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Reviews
The Roast of Tom Brady (2024)
Huge fan of roasts, but I have standards
I was excited to see the return of Comedy Central roasts after 5 years, only to be let down big time by this one. So many things wrong with this. First of all, Why the three-hour runtime? Just to let football players and other non-comedians waste everyone's time? It also should NOT have been live. If Kevin Hart's babbling could've been edited out, that would've shaved close to an hour. I just wanted him to shut up and announce the next roaster. The one redeeming moment was Nikki Glaser. She outperformed everyone on the show, and her set is a reminder of what entire roasts are supposed to be like from beginning to end. Tony Hinchcliffe had a few zingers too, and that's it. Very little else of note here. Many of the comedians didn't do well either. Andrew Schulz is as unfunny as the Patriots are. What we got was a snooze-fest with highlights few and far between. Overall, this was the worst roast I've watched. I want Comedy Central to keep doing them, but please hear this feedback: Keep it under two hours, don't do it live so you can remove clutter, and let comedians dominate the show rather than handing mics to anyone just because they are rich and famous. Do better.
Road House (2024)
Same XXXX, Different Town
While I've been a fan of the original since I was a kid, I try to look at this objectively as a fan of action and martial arts films in general. Story wise, there are quite a few similarities, but I think the omission of a Wade Garrett-like character was a misstep. Gyllenhaal is a good actor and did fine as Dalton. Conor McGregor is unrealistically psychotic, but I have to admit that his scenes made the movie more entertaining. He would've been scarier if he seemed intelligent as opposed to just being a maniac though. I can tell a lot of effort went into the fight choreography, but the cinematography wasn't doing it any favors. Excessive cuts, weird angles, unnecessary closeups, blurring (why?), and some bad CGI tarnished what could've been. People want to see wider angles and way fewer cuts to appreciate the work that goes into it. If that means more rehearsal and takes, it's worth it for a more polished fighting movie, which is what this is at its core. It falls way short of the original for me, and is not a memorable movie in the genre.
Lemon (2017)
Lower Your Expectations
I really wanted to like this. The premise and cast had my hopes up, but this is one of those films which the best parts are in the trailer. As short as this film already is, it could've been cut in half without losing anything. There is that much sitting or standing around with only a mostly annoying score to hold your attention between the awkward interactions. This could've been so much more, but there's not even a story here. Just a spaz with a personality disorder making people uncomfortable from one moment to the next. The only conflict is with himself, and there is no resolution or ending to speak of. It feels like a Wes Anderson fan made this, but didn't capture the essence. The funny moments, while too few, earn 4 stars from me, and that may be generous.
Barbie (2023)
They Overdid It
The movie starts off great, and has hilarious jokes throughout. For me, Ryan Gosling stole the show as he had the funniest lines and scenes. Some folks are mad about the women's empowerment themes, not me. Men have treated women as less than equal since the dawn of time, who are we to complain when they rightfully mock that? I don't mind the shots at the patriarchy, or even the fact that there's not one intelligent male character in the entire thing. What I don't like about this movie is Barbie's existential crisis. It's like they forgot the audience majority are children, and it feels like a pathetic bid for an Oscar. That arc was as off-putting as it was unnecessary. Had that element been replaced with more humor or at least a wholesome resolution, I would've given it a much higher score. They just took it to a place where it's less relatable for the children watching.
Tales from the Other Side (2022)
Not The Worst Movie Ever
... Nor will it be anyone's favorite. Bad acting from the very start, with actors staring in awkward directions to obviously read the lines they didn't bother to memorize. While the more experienced actors aren't doing that, they still don't offer compelling performances either. A couple of the stories started off promising, only to take wrong turns. I didn't score it a 1 because there was some effort put into this, and I have seen movies I wouldn't even sit through half of. They should've opted to cut at least one story to improve the others. Overall, this has the quality of a kid's scary movie, which would make the lackluster acting, cinematography, and other minor issues forgivable. The fact that it's not made for kids is why it's so bad. You're not missing out on anything if you choose to skip this one. Watch Trick 'r Treat, Tales of Halloween, or Tales from the Darkside instead.
Who We Are: A Chronicle of Racism in America (2021)
No Matter Who You Are, You Will Learn Something
I'm immediately disappointed with how low this documentary is scored. Anyone who would give this a 1... that speaks plenty to the character of the individual and what their values are. This is one of the most enthralling and profound things I've ever watched. It isn't a "shame on you" rant, Jeff Robinson is brilliant and respectful; even to those with ignorant points of view. He emphasizes that this country can be both great and have an ugly history. One which is so ingrained, that the struggle to undo its prejudices that even laws were written to protect, is seemingly endless. That's where each of you, your children, and I can make a difference. Simply watch this, and talk about it - with everyone. I promise you will learn something, simply share your knowledge. We can all learn and grow together, we just need to be willing. I hope to see us pass that tipping point in my lifetime.
The Warriors Gate (2016)
Holds Its Own
Clearly inspired by (and nearly a rip off of) Forbidden Kingdom, what this movie lacks in originality and martial arts star power, it makes up for in fun that's family-friendly. Jack is arguably a better protagonist than Jason, Bautista is a great villain, Zhao is believable, and Su Lin isn't in it enough. Not sure if the budget is what kept it short, but some scenes transition abruptly, which takes you out of the story. Honestly though, I appreciate when movies come along that are entertaining AND under 90 minutes. They pack a lot into this story, and it isn't half as bad as the overly-critical reviews might lead you to believe. If you like mythology, legends of ancient China, martial arts, and some humor, you'll enjoy this.
Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny (2023)
Full Circle
Two things to note when walking into the theater for this movie: Ignore the naysayers, and don't expect The Last Crusade. This movie has all the action and the classic score you'd expect from an Indy movie; wrapped in an original, and well-written plot. This arc still has plenty of callbacks to the other films as well. If Helena's character was more relatable/likable, and the climax of the film expanded upon a little more, this movie would've gotten full marks from me. That being said, it's an endearing, final adventure (which makes me sad), and other than having Spielberg and Lucas at the helm themselves, I don't think it could've been done better - or have a more fitting end to the saga. Not the best of the series, but hardly the worst, and thoroughly enjoyable for Indiana Jones fans.
Willow (2022)
Don't Do Willow Like That
This series does not feel like it was made for fans of the original film. Instead of comic relief being nuanced, nearly every moment is saturated with it. Gen Z dialogue is "cringey", modern-looking costumes and shirts with floral prints that you could pick up at Walmart, and music going back and forth between ominous, orchestral scores (which are great), to rock/pop songs during action sequences... Each of these things immediately take you out of the story. It has some redeeming qualities, but they really need to step their game up on the next season, with a much bigger focus on being true to the source material.
God of War: Ragnarök (2022)
The Last Game Was Great, This One....
... Somehow exceeded my expectations! The story, the gameplay, and the visuals are all deeper and more elaborate than before. It's challenging, but not to the point of no longer being fun. The twists and turns will keep you enthralled, and the ending is nothing short of spectacular. The introduction of a new weapon (and one made for a Spartan) is a great addition. At first I thought it might make gameplay overly complicated, but instead offers more play style options and uses for environmental challenges. Ignore any naysayers, this game is outstanding in every regard. A big thank you to everyone at Santa Monica Studio involved in making one of my favorite games of all time. Looking forward to the next one.
The Invitation (2022)
Ready Or Not Part Duh
WARNING, contains spoilers: Nathalie Emmanuel is charming as always, and the rest of the cast doesn't leave me with much to complain about, but this film's premise feels heavily borrowed from the movie Ready Or Not, released in 2019. Granted there were no vampires in that one; but being misled and lured to a mansion, where nefarious things are happening, ultimately to be preyed upon... It's not even that long of a film, but it feels like it takes forever to build up to something. They should have cut some of that out and added a scene in which Evie could convince Grace of what had happened (maybe a FaceTime call is interrupted and Grace sees vampires in action?), rather than just heading over there with a bat to help Evie murder her cousin because she's a ride-or-die type of friend. It's not a bad movie, it just had the potential to be more. It's worth a watch and can be thoroughly enjoyed when expectations aren't too high.
Neal Brennan: Blocks (2022)
A Love Letter to the Human Condition
Watch Neal unload everything weighing on his mind. He puts it all out there, and delivers one of the most thoughtful, hilarious, and unifying performances I've ever seen. He divulges more in front of the world than most people would in therapy sessions. This man was pivotal in launching Dave Chappelle into superstardom, and questions his own value, as we all do.... whether we choose to admit it or not. If someone like Neal Brennan can feel this way, it's okay for you to talk about what's on your mind also. There are people who want to listen, and genuinely want to help. I hope Blocks was as therapeutic for Neal as it is for everyone who sees it. Peace to all-
Wednesday (2022)
This is Wednesday!
I have mixed feelings about Luis Guzman as Gomez, and Pugsly's character is weak and forgettable, but it's not about either of them. This is Wednesday! Jenna Ortega absolutely shines in this role. Her pithy, yet stoic quips are flawlessly executed (she almost never blinks). She embodies all the charm, and commands the respect you'd want out of that character. I can't think of anyone who could do it better. The supporting cast are all great, and even Thing plays an important, and entertaining, role. With Tim Burton at the helm, setting the tone as only he can, and fantastic plot and dialogue writing, this is one of the best shows I've watched in a while. It goes deeper into the Addams Family lore than ever before. It wraps up the story well, but leaves you wanting more. Fans of the old show, movies, or even just fans of spooky whodunnits will all appreciate this series.
A Christmas Story Christmas (2022)
Grateful For This Sequel - Thank You
This was for the fans. Not just for the baby boomers and gen x folks who grew up with it, but for all fans of arguably the most beloved Christmas movie of all time. I've never seen a sequel, especially done so much later, that completely captures the feel of the original film. 39 years and they don't miss a beat! Peter Billingsley does a fantastic job of course reprising Ralphie, but also paying homage to Jean Shepherd as narrator. Familiar music, daydream sequences, and less than subtle Easter eggs throughout. Honoring Old Man Parker as the hero of Christmas, as always, was a wonderful way to polish it off. Melinda Dillion would've made this completely perfect, it's a shame they couldn't get her to return for it. That being said, Julie Hagerty does as well as you could ever hope a replacement could. If you love the original, and if you're reading this, it's safe to assume you do... then you will not be disappointed with this proper sequel.
Confess, Fletch (2022)
Didn't Need To Be A Fletch Movie
This movie is enjoyable enough on its own, and didn't need to rely on a beloved, albeit cult-classic series. Especially since only a couple of character names are reminiscent, and very little else. If they wanted to make it feel like a Fletch film, narration from the main character and some familiar music during investigation and action scenes would've been a nice touch; maybe even a Chevy Chase cameo. Since it didn't do any of that, it may as well have been a standalone story with original characters. If it gets kids to watch the originals though, that would be the only benefit of the route they took. Still, it's an amusing whodunnit, and Jon Hamm does a great job keeping you entertained.
Day Shift (2022)
Worth a Watch
This movie didn't seem to get a lot of hype prior to it's release, but it's a fun, action comedy that doesn't take itself seriously. A few ridiculous, cringy moments will quickly make you realize this. Jamie Foxx and the rest of the cast are great, and it's always nice to see Scott Adkins in big budget movies, though his part could've been bigger (this guy's super stardom is long overdue). While Day Shift is not likely to become your favorite film, grab some popcorn and it'll make for a nice evening at home.
Prey (2022)
Will Surpass Expectations
Amber Midthunder is a star! A fantastic actress and a complete badass. She carries this movie all the way through and does a fantastic job. As a fan of the original, and not overly impressed with the ones that followed, I can say with complete confidence that this is the second best of the predator films. Having the story be a prequel with a mostly Native American cast was great to see. The trailer gave me high expectations, and they were surpassed by the action and performances in this entry.
Halo (2022)
What You'd Hope a Halo Series Would Be
Right off the bat, fans of the game will be pleased with the series' representation. The story is riveting, and each of the characters have depth. The visuals are stunning, and it even switches to a first-person perspective during intense battle scenes as a nod to the gamers. Very well done and I'm excited for season 2.
Yi tin to lung gei: Moh gaau gaau jue (1993)
An Absolute Classic
The story, however ridiculous, still manages to be compelling. The cast is perfect, the music fits each scene, and the fights are thrilling. Suspend reality long enough to accept the wire work and it's very enjoyable. One of the funnest martial arts films to watch and has remained in my rotation for nearly 30 years.
La Brea (2021)
Take it for what it is
Sometimes when you critique something, you have to consider that the premise makes it nearly impossible to take it seriously. It takes me back to the action-drama shows I enjoyed as a kid. The writing is a bit all over the place, and I would've left out the love triangle because it's ridiculously trivial given what's happening to them. Aside from that, some of the characters and their backstories are interesting, and the acting is not as bad as what the other reviews say (I'd bet they all sat through the rest of the season too). If you find time travel conundrums interesting, kick back and let yourself enjoy this. It's a fun show to watch.
Jonas Brothers Family Roast (2021)
Only Jonas Fans
Perhaps I'm spoiled by the irreverence of Comedy Central roasts, but this was a bit too lighthearted, hardly funny, and felt more like I was watching toasts at a wedding. I like Keenan, but he clearly phoned it in. The best part of the show was Pete Davidson. His jokes were actually funny and kept me watching, hoping for more of that. This is something almost exclusively for Jonas fans to enjoy. It might have been better received (and I wouldn't have wasted an hour) if they kept "roast" out of the title. Thank.
Mortal Kombat (2021)
For Better and Worse
*******SPOILERS AHEAD*******
Perhaps my expectations for this movie were a bit high. Some better casting (at least the Asian god of thunder and lightning was played by an Asian actor), but while many of the actors looked the part, their inexperience also showed. The blood and gore matches that of the games for the first time ever, which will please a lot of fans, but here's the biggest letdown... aside from the final confrontation between Scorpion and Sub-Zero, the 1995 film had better fight choreography. Has Hollywood learned nothing from Hong Kong cinema? I've seen a few Joe Taslim films... he was mostly subdued by comparison here. Good fight scenes should have wider frames, and fewer cuts. Most of the fights in this movie contained moves that any able-bodied person could pull off with how close and how often the angles change. This film was rife with missed opportunities.
The transitions between serious movie and fantasy is also off-putting. It would've been nice for this to actually have a tournament plot line, rather than a skirmish outside of one. The awkward, fan-service quotes could've been applied much better this way too. The "Arcana" explanation for special abilities is a bit midichlorian-esque, and unnecessary, as fans of the game would already look past that. The "chosen" could've been so BECAUSE of their innate abilities.
Now for the redeeming parts: Hiroyuki Sanada and Joe Taslim as Scorpion and Sub-Zero were excellent. By far, the best scenes in the movie belong to them. They got Goro right, and Jax, Sonya, and Kano were decent as well. The scene-setting/storytelling is inconsistent, but fun when it lands. And this is still an enjoyable watch overall.
If this lays the groundwork for sequels, then I may be judging too harshly. I'm just a longtime fan of the games, lore, and characters. While the story could've been better, I'm mostly disappointed by the lackluster fight scenes, because those are what we're really in it for. My rating is on the backs of Hiroyuki and Joe for their outstanding performances.
The Witches (2020)
Too Much and Not Enough
This reboot of the 1990 classic leaves fans of the original feeling somewhat disappointed. Most of the good portions were borrowed from the first film, while the new interpretations fall flat. The first witch our protagonist encounters doesn't even attempt to lure or trick the boy. She is immediately creepy, and rather annoying in the way she speaks. Octavia Spencer is fantastic. Kristin Chenoweth comes out of nowhere with no back story. Anne Hathaway, while great on screen, her character's accent makes her nearly incomprehensible throughout the movie. The special effects were nice, but there is very little magic to behold in this version. Viewers of the original will especially feel this during the ending. While they may have set up for sequels that will hopefully redeem this story, on its own, this one fails to capture the fun that Nicolas Roeg did 30 years ago.