beammeup-29554 Reviews

Once Upon a Crime... (1992)

This movie is a crime

[1/10 · 29 April 2024]

I wish I could have given this so called movie a lower score. It's hard to imagine a movie could be so bad on so many levels. I don't understand the positive reviews, they must have been paid or on drugs. Where to start, the acting is so bad, we joked it was like seven year olds acting. It's startling, the cast is filled with name talents, and yet they are just terrible. The premise of the movie is fine, but the script is also just terrible. After reading the write up about the movie, it was a first time director. Eugene Levy is an okay comedic actor, but really lacks in the directing department. The production and locations are good, the sound track seemed cheap and soulless. We could not stomach watching the whole thing. Do yourself a favor and watch just about anything else.

For Better or Worse (2023 TV Movie)

It's not better, it's worse.

[2/10 · 1 April 2024]

This is a pretty bad movie. I can't decide if it just turned out bad or was supposed to be bad. The script is silly, snarky, riddled with cliche and bad old jokes. The acting is over the top, campy and impossible to take seriously. The lead characters come off snarky, at times really stupid and sometimes cringe worthy. There are plenty of sight gags, most of them right out of Gilligan's island. The direction and editing are amateur at best. The production is clearly low budget with no real sets or pro lighting. Set in upstate New York the movie was filmed in Romania, and looks nothing like upstate New York.

I could not wait for this one to be over.

The Re-Education of Molly Singer (2023)

A real deal review...

[4/10 · 6 February 2024]

Clearly, most of the reviews of this are fake, or planted. Who, except for those paid would write something like that? They read like studio release announcements. So yeah... this movie is pretty bad. The script is stupid, ridiculously stupid. The plot lines are nonsensical, situations are unbelievable and many times cringeworthy. For a movie that is supposedly to be a comedy, it's not funny. There are many, many rip offs of scenes from other movies. Stereotypical drinking scenes that make you shake your head. The acting is pretty bad, the editing is lame, the soundtrack is cheap. Yeah, this is a bad movie, not funny at all.

A Christmas Karen (2022)

Bad Karen!

[1/10 · 30 November 2023]

I cannot believe that people thought this movie was good or funny. We suffered through the whole thing, I should have shut it off after ten minutes. The movie is incredibly bad. The script is, a slanted take on A Christmas Carol, utterly ridiculous. It's clearly a cheap movie, the lighting and camera work is amateur. The sets are cheap, the special effects are similarly amateur. The music is either really bad or cliche or both. The acting is terrible, and terrible is being kind. Karen being a Karen was almost tolerable, Karen being a good person is the epitome of cringe worthy. Please, don't watch this drivel.

Andy Somebody (2023)

Andy Nobody

[2/10 · 5 September 2023]

For a supposed comedy, this movie is not funny. Not even close. While the premise of the main plot is sound the execution of the story line is utterly pathetic. The cast is strict B list. There is plenty of bad acting throughout. Misplaced cliches in the characters is par for the course. The continuity of the story is all over, I attribute that to bad editing and directing. The lighting and set design is cheap, the cinematography is amateur. I really wanted the movie to make some kind of sense, but I was disappointed at every turn. Even the sound track is cheap and at times stupid. Don't expect anything to make sense.

Ace of Hearts (I) (2008)

Ace of a bad movie

[1/10 · 7 August 2023]

This movie is bad! So bad it's hard to fathom how it could be worse. It's so bad it's funny. It's not even good in the made for tv category. The general premise of the movie is solid, beyond that it's garbage. The acting is so bad I feel uneasy calling it acting. The script is ridiculous and stretches incredulity beyond belief. Towards the end I was wanting to throw things at the tv. It's a cheap production, the sets are lacking, the lighting is amateur, the direction is also amateur. Editing is rough and the music sounds cheap as well. I had to apologize to my family for putting them through this miserable movie. Don't waste your time on it.

The Out-Laws (2023)

Devine scream...Not!

[3/10 · 8 July 2023]

There a few laughs in the movie, I gotta give it that. But for the most part this movie is stupid, cliche and down right annoying. Adam Divine is a frigging train wreck, his delivery of the dialogue is so over the top it's hard to stomach. His screaming like a baby is neither funny or any way entertaining and there is way, way too much of it. The thing is, with some better casting and better direction it could have been a great movie. Nina Dobrev is the exception, she's pretty much makes it all work. Ellen Barkin and Pearce Brosnen have a pretty good pedigree but seem miscast and are not believable. How we made to the end, I don't know.

Why Can't My Life Be a Rom Com? (2023 TV Movie)

A rom com missing the com

[2/10 · 25 March 2023]

Cringe worthy was the first thing to come to mind. The writing is pretty bad, full of cliches and tired plot points. How many coincidence's can someone stomach and stay interested in the film. The cinematography, lighting and locations are fine. The editing is uneven at best and the sound track feels really cheap. The acting is certainly not A list. The casting is another big problem, Eliza is clearly miscast and is not very believable in multiple (if not most) situations. I kept waiting for something actually funny to actually happen. The supposed tension from the competing romances is contrived and predictable. It only takes about twenty minutes into the film to have it all figured. This movie is in my opinion a waste of time.

The Mulligan (2022)

It's a preachy movie.

[1/10 · 27 February 2023]

This is a preachy movie, a preachy movie that tries to use golf metaphors, jargon and situations to mask over its underlying religious connotations. Which as a movie goes, is an utter failure. The script is sanitized for your protection. The story line is nonsense and still completely predictable. The direction and editing is amateur at best. Camera work and lighting is also cheap and amateur. The sets are completely unadorned, to the point of everything looking fake(d), and that there was no real budget. And then there is the lousy actors. They look like they belong in local insurance commercials. The sound track, while sounding pretty good is also completely predictable and tries to subtly stay on message. About the only thing they got right was the engine sound used in association with the Maserati. Lastly... Pat Boone! Really?

Shotgun Wedding (2022)

Stupid, stupid and an extra dose of stupid on top.

[1/10 · 19 February 2023]

How can a movie be so bad in so many ways? The acting is so bad it's impossible to imagine that it could be that bad. JLo's over acting is a whole new level. Not being able to shut up is not clever or funny. Not being able to be quiet is not clever or funny. The script is so bad it's hard to imagine someone got paid to write to it. The complete lack of plausibility is cringing, banging your head against the wall would be more entertaining. The jokes are not funny. Not even close. The direction, camera work, the editing is bad. So very bad. Even the music is bad. We let the movie play out, but that was a mistake. Do yourself a favor, watch anything else.

A Kind of Magic (2015)

Cheezwizards

[3/10 · 4 October 2022]

Firstly, this is a low, low budget, made for cable movie. Take a Halloween romantic comedy that lacks comedy and dip it in cheese sauce and you've just about got it. The premise is Halloween silly, but it could have been worse. The script is weak, the acting is also weak. The cinematography is sub par, the lightning is amateur and the set design is cheap. Even the music sound track sounds cheap, it's like they wanted it to be Disney cute. That being said, on the good side, there is no gratuitous sex, nudity, violence, no explicit language. You can watch it with kids or your grandma. What is odd, is for a movie that is about magic, warlocks and witches, there is very little magic.

Virgin River (2019– )

It started good

[4/10 · 29 July 2022]

Season one was unusually good, two not so much, three was washing out big time. Season four is terrible! There are now so many plot lines the show has become hopelessly convoluted, it's impossible to follow or enjoy. The endless cheap soap stories are both borderline comic and nauseating. The pregnant ex has been pregnant for all four seasons! Duh!! Puhlease!!!

It's only saving grace is the location(s).

So if you start watching and can't figure out any of it, join the club.

Rescued by Ruby (2022)

Cliche

[3/10 · 18 March 2022]

This movie is poorly acted, poorly written, poorly filmed, poorly edited, filled with cheap cliches, worn out jokes and worn out premises. Okay, it had a couple of cute moments, but we had to shut it off. Maybe little kids would like it.

Little Big Mouth (2021)

Big Little Mouth

[5/10 · 27 October 2021]

The title is nonsensical and out of place.

This is a low budget movie out of South Africa. The story is standard movie fodder. Pitiful loser meets girl, gets redeemed and gets the girl. The acting ranges from horrific comedic, to just plane bad to not so bad. The production is pretty basic and the music ranges from pretty bad to not so bad. We made it all the way through, but just barely. I gave it a five, mainly for the performances of the mom and the son. On the script alone I'd give it a 2.

Tracks (II) (2018)

Going Indy In Europe

[7/10 · 27 May 2021]

This is clearly an indy movie. It's not a bad movie, it's not a great movie either. The two lead actors are not bad. The lighting and camera work is pretty basic, the editing is rough at times. The music is a mishmash, some songs fit, some are annoying. At times the script is clever, at times... I did enjoy the locations.

It's just interesting enough that I can recommend watching it.

Stowaway (I) (2021)

Stowaway stoneaway

[4/10 · 26 April 2021]

There are so many problems with story it just flies in the face of our current knowledge of manned space flight. Any one of which and every one takes away from the story. The acting and cinematography are fine, the score is nice. But the longer I watched the more angry I got. Just once I'd like to see Hollywood get the technology, the procedures and the physics right.

Corporate Animals (2019)

A movie that questions why movies this bad get made.

[1/10 · 26 March 2021]

The writing is terrible, take the f-bomb out and the script would be three pages long. The acting is almost as bad as the script. The production and editing is horrendous. Who would put up real money for such garbage! Save yourself... watch anything else.

Save Yourselves! (2020)

Please save yourself from this movie.

[1/10 · 22 March 2021]

First, this is a low, low budget movie. Cheap is perhaps more accurate. The writing is terrible, the actors are not good. The guy is especially insufferable. There are zero laughs. There is no sci-fi. The main characters argue and pontificate endlessly. Watching it, you keep waiting for something to actually happen. And when it does it's all so stupid, and you can't believe how badly acted it all is. And the ending? Whaaaaa???

The Lie (2018)

The Lie is this film.

[2/10 · 31 December 2020]

This whole movie revolves around the characters doing unbelievably stupid s#$%. The script is lame, the acting ranges from okay to really bad, the lighting and cinematography is amateurish. It's certainly not a horror movie, and is certainly not a thriller. There is not much of a soundtrack either, which leaves the whole thing kind of bland. Yeah, 'bland' is the word that describes this movie perfectly.

Guest House (2020)

Sooooooo bad

[1/10 · 23 December 2020]

This movie is bad, really bad, really really bad. Stupid, really stupid, really really stupid. Don't waste your time. This movie should never have been made. It is so bad I am pissed that Netflix put it out.

Step Dogs (2013)

So bad it's good.

[5/10 · 15 December 2020]

Take a silly, juvenile, utterly cliche script, add some really bad acting, Throw in poorly voiced dogs. Add the worst acted bad guys you could never even have imagined and you'll have a grip on this film. That being said, there is no foul language, no gratuitous sex, nudity or violence. Which is surprisingly refreshing. It is clearly a low budget film and the direction is amateurish at best. But it is family watchable and those kinds of movies are few. The kids will like the dogs.

All About Nina (2018)

Bad writing, bad film making

[2/10 · 14 December 2020]

If you took "f$#&" out of the script the movie would be about ten minutes long and ten times better. Maybe I live in a cave, but the real world doesn't speak this way. Which ruins what would be an interesting concept.

Benchwarmers 2: Breaking Balls (2019)

OMG...it's so bad.

[1/10 · 26 November 2020]

We had to shut it off, it is waste of time unwatchable. Poorly written, acted, edited, photographed. It's really sad that nobody stopped it from being made.

Wheels of Fortune (2020)

So Bad It's Good

[8/10 · 4 November 2020]

This movie is bad, really bad. So bad it's good. Watch it with no expectations and you'll be fine. The plot is ridiculous, and calling the plot 'a plot' is a stretch. The acting is petty sad, the cinematography is pretty bad, the soundtrack doesn't work and the dialogue is juvenile. But there are some jokes that work. Yeah, it's stupid and cliche, but it beats the snot out of watching election coverage.

Outer Banks (2020– )

Where's Scuby?

[2/10 · 10 May 2020]

Every fifteen minutes of screen time in this series it gets a little dumber. It really is a Scooby Do episode without Scooby. Contrived dialog, grade school plots and clearly, actors in their twenties trying (unsuccessfully) to portray teenagers. Put it all together and none of it makes any sense. Now if only they can catch Old Man Withers at the amusement park.