 22 September 2020]

I'm Thinking of Ending Things is undoubtably an interesting experiment from one of the most technically brilliant analysts of the human psyche in Charlie Kaufman. The scenes involving Thewlis and Collette are Eternal Sunshine good, and the scene with the janitor at the end is so surreal David Lynch would be proud of it. However, it is difficult to escape the element of the films plot that take up the vast majority of the films running time- the dreary and pretentious monologues that turn I'm Thinking of Ending Things from a crucial analysis of failing relationships into a long interminable slog.

Rope (1948)

Rope

[9/10 · 22 September 2020]

It's a crying shame how Hitchcock didn't recognise his own genius when making Rope.

V for Vendetta (2005)

Would've been a 10 but for one detail.

[9/10 · 22 September 2020]

I love this film, I really do. V for Vendetta portrays a dystopian future in a manner akin to Blade Runner in terms of its disconcerting nature and the casting of Hugo Weaving, John Hurt and Stephen Fry is inspired. This was originally a 10 for me but I downgraded it recently because I cannot look past Natalie Portman's sub par faux English accent and generally underwhelming performance.

A must watch, but the casting could've been improved.

Inception (2010)

Inception

[6/10 · 20 September 2020]

I've heard this film be described as one of the greatest if not the greatest film of the 2010's and I've seen so many think pieces and articles referring to "metaphysical narratives" and full of "what ifs"

I'm writing this review for posterity in the firmly held belief that Inception will not actually age that well and in 10 years time you will find Inception in the bargain bucket at most reputable supermarkets.

Dogtooth (2009)

Dogtooth

[8/10 · 20 September 2020]

Though its strange plot structure and overarching theme may puzzle and occasionally offend some, Dogtooth cemented Lanthimos as an auteur of the weird and wonderful.

Rear Window (1954)

Rear Window

[10/10 · 20 September 2020]

Rear Window is an essential analysis of societies' desire to be inherently voyeuristic and pry on other people's business. A first rate thriller by one of the greatest directors of all time.

The Day After Tomorrow (2004)

Emmerich is not a good director.

[4/10 · 20 September 2020]

I'm pretty sure Roland Emmerich is the godfather of recycling the same tired old disaster movie tropes. Everything that was done in Independence Day was done again in the Day After Tomorrow and was followed up by 2012 which is essentially a rehash of the previous 2.

The Hatred (2017)

I hated The Hatred.

[2/10 · 20 September 2020]

I bought this for just under £4 and I spent the rest of the time wondering what I could've spent my money on that'd have represented greater value for money than this paint by numbers, beige, uninspired, poorly written horror.

The Possession of Hannah Grace (2018)

Barely a saving grace.

[3/10 · 17 September 2020]

There are three good types of horror film for me. 1. Genuinely scary and chilling enough to have you on the edge of your seat. 2. Psychological and body horrors designed to unsettle you. 3. A film self aware enough to know that although it might not be the most unsettling or unnerving, it has the capacity to make you laugh (Nightmare on Elm Street or Lost Boys, for example).

The Possession of Hannah Grace is none of these things. It commits the worst sin possible to commit in the horror genre and elicits absolutely zero reaction from me whatsoever.

A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010)

No.

[2/10 · 17 September 2020]

After admitting to one of my friends that I almost fell asleep watching this horror show (not in a good way) we remarked with considerable irony on how a film where the main antagonist haunts people's dreams and the entire tenet the film is based on is to not fall asleep on how this absolutely horrible remake of Wes Cravens classic had the potential to do this.

As Roger Ebert once said (regarding 1994's North admittedly), I hated hated hated this movie.

Green Room (2015)

Green Room

[9/10 · 17 September 2020]

A gloriously violent survival horror with an intense and spellbinding colour palette, thanks to Saulnier and A24 we get to see Patrick Stewart in a psychopathically brilliant new light.