tijgertje Reviews

Contaminated Man (2000)

Quite boring, have your fast forward button ready

[10 May 2001]

This story could have become a good movie, on paper it must have looked great. The story reminds me of " The Carrier(1988)" that was a fun movie, this one is not. The movie starts with William Hurt and his Wayne's World hair, dumbed look in his eyes and then you will know it already, this is another movie good old William slept all the way through... like in so many other movies he is acting like a zombie with his "I'am only here for the money" attitude. ofcourse there's more to make is a sinker, you have Peter Weller, quite a wooden actor but fun to watch in Robocop and screamers, gives the best performance of the entire cast but if you can believe the moves he make to see his son you are the type of person who still stays awake at night when it's christmas to see santa. The plot starts of rather good but becomes a tight budget chase movie combined with some MacGyver. I gave this one a chance for about an hour before searching for the remote controll and forward button.

Just watch "The Carrier" roughly the same plot, made with a shoestring budget but a hell of a lot more fun than this..

Four Dogs Playing Poker (2000)

Boring, toooo long, and a new meaning to the word "Plothole"

[5 May 2001]

NOT worth your time, movie looks like a couple of students made it with the same budget as the rental price I paid for it in the local video store, anybody who's anybody in this movie dies quick or has two screen moments (Tim Curry //Forest Whitaker). Very bad acting, plotholes so big Godzilla could sneak through them, etc. The pitch for this movie could be copied and pasted on a napkin, but what the hell the pitch was for Half Moon Pictures if I'am not mistaken( No, I am not going to check it again!),could this be the same company as the infamous Full Moon pictures; best known for movies with killer dolls in all kinds of shapes,and men in rubber suits pretending to be scary monsters, aah, well I don't even wanna know this. The saddest thing is they used an IMDB comment for the video inlay ," Smart cross between "Usual Suspects" and "Shallow Grave". Two thumbs way up!" yeah right, in your dreams morons, these kind of movies are the sort I HAVE to watch alone because my girlfriend falls asleep after 5 minutes of this crap. Just read the video inlay, it's the best part:-)

Volcano (1997)

Fun movie

[4 May 2001]

A waisted Tommy Lee Jones in the leadrole, he's too good for this kind of movies, the guy can act... A very bad female lead who's nowadays doing her time as a guest star in episodes of Ally Mcbeal and very decent FX. It's a big budget movie that's fun to watch, what more do you want...? Ofcourse the sidesteps of racist cops and dumb ass daughters are something they could have left out of this movie but what the hell, flawed but fun!

Seven Days (1998–2001)

Something different, watch it!!

[3 May 2001]

Every now and than some tv show comes along on one of our commercial Tv stations, we have 4 in Holland, that is worth your time and is not going to persuade you to bang your head against the wall in utter terror mumbling "how bad can it be, it can't be this bad" The Outer limits was one of them, the first seasons of X files was one of them and now there is 7 days in the re- run. The first look will have you search your favorite wall again, bulky muscle guy in the lead role, mindless explosions, the cast made up of an atractive female lead( is there a spark between her and the muscle guy , duuuhhh), a smart guy in a wheelchair, a not so good guy, you know the drill. But leave the wall alone, the stories are quite good, there is budget that is well used( not he sphere that is used for the time-travel, it's a big blue screen tennisball) and everything falls in place,the actors are believable and the whole thing is fun to watch. The series lasted only three seasons, a shame really...

See it if you can!!

Cube (1997)

A true masterwork

[2 May 2001]

How many times you've seen a movie with a big budget, pushed on TV and in the cinema's with slick looking trailers only to discover when seeing the movie that it sucked,.. sucked bigtime.

Here is a movie with a budget so small in fits in a shoebox, it's filmed on one set with five actors in 20 days and it's great! I am not giving anything away from the plot but it's simple, it's stuff that will make you think long after the movie and it's a very good study of human nature. Everybody who likes films in general and do not want to see just mindless pulp this is a must see. Only backdraft are the questions that will rise after you've seen this and just refuse to go away for some time,... Rumors are there will be a part 2...

The Art of War (2000)

The matrix meets blade?

[1 May 2001]

What dis go through Wesley Snipes'mind when he did this movie, there is no plot, no action and a pointless climax, what a complete bummer after Blade. Wesley Snipes is an actor bound to play in nobrainer movies, he belongs to the dying breed of the one man army guys and tries to share ranks with a Steven Seagall in better days and an Arnold Schwarzenegger. I've caught him saying in an interview that the only reason he wanted to make action flicks was because of the money, a statement he made in the days of Passenger 57. Unfortunately he just missed the boom with this kind of movies, and now he's making these kind of dated films that would have been fun in the 90's but now?? The plot deals with a pack of elite agents, double crossing, some gadget's and ofcourse explosions, all not worth mentioning, get a nice soft pillow and doze off.. This movie clearly shows that: A Snipes is a wannebee and probably never will be capabele of taking a strong lead pure action role, without the FX ( Blade) to please the public. B Donald Sutherland did not pay off his tax debts with the money he got from an earlier disgrace ,"Virus", what the hell is he doing in a movie like this? C Michael Biehn is just about ready to wear a sign around his neck with the text "please James Cameron give me a good part, I can't do it alone", this guy's acting is best suited for a wooden puppet with a big pointy nose or something like that.. Not worth seeing at all!

Epicenter (2000)

A big pile of plot rubble but fun

[29 April 2001]

And here is another one from the guy's of PM entertainment. The people who brought you films like Hologram Man and launched the career of one Evan Lurie. I've seen a lot of movies from these guy's and yes there all nobrainers, lot's of explosions, a lot of rip -offs and second and third rate faces and acting, but fun strange enough. There all made for a shoestring budget and the plot is nowhere to be found but they look good and are quite well crafted. And so we have epicentre with a Traci - no I am not a minor - Lords and Gary Daniels, another PM star. The plot is about some stolen chip, a handy use of a webcam and an earthquake and a lot of it is shot in some ex Iron Curtain Country, try to piece the plot together from other movies in the dull parts.

Do Not Disturb (1999)

Do not see this movie

[29 April 2001]

And here we have another try from a Dutch Filmmaker trying to go international with a third rate action flick. We 've got two American actors, once known for making better movies who look like they are in for the money, we have a kid with more balls than Rambo and some cheap looking stunts looking like they have been cut from a Hong Kong action flick. Only watch this movie to see what is wrong with Dutch movies, there is not one thing that is worth mentioning and that is rare, but what do you want with a director best known for the infamous "Flodder" series. this movie sank to the bottom of the movie graveyard and nobody did see it in the cinema's , with a good reason, do not be fooled with the trailer.

The 4th Floor (1999)

Great material, for a 50 min tv show

[29 April 2001]

What is happening on the 4th floor, halfway in this movie you will not even care. What do we have here, a young girl is going to live in the appartement her late aunt lived in, when she arrives the blood from the fall that killed her aunt is not even removed yet and everybody in the appartement has the looks of an axe murderer; and is trying to act as creepy as possible, welcome home dear. If you can swallow this there is also William Hurt who is acting like he fell asleep at the beginning of this movie and never woke up, and who can blame him. This is the kind of movie that builds up to the grand finale, and everybody who watches it is trying to bite through the cheap plot twists (maggots anyone, and what the hell are they doing in the curtains, flying maggots??) and is trying to stay awake for that great finale, but here is a surprise, there is no climax, at least not one that I could figure out. The only thing that saves this movie (a little !!)is one of the very last scenes, but hell, all the viewers are sleeping by then or are teaching maggots to fly.

Lost Souls (2000)

98 minutes of movie, 30 minutes of fun

[29 April 2001]

I saw this movie on DVD with very low expectations, and indeed my expectations came true for the greater part. One of the first scenes was rather good and I spotted an actor best known from a part in Miami Vice as a crazy killer. After that you can and will fall asleep for 50 minutes, the nasty brown colors and Winona Ryder who did come off the ship from alien 4 unfortunately are not the stuff that will keep you awake. Set your alarmclock though for the last half hour or so, the finale is - surprise- quite good!

King Cobra (1999 Video)

wax in , wax out? wax this movie out!

[29 April 2001]

Rubber Snake attacks small town. This is the kind of no brain plot with the origin in the Jaws series. Keywords like, big monster escapes, a couple of people are trying to warn everybody and hee there is a festival in in a small town nearby. You have seen it all before and better I hope, the snake - mutated ofcourse from various animals- runs or better slides around, never complete visible and does his puppet tricks.These kind of movies live or die with the special effects, well , this movie dies and fortunately it's taking most of the cast with it, watch for Pat Morita as the famous snake guy and the CHIps guy Erik Estrada in lousy part

Alien: Resurrection (1997)

Better than #3

[29 April 2001]

I've always been a great fan of the Alien saga and Sigourney Weaver is one of the few female actresses who can play a strong role. This movie is closer to the joyride that part 2 brought us but has some flaws, the end monster looks like something somebody made out of a piece of gum, or worse and Winona Ryder is quite bad in her role as an android, but what else is new. I hope this part has made enough money , cause hopefully those nasty aliens finally are going to make it to mother earth, what's that for a joyride

Aliens (1986)

Best movie ever

[29 April 2001]

This is one joyride of a movie, one of the best movies of the 80's and for certain the most ripped off movie. Sigourney Weaver is very good in the female role, and also the rest of the cast performs good, even the not so good actor Michael Biehn ( who did not make one good movie besides his James Cameron outings) and the whining and overrated James Cameron puppet Bill Paxton are quite watchable. Film is made for a shoestring budget

You've got to see the extended DVD version, it will give you a deleted and very good scene and an insight in the making of the Queen, in other words, what is possible with a good camera crew and a couple of garbage bags..