Frosty_RSIFX Reviews

The Dead Next Door (1989)

There is NO EXCUSE for this Crap!

[1/10 · 7 September 2010]

This movie is stupid. For real. And not the good kind of stupid, either.

I understand that it is a low-budget film (Not a No-Budget film, like JR Bookwalter might want us to believe.) And that means that there are inherent restrictions, when it comes to production value. But that doesn't even BEGIN to explain what went wrong with this heap. Even if you don't have a budget, it doesn't mean that your plot has to make NO sense. It doesn't mean that your dialog has to be unimaginative. It doesn't mean your characters have to be one-dimensional and forgettable. It doesn't mean that your film has to lack any semblance of pace, tension or originality. You see, talent doesn't cost a penny. Not even in 1989. And it is clear that JR Bookwalter couldn't buy talent if he had ALL of Sam Raimi's cash. This guy had a camera, film, a group of actors and a sizable chunk of capitol from Mr Raimi. There is no reason he couldn't have come up with something better than this. Raimi was wise to keep his name off of this disaster.

And before you think that I'm taking this movie too seriously, let me tell you a little story. It might adequately illustrate how awful this movie is. And it might keep you from doing something stupid, like purchasing this movie.

I have a group of friends who are film-geeks, like myself. Every week, they have a "Bad Movie Night" where they drink beer and watch bad movies for the sole purpose of making fun of them. I told them that this was the worst ever and let them borrow the disc. The next day, they returned the movie, and they were actually MAD at me for loaning it to them! Apparently, this movie was SO BAD that it RUINED BAD MOVIE NIGHT! One of them told me that they couldn't even enjoy making fun of it, because it was like making fun of a developmentally challenged orphan. These people went into this thing with the lowest expectations possible. They weren't taking it seriously at all. And they disliked it that much. Get the picture?

I am giving this movie one star, because that is the lowest rating available. In reality, I give it -10 stars. Its just plain terrible.

A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010)

Plagiarism: A $100Million Industry

[2/10 · 1 May 2010]

When I left the theater last night, I couldn't help but ask myself one simple question: Why? Why did they remake this movie? Especially if they have nothing new to bring to the table, in terms of story or character development? Even the worst Hollywood Horror Remakes (House of Wax, The Hills Have Eyes, etc.) Have SOME SORT of interesting twist to include, but this movie had none. It's as though Michael Bay was watching the original and thought to himself "Man, I wish I had thought of this." Then, instead of using his inspiration to go make something fresh and original, he just hijacked the classic franchise and then dulled it down to its most basic and crappy form. And now, when I refer to A Nightmare on Elm Street, I have to specify whether I mean A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984) or A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010) even though they're essentially the same thing. Now I have another question: When is the next "genius" in Hollywood going to "reimagine" 2001: A Space Odyssey? Or Pulp Fiction? And for that matter, when is Nickeback going to come out with their own version of Abbey Road?

A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984) is a charming, entertaining and occasionally-terrifying romp. It is the Crown Jewel of a Golden Age of creative and energetic horror films. A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010) is a bastardized Hollywood rehash with no soul. It was completely pointless, even by Horror-Remake standards. Hollywood ran out of Japanese horror films to remake, and decent comic books to adapt, so now they've victimized another American Classic. There's one interesting sight gag, and they blow that load five minutes into scene one. The horror is not psychological, or even tangible. It is just a bunch of spooky, ominous whispering for minutes at a time, followed by the obligatory jump-scene, where the bad guy jumps out of nowhere, makes a startling hissing sound and the victim screams. The audience jumps, a bit, and then let's out a little giggle. But they're never actually scared. Cheap and Lame.

Before the film started, they showed a preview for Robert Rodriguez' upcoming film "Predators" When the title flashed across the screen, I couldn't control myself. I shouted "Boo!" A few people in the theater laughed. I hope they were laughing because they feel the way I feel: I am sick of remakes, and prequels and sequels. I am sick of Hollywood executives making hundreds of millions or dollars, without ever actually coming up with any ideas of their own.

Kick-Ass (2010)

Don't Buy the HYPE!!!

[1/10 · 25 April 2010]

I hardly ever post a full review on this site. But this movie is getting WAY too many good reviews.

Let me start by saying that I'm in my early twenties and I don't have children. So I wasn't bothered by the profanity, or the violence. It was the complete pointlessness of the profanity and violence that bothered me.

This movie never knew which way it wanted to go. I don't think a film needs to keep the same tone throughout... but there should be a natural progression from one theme to the next. This movie tried to be everything all at once. Eventually I just stopped caring about the characters and the story altogether... which didn't make any difference, because the movie was so predictable, anyways.

The acting was mediocre (and yes, that includes Nic Cage, who played the only interesting character) and the dialog was just plain dull. The only gut-laughs came from a few comic/movie references, and some ridiculous, over top sight gags that don't really work.

So, despite what the commercials say, you actually DON'T have to see this movie. Instead, you should rent A Clockwork Orange or Kill Bill Volume 2, and see how violence and profanity can be used as a powerful storytelling device. This movie is just another vehicle for over-choreographed, slow-motion, super-stylized, "300"style dance-fighting with techno music in the background. There is nothing original about it.

Severed (2005)

Low Budget does NOT equal Crappy!

[7/10 · 2 August 2006]

I'm a HUGE Zombie Movie fanatic. Right now my DVD collection consists of Night of the Living Dead, Dawn of the Dead, Day of the Dead, Land of the Dead, (2000) Dawn of the Dead Remake, A burnt copy of the 1992 Night of the Living Dead Remake, Evil Dead, Evil Dead II, Undead, Dead Alive, A burnt copy of Bad Taste, 28 Days Later (Not a typical Zombie movie, but I'll count it anyways) Resident Evil, Resident Evil: Apocalypse and -most recently- a $10 Copy of Forest of the Dead Production's low-budget flick, Severed. And I've got a T-Shirt collection that almost matches that! If you're a big fan of the Zombie genre, as I am, then you are probably used to suspending disbelief through a low-budget film and I urge you to ignore some of the negative reviews for this movie. I think some of these movie snobs would watch an Alfred Hitchcock classic and say something along the lines of, "Not only did the camera cut away every time something violent happened, but it was in BLACK AND WHITE! Who does this Hitchcock guy think he is? A true piece of film-making crap!" Indeed, the cast is populated by an army of "Z-List," unknown actors, the special effects aren't up to par with a lot of the big-studio Zombie movies of recent years, and a handful of scenes do employ my least-favorite directorial technique of all time, the Shaky Camera... But through it all, the plot is original, the characters are realistic and easy to sympathize with, plenty of blood-splattered scenes that will make you jump, and it was all filmed digitally and looks slick and sophisticated. The film has substance.

I bought this film last night, viewed it once I got home, and I already feel that my collection is more complete because of it. Anybody interesting in picking up a Zombie movie that relies on good story-telling, rather than a gag-reel of pricey Special Effects, should buy and view Severed.