milliefan Reviews

Hammerhead (1968)

Judy Geeson vs wet paper bag

[2/10 · 4 September 2015]

The other reviews are pretty spot-on in assessing this as utter drek, but oddly nobody has mentioned the ludicrous scene in which Judy Geeson - worst actress of 1968 without a doubt - suddenly bursts into song. After a good hour (which seems like a lifetime) of Geeson's high pitched, twelve year old schoolgirl voice, she appears in a nightclub 'singing', only her voice has been dubbed by a Madeline Bell soundalike (for those who aren't familiar with Miss Bell, she is a husky voiced jazz singer of the Shirley Bassey type). A more unsuitable voice double for Judy Geeson would be hard to imagine! The only plus in the entire film is the great Diana Dors, injecting interest and style into a project sadly lacking in both departments.

Madness of the Heart (1949)

Unintentionally funny!

[5/10 · 20 September 2014]

This overwrought melodrama may have held the attention of undiscriminating audiences back in 1949, but is difficult to watch now without chuckling. Former superstar Margaret Lockwood is clearly slumming it with this turkey, and she knows it. Her performance never takes off, and although she was only 33 at the time of filming, she looks a good 15 years older. Her teeth, particularly in closeup, look crooked and ill cared for. In one scene she introduces her maid, saying "Rosa has looked after me since I was a little girl"... rather remarkable, seeing as Rosa is played by Thora Hird, in reality just five years older than Miss Lockwood, and looking slightly younger in this film - even without makeup! Shades of Patricia Roc playing Phyllis Calvert's daughter in Madonna of the Seven Moons! Maxwell Reed is, as usual, atrocious - however he is aided by a dubbed French accent. The best performance comes from Kathleen Byron - the undisputed queen of cinematic malevolence. As awful as I found this film, it did bring me one special satisfaction: as a child I saw a film on TV, in which the villainess attempts to kill the formerly-blind heroine by opening a door from which there is a sheer drop. That scary moment has remained vivid in my memory for fifty years, but I had no idea from which movie the scene came ... until I watched Madness of the Heart today!

Waterfront Women (1950)

Dated as can be

[3/10 · 17 August 2014]

I have to wonder if the other reviewers on IMDb were watching the same film I have just seen. Waterfront must have been the most unrealistic "slice of life in the raw" film even upon its release in 1950. Some 64 years on it is simply laughable. Considering the Liverpool docks setting, and the fact that all the characters are meant to be local, it is incongruous to say the least that Ma is played by the Cockney sparrer herself, Kathleen Harrison, whilst her daughters are Susan Shaw (doing her It Always Rains on Sunday "EastEnders" bad girl accent), Avis Scott (who she?) at least attempting something vaguely Lancastrian - but certainly not Liverpudlian), and the two younger male leads are both Welsh - Richard Burton and Kenneth Griffith. Robert Newton opts for a mildly northern twang - occasionally. Newton, Harrison and Shaw are top-billed, though the starring role is actually played by Avis Scott, in what appears to have been her first and last lead (presumably Sally Gray was not available). Waterfront can only be viewed as a period piece, but it is not a good one, and is never for one moment believable or engrossing. Perhaps in the attempt for 'realism', none of the cast inject any personality into their characters: this is the only film in which the usually wonderful Kathleen Harrison has actually gotten on my nerves, and Richard Burton shows no sign of being a megastar in embryo.

Lady Caroline Lamb (1972)

A shameful waste

[1/10 · 5 March 2014]

I have never understood why or how Sarah Miles became a film star. I assume that early in her career she must have been good in something, which led to her being promoted to leading roles, but whatever that magical film/play/TV role was I must have missed it. However until I saw Lady Caroline Lamb I had never thought her a truly terrible actress. I do now. In an unbecoming blonde wig and with weird, drag queen makeup (pencil thin eyebrows and pale pastel blue eyeshadow), Miles is strangely reminiscent of a faded Danny La Rue. In fact, Mr. La Rue might well have given a more nuanced, and almost certainly more entertaining performance. The most astonishing thing about this film is that it was written specifically for Miles by her then husband Robert Bolt as a showcase for her "talents". And to ensure success she was backed up by a supporting cast including the likes of Laurence Olivier, John Mills and Ralph Richardson. Playing a smallish role is Margaret Leighton, and she effortlessly steals the film. Leighton is sublime - a magnificent actress who commands attention and brings depth and meaning to her every line. Her genuine talent further exposes Miles as an amateur who is simply out of her depth. And as a delicious irony, Robert Bolt has Leighton say of Miles, to her screen husband, "Your wife is a mass of nothing. She has no centre, nothing at all". Talk about art imitating life!

Subterfuge (1968)

60s spy caper - worth a look

[6/10 · 16 June 2013]

Subterfuge is quite an elusive title to track down, however it was released on VHS in the US, and DVD copies have recently become available. The cast is pretty starry, however the plot is rather confused, and Peter Graham Scott's direction couldn't be described as anything other than workmanlike. Of chief interest are the location shots of the London of 1968 - fascinating for those who know the capital well - and the luminous Joan Collins, who, clearly realising the weak script wasn't going to give the audience much for their money, and that her good-girl role lacked much substance, sets about creating a one-woman style festival. So we get Joan in hats, leotards, thigh-high leather boots, evening dresses, mini-dresses, furs ... you name it - if it was 'in' in 1968, Joan is wearing it and looking as glorious as always (and slimmer than ever). And for the more sombre scenes when her character's life is in turmoil, Joan isn't afraid to deglamourise her look. As for the rest of the cast, the only performances of note are Marius Goring (his name way down in the credits!) as the chief villain, and Suzanna Leigh being surprisingly good as a somewhat psycho villainess. Top-billed Gene Barry resembles a walking store-window dummy: devoid of any emotion or talent whatsoever, he seems disinterested and disconnected from the action and the actors around him, and he is the main reason the film fails. A poor script can be enlivened by a star turn such as that of Miss Collins, or a fun and campy characterisation such as that of Miss Leigh, but with a leading man as uninspired as Gene Barry, Subterfuge is beyond saving.

Master Spy (1963)

June Thorburn's final film

[5/10 · 26 April 2013]

As noted by the other reviewers, Master Spy is no classic, but it is a must-see for fans of British B movies of the era. The story is fairly routine, but is much enlivened by the cast - Alan Wheatley (excellent as always), John Carson (with his James Mason-sound-alike voice!), Peter Gimore playing his role to perfection, and most interestingly the tragic June Thorburn cast against type as a scientist who becomes dangerously involved in the espionage plot. With her shorter, blonder hair, Miss Thorburn here is a dead ringer for Angela Douglas, a likeness I had never noticed before, and she is totally credible and brings much to what could have been a nothing part. Very sadly she died in a plane crash a couple of years after completing this, her final film.

Wings and the Woman (1942)

Good old Anna

[5/10 · 6 January 2013]

Anna Neagle gives a sterling performance in this otherwise dreary and pedestrian biopic of flying ace Amy Johnson - she even manages a very credible northern accent for a lady with such natural RP delivery. Anna was always slighted as an actress of limited range, promoted to major stardom by her besotted husband Herbert Wilcox, however of the two personalities, Wilcox was really the lesser talent. His direction of this - and every Wilcox/Neagle film - is uninspiring and flat. No wonder Anna rarely came across brilliantly on the screen, under her husband's leaden workmanship. How sad that the man who did pick her from nowhere and promote her to stardom was a director of such limited skill: had she been spotted by a Hitchcock, or a Korda, for example, who knows how much more Miss Neagle might have brought to her roles.

Carnival (1946)

Why so little interest?

[9/10 · 31 December 2012]

Having just watched Carnival I was interested to see what other IMDb users thought about it. Astonishingly there was just one review! Extraordinary! Well - if you get the chance, do try to catch this excellent piece of British cinema history. As well as being an unusual, well acted and interesting drama, Carnival is crammed with wonderful English stars and character players ... in fact, there are so many that well-known faces such as Kathleen Harrison aren't even billed in the credits! The film marked Sally Gray's triumphant return to the screen following a five year absence, and although a good ten years too old for her role, she still gives a luminous performance, commanding all her scenes with a natural authority and star quality. There is one scene which made me smile, as the supposedly 19 year old Sally looks into a mirror and wistfully says "In eleven years I'll be 30. I wonder what I'll look like". Not much different, one imagines the audience thinking. The plot concerns a young dancer (Sally Gray) in turn of the century London. Her home life is not particularly harmonious, living with her mismatched parents (Stanley Holloway and Catherine Lacey) and her younger sister (Hazel Court). Courted by stage door johnnies along with her fellow dancers (Jean Kent, Brenda Bruce), she resists temptation but does fall in love with a temperamental artist (Michael Wilding). When he asks her to go away with him, she must choose whether to follow her heart or stay on the straight and narrow. At this point the film takes a most unexpected and fascinating turn, leading to a genuinely shocking conclusion, and I defy anyone to guess what will happen in the last three minutes!

Die Screaming Marianne (1971)

Poor poor Leo

[1/10 · 23 December 2012]

I foolishly bought the DVD of this without checking out the reviews first ...won't do that again! One thing that surprises me is that while many IMDb reviewers mention that Die Screaming, Marianne is a waste of Susan George's talents, nobody has commented on the fact that the former Oscar nominee Leo Genn had been reduced to appearing in this tawdry, inept trash. In fact, poor Leo ended up doing uncredited bit parts in a couple of films after this (though neither was actually as bad as Marianne). I remember as a kid, when this film played for three mights at my local fleapit as the bottom half a double bill, the it was incorrectly titled "Ice Cream and Marianne" in the local paper! Still makes me chuckle ...

Playback (1962)

Fantastic little thriller

[9/10 · 19 October 2012]

Playback is the very best of the Edgar Wallace crime films shot at Merton in the early 60s. The taut script is beautifully acted by Barry Foster as a young policeman who becomes involved with a glamorous German woman in London - a standout performance by the fabulous Margit Saad. It's surprising Saad did not have a major career in British films ... she is sensational in this 60 minute low budget thriller, so imagine how great she would have been in a major movie! Also in support are Nigel Green (the Prince Charles lookalike) as a dangerous casino owner, and a very young Dinsdale Landen as foster's fellow copper. If you only see one of the many Edgar Wallace series, make it this one.

Some Girls Do (1969)

Nobody should

[1/10 · 11 September 2012]

Having watched - and enjoyed - DEADLIER THAN THE MALE, I was keen to see the sequel, SOME GIRLS DO. Big mistake. In the first film, I thought Richard Johnson was pretty colourless ... but here he is even worse. No charisma, awful hair which looks like a dirty toupee, gappy teeth, and zero personality. Whereas MALE had the joyous coupling of Elke Sommer and Sylva Koscina as the prime murderesses, here we have Daliah Lavi, who looks good but simply doesn't work, and the dire Beba Loncar (how did she ever get a job?). And nobody in the supporting cast is any good either, even talented and usually reliable stars such as Adrienne Posta, Robert Morley and James Villiers - a pale version of villain Peterson compared to Nigel Green in MALE. Other than the title song, NOTHING in this film is any good. One wonders why the producers and director didn't look at the dailies and realise something was very wrong. One final whinge/query ... why was Virginia North brought back from the original film, but playing a different role? She must have had someone boosting her, as her small and indifferently played role in MALE warranted her special billing, and her minor role in SOME GIRLS likewise got her a good credit in the trailer, and several unnecessary (and badly edited-in) closeups. Unsurprisingly her career soon fizzled, but it would be interesting to know who decided she should be launched in the first place.

The Legend of Lylah Clare (1968)

Just awful, awful, awful

[1/10 · 27 September 2010]

Sorry to those reviewers who claim to find some redeeming qualities in this utter mess, but The Legend of Lylah Clare is a truly pointless, relentlessly bad picture. If it was intended as satire, it fails. If it was intended as drama, it fails. If it was intended to be in any way clever, engrossing, funny, or - most important of all - entertaining, it FAILS. I can scarcely believe the great Robert Aldrich produced this wretched disaster. Poor Kim Novak, looking lost and confused as she spends scene after scene with no dialogue whilst Peter Finch rambles on and on and on about nothing: poor Peter Finch, at least twenty years too young for his role and overacting like crazy in an attempt to bring meaning to the meaningless and stupid dialogue. As bad as anything are the innumerable flashbacks in which Finch wears a mustache and goatee and succeeds in actually looking older than he does whilst recounting events of twenty-odd years earlier. And it all drags on FOREVER - a good hour could have been cut without any discernible loss (or improvement). Don't waste your time.

Clean (2000)

Truly excellent short film

[10/10 · 17 June 2010]

Telling of the growing relationship between a shy, retiring toilet attendant (Lewis) who tends for a young rent boy (McCole) attacked and left for dead in a cubicle, Clean is a brilliantly acted short film with a shocking ending. Playing the quiet older man, Gary Lewis has never been better. Full marks must also go to Stephen McCole, an extremely brave actor (he spends much of the film stark naked!), he manages to evoke our sympathy whilst playing a deeply flawed character. Apart from Kate Donnelly playing Lewis's wife, Clean is basically a two-hander, and is a really outstanding example of what can be achieved in a short film when the direction and acting are spot-on. I'd urge you to search around for a copy on DVD or video.

Sodom and Gomorrah (1962)

Not as black as it's painted

[8/10 · 12 April 2010]

I'm a very critical viewer, and have left scathing reviews of several films here on IMDb. I am also no fan of biblical or sword and sandal epics - I've never gotten more than 30 minutes though The Robe, Spartacus or Ben Hur. I came across Sodom and Gomorrah half-way through on TV recently, and quickly became hooked ... so much so that I shelled out £17 to buy a full, uncut 154 DVD from Portugal! Take my word for it - Sodom and Gomarrah is really very, very enjoyable in many ways. It is NOT the camp, so-bad-it's good piece of junk some reviews would lead you to expect. The action sequences are really outstanding, and the performances of Stanley Baker and the fabulous Anouk Aimee as the twisted, wicked brother and sister are mesmerising. It is also very racy (for 1962) - indeed it was an X certificate upon release in the UK. In the biography of Pier Angeli, it is revealed that she and Stewart Granger were not on speaking terms, and during filming they spoke to each other only when they were working together. Pier also make a point of making Granger aware he was the only one of the film's leading actors that she had not slept with while on location! If you get the chance, do watch this film. It's nowhere near the disaster you might be expecting ... and by the way, none of those campy lines people have quoted ("Do not bend to the Sodomites", etc) are actually contained in the film!

Beyond the Poseidon Adventure (1979)

TOTAL disaster movie!

[1/10 · 11 January 2010]

Being stuck in bed with the flu and feeling too rough to get up to find the remote, I actually watched this abomination from start to finish (how many people can say that? And for any who can - what's your excuse?). My God, has there ever, EVER been such a total mess released by a major studio? There is not one second of genuine tension in a supposed "thriller"; the script is inept and ludicrous; the sets look like they were leftovers from a low-budget TV movie; and the cast ... WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?!!! Sally Field gives what is without doubt the worst and most embarrassing performance of any Academy Award winner in history. Her irritating nasal whine and stupidly perky behaviour in what is meant to be a life-threatening situation are truly asinine. It's a wonder she didn't use all her future earnings to buy up and destroy every print of this turkey. Michael Caine, who now pontificates endlessly on the art of screen acting - even running master classes for would-be thespians - should be taken out and shot (preferably by one of Telly Savalas' henchmen). Angela Cartwright, an actress I usually like (and whose name isn't even in the opening credits, poor soul), is ten years too old for her role, and her horrible matronly yellow prom dress must haunt her nightmares to this day. Slumming it are Karl Malden and Shirley Knight - hopefully they collected a big pay packet to assuage their involvement. The whole film is a series of bad scenes, but one that especially sticks in my mind is the explosion which results in the "ceiling" (if an upside-down ship's deck can be termed as such) collapsing and a load of empty cardboard boxes falling through! Ooh, how scary! Really, really, terrible.

Pirates of Tortuga (1961)

How bad can a film get ...?

[1/10 · 21 December 2009]

Oh my. 20th Century Fox must have burned with shame and embarrassment at this wretched turkey being released under their aegis. I enjoy almost all old movies, and up until viewing Pirates of Tortuga had never seen a film that was ALL bad, without any redeeming qualities or entertainment value at all ... but this is the one. Pirates is so very inept in every respect that it can't even be enjoyed as one of those "so bad it's good" pictures. The direction is almost non-existent, with scenes that drag on as is a first rehearsal had been filmed, and filmed before it had even been blocked. This plodding footage is interspersed with stock shots and, in cases, entire scenes lifted from earlier (and MUCH better) movies, and the inserts are glaringly obvious, particularly in the first battle at sea (thirty or so background extras listlessly waving swords at each other as if half asleep, never varying their position, suddenly interrupted by a genuinely action-packed insert from The Black Swan!). The cast is headed by lacklustre Ken Scott, who had lent his wooden presence to other Fox productions (his supporting role in Stopover Tokyo helping to sink that particular dud). John Richardson looks fabulous, but has no technique, looks somewhat lost, and after this film went back to virtual extra status until his breakthrough a few years later in She and One Million Years BC. Worst of all, in fact the worst performance I have ever seen by a leading lady in a studio production, comes from Leticia Roman, a pretty but spectacularly untalented Italian girl playing a cockney and spouting lines like "lord love a duck" and "you ain't ever treated me like a lay-dee" in a voice that's a cross between Monica Vitti and Dick Van Dyke in Mary Poppins. I am in danger here of making Pirates of Tortuga sound like something worth sitting through in order to have a giggle, but believe me it is NOT!

Lost Horizon (1973)

Take another look

[8/10 · 17 October 2008]

As a film buff, I obviously had read all the excruciating reviews and funny, sarcastic comments about this film (my favourite being Woody Allen's quip "If I had my life to live over again I wouldn't change anything ... except for seeing the musical remake of Lost Horizon"). Therefore I've never been able to watch it without smirking at the choreography/set/songs etc. Just recently I came across a widescreen DVD and watched it for the first time in years, along with a friend who had never heard of the film's reputation. HE really enjoyed it, and - after trying to block out all the negative prejudices I obviously had about the film - so did I. There is nothing especially bad about Lost Horizon, and it is far more enjoyable and watchable than many other early 1970's movies. It isn't even especially camp. The lyrics to some of the songs are rather repetitive and simplistic, but this isn't really apparent when hearing them for the first time or having the flaws pointed out in advance so you are ready to scoff at them. As for all the reviewers who claimed the cast cannot sing in tune, this criticism falls apart since Liv Ullmann, Olivia Hussey and Peter Finch were dubbed (brilliantly too, as the vocals match their speaking voices perfectly), and Sally Kellerman has a really lovely and totally unique singing style. Vocally, Kellerman's duet with Olivia Hussey on "The Things I Will Not Miss" is excellent. Special mention should be made of the legendary Hollywood star Charles Boyer's brilliant performance as the High Lama - and his comments about mankind destroying itself are chillingly apt to today's fractured world. I wouldn't claim for a second that Lost Horizon is a masterpiece (The things I wouldn't miss about it are the uninspired choreography, and Bobby Van's "Question Me An Answer" number, which could easily have been cut), but if you haven't ever seen Lost Horizon, or haven't seen it for some time, try watching without that "Oh boy, let's have a laugh at this pile of junk" attitude, and you will be surprised at how enjoyable it actually is.

Le tiroir secret (1986– )

Frantasic performance by Michele Morgan

[10/10 · 29 January 2007]

This excellent mini-series was screened by BBC TV in 1987 as a three hour, 40 minute TV movie! And it holds the attention throughout - I have watched it four times over the years thanks to video. I don't think it has ever been released on DVD, but if it ever does become available - grab it. Michele Morgan is an absolute triumph: what a truly stunning actress she is. Without spoiling the mystery ... Morgan plays a glamorous psychologist whose businessman husband (her third) is killed in a plane crash. Shortly after the funeral her world is turned upside down: bailiffs arrive at her apartment to repossess her furniture: this wealthy widow is, in fact, broke - her late husband has taken out loans in her name, and forged her signature to do so. Whilst his bureau is being taken away a secret drawer is discovered, containing a wallet with mysterious contents. From then onwards Morgan's life becomes the stuff of detective novels. She is followed, discovers more secrets than you can shake a stick at, turns detective, travels to Geneva and Rome, and can trust no-one except her three children and her ex-husband, a high ranking policeman. The only trouble is they refuse to believe what is happening, so she basically has to unravel the mystery alone, until she meets up with a figure from her husband's past, Vivi, played by Jeanne Moreau. What is so clever about The Secret Drawer is the genuinely believable interplay between Morgan and her three screen children, all of whom have interesting personal lives which run parallel to the sleuthing being done by their mother. In particular, the gorgeous Marie France-Pisier, as Morgan's eldest daughter, is excellent and very funny (though not exactly a comedy-drama, The Secret Drawer has many funny moments and is played with a very light touch). I can really recommend this wonderful series/film ... you can keep your depressing Prime Suspects/Trial and Retributions - Michele Morgan knocks them all into a cocked hat.

Me Mammy (1968–1971)

More Me Mammy memories

[10/10 · 15 August 2006]

Like the previous viewer, I recall Me Mammy from my early teens. I adored the whole show, and along with Up Pompeii it remains by favourite programme of this time. Most episodes centred on Milo O'Shea's attempts to bed his lusted-after secretary Miss Argyle, played with deadpan glee by Yootha Joyce. I remember one very daring line - he promises to show her Paris, and she says she will show him the Arc de Triomphe! Of course, they never did get together, thanks to his religious mother. Another running gag was Mammy's plaster saints (literally she had figures around her house), and her constant cry of "Jesus, you've made me knock over Saint Bernadette of Lourdes", or whichever miniature figure she'd just smashed. I really hope some episodes of this great show survive - I would love to see them again.

Carry on Screaming! (1966)

Fenella Fielding is NOT Marty Feldman's sister!!!

[10/10 · 25 July 2006]

To correct an earlier comment on this site, the glorious Fenella Fielding is NO relation to Marty Feldman, and has stated many times how she is tired of this untruth being repeated. Her real name is Fenella Feldman but she is not related to Marty in any way. Back to Carry on Screaming, the very best of the Carry On films - if you have never seen it, buy the DVD today. The performances are top notch, especially those of Kenneth Williams and Fenella Fielding as the villainous brother/sister act, and Harry H. Corbett as the befuddled police sergeant. It is curious that Peter Butterworth, who plays a major role, and Bernard Bresslaw, as the Lurch-type butler, receive minor billing and are not mentioned on the poster for the film. Anyway - enjoy!