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Reviews
Fair Play (2023)
Distasteful and Unpleasant
From the opening sex scene involving menstrual blood, this movie was distasteful and unpleasant. But it wasn't only the fluids that made it unpleasant, it was the soulless office scenes and the humorless vulgarity of the main characters. The lengthy conversations about finance in the office scenes were unintelligibly boring and the head honcho of the office was woefully miscast, looking more like a coarse manual laborer than a high powered executive. (And, yes, I know manual laborers are essential, but admit it, the images of executives and manual laborers are not interchangeable.) Emily and Luke, the main characters, cannot in any way be rooted for. The viewer is given nothing about them to care about so their relationship is ultimately unimportant to us. Watch this movie only if you want to ruin your mood.
Shrinking: Apology Tour (2023)
Brett's Writing is Fool's Gold
Brett Goldstein (best known as the shoulderless and foul-mouthed Roy Kent on Ted Lasso) should not be allowed to write for TV. Not one believable word came out of the mouth of any of the characters in this episode. His writing is self-consciously "look-at-me-aren't-I-cute-and-clever", gross, and full of expletives but it's not identifiable as anything real humans would say. The character's do not do what real humans would do. The premise of the series had promise but one can't care about any of the characters when the writing is designed to call attention to itself. There are other problems with Shrinking, most notably the casting of Harrison Ford, 80, as an actively employed therapist and the costume designs for Alice, the endlessly swearing (bad writing again) and overly-sexualized teenage daughter. Good writing allows a viewer to lose oneself in the story. I've had trouble engaging with the stories from the very beginning of this series and this episode is the one which caused me to permanently shrink from Shrinking.
Just Say Yes (2021)
Not a Natural Female Face in this Whole Mess
If you're a fan of bad trout-pout plastic surgery and dental work that gives everyone huge white choppers, then you will enjoy watching this movie. If you're a fan of characters that are actual human beings and not annoying caricatures, then you will hate this move. The star Jolanthe Cabou is supposed to be a Dutch sex symbol. You'd never know it by how they styled her for this movie, Get your hair out of your face and stop over-emoting, Jolanthe. Fortunately for her though, the other actors are even worse with the exception of Jim Bakkum, who was fine. The guy on the park bench was fingernails on a blackboard annoying--so over the top and unpleasant. The story was predictable. The girlfriends were predictable. The boss and boyfriend were predictable and also annoying. I could write a more coherent review but this movie doesn't deserve my effort. It certainly didn't put forth any effort to make an emotionally real and involving romcom. Vreselijk.
Plus One (2019)
Negative One
The problem with this awful movie starts with the two main characters. Alice and Ben are average looking late 20-somethings at best and Maya Erskine's actual age, 34, is obvious by the banding around her neck. There is zero chemistry between them, which is understandable because Alice is repulsive. She is crude and mean-why would anyone be attracted to her? Their drunken coupling in a graveyard was an ugly, inauspicious way to begin what passes for their relationship. Ben realizes there's not much there but is talked back into his relationship by a married friend with the lamest definition of love ever heard in the movies. To be fair though, a lot Ben and Alice's friends in this move were also crude, mean, and repulsive. The subplot about Ben's father marrying for the third time was unengaging. I hated this movie.
While We're Young (2014)
Utterly and Completely Inauthentic in Every Conceivable Way
Nothing about this tedious movie is truthful. The writing is so self-consciously hip that it calls attention to the writing and not the story or the characters. The acting is atrocious. Every actor says their lines but there is absolutely no emotional connection between any character with any other character. No chemistry anywhere. The situations are contrived and cringeworthy. Hip hop dance class for the 43 year old that leads to her hip hopping during a phone conversation and encouraging her preternaturally aged 44 year old husband (Ben Stiller was too old for the role. ) to do the same. Nope. A retreat where everyone vomits up their demons. Nope. Pet chickens. Nope. Anything that happens in this movie is a big Nope Nope Nope. We paid 99 cents to watch this movie. We were robbed.
Paddleton (2019)
Stop Being so Cute and Get Real
Twee, twee, twee. That is "three twees." Teehee. If my opener as too cutesy for you then Paddleton is not the movie for you. . No situation in this movie was left untouched by a big dose of writers Alex Lehmann and Mark Duplass's "how do we make this overly precious and cutesy?" style. The result is a movie that never feels authentic. The subject is serious and the acting is good but the viewer is never emotionally engaged because the script calls attention to itself at every turn. Ray Romano is a remarkably good actor for a standup comedian and Duplass is a good actor too but Paddleton is an exercise in enduring the overwritten.
Untogether (2018)
My Husband and I Both Enjoyed It
My husband and I don't always agree on movies but we watched Untogether two nights in a row and really enjoyed it. It's a movie for adults and it is literate and funny and sexy and musical. Besides being a novelist, Emma Forrest, the writer/director, was a journalist who reported on music and musicians. Hence, excellent music choices accompany the story, which also happens to be beautifully filmed. Forrest knows the literature game and gave us a nuanced portrayal of that world, which sure isn't filled with Jane Austens. Its denizens are smart and predatory and worth watching. All the actors did a fine job in roles that we might not have seen them in before. Sure, Jamie Dornan has a brief fling with a pair of stockings as a sexual prop but his character is nothing like the character he's most associated with. (Note to next director: Please do not hide Dornan's face with a beard. It's telling a lot of Untogether's publicity shows him without the beard.) Who knew Alice Eve could be so corporate and vicious? The Kirke sisters were great too, playing younger or more former junkie-ish than their real selves. Both of them have beautiful lips and know how to use them. (An actor's lips can convey so much when they aren't covered in hair.) Ben Mendelsohn, as a former pop star well into anonymous middle age, was touchingly boyish and sensitive. I gave Untogether a 10 to counteract the unjustified 1s that lazy, or maybe illiterate, reviewers gave it. (Note to naysayers: If you give a horrible rating, be prepared to justify it.) In actuality, its an 8 and well worth the time of adults who like their movies to have a story.
Velvet Buzzsaw (2019)
Pick a Genre
I was hoping for a satire of the commercial art world but got a mediocre horror movie instead. The characters had real potential as means to skewer the greedy, hollow world of high end art critics and dealers but the characters eventually got trapped in a cliched horror plot that ultimately made no sense and had no resolution. What a waste of Jake Gyllenhaal's excellent performance.The plot basically consisted of set-pieces in which the main characters are killed in ways that were sorta kinda related to art. I would give the set designer credit for the beautiful interiors except that there is no way a receptionist at an art gallery would have a fabulous, airy, large apartment in New York City.
Fifty Shades Freed (2018)
I Love this Movie because of Dakota and Jamie and Pretty Places and Things
No explosions and no superheroes. That's a huge plus for this movie. Then we have Jamie Dornan's buttocks and Dakota Johnson's breasts and the beautiful characters are getting it on, sometimes with highly caloric foods. Another huge plus. Consumer porn and pretty scenery and dancing and singing. That's more plusses. Sometimes I just want to relax and enjoy a movie without thinking too hard and maybe get a little sexually excited. Deal with it.
Fifty Shades Darker (2017)
Darker Desperately Misses A Woman's Touch
Directed by a man, written by a man (whose wife wrote the books), produced by a man, art- directed by a man, edited by a man... It shows. Fifty Shades Darker is missing the heart, beauty, and delicacy of Fifty Shades of Grey.
The gorgeous settings of Grey are gone. The decor of Christian's apartment and office went from worthy of Architectural Digest to being inspired by ManCave.com via Pinterest. One look and you know the colors were all chosen by men.
There is no psychological understanding of the characters and their emotional and sexual needs. That lack of understanding applies to minor characters as well. What motivates Elena? How does Grace go from introducing Elena as her great friend to slapping her without the slightest psychological turmoil?
The main problem is the determination of the director and writer to careen into the next plot point. Those plot points are either clichéd or unbelievable. Tellingly, the plot point of the book that would have increased our understanding of Christian--his getting counseling--was left out. It's an action film about sex. Without a slow build-up, the sex is more acrobatic but not as sexy.
I didn't hate the movie. Dornan and Johnson are great within the confines of what they've been given to work with. The movie is redeemed by the pretty bodies and faces and by our understanding of the characters from Fifty Shades of Grey. But I sorely, sorely missed the attention of Grey's director Sam Taylor-Johnson and writer Kelly-Marcel.
Fifty Shades of Grey (2015)
Compelling Love Story Dragged Down by Hype and Bad Source Material
Christian Grey said "I don't do romance." Neither do I. I've never read a "romance novel" in my entire life, let alone one that was universally panned as being badly written. I didn't know who Jamie Dornan was, had never seen Dakota Johnson in a movie or TV show, and hadn't paid much attention to magazine articles or reviews of Fifty Shades of Grey. I first watched the movie long after everyone else had moved on.
Fifty Shades of Grey, considered on its own merits, is a compelling movie.
Let's start with "rich." Christian Grey is very, very, very rich. The director, art designer, and set designer created a beautiful and believable billionaire's world. It was also tasteful and elegant. The world-class artwork is evocative of the Pacific Northwest, the location of the movie. Kudos on the sumptuous environment and for the discreet way it was handled in the film. We inhabited the world and were able to appreciate it without having it shoved down our throats. No one ever talks about how much the helicopter cost, for instance.
The costume designer dressed Christian in understated and very expensive clothing. Classic suits are a good choice for a young billionaire. Dressing well in "grown-up" clothes lends him gravitas. And, well, when you are working with Jamie Dornan's face and body, you don't need to go fancy. Showcase the face and body. Both are off-the-charts gorgeous.
Anastasia Steele's world and wardrobe were also handled well. Totally believable.
Let's talk about the lovers. Anastasia and Christian had a prolonged "meet-cute" that worked. The office scene in which Anastasia interviews Christian was an expertly handled introduction for viewers. She's a virginal, very intelligent but unsophisticated student. She's not meek though. She challenges him. He's hyper-controlling, even of himself, and highly successful. There's sadness there. Anastasia reaches something within him.
Dornan took a lot of heat for his portrayal of Grey but I think he was brilliant. Dornan's body movements were tight and his voice was modulated because he was, wait for it, "controlled." Christian is a damaged man and he moves and speaks in a way designed to protect himself. Dornan's eyes gave away what he was feeling. Those eyes became more and more expressive as his feelings for Anastasia grew.
Dakota Johnson's Anastasia was sublime. She was utterly naturalistic in her acting and utterly believable. If Dornan's eyes were the key to understanding Christian, Johnson's mouth was the key to understanding Anastasia. Johnson can do more with a nanosecond flex of the muscles on the side of her mouth than most actresses can do with 10 lines of dialogue.
The dialogue was the biggest problem with this movie but I've come to understand a lot of the dialogue was verbatim from the book. Too bad. The dialogue was sometimes but, thankfully, not too often, laughable. "I'm fifty shades of f....ed up." We have to give the actors credit for selling some lines that were real clunkers.
Finally, let's talk about the sex scenes. I thought they were sexy, each scene in its own way. Christian could be remarkably tender with Ana. When he wasn't being tender, nothing he did shocked me. But I didn't need to be shocked. It's a love story. I cared about the characters and enjoyed seeing them enjoy each other. Dornan and Johnson had chemistry and beautiful bodies. Okay. I'm in.
The scene in which Christian beats Anna with a belt was the catalyst for their break-up. I don't like to watch men beating women but it's important to remember that she asked him to do it and that is was ritualistic. "Count, Anastasia." That's what redeems the character of Christian here. If he'd beaten her in anger, it would be a very different story. And he was clearly upset afterwards. And devastated when she leaves him.
Here's my advice. If you haven't already seen Fifty Shades of Grey, try watch it without expectation. Watch it without reading too many reviews (except this one, of course.) If you're thinking about watching it again, watch it knowing that the director and actors paid great attention to detail. Fifty Shades of Grey is an understated movie surrounded by hyperbole and pseudo-controversy. Tune out the noise. Let the movie speak for itself.
Flying Home (2014)
A Charmer
Flying Home (also known as Racing Hearts) is a charming love story that wins your heart. It's shy. It doesn't scream at you with special effects or violence or profanity or prurient sex scenes. It takes place in an area of Belgium most Americans don't know a lot about and in the world of pigeon racing. Flanders and doves. It's safe to say you haven't been inundated with movies about Flanders and doves. Give Flying Home a chance.
Colin (Jamie Dornan) is a hedge-fund hot-shot who sets out to buy a bird worth 300,000 euros on behalf of an Arab dove fancier. He finds himself in a small village in Flanders among a group of dove racing aficionados and is drawn into their world with the help of a local college student and a search for the grave of his British great-grandfather. His great-grandfather, like half a million young British soldiers, died in Flanders in World War 1.
Dornan does some subtle acting here. Colin pretends to be a high school teacher so as to hide his motive for being in Flanders. His character is acting and Dornan layers his performance. A lot of it is in his eyes. Colin's authenticity does surface, especially when he's with college student Isabel. The scene where Colin and Isabel are dancing is a beautiful study of a man who is struggling with conflicting feelings. It's tricky and I have to say Dornan nails it. If you are looking for an over-actor, Dornan is not your man. He's excellent at slowly revealing the facets of Colin.
Isabel is played by Flemish actress Charlotte De Bruyne. Isabel is open and direct. It's clear she likes Colin but she is not aggressive at all. She's lovely and De Bruyne is winsome in the role. It's easy to see why Colin would be drawn to Isabel, especially when you compare her to the NYC women he knows.
The Flemish actors who play the village characters are all skilled and their Flemish accented English adds a lot to the atmosphere developed by the movie. The characters are not twee at all. They are individuals and for that you can thank the writer/director Dominique Deruddere. He knows how to write characters and he knows how to tell a story.
Keep in mind the plot sometimes hinges on unseen action. Because of this and because the world and language (there are a few subtitled passages) of Flying Home are not so familiar to us, you have to give Flying Home your full attention. Do it. You'll be rewarded with a little gem of a movie.
Knocked Up (2007)
NOT knocked out by Knocked Up.
So much good buzz over Knocked Up. Turns out all the buzzing was done by retarded bees. This was not a good movie and I'll tell you why.
The characters were mostly despicable and, worse, not believable as real people. Real twenty-something men, crude and disgusting though they may be, are not as crude and disgusting as the men in this movie. Real people as successful as Pete and Debbie do not behave the way they did in the movie.
The movie was unable to convince us there was anything real between Ben and Allison. They had zero chemistry and zero physical, emotional or intellectual connection. Zero. So, it didn't make sense that they would have sex in the first place. It didn't make sense that this successful woman would EVER consider keeping that loser's baby. And it didn't make sense that Allison would fall in love with Ben. Yeah, the script can say they fell in love and the actor's can mouth the words at the right time but they sure didn't convince us.
The movie employed bad actors. We already knew Ryan Seacrest and James Franco can't act. But, worse, Ken Jeong as Dr. Kuni, was awful.
Cameo roles by Office personnel (BJ Novac, Craig Robinson, Steve Carell) took us right out of the story. "Oh, look, there's Ryan."
The movie was way too long. The editing was atrocious. If I can tell that, why couldn't the director and the film editor tell?
I gave it one star to counteract the mindless overpraise Knocked Up generated. It's really about a 3-star movie. It would be okay as background noise when you're cleaning your house.
Touch of Pink (2004)
Things are not Rosy with That Touch of Pink
I am a fan of Kyle MacLachlan from his Twin Peaks days and good reviews of his performance as Cary Grant led me to watch this movie. I'm sorry I did because it saddened me to see him reduced to acting in a movie of this caliber. The script never met a cliché it didn't like and I knew where immediately how the story would end. (I was right.) Jimi Mistri was not the right choice to play Alim. He was clearly uncomfortable with the gay kissing scenes and the rest of his performance ranged from morose to more morose. He does a lot of his acting by widening his eyes. I got the impression Suleka Mathew is a good actress but her character was poorly written--so manipulative and unpleasant one moment and so effortlessly transformed the next. Finally, the lighting, the sets, the staging all scream "we can't spend a lot of money on this production."
The Colbert Report (2005)
Consistently Annoying and Unwatchable
Never has any show in the entire history of television been as overrated, overpraised, and over-hyped as The Colbert Report. This show does nothing but annoy. The lead character, played by Stephen Colbert, is supposed to be a parody of a conservative newscaster. Unfortunately, Colbert does not so much succeed in mocking such conservatives as he does in becoming as annoying as they are. He is not funny or enlightening or remotely interesting. The media goes on and on about Colbert's talent and intelligence but how much talent and intelligence does it take to play the same character and the same tired comedy bits over and over until we stop watching. That is not talent, that is consistency. And to be consistently annoying does not lead to a long career, even in the fake news game. My roommate and I gave The Colbert Report a fair shot, coming on as it does after The Daily Show, one of our favorite shows. We now turn off The Daily Show early so we don't catch Colbert's promo at the end of it. That's how bad this show is. We can't even stand the promos.