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johnjacos
Reviews
The Final Destination (2009)
Please: Let this be the Last
There are three things that were really striking about this movie: the plot (or in this case, the lack of one), the acting, and the violence/blood.
There was practically no plot. The fact that every single main character dies a horrible death does not turn it into a script. What's worse, the characters who died all died the same way, albeit with different elements. Each death is characterized by having some harmless element tipped over (bottle, spray can, nail gun, etc) and setting off a chain reaction that ultimately results in the death of such and such character. The problem is that throughout this whole movie this type of "chain reaction" scene is repeated until the very end. I understand it is following the format of its prequels, but it gets quite annoying after the first or second scene.
The acting was ridiculously bad. I could go on and on but holy cow! Let me just say that there were countless scenes acted that really looked as if they were actually filming a spoof on Final Destination.
The last thing that was also disturbing is that there really was no need for such graphic display of decapitations. Watching this felt as if the director acknowledged that there is indeed no plot and was trying to compensate this by implementing more blood and violence. Bad enough that there is no plot, insert the poor acting, and then add to that the over the top gruesome and violent scenes... well, need I say more?
Drag Me to Hell (2009)
The World's Eighth Wonder
Usually, when I'm in the mood for horror movies is because I would like to have a good scare. Rarely, if ever, do I watch horror movies to have a good laugh. If I want a good laugh, there are plenty of good comedies out there.
Unfortunately, just when I needed a good scare, this movie actually made me laugh. Seriously, the talking goat? the flying dude on top of the table? I don't think there's ever been a spoof as funny as this "horror movie".
and how the ratings are so jacked up for this movie is the world's eighth wonder. There was absolutely no plot and the acting was at best despicable. By the way putting Justin Long in a horror movie is like putting a golfer as a running back for the Steelers.
Disaster Movie (2008)
Why Bother?
Why bother making this crap? After seeing the many horrendous spoofs out there, (Date Movie, Epic Movie, Meet the Spartans, etc) I felt that those would be the standard for the rating of 1 (awful).
This movie was not only worse than the others, but it really takes the word "awful" down a further notch.
A spoof is defined as a light and humorous parody. There definitely was parody in this movie. It makes fun of so many films, high school musical, jumper, iron man, hitch... just to name a few. However, nothing was light or humorous about this film. All the jokes were amazingly overkilled. The first time was not even funny and the second time around just irritates the hell out of you.
Needless to say there is absolutely no plot or even remotely like one. All other spoofs make a feeble attempt at one. This one either ran out of budget or time and just threw crap together and called it a spoof, or it just doesn't know the meaning of it.
So... should I recommend this film?
Taken (2008)
A Very Unusually Unique Thriller/Action Movie
This was a pleasant change to the ordinary plot line that this genre usually calls for.
This movie had me at the edge of my seat from start to finish. It is one of those vengeance movies where the audience is left with a great satisfaction after the villain is slayed.
Just like all feel good movies you need to have a wider range of imagination when dealing with the plot... such as, when the protagonist is fighting a million villains... needless to say, he will prevail.
Nevertheless, I thought this was a good thriller and action movie. It felt as if all the characters involved had substance to them. Not like your usual thriller. Obviously, this is not a very deep and emotional movie but given the constraints I felt that Neeson gave a very good performance, at least what his character called for. Everyone pretty much painted a very clear picture of the characters except maybe for the step dad. I felt that his character was too empty. But then, this is a thriller, and after such a nice hour and a half, I might be asking for too much.
Meet the Spartans (2008)
Just your Typical Spoof
This movie was just like any other spoof. The humor presented here is very similar, if not the same as the Scary Movies, Epic Movie, Date Movie, etc.
There were one or two parts that were extremely funny, while the rest of the movie was just either a combination of overkilled jokes, or childish humor.
I went into this movie not expecting much, and came out of it not having gained much. It is a great time killer, but do not expect anything spectacular. The previews, I thought, were so much funnier than the movie itself, which is understandable because after all, it's very difficult to have a movie that generates laughter every second.
Bottomline, if you are looking for good quality humor go watch Juno, Knocked Up, or Superbad. This movie will get you a few laughs, if that.
Goal II: Living the Dream (2007)
great inclusion of stars... but too predictable
This movie is extremely unrealistic and to say the least predictable. Santi seems to make every shot into a goal. And they are not just ordinary or good goals, they are amazing goals. I'm talking about volleys and bicycles, how often does that happen in the champions? And to the same guy? Sure, Zizou might pull it off, but to do it consistently? I think that if a movie is to be made about football, realism is quite important.
I do like how they integrate the many stars that real has. It seems that at times santi and gavin are really playing alongside henry, David, zizou, robbie, etc. But I do have to say... what the hell is Nick Cannon doing here? What? It's fine that they put him in a breakdance or basketball or detective movie. But football? I could not stop laughing when i saw him in the finals. Maybe he's got an important part in the third movie... I hope he does... because he seems extremely out of place in goal II.
I don't' know if there is a rule about the finals of the champions being played at home, but even if it's allowed, what a coincidence that the finals for that year was played in the Bernabeu. then there is the whole is - she - my - mother - and - why - did - you - not - tell - me - i -am - so - sad - and - confused issue paired with the i - kissed - another - girl - and - my - gf - is - mad - now - i - need - to - make - it - up - to - her issue... and he still manages to score game winning an game defining goals.
Now the plot was too foreseeable. as soon as that jordana girl shows up, it was pretty much spelled out that he was gonna have to apologize to his gf. and then the whole mother thing was also very predictable. it was expected that santi was going to get into trouble because of his mom. and last but not least, we all expected santi to be the best player in madrid. He makes all these improbable goals and who could actually be shocked with madrid coming back from 2-0 and beating the gunners all in a span of 6 minutes?
Oh... and why is santi and his mom speaking in Englsih? They start in Spanish.. but end in English? They might as well speak in Spanish since they already introduced Spanish throughout the whole film.
Redline (2007)
Great Documentary!
In all honesty, this thing would make a hell of a documentary. Unfortunately, it's not listed as one, so that makes this thing nothing more than a disgrace to cars featured in movies.
This movie had fantastic cars, really sleek and sexy. However, this thing, as I refuse to call it a movie, has absolutely no plot. I am just amazed at how the writer could actually lump two very different extremes together. I absolutely love it how the fights always seem to include an escape and a car chase scene.
And who can forget about the guy saving the helpless girl because she could not defend herself at the party - I did not see that coming. This thing is so full of clichés that the ending is actually spelled out for you right at the start.
I don't even want to start commenting about the acting as I can write a whole essay on all their flaws.
The Omen (2006)
Haven't seen the original... other than that, it's okay
I have not seen the original so I have nothing to compare it to. However, I did think that this movie was visually appealing. The thing I liked the most is that the death scenes on this one are all done pretty well.
The acting was not all that great. I think it was mediocre. Julia Stiles was not as credible as I liked her to be. The nanny was pretty creepy. The boy that played Damien seemed credible, however, I was not happy with the actor that played as Damien's father, I did not think he was effective at doing his part. The best actor on this film was Damien's first nanny, I thought she played her part really well (but then that part is barely anything).
I guess it's because I've seen a lot of horror movies, but I did not think this movie was scary. The mirror scene in Julia's nightmare, I thought was very trite, however, the guy beside me almost fell from his chair! There were two scenes where I was taken by surprise. So besides being startling, I thought that this movie was not scary. I thought mom's and dad's three nightmare scenes were the scariest parts of the movie, the rest (which is a good 90% of the movie) is pretty ordinary.
I wish the movie were a little bit scarier in order to go with its release date. I did not think that this movie lived up to its hype, but then again, it might be because I've never seen the original.
I wish you all a merry 6/6/06.
How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days (2003)
This is my LAST chick flick!
It's really getting on my nerves how 99% of Hollywood's chick flicks end happily. This is really not a spoiler, since you already know that every romantic movie ends with the guy chasing the girl, apologizing and making up. From my understanding chick flicks or romantic movies do not need to end in happy endings. Nowadays directors seem content on just playing it safe and opt for the happy ending.
Let it be understood that I'm not a big fan of chick flicks. so why comment on this? Well, since I had to watch this with my wife, I figured, express my anger through here. At the very best, this movie got a laugh or two out of me, but that's it. This movie has nothing going for it. And that Matt actor is getting on my nerves, can he act? But is that what a chick flick really means? the guy chasing after the girl, apologizing, and then getting back together? are all chick flicks supposed to end the same way? or is this some degeneration that directors have taken on? If this is what a chick flick means, please disregard my comment, as I am clearly confused. If this is what a chick flick means, let it be stated that this is the last chick flick I'm ever watching.
Date Movie (2006)
Speechless
A 1/10 actually gives this film too much credit. I seriously think and beg that IMDb can include the number zero as part of its scale-rating. I enjoyed watching the first Scary Movie so I thought this one might be a good one too. Hahaha... wrong!
What make movies funny is its surprise element, just like a funny commercial does. You've seen them all right? Budweiser, Miller Lite, Old Spice, Axe, and Wendy's come to mind. These commercials all had a surprise element to it, and that's what made these so funny. This movie had absolutely no surprise element to it. Even a history textbook has more surprise element than this junk.
But perhaps Date Movie's greatest problem springs from the fact that they try to spoof way too many movies in 80 or so minutes. The problem arises when they try to reenact, superficially, all those scenes from twenty other romantic movies... not to mention Kill Bill (???), and try to be funny. Well, they can't be funny when all they're doing is reenacting them. Remember, reenacting these other films is just like having us see it all over again, and a joke is not funny when told the second time.
Date Movie could have remedied this by just concentrating on two or three movies, not 20, and try to make the scenes more unpredictable and clever. Mr. Seltzer, a word of advice to you: just like other critics say, when you make a parody off of other movies, make sure that the movies you're mocking are not funnier than your own parody.
Finding Neverland (2004)
This is truly a classic
A 10/10 certainly does not do this film justice. This is one of those films where I knew it would be one of my favorites just halfway through the movie. I am so glad I watched this movie, it is so captivating and sweet that I reprimand myself for not having watched it when it first came out.
I think that Mr. Depp does an incredible job at portraying JM Barrie. The subtleties that he carries out in order to depict Barrie is just amazing. I thought that his accent was right on cue as well. The boys were all marvelous. Kate Winslet, great performance, but one role that I thought was vital for this play was definitely the grandmother, as she did a very good job portraying that "villain" that tries to ruin the moment.
My favorite scene in this movie comes when Michael Davies is in the dungeon talking to Barrie for the first time. That was truly a very innocent scene. I also thought that Marc Forster, one of my favorite directors, did an impressive job in bringing out Barrie's imagination, especially that pirate ship scene, that was priceless.
This is an absolute masterpiece that you should go and see. Do not be discouraged by that PG rating, as I was. You will not regret watching this movie.
She's the Man (2006)
Not bad at all... pleasantly surprised
I went into this one with a negative approach. I thought that this one was going to be another one of those teen-comedy movies. But was I wrong...
sure, there were some very predictable parts, and some boring parts, but this one actually stood out despite its weak storyline, and despite the fact that this is another teen movie. This one pleasantly surprised me. It was pretty funny!
I thought this movie was overall pretty funny and well directed. Maybe I haven't seen enough cross gender roles movies, but this one was a pleasant change because most comedies are guys acting as girls, and this one, for a change was a girl acting as a guy. Oh.. and I thought the casting was done well enough that Sebastian and Viola could actually be credible in playing twins. (ok, maybe a stretch of the imagination is needed in some minor places). As for the acting, I think they all did their roles pretty well. So hats off to them.
My thoughts on the movie: this movie is not one of those that will blow your mind or change your life. In all honesty, it's a rather crass idea of a movie, but aren't all teen movies like that? So if you go and watch this movie, I suggest you to go in with an open mind and don't expect any clever or life changing plot. Just watch and enjoy!
The Constant Gardener (2005)
Truly Beautiful and Well Thought Out Movie
Truly beautiful! Hats off to Ms. Weisz who delivered an impressive acting performance. I felt the casting was also done perfectly, everybody seemed to fit their roles perfectly.
My only complain arises when a few shots are not shot that well, there were a few scenes that made me feel that they were shooting a home made video. But other than that, the movie's storyline was great. It kept me guessing till the very end. I was very satisfied.
This movie was also great because it made me think and reflect back on what is really going on in Africa. I knew that Pharmaceutical companies make twenty to thirty times the cost to make those medicines, but I didn't know it was that blatant. Definitely a heads up to those companies.
Definitely a must see, you won't be disappointed.
Underclassman (2005)
CATASTROPHIC... to say the least
This movie was downright awful. Let me stress the fact that Nick Cannon is nowhere near the word comedy. Heck, not even kids will laugh at his jokes. And I think Cannon tries too hard at imitating the Wayans brothers, he might look like them, but does not even come close to their definition of funny.
Another thing that was disturbing was apparently Nick Cannon was the only person who had to be black who could play basketball, while the rest, who were "surprisingly" all white, couldn't even dribble, pass or shoot, and he amazingly single handedly crushed the other team. Awesome!!! I did not see that coming.
Furthermore, this movie was so predictable it could be classified as a documentary. The only thing that was both shocking and stunning, was when Cannon missed a dunk while practicing with character Al. Other than that, it was no surprise that Cannon did not commit a single turnover or a single miss during his basketball games.
Never in the history of my movie watching career have I seen a cop take a dump during a stakeout... let alone in the bushes. It may be comic to some, but it's the dumbest excuse and the most idiotic idea in letting the robbers get away. Needless to say I was not at all surprised that just as Kelly Hu and her partner were dropping the deuce, the robbers got away.
I get the feeling that Siega did not even try to make this film entertaining. This movie is so terrible that I think Siega meant for this movie to suck!
Oh.. and don't get me started on the acting... and what kind of private schools let teachers wear tight shirts and belly shirts??? All in all a greatly planned out disaster.
Stay (2005)
Loved it !!! Great movie, although not for everyone
If you are absolutely too used to a simple linear, spelled out plot, then this movie is not for you, as it requires some critical thinking and piecing the puzzle skills. Other than that, I absolutely loved this movie. I was not surprised that this movie got such low ratings from critics because as is the case nowadays, the audience (critics included) expects a well spelled out plot. If this does not happen, they hate the film, insulting it to be near insanity.
Besides the fact that this movie actually made you think, it was also greatly directed. The different camera angles, visual scenes, and sound effects were combined to perfection. Psychologically wonderful and visually appealing. Furthermore, the acting put out by Ewan McGregor, Ryan Gosling, and Naomi Watts was phenomenal, hats off to them.
Although this movie calls and begs for an open interpretation, I think this movie has one ending that supports the subtle details throughout the film. I think that the whole movie is based on a dream from Henry Letham's perspective. At the end we see that Henry, his girlfriend, and parents suffer a tremendous car crash, in which all but Henry immediately die. As Henry is entering the death threshold, his mind starts to spin taking in the characters that were bystanders in his accident, including, of course Sam and Lila who were helping him.
In Henry's hallucinating world, he tries to get rid of his guilt through the help of the psychiatrist Sam, pretty much a parallel with the actual Sam trying to help Henry live after that fatal car crash. The director does a good job revealing how short Sam's pants are throughout this film, and that's because Henry is looking at Henry's pants from a lying-down position, and that's how he pictures him in his dream.
As viewers we don't exactly see that this movie is all about Henry's dream until the very end. As Henry commits suicide at the bridge, he ends his dream and snaps back to reality and then we see how Sam (a doctor) and Lila (a nurse) were trying to help him.
Another interpretation I have for this film is that both Sam and Henry take a spin into an alternate dreamlike world. Both Sam and Henry's subconscious mind travels into another alternate dimension where Henry begs Sam to help him out due to his guilt from the accident. As Sam tries to help Henry out, he realizes that not everything is real. Near insanity, Sam encounters various dejavus and is determined to figure this puzzle out. We start figuring this puzzle out when at the end we see Henry telling Sam that Sam is real and everything around them is not. After Henry accepts the fact that he can't be saved and commits suicide, do we then see that Henry and Sam both snap back to reality and try to deal with the accident. Another clue for why Sam's mind also took a spin with Henry is when we see images of him cuddling with Lila. Sam somehow knew that Lila and him were meant to be together and that's why he asks her out.
I really enjoyed this movie because it's not like your typical Hollywood movie. Nowadays, plots are so spelled out that it doesn't leave room for your mind to appreciate the details and scenery of the movie. Unfortunately, this movie is a hate it or love it movie. Most people that hate it is because they are clueless of what is going on, and most people that love it is because they truly liked the poetic open ending, open for interpretation movie. I'm definitely the latter one.
The Da Vinci Code (2006)
This movie was too long and too talkative
If you read the book and liked it, I beg you not to go watch the movie, it's a disaster. But if you haven't watched it, it might not be a bad idea. I read and liked the book, and as all good books do, their movie counterparts are usually pretty lame; this movie was no exception.
First off, I would like to comment on how badly Audrey Tautou (Sophie Nevau) acted throughout this whole movie. I generally can't tell if an actor is good or bad, but this one was pretty blatant. Every time Audrey spoke, it gave a sense of falsehood and it seemed as if her dialog was extremely forced. Critics say Hanks's character and Audrey's lacked chemistry, well, I figure it's because Audrey was a horrible actress in this one and did not allow it. But I think the rest of the cast was alright.
Second and final point, this movie was way too long, at 2hr 32min, this movie can be a great sleeping pill substitute: for those of you who can't afford its side effects. But in all fairness, it's not only the length of this film that really sets those sedative effects, it's the fact that this movie is too talkative. This movie is supposed to be an adventurous type of movie, sort of like a National Treasure or Indiana Jones, at least that's how Dan Brown intended it to be. Therefore: too much talking + 2hr 32 minutes = a good sleep.
If you haven't read the book, you might like it. However, be prepared to learn how to listen and think critically, as this movie might confuse you, especially if you are not familiar with Christianity.
So why a 6/10? I felt the director did a good job in covering Dan Brown's storyline, but how he went about recreating its plot line was below par level.
Honey (2003)
the acting was at best novice
the only reason why this movie was not rated 1 is because of Jessica Alba. I'll be fair and say that the only reason why i watched this movie is because Ms. Alba has Hollywood's sexiest body, and I thought I couldn't miss this film, regardless of how bad this movie is... WRONG!!!
but... in all fairness, i give it a 3 because Ms. Alba is the sole reason for picking up this movie.
But... twenty minutes into this movie, I quit watching. It was a terrible waste of time, I think Jessica is drop dead gorgeous but even then she doesn't save this film from blowing so much.
first, let me just start off by saying that this film lacked a plot. its plot was too predictable and a no brainer. second, the acting... i'm sorry but even a 10 minute skit by seventh graders is more believable. After watching this movie, Saw's acting seemed a lot more credible, in fact, dare I say, compared to this movie, Saw was Oscar-caliber.
it's a pity that jessica can't act, maybe she should switch over to being a model, as she fits perfectly.
all in all, this movie is mainly for kids who still dream big, i for one don't dream big anymore so don't really care for this. and it's also for those who love hip hop and dancing, which i figure i'm too old for. if you aren't any of the above, watching this is going to be a complete waste of time. and also, if you're none of the above, seriously, DO NOT watch it if you've got nothing else to do, that's how bad this is.
American History X (1998)
An excellent movie, and one that you must watch
Danny Vinyard, a fervent follower and fan of his older brother, Derek, opens this film's plot with a telling determination for Neo Nazism. After their father's death, Derek translates all this rage into hatred toward minorities, arguing that America was meant for white people and no other race. Due to his impressive will, he is picked up by Cameron to head the local white power movement... where his hate triples. Such is the case that his inner hate leads him to brutally and callously assassin a powerless man... and thus a prison sentence.
Three years later, Danny, now a transformed white supremacist awaits impatiently for his brother's return as he desperately needs his brother's love and guidance for a more unified white power monolith. Little did he know something happened to Derek in that prison that changed his life completely. Derek must now do all that he can in order to save his town from the violence of hatred that he once bestowed upon.
**************************** COMMENTS *********************************
The plot was very well constructed, it was meaningful and representative of our everyday life. This movie was by no means predictable like the other 99% of movies that Hollywood comes out with. For once, it seemed as though the director and the writer of the script put serious thought into this one.
The acting was incredible! I can't stress that enough, especially Edward Norton. I always depicted him to be a weak, nice guy. Not here. He completely surprised me, and in a pleasant way. He depicts the evil side of the human race with a very close resemblance, if not identical. His change from hate to love was also amazing, one which I haven't seen an actor do in a long time. I seriously cannot find any flaws in the cast. Everyone fits their roles perfectly.
If you have not watched this movie, I strongly urge you to watch it, in fact, I beg you to go watch it. This movie does a great job in simultaneously portraying racism in its rawest and most complete form. I must warn, however, that it's a very strong movie, but at the same time represents our modern society perfectly, and it is this latter aspect that makes the film a drop-dead gorgeous masterpiece (I know, it's redundant, but that's how good this movie is). A definite must see!!!
Big Momma's House 2 (2006)
Impressively Awful !
Not only was this movie predictable but it also didn't fit its genre. Big Momma's 2 is pretty much a repeat of Big Momma's 1. which is already bad enough because Big Momma's 1 had no plot, and not funny. OK... maybe a tad bit funnier than Big Momma's 2, but definitely not worth renting.
the jokes are very dumb and trite. but my guess is that this movie wasn't meant for adults in the first place but for little kids, as in eight year olds to 12 year olds.
bottom line, unless you are ridiculously bored, as i was when i watched it on the plane, then go ahead and watch it. but please do not rent it if you have other choices.
Two for the Money (2005)
after an hour or so, i'm left speechless... of the flaws of this movie
Though based on a true story, the director made it seem like this movie was purely fiction.
Brandon Lang a sports betting adviser has got the golden mind to predict the winner, and he goes on an amazing streak. So amazing that he lures top of the line sports betters. but then all of a sudden, inexplicably, Lang goes into a crazy slump. now, sure, they say all streaks must come to an end, but this one was just too hard to believe. can you really go 80% plus winning streak and then all of a sudden turn to an abysmal below 10% win streak? maybe the 80% to 10% did actually happen, and i'm just a harsh critic, but the fact is, the director does a horrible job in depicting the situation. the fact is, the movie lacked the reconstruction of sports betting and it seemed as though sports betting was just two dimensional, winning a whole lot, and losing a buck load, and clearly, that's not the case.
the acting i thought was great, except for the guy who played Brandon, whose real name i have trouble spelling, maybe because he's not an actor to start with and i have never heard of him? nonetheless, it felt as if the movie was more about lifting weights than gambling itself.
the end seemed all too fairy. miraculously, Lang's bad slump comes to an end, just when he decides to quit his job, and Abraham amends and betters his relationship with Toni, and everybody lives happily ever after. COME ON! even my two year old son can come up with a better ending... he should've been a director by now.
Rumor Has It... (2005)
mostly boring
Rumor Has It (execpt for some clever remarks by grandma Katherine), was mostly boring. Its plot, based on the novel, of how the same guy sleeps with the granny, mommy, and daughter, proves to be quite cheesy plot.
Visually, it wasn't appealing, it seemed that the director lacked direction, and it felt as if the movie was awkwardly composed. the fact that the movie had an amazing acting crew did not really say much mainly because the casting was done horrendously. the dude that was anniston's fiancé needs to start learning how to act. he seemed to me to be at best one of those back up actors. anniston was alright, though not her best. costner was i think the only credible actor in this movie. and the rest of the crew was just abysmal.
as for the comic part, i was utterly disappointed, maybe because this film was aimed toward women in general? i don't know, but i thought this movie was too overrated.
Silent Hill (2006)
physically appealing, but ridiculously confusing
Silent Hill was one mess of a movie, but perhaps it's because I have never played the game before. in fact, i had no idea it was based off of a game until i read its reviews. nonetheless, i get a feeling that whoever the director is did it for just the gamers, and not the non-gamers. which if you think about it is quite crass because non-gamers constitute a huge stake of revenues.
the movie starts out unbelievably slow (except for when the daughter is about to jump off of a cliff), and then it gets fast all of a sudden. i do have to give it to the special effects guy, the movie was visually appealing for a good part (especially the end, it was quite impressive) but throughout the movie, you get a sense of trite and cheesiness. it came to a point where the yelling and screaming and loud noises was unbearable and annoying, but again, visually it was really appealing, especially when pyramid head tore that girl's flesh out.
this movie is also ridiculously hard to fathom. the ending more so than ever. at the end, rose and Sharon make it home, but daddy (sean bean) is in a different world than the one that rose and Sharon constitute. now, i'm not a gamer, so i don't know what the hell is going on, and i think that after paying 7 bucks, i would appreciate a damn explanation.
so my suggestion, if you're a gamer, please go and watch it, as i've read good reviews about it, but if you're not, please DON'T GO WATCH IT, you will have no clue what's going on, worse yet, it might be more trying than an accounting final exam.