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Insidious: The Red Door (2023)
The true Insidious Chapter 3
Maybe I'm weird for having an emotional investment in Insidious. Or at least the first 2 movies. I never watched 3 or Last Key because if they have nothing to do with the original stories... what's the point?
A lot of reviewers I've seen made the mistake of saying "you don't need to watch the previous movies to understand this." But they were basing that off The Last Key which is wrong. You DO need to watch 1 and 2 before seeing this because this is a direct sequel to 2. This is the true Insidious: Chapter 3.
I'm too lazy to give spoilers right now. The movie isn't amazing. But it definitely makes the franchise better by existing. It's not a stain on the story.
The scares honestly feel more akin to a Conjuring movie than an Insidious movie. Lots of long pauses and visions of things happening.
But the plot and story work well, and the dynamic between Josh and Dalton is extremely fleshed out. The ending is beautiful, even if the ride to it wasn't that great.
Mission: Impossible - Dead Reckoning Part One (2023)
I'm just confused now.
Mission: Impossible - Fallout is one of my favorite movies of all time. I will never forget watching it in theaters for the first time. I love all the movies and the overarching storyline.
But with Dead Reckoning Part 1, I'm just confused now. Why are these next two movies being made? It doesn't have anything to do with the previous films, so it feels like everything we previously saw means nothing. Sure, they mention a few names from last time, but the 4th movie directly affected the events in 5, and capturing Solomon Lane directly affected the events in 6. But here, there's basically nothing except for the White Widow returning. This feels more like a glorified spin-off with Ethan Hunt than a full sequel.
I am fully aware this is the first half. I love me a good cliff hanger. As long as it's done correctly... but this isn't. The movie literally just stops abruptly and thinks that having a monologue with music is a good outro. It's not. There's no big reveal at the end to make you excited for what comes next. No surprises, no characters returning out of the blue, nothing. When Dead Man's Chest ended, Barbossa coming back from the dead was extremely cool. And it was built up from the beginning. But here, the movie just stops. Not cool.
But what about the action scenes? They unfortunately leave a lot to be desired. They hyped up that motorcycle jump to ABSOLUTE DEATH... and in the movie we get to see it for a whopping four seconds. FOUR!!!!!!! I don't care if he did the jump himself. It doesn't feel like it when you cut it so hard and only show me a small part of it! The Halo jump in Fallout was so great because it was all one cut. That showed that they really did risk life and limb for this stuff. Same with Tom on the outside of the plane in Rogue Nation. We got to see that happen in real time for at least 10-20 seconds. But they just gloss over this so hard in Dead Reckoning... WHY?????
The pacing is absolutely atrocious. The reason why Fallout and Rogue Nation were amazing is because they trimmed the fat and cut to the chase... literally! Those movies had a lot going on, but they got straight to the point. In this movie? There isn't a lot going on, but it's the longest of the movies so far. So we have overly long sections of people talking about nothing and extended scenes of people staring or spouting what's going to happen before it happens. It's lame. The dialogue in Fallout beats the dialogue in this 500 times over.
We have literally no idea who Gabriel is. The actor who plays him isn't menacing or stoic at all. And the movie chooses not to tell us anything about him outside from the fact that he killed a girl when Ethan was younger. HOW DOES THAT MAKE HIM MORE EVIL THAN SOLOMON LANE???? Solomon Lane was going to detonate 2 nukes in the middle of Kashmir in the name of creating world peace, and you expect us to believe this motiveless brick of a person named Gabriel to be even more evil? Without giving us any reason to do so????
Don't get me wrong, the movie isn't entirely bad. But much like The Dark Knight Rises, it's hard to appreciate it when there's so much wrong with the movie. I haven't even gotten into Grace joining the IMF, Kitridge returning, Ilsa dying in the most emotionless way possible, it goes on.
I'm not mad (well, maybe a little). I'm just confused. After the masterpieces that were Rogue Nation and Fallout, we were all hoping that Christopher McQuarrie and Tom Cruise would just knock it out of the park. But that hasn't happened yet. We'll find out next year if they did or not. That's what frustrates me the most.
Rage 2 (2019)
The kind of video game that makes you hate the concept of video games
I keep seeing that this game is basically Doom mixed with Far Cry. Couldn't be further from the truth. Far Cry, for all of its problems, at least has a semblance of a story, meaningful customization and upgrades, and multiple ways to complete missions. In Rage 2, every mission is the exact same.
- go to an enemy outpost and kill everyone
- go to a mutant pit and kill everyone but ALSO destroy all the life spores
And by the way there's no stealth option, so the only way you can clear an outpost is by busting in guns blazing. The game doesn't allow you to deviate from this at all.
- go to an authority sentry, stand still, and shoot at it, and then hide behind cover when it starts shooting you. Very action packed.
- go to a "story" mission and sit through a cutscene
- go to a racing track and win the race (why is there racing in a post-apocalyptic world where everyone is trying to fight each other?)
- hijack a convoy and initiate a car chase (okay this one is actually cool)
All of these missions play out exactly the same. If you did one, you did them all. It's the definition of corporate open world sludge as an excuse for a $60 game. Glad I picked it up at Walmart for $12.
Maybe this could be forgivable if the game had a competent use interface. But it doesn't. The menu takes 20 seconds to switch tabs and sections, and the upgrade system is tedious. And it takes 30 seconds to flip over to it because of the delay. You can't fix the lag in the MENU?
The map is also terrible since all the logos are made with neon lighting, and a lot of them have the same shape, so it's hard to tell what icon is what, and the legend is on a different section of the menu??? WHY?
On top of that, there's no weapon customization, so you can't add scopes, magazines, stocks, or even silencers.
People often wonder why video games are "boring" now or they "aren't what they used to be." It's because of games like this where you just drive from location to location doing the same boring tasks and nearly falling asleep. No amount of shooting is going to make your game more fun. Trust me, there ARE good games out there, but games like Rage 2 are the disease, not the cure.
Evil Dead Rise (2023)
Now THIS is rated R
This makes all The Conjuring movies look like safe, manufactured sludge to appeal to the lowest common denominator. I still have no idea why those films aren't rated PG-13.
I have never seen an Evil Dead movie before. I didn't know what I was getting myself into except for seeing the trailer and knowing that this movie was put into theaters because of how good it was (it was originally only going to be on HBO Max, but since it tested so well, they put it into theaters instead).
But even without knowing what Evil Dead was about, I was not disappointed at all. You don't need to see the other movies to understand this one. This is very much its own story. And the story is surprisingly good. A lot of horror movies that come out these days are almost always carbon copies of one another, and you can tell from the trailers they show you. This movie does suffer from having a few of the isometric tropes, but it makes up for it with dark humor, a great plot, and a shockingly good performance from all characters.
Far Cry 5 (2018)
The ending alone brings this from an 8 to a 7.
Like every Far Cry game, this one starts off with a HUGE bang, and you truly do feel super vulnerable. A religious cult has taken over an entire county, and your attempts to capture the leader fail, and you're stranded with no help and no back-up. What a premise!
The gameplay is 10x better than Primal. Guns and vehicles make stealth a necessity. In Primal, you could just walk into an outpost, lure all enemies outside, let them chase you in a circle like zombies, and pick them off one by one. It was super played out. This game allows you to use guns for hire while clearing outposts, but they're so pointless and counterproductive that it's easier to do it by yourself.
The soundtrack is amazing. Sometimes I just open the menu and map to listen to the music. And the map is a huge step up from Primal's 2D map. You can see where things are with little models to see what they look like instead of just icons. Very helpful.
For the first half of the game, I was convinced they had learned from the mediocrity of Primal in terms of story, too. John Seed's region was AWESOME. He was undoubtedly the most grounded and believable of the 3 siblings. His methods involved pure torture and persuading people to just say one word: "yes". The characters in that region felt like real people as well like Pastor Jerome and Grace.
And then the other 2 regions were just nonsensical.
Jacob Seed used brainwashing to sway people to his cause. But his ideology has literally nothing to do with Joseph's. He's saying that only the strong survive, and the herd needs to be culled like any respectable fascist would say. That directly clashes with Joseph's "you are not too far gone" beliefs.
Faith Seed was probably the worst. We don't even get to see her in person, and then she dies because we killed her in the bliss. She doesn't even have a motivation other than indulging in drugs because her life sucked beforehand.
Since all your time is spent hunting Joseph's siblings instead of Joseph, you never actually feel like he's the bad guy, and you don't have anything really personal with him except for what happened at the start of the game.
This is all besides the fact that your original plan was to leave the county to go get help from the national guard, which there are PLENTY of helicopters and airplanes lying around for you to fly away in. This massive plot hole is painfully apparent throughout the game.
And then the ending... the dumbest climax of all time.
He predicted that the world was ending through a nuclear war... and he blames it on us because we didn't listen to him? As if us listening to a guy had anything to do with other countries nuking each other? And 3 nukes go off in the middle of nowhere in Montana... because that's TOTALLY the first place you would launch nuclear missiles to.
And this is all besides the point that despite LITERAL NUCLEAR BOMBS GOING OFF, we still want to ARREST JOSEPH SEED INSTEAD OF JUST SHOOTING HIM IN THE FACE RIGHT THERE AND THEN. ARRESTING HIM DOESN'T MATTER AT ALL RIGHT NOW. JUST KILL HIM AND GET IT OVER WITH.
This game fell apart so quickly and so avoidably. I was going to give it a 9 because of how good John's story was, and the other regions brought it to an 8, but that awful ending has to bring it down to a 7 (which is still pretty generous).
Far Cry Primal (2016)
A fun open-world with loads of content, but is severely lacking in depth.
Just like with any Far Cry game, there is a lot to do. The world really feels alive like so much is going on around you. You constantly have people to rescue from enemy tribes, you have animals that will attack you from every angle, and there are plenty of locations to discover and take over.
But as fun as it may be to play the game, it has no depth whatsoever. The developers missed so many opportunities to make this game truly great. In one mission, you have to fight the saber-tooth tiger that killed your brother at the beginning of the game. But that's all you do. You fight it until it is within an inch of its life, and then you tame it.
Why couldn't you have some kind of reckoning with the tiger? This is the creature that killed your brother! Why not have the option to either kill it or spare its life? Why not have the main character talk to it like he does with a lot of other animals? Why not have him forgive what the tiger did to him, and decide to put aside their differences to become more than what they were before? That is kind of the theme with the game anyway: building up your bonds with both your village and the wildlife. This could have been one of the BEST missions, but it ends up falling completely flat.
In another mission, you have to fight the main boss of the Udam, Ull. Once you defeat him, he tells you to look after his children and then he dies. Okay, that could be cool and emotional, but... no.
You could have had him recognize that the Wenja are powerful because they are more in touch with wildlife around them, and they use it to their advantage. The main character is able to tame bears and cave lions for crying out loud! This mission could have been a waking point for the main character as well. The Udam are sick and dying. They need someone to help them, so that could have been the point where they ask for help from the Wenja, but it still falls flat.
It's still wildly fun to play, and the open world is awesome, but the story is so bland that you end up forgetting what you're fighting for in the first place, and you're left wondering what the difference is between you and your enemies with the game doing nothing to address it.
Random Heroes: Gold Edition (2020)
A watered down version of the earlier mobile games
I played Random Heroes 2 and 3 on my iPad back in the day, and I still have 2 on there because of how much of a masterpiece it is.
Here is simply a list of things that were downgraded/removed from the previous games in the Gold Edition.
- Walking backwards while shooting is gone.
- Raising your arm to change the angle of your shot is gone.
- Unique hero abilities are gone.
- Hero stats have been reduced to damage, health, and speed. In the mobile version, the guns decided the damage, and the stats also had jump height.
- Weapon selection is reduced to 25 guns, a lot of which are different versions of each other. No sniper rifle. No energy sprayer. No fun.
- Hero and weapon upgrades are gone.
- Buying heroes is gone. You have to unlock them by earning stars.
- Aliens reacting to the player is gone. Each alien now just follows a specific pattern and stays that way no matter what the player does.
- Only one cutscene for a collection of the 3 games. How do you not include all of the cutscenes from each of the games? It's just a guy talking. It's not that hard to put in there.
- Boss battles, the weakest part of the mobile games, are even worse now. The levels at least had some room to move around. Now you just stand in one spot and jump to dodge attacks.
Despite ALL of that... it's actually still fun to play. Shooting aliens and earning coins is still satisfying despite the lack of progression and unique art styles in the levels. I wouldn't recommend it to most people though. There are way better 2D platformers out there on Xbox and Playstation. I would recommend the mobile games if I could, but they have tragically been removed from the App Store.
Minecraft: Story Mode - A Telltale Games Series (2015)
Most boring video game I have ever played
5% of the time you are actually playing the game and having a slight snippet of fun with it. The rest of the game is overly long cutscenes, countless quicktime events, and dialogue options that add next to nothing to the story.
Speaking of the story, it is absolutely contrived. You would think that if you have next to no gameplay in your video game, you would at least counter that with a compelling story that you could engage in. Minecraft Story Mode has none of the sort. Jesse, Olivia, and Axel want to win a building competition, so they build a monster with a fireworks dispenser, and depending on the monster you build, you either win or lose. This would be cool if it had an actual effect on the story, which it doesn't. The first 2-3 episodes of chapter 1 are pointless filler. Then Petra asks Jesse to help her engage in an exchange with her where she trades a wither skull for a diamond. Idk if the developers have ever played Minecraft, but a wither skull should be worth like 20 diamonds at the minimum. That is an ultra rare item. Why are you giving it to the guy for 1? Are you stupid? We'll find out later. But anyway, the guy she's trading with, Ivor, doesn't even give her a diamond. He gives her lapis lazuli. So they chase after him and find his secret hideout which just happens to be inside a convention center where the world's most powerful warrior is speaking. Because I guess security isn't an issue at a place like that. Petra discovers a statue with soul sand and wither skulls, but has no idea what is being built. HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW. You gave Lukas a nether star for his building competition, and you get that from KILLING A WITHER. How do you NOT know what a wither is when you see one. I told you she would be stupid. The gang then find out that Ivor is plotting to build a wither storm to destroy the world. But he doesn't actually want to destroy the world. He wants to prove to the Order of the Stone that they aren't as powerful as people think they are. So he releases the wither storm, and Ivor fails to stop it because Axel stole his potion. Because if Axel had actually listened to anyone and not stolen a potion that he had no idea what it was or what it could do to him, none of this would be happening in the first place.
So everyone runs away from the wither storm and the gang escapes into the nether where they use the railway system to get to the HQ of the Order of the Stone, and Jesse has to pick which member of the Order they need to go find. But it doesn't matter which you pick because both of the options show up at the end in the first place.
That might sound like a story that a 7-year-old put together, because it probably is. And people will always try to defend this game by saying "It's made for kids. It's allowed to be bad."
THERE ARE PLENTY of kid's games that are actually good. Some have great gameplay like Mario, Banjo-Kazooie, and (ironically) Minecraft. And there are kid's games with great stories as well like Zelda. Games made for kids can be fun and engaging. The fact that it's "made for kids" is absolutely not an excuse for any piece of media being bad. Idk how people don't get this.
The one thing holding the game together is the characters, who despite the awful story, feel like real people with their own charms and personalities. It's nice watching them argue with each other because you get to see both sides of an issue. The problem is that none of them actually have a character arc. Aside from being popular and being part of the new order of the stone, they all just stay exactly the same as they used to be by the end (except for Lukas. He has a little bit of substance).
RAID: Shadow Legends (2018)
The only redeeming quality is that its sponsorships help out YouTubers I like, and even then, I skip the ads.
OMG FORGET EVERYTHING YOU THINK YOU KNOW ABOUT MOBILE GAMES BECAUSE RAID SHADOW LEGENDS IS ONE OF THE MOST AMBITIOUS RPG PROJECTS OF 2019!!!!!!!
It's a game that is completely bare bones. Even in 2022, the gameplay is an astoundingly boring loop. It's so anticlimactic that the game can LITERALLY play itself with an option in the settings.
Imagine if a turn-based RPG like Pokemon just had your character just use the most powerful move automatically without you using any of the controls and playing the game for you. It wouldn't work. Because those games actually require thought and strategy in their turn-based gameplay. You can revive yourself; you can choose 4 different moves to use against the opponent; you can utilize 6 different pokemon against different enemies when they show up. It's not bare bones... unlike RAID: SHADOW LEGENDS.
I'm probably going to get assassinated tonight because I gave RAID a negative review. See you later.
Ambulance (2022)
What do you want the movie to look and sound like, Michael Bay?
Sometimes, it is the best looking movie I have ever seen, and sometimes, it is the worst looking movie I have ever seen. The camera sometimes looks incredibly dynamic and makes cool stunts with its turning and angling. Other times, it's literally 0.5 inches from a characters's face, and it makes like 20 jump cuts in just one conversation, which is completely disorienting.
I guess it's good that there aren't any ridiculous, rapid flashes of light, and that the CGI is kept at a minimum. At least, when the camera movement allows it, you can actually look at the movie.
Sometimes, the sound mixing and editing is on par with Dune or Dunkirk. Other times, it reduces to freaking ear rape or to times where you can barely hear what the characters are saying. WHY ARE THE VISUALS AND AUDIBLES SO INCONSISTENT?????
The action is as good as you would expect from a Michael Bay movie, and it's nice to see him return to form and get away from the awful Transformers movies. It gets to be a hard R rating. And that's good!
The story is like a combination of Baby Driver, Speed, and Falling Down, which is a cool idea on paper. It has the action, characters, and banter of Baby Driver and Speed, and it has the emotion and pay-off of Falling Down. It ends with Danny dead and Will barely alive, and he will probably be taken to jail. The main note the movie ends on is Cam who learns to become more caring of other people and decides to stay in her job to help others and actually be there for people now, similar to the ending of Falling Down. The main characters are either dead or doomed, and the side character is the one who becomes inspired because of them. And Will's wife now has the money she needs for her surgery.
Some people say that Danny and Will are completely insane in the movie. Especially close to the end. But you have to remember that they're under loads of stress trying to keep the ambulance under control, the officer in the ambulance alive, and Cam from running away. As the movie slowly builds towards the climax, it's clear that Danny is not the same person as he was at the beginning. He's turned into someone completely different from all the stress thrown on him. So it makes sense that he would do something pretty stupid like shooting Cam on live TV. Thankfully Will takes the initiative and shoots his brother before he can do anything.
Sometimes the pacing is great, and sometimes, it's all over the place. At least they had a cause-and-effect for everything going on. Nothing just happens out of nowhere.
The characters have great backstories, and Danny's and Will's brotherhood form a lot of the emotional backbone for the movie. The same goes for Cam's character arc where she starts off as a hard-working workaholic who is great at saving people, but she just treats it like nothing, and she doesn't care for anyone she's saving. She ultimately turns around as a character, and once both main characters are down, Cam was a good character to end the story with.
Overall, the movie looks good, with a lot of dizzy camera shots, and the sound is hit or miss. The story is interesting, and the tension is kept at a maximum the entire time. It's not a slow burner like The Invitation. There's always something going on. The three leads are great, and they work very well with each other. And despite what happens to the main characters, the movie ultimately ends on a hopeful note.
The Batman (2022)
Feels like I was watching the second movie in a trilogy without watching the first.
It's good that we didn't get Batman's origin story, and it's also good that we get to see more Batman and he gets to do some detective work for once.
But ultimately, the lack of Bruce Wayne is kind of what brings the movie down. We don't get much of a glimpse of who the man is or what his aspirations are. He's the exact same person as Batman just without the mask. This especially isn't helped by the fact that whenever he is Bruce Wayne, all he's secretly doing is more detective work.
The Riddler started off as a great villain. He was killing power and corrupt officials to prove a point, and he had a great motivation for doing it. He was wanting to drain the swamp in Gotham and to filter out the evil governmental members. But he completely falls apart at the end! All he does at the end is a generic bad guy tactic. He blows up trucks to flood the city. WHY DID YOU DO THAT??? That has nothing to do with your message!!! Now you're just blowing things up because you want destruction!
So the movie started off on an extremely solid note, had a great middle part, and then fell apart at the end in a stupid action fight. So it's definitely 2/3 of a good movie.
Sonic the Hedgehog 2 (2022)
Better than the first one.
Before I talk, I want to say that this franchise would have instantly died had the developers not changed the way sonic originally looked. Unfortunately, the development company went out of business just to change how Sonic looks, but it was totally worth it.
The first movie had the backing of pretty much all fans when it came out because of the humility that the studio showed, and all it needed to do was be an ok movie that was fun. And that's exactly what it was. The first movie wasn't special, just okay. And that's all it needed to be.
So we came from a movie that had massive potential for flopping to a successful sequel with a third movie in the works! It's great what a bit of humility could do for you.
The sequel builds off of everything the first movie was about, and it's a good step in the right direction. It's not perfect or amazing, but it's definitely an improvement! And that's great!
It has a better plot this time: Sonic and Tails need to find a magic Emerald while being hunted by Dr. Eggman and Knuckles who also want to find it. Eventually, Dr. Eggman betrays Knuckles and takes the emerald for himself to create a giant robot to destroy Sonic and take over the universe. Sonic saves Knuckles and talks with him because of both of their backstories. They settle their differences and choose to become friends along with Tails in order to defeat Dr. Eggman.
All of the new characters have great, compelling backstories. Knuckles was the spawn of an epic warrior tribe who once had control of the emerald. He has a grudge with Sonic because his master was the one who took the emerald away from his tribe, and he is the last of his kind.
Tails is a plucky, inventive kid who watched Sonic and his actions and got inspired by him to become a hero. Both Knuckles and Tails are believable characters, and it's much more emotionally satisfying when they eventually team together and become one big family.
They all vow to protect the emerald from the people who want to use it for the wrong reasons and to never use it for themselves. And the movie ends with them all being a complete family with Sonic's adopted mom and dad.
Now some of the stuff in the movie is stupid and makes no sense. The whole wedding FBI set-up all depended on Sonic showing up to the wedding, which they had no control over. It was pure coincidence that he ended up there. They had no idea he was going to show up. What would have happened if he didn't show up? Would the wedding have kept going? I guess, since the groom really does love his fiance, so I guess it would have just happened and they would have planned to capture Sonic later... I guess...
And also, it's pretty convenient that the emerald ended up being super close to where the wedding was. Even if it was hundreds of miles away, it was still close enough for Sonic to see and run to. If it was on the other side of the world, they would never have known about it.
But other than that, the movie has a coherent narrative. It has great emotional arcs from Knuckles Tails, and Sonic, and the story is mostly competent. Some of the parts set it back from being a great movie because they rely on coincidences or conveniences, but it still stays together pretty well.
The Lost City (2022)
Gets everything right that Red Notice got wrong
- It doesn't insult your intelligence.
- It doesn't have an annoying character that says stupid jokes that are completely out of place.
- The actors don't just act as themselves (except Channing Tatum). Sandra Bullock and Daniel Radcliffe give off charming performances.
- It isn't a stupid CGI action fest; the action stays at a minimum and it emphasizes more on exploration and searching around.
- No dumb sponsorships from tequila companies owned by the actors.
- It doesn't try to pull the rug out from underneath you with a cheap twist or betrayal.
- Has an emotional core (sort of).
Red Notice was aggravating to watch even though it was meant to be entertaining. But The Lost City succeeds and is actually watchable because it avoids making the same mistakes that Red Notice made. Good job, TLC.
War of the Worlds (2005)
It's not Spielberg's fault. The fundamental story just isn't that good.
Aliens start attacking the world, and the main character needs to protect his kids from the aliens and the anarchy being induced by the chaos and destruction. That's cool enough until you realize this is a global problem, which you have to wonder why we're focusing on this tiny family who has no play in the actual "war" of the worlds.
On top of that, the main character didn't know anything about the aliens beforehand, and he had no relevant experience in fighting, virology, or spacecraft, so everything he does has no real meaningful effect in the grand scheme of things.
Compare this to something like The Day After Tomorrow. The main character in that movie was a famous meteorologist who was trying to convince the American government that all of the storms happening around the world were connected, and there was something much worse to come. He may not have any power over what the weather does, but he still has input in the safety of everyone in the storms.
On top of that, the aliens then just die because of diseases that they aren't used to. The humans did absolutely nothing to kill them. Hooray! Nothing of value happened!
Sure, this also happened in The Day After Tomorrow, but the difference between these two movies is that Dennis Quaid's character was trying to go out in the storm to find his son in New York City, and there was the side plot where his son was trying to survive as well, and there was doubt that his dad would make it. Tom Cruise's character in War of the Worlds already had his kids with him the whole time. He just needed to keep them safe, which he did. There wasn't any tension about whether or not he could get back to his kids. He already had them with him.
Again, this isn't Spielberg's fault. The fundamental story is just bad. The main character's actions have nothing to do with stopping what's actually going on in the grand scheme of things, and nobody in the film does anything to actually stop the aliens. They just die. There isn't any clever plan to release a virus on them. There isn't any set-up or pay-off around the aliens getting defeated. They're just dead. Hooray.
The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D (2005)
A masterpiece of character arcs and storytelling.
You think I'm being sarcastic? NO. This movie is genuinely good.
Sharkboy and Lavagirl represent Max's parents, who are on the brink of divorce, and the way the movie shows us this is phenominal. Despite both Sharkboy and Lavagirl being virtually incompatible with each other, one being a fish person who likes water and the other being a being made of lava and fire, they're still best friends, and they're willing to sacrifice everything for each other. And it also shows that they're more powerful when they work together.
Max's parents are why he has Sharkboy and Lavagirl as his friends. And just like the bond between the two of them, their individual characters are very compelling as well. Sharkboy was the son of a marine biologist and shark lover, but when a storm hit the research center they were at, and he was separated from his dad, he got adopted by hundreds of sharks who recognized him. In the movie, his motivations are to find the means to seek his father and become king of the ocean. Add this on top of the fact that he learns to become compatible with Lavagirl, and you've got a super deep character that you absolutely feel for.
Lavagirl is even better. She doesn't know who she is or why she exists. She was born from a volcano, but that's all the backstory she has. Her destructive powers make her think that her only purpose in life is to be evil when she doesn't want to be. And when Max finally figures out the secret to who she is by learning to dream with his eyes open, and he tells her that she is in fact LIGHT. She is the ultimate force against the darkness that is taking over Planet Drool.
And Max's character arc is to learn that dreaming for yourself will only hurt other people, and when you dream for others, you can help them succeed as well. This is shown in the finale when Max hands Mr. Electricidad's daughter the necklace she had in his dream, and she recognized it. However, it's more apparent when Max is fighting Minus, and he persuades him that helping others is the right thing to do. Minus was the one who was causing all the darkness to fall upon Planet Drool, and instead of destroying him, Max learns to team up with him, as this follows the path of doing things for others.
Obviously it's not a perfect movie. It's brought back by a bunch of unexplained cameos, the crystal heart being useless, and just a general bad CGI effect, but the character work in this movie is unbelievably good. And the things that happen in order for it to get where it needs to be aren't too shabby either. Overall a good movie, and I can't believe it's on the IMDb bottom 100. It's so misunderstood.
Super Size Me (2004)
A flimsy concept that is executed pretty well.
I can guarantee at least 99.9999% of people do not exclusively eat at McDonald's, so the premise is a bit like a strawman on its own.
If someone showed me this documentary to try and make me not eat at McDonald's ever again, and show me how unhealthy it is, I would just reply with "I don't eat it every single meal at every day. I don't even eat it every week."
Despite this, it's executed in a good manner. The host is a very entertaining and compelling figure. It does motivate me to not eat McDonald's every day, so I'll give them that. It's too bad that I never did that in the first place.
Call of Duty: World at War (2008)
Excellent Game
Each mission feels like you've achieved something great. Both on the Soviet side and the American side, it doesn't feel like you're playing a game. It feels like you're actually there with your fellow soldiers (or comrades).
The American side doesn't have as much emotion or story, but it does make up for it with dynamic gameplay types. You fly in a plane and rescue drowning survivors from a sunken ship. You fight Japanese that are bonzai charging you. The best part: there are almost ZERO quick time events.
The Russian side doesn't have as much to offer when it comes to gameplay (except for 2 sniping missions that are really cool and a tank mission), but the story leading up to the epic climax is epic. It ends with you taking down the Nazi flag on the German parliament and replacing it with the soviet flag. TALK ABOUT AWESOME.
It's also the game that started the whole zombies aspect of COD, so gotta give them credit for that. Nacht der Untoten is dated, but it still feels really good to do well in that game. The shooting and knifing are really satisfying.
Dune (2021)
A very interesting sci-fi drama
This movie was very good. I have almost no complaints with it. It feels a lot like Revenge of the Sith mixed with The Fellowship of the Ring, but also not like that at all. I don't know how exactly to put it, but it definitely delivers on an epic scale!
The only major complaint I have with the movie is "The Voice." I had never read the book, so I asked my older sister who had read it about the voice, and she said it can be used to force people to do things. So that's why it was significant when Jessica said the scarred guy was deaf on the ship.
Now that's all cool, but then I have to wonder why they didn't use it on the Fremen. They could have avoided killing one of the members if they had used the voice against them. But then I also found out that you need to be familiar with their language, accents, and the way they talk to use the voice on people. But then again, they used it on the Haruukek (or however you spell it) the day before, and they only listened to what they were saying for about 10 minutes. Were they familiar with the Harukkek's way of talking but not the Fremen? That's my only question or complaint I have with this movie.
Other than that, everything is great! It is definitely half of a movie, and I cannot wait for the sequel to wrap things up. I don't know if they'll continue after the second one or not because although there are more books from Frank Herbert about Dune, they aren't as popular at all, and the reason is because it kind of mocks the previous books. It makes fun of the hero's journey concept, and I don't know if audiences would care much about that (Just look at Last Jedi).
Man of Steel (2013)
What do you mean Superman isn't hopeful, optimistic, and moral in this movie?
I've seen so many negative reviews of this movie online saying that Superman was the worst possible DC hero to kick off a darker version of the MCU. I still can't see why. They always say that the character should be the embodiment of good will and old fashioned heroism, and that trying to make it a darker, more serious movie was a fatal mistake.
If anything, Superman was the BEST character to start this off with. It totally shouldn't have been Batman, because let's be honest. Making ANOTHER Batman movie in 2013 immediately after The Dark Knight Rises would have caused massive confusion over Bruce Wayne's actor, and it would have sparked backlash for milking the Batman character way too hard.
Zack Snyder was looking to create a DCEU in which he depicted what super heroes are like when they inhabit the real world. That meant creating a more serious tone to the idea of super heroes as well as showing how destructive they can truly be. That's exactly what created the thesis for Batman vs Superman.
But even despite this, Superman is still an optimistic character in this movie... at least as an adult he is. Once he learns who he is and what he was meant to do, he lives up to that morality. And it is helped by the fact that he was taught to wait until he knew who he was and until the world was ready for him to show his powers and his identity.
But enough about the character of Superman and the DCEU as a whole. The movie is actually pretty good! It doesn't feel like it was made in 2013. It feels very ahead of its time (Batman vs Superman definitely not).
The visual effects? They look great for the most part! And unlike the Snyder Cut with all its slow motion, it can communicate a picture to the audience without rubbing our noses into it.
And yes, there is A TON of destruction in this movie. I can only imagine Zack Snyder saying that any time Superman or some Kryptonian person gets punched, they HAVE to hit a building or truck or else it doesn't look cool. So it almost becomes comical how many times they hit something, EVEN IN SPACE where there is plenty of room to move, they still hit satellites.
So that WAS kind of stupid. I excuse it for the city scenes because there's no way you're going to avoid hitting a building, but like, in an open farm or in space, you don't need to hit every single thing!
Clark Kent is a very developed character, and the villain Zod has a legitimate motivation to turn earth into Krypton. They are aliens born without a sense of morality, and they believe their sole purpose is to create krypton on Earth. And then when Superman stops that from happening, Zod's whole world is taken from him, and so, lacking a sense of morality, he decides to attempt to take Superman's world away from him. It's not an agreeable motivation, but it's understandable given his backstory and character.
Clark's sense of morality prevents him from wanting to kill Zod. Only when Zod is about to kill innocent humans does Clark finally kill him with no other option in sight, and he feels remorse for doing it.
This is what happens when you take a character whose core traits are optimism, positivity, and morality and put him in an impossible situation. He has to make the hard choice to kill Zod even though he doesn't want to, but if he didn't, Zod would have killed everyone on the planet.
So yes, it is the same Superman we know, but this story is showing how he became that. And on top of it, when he does become a classic moral man, he is set against an impossible situation by the villain to the point where he has to kill him against his will.
Overall, this movie was a true blast to watch, and it was awesome seeing Clark become the hero he needed to be, but ultimately having to make hard decisions when he became that hero.
Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald (2018)
Just a bad movie all around.
I like this movie, but I KNOW that it's not good.
The story is terrible. They're trying to create these artificial reasons for why characters have broken up or why they are meeting each other again
The hero is really being sidelined in his own story... or is it really his story?
The villain is actually okay. He has a believable drive for his goal, but he's not very good at explaining it.
Credence shouldn't have survived.
Astro Boy (2009)
Wasted opportunity
It pains me to give this movie a 7 because the story alone deserves a 10 out of 10!
- An intelligent boy who is the son of an accomplished scientist, but almost never gets to see his dad? Awesome.
- The boy dies and the dad blames himself, prompting him to create a robot that is just like his son was? Awesome.
- The robot turns out to be just as brilliant and perfect as the son, but every time the dad sees him, it just reminds him of his dead son? Awesome!
- The son finds out he's a robot and also that his dad doesn't truly love him? AWESOME!
- The robotic son sets out to find his purpose in life and his place in the world, and he eventually comes to terms with who he is in the finale, and his father does as well? THIS IS EPIC!!!!!
That's a making for a really compelling story, and Tobey, the son, falls from Metro City onto Earth's surface after running away from his dad who doesn't want him anymore. Things are looking really good for the movie!
UNTIL...
He gets found by a bunch of annoying kids. And then kidnapped by a bunch of useless robot rebels, and then kidnapped AGAIN by the annoying kids.
The mood of the movie switches from heart-melting story of a kid being estranged from his own father to goofy, cringe-inducing humor fest. None of the children are likeable, including Cora, the main girl. She has some shadow of a character, but the movie never takes time to explain how she came from Metro City or how she ended up where she is or even if she wants to go back.
And then there are the useless robot rebels. These three characters are so pointless and annoying that you could remove them from the story and legitimately nothing would change. In fact, if you removed all scenes with them, you could have taken time to flesh out Cora's character and maybe the other kids' as well.
Anyways, Tobey eventually dawns the name Astro, and he joins the annoying kids on their adventures in the surface world. Along the way, he runs into ZOG, an old construction robot who he restored power to with his blue core. His main significance to the plot is to bring Astro back to life in the end.
The villain, President Stone, is actually pretty good. He is intentionally 1-dimensional, as most portrayals of politicians are. All he cares about is getting re-elected, and he is willing to insert the red core into the most dangerous war machine in Metro City to gain re-election. Heck, his campaign slogan is "IT'S NOT TIME FOR CHANGE."
Overall, this story is practically perfect, but it is beaten down so hard by lazy, cringey attempts at comedy from unlikeable, useless characters, and if the movie had given the scenes on the surface world more time to breathe like they did in the city scenes, and if they got rid of all the terrible humor, this movie could have been an easy 9 or even 10 out of 10. Sadly, it's kind of a wasted opportunity.
World War Z (2013)
Truly an experience.
It's a very mediocre movie, and the production of it sounds like complete misery.
But unlike most movies that enter horrible production problems, this movie is pretty coherent. Yeah, it doesn't follow the book, but it's still really fun.
The early 2010s were quite the years for zombies. And this movie doesn't do much to add on to that genre, but the ending is actually pretty clever.
I'm glad they didn't have that final act in Russia where it shows Brad Pitt killing a bunch of zombies with a gauntlet. That completely contradicts his everyman sort of character.
Call of Duty: Black Ops Cold War (2020)
JUST WAIT ONE YEAR!
I would give this a 10 out of 10, but 3 reasons why it's 8.
1. Multiplayers sucks.
2. Make your lobby screens less animated so this game can lose like 20 GB. Geez, these pointless entrance scenes and walking around in the lobby just takes up valuable space. Lots of it.
3. STOP PUMPING THESE OUT EVERY YEAR. Gosh, you're making too much content for your own good. Vanguard looks terrible, and I don't want to play it.
Other than that, I love this game. Like, the campaign is one of the best since World at War, and Zombies is pretty dang good and replayable all the time.
Grave Encounters (2011)
WHOA
What a movie this was!
It has all the regular characteristics of a front cam horror movie. It has claustrophobic corridors, flashlights losing battery with every second, regular people who are swearing the whole time because they can't do anything better, scary apparitions/monsters, and characters interacting in believable ways.
But the thing that sets it apart from other front cam movies is how smart it is. It isn't really that scary of a horror movie if the protagonist is more powerful than the antagonist. It isn't that scary if the protagonists have all the resources they need.
So that's why this movie actually goes a huge step further in being horrifying. Lights fall over while people are sleeping. Food becomes moldy and inedible, leaving people to starve for days. Light is virtually nonexistent. People become tired, hungry, and eventually crazy because of the traumatic experience they're in.
And despite this, the characters still try their best to make smart decisions. They look for roof exits. They try to break out of a window. They go into the basement. They use a pole to open an elevator. They close doors so nothing can get in. They use any equipment they have to try and find ghosts.
The best part about this movie is near the very end where the main character, the only person left, talks into the astral walkie talkie thingy and asks, "is anyone there?" And the only response he gets is audible of hundreds of people laughing at him. Their quest to find ghosts was just a silly game to all the spirits around him. They had been toying with them despite the crew believing that they were toying with the ghosts. And they weren't finished with them just yet.
In the end, the main character survives, and he gets cleared to leave, but he doesn't... not yet... apparently he returns in the next one as well.
The Lone Ranger (2013)
Not bad at all!
This movie feels like a dying genre that I don't think has any right to. Western action movies are fun! This is like Pirates of the Caribbean with trains, cowboys, and indians! What's not to like?
It makes the wild west seem very scary and fun at the same time. It holds a whole universe of American culture, reconstruction, Native American mythology, western expansion, outlaws, and much more! This isn't a place you would want to be alone in... especially unarmed!
Much like archeology and swashbuckling adventure movies like Indiana Jones or The Mummy, The Lone Ranger seems like one of those movies that we will probably never see again. It's a shame this movie failed at the box office.