espeegee_2000 Reviews

The Return of the King (1980 TV Movie)

Where There's a Whip....

[15 June 2002]

Although I quite enjoyed the Rankin-Bass kiddified version of `The Hobbit', this one just leaves something to be desired. All in all, it was just generally weak. Perhaps it was the huge gaps left out of the plot? The cheesy, twangy-wow-chicka rock music soundtrack? The Old-Western-state-the-obvious narration that won't stop yammering? Well, this family friendly rendition of the latter half of LOTR is still heaps better than the Bakshi 'Lord of the Rings', but isn't an amazing feat of filmmaking, either. The animation is choppy and TV quality, and the sound is awful. (though that's excusable, as it was a made for TV movie from 1980.) Everything else though, is passable.

Visually it isn't too bad, as everything is quite stylized and neat looking. Gandalf, in particular, looks quite good. But yes, it's oversimplified, and yes, it is filled with lots of corny songs. But wasn't the book filled with songs as well? Tolkien never mentioned anything about slap-bass or singing orcs, but actually including music helps in keeping with the original work. At least it should, in theory. Nice effort, anyway.

Biggest problems with this movie would have to be Merry and Pippin. Whereas in Ralph Bakshi's LOTR, they were actually tolerable - cute even. (Though that may be pushing it.) To Bakshi's credit, in his movie only one of the hobbits was mega-homely. However, in this version, both Merry AND Pippin have been given a severe thrashing with the ugly stick. Merry (same voice as Shaggy) has a face made from glued-together potatoes, and Pippin is an ape wearing clothes. His voice is like a piece of glass scraping against another piece of glass.

Besides that though, this movie is bearable, watch-able even. There are some `so bad it's funny' moments, (especially some of the songs) but there are also moments when it's very loyal to the action/dialogue of the book. It's good and bad at the same time - hence so many mixed reviews. Probably kids would enjoy it more than an adult viewer, although even kids would agree that this version is pretty watered-down and lame. 5 / 10, tops.

Eye of the Beholder (1999)

Ouch

[21 May 2002]

Man. I can't believe how much this movie bites. No exaggeration whatsoever, this is one of the worst movies I've ever seen. Ever. It stinks from start to finish. Total let-down. Don't get me wrong, I'm a huge Ewen MacGregor fan . . . but possibly he made this movie as a favour to one of his friends, or something? I don't know why else he, a talented actor, agreed to be in this large cinematic pile of barnyard animal refuse. Ewen MacGregor plays some kind of peeping-tom who sees his dead daughter - or something - and Ashley Judd is the serial killer he wants to protect? So - wheh? Ashley Judd takes lots of baths? There were lots of pigeons . . . and they go to Alaska at the end without an explanation. That's about all I can remember. I mean, geez! This film isn't even entertainingly bad, like 'the Beach'. It's just painful. Period. Don't even rent it for a lark. Don't even poke it with a ten-foot role.

Newsies (1992)

didn't it win a golden raspberry award?!

[2/10 · 13 January 2002]

I'm really sorry. All I can say is, I feel bad for poor Christian Bale. He's a wonderful actor...so how he ended up in this saccharine goo filled bucket of a movie is beyond me. I mean, if I had never seen a musical film before, then seeing this movie would put me off the genre permanently. I feel bad for bashing it when so many people seem to love it, (for some strange reason) but honestly! Actually, I do remember having a good time watching it...but that was only because it was so awful, it was amusing.

While watching it, I think I felt very awkward for everyone in it, especially Christian Bale. (What was he THINKING?! He and Anne Margaret are probably the film's only redeeming features, I'm sorry.) I mean, just -watch- the thing! Don't get me wrong - I enjoy a good, uplifting musical just as much as anyone else. But I said a -good- musical. Not a shamefully contrived musical based on exploitation of child labour at the turn of the century that never should have been made in the first place. Normally I tend to disagree with the critics too, but in this case I think they have a point.

Macross Dynamite 7 (1997–1998)

the somewhat cheesy, but overall enjoyable OAV

[8/10 · 15 April 2001]

While it was extremely popular in Japan, people in North America really don't seem to like this series: the idea behind it is a little, well, odd. A rock and roll band called 'Fire Bomber' fight evil alien forces with the power of their music in between performances. I admit that it's hardly as deep and serious as other Macross titles, but I don't think it's supposed to be. It's so bizarre that it ends up being entertaining and enjoyable. (At least I think so.) While the original series has been called repetitive, the OAV (Macross 7: Dynamite!) isn't this way at all. The animation is much more impressive, and there's all new songs. Angel Voice is one of the best. The premise is an environmental sort of adventure, based on Moby Dick. With his rock & roll music, Basara must save a group of 'Galaxy' whales from poachers, and there's a gruff old giant named Graham (captain Ahab?) who keeps trying to kill the biggest white whale for himself. Okay, it does sound hilarious. It IS hilarious: but somehow it works. The action is good, the voice acting is great, and there are some surprising plot twists. I think you'll either love it or you'll hate it. (In my case, I loved it!)

The Vision of Escaflowne (1996)

Excellent: worth seeing!

[29 March 2001]

The story is about a schoolgirl named Hitomi, who gets unexpectedly transported to a fantasy world called Gaea after encountering a young man named Van. Once she is there, she begins having powerful clear visions of the future which she can't explain. Gaea is threatened by war and Hitomi gets caught up in the conflict, alongside Van. Hitomi becomes essential to deciding the planet's fate... Escaflowne is without a doubt one of the best anime series I have ever had the pleasure to see. Just about everything about is well done, and satisfying: from the music to the characters to the mech designs. It's also very appealing to a wide audience, featuring exciting action sequences (some serious gore in the unedited version, to warn younger viewers), romance, comedy, drama and some very surprising plot twists. The animation is fluid and motion-picture quality, with a very unique style. And the musical score, (composed by Yoko Kanno, famous for Cowboy Bebop and Brain Powered, among others) is just as impressive as any to come out of Hollywood. The dub isn't the worst I've ever seen, but it really does the series no justice. See it sub-titled version if possible. In short, Escaflowne is a top notch series that is definitely worth seeing.