Change Your Image
Ironhelm38
Reviews
Granny (1999)
Beyond the realms of stupid!
I love low budget movies. Including those that are intentionally or un-intentionally funny,excess fake gore,violence etc.
This,however is beyond stupid. Once you see the ending you'll say,what the hell was the point of all the killing scenes with no one around(except in a couple) to witness them.AND how did the ending actually come about(I won't give the WHOLE story away for those dumb enough to actually watch this) Granny is like a psychic Jason. First she's outside the window with a body and 15 seconds later she's in the living room knitting. The whole thing is a setup for a newcomer. They pull off graphic kill scenes,the knitting needles in the eyes,that only Chris Angel Mind Freak could pull off. And again,the very end was Pre-posterous. 56 min waste of time. I've seen one of the directors other films and it was almost as bad. Give me 20 grand and I could do better. This really deserves a big fat 0.
Mayhem Motel (2001)
Horrible film with some laughs
This story takes place in some off road motel that just happens to be loaded with perverts.The characters are either rude as hell to downright strange. Example: A pimp that looks like a scarred up Elton John who enjoys making weird noises in a megaphone while he talks on his cell Phone. I almost spit my coffee out at first appearance.The dialog ranges from anywhere from very bad to downright laughable. Along the way some of them end up killing off others.If you can handle talk of sexual assault on women,guys in blond wigs,girls getting spanked,a guy puking in bathtub with plastic easter eggs floating in it(huh)? a business man banging a blow up doll (that part is quick but funny) etc. Then maybe this film is for you. I wouldn't doubt it if any high ratings on this film are from cast and or crew members themselves. As a horror movie it sucked and I'd give it a 1. As a piece of bizarre sexual comedy I'd give it a 4.5. Overall a 3.
Dark Harvest (2004)
Not as bad as many think
First off I am in my mid 40's. Been watchin horror films since I was a kid so I have seen A lot of variety. IMO,this is not as bad as the multitudes that gave this a 1 or 2.
Yes,it is a low budget horror flick. The dialog is soso and acting tolerable,sometimes. The basis of this film plotwise is actually pretty good. For those of you old enough to remember or lucky enough to have seen them on DVD. This is very much like a 1970's movie of the week. Just add in blood and minor gore,minor T & A and swearing, without big names. That is it to a T. I would rather watch this than Jason vs Godzilla or whatever other continuois crap is out there. Tho not as good, EVIL DEAD was a LOW budget film. At least give these guys credit for trying. With acouple MIL budget this could have been a pretty good flick. My score a watchable 4.
Cadaver Bay (2003)
Not bad but...
I've been a B horror fan for well over 30 years. This movie has many pluses and many minuses. Very cool lighting. Interesting artsy shots.Great sunrise and sunset scenes.Scenes that are thrown in for no reason where you are thinking WTF was that for? The first 20 mins seem kinda pointless. By 45 mins into it you are watching with some true interest providing you made it this far.Hence the term "patience is a virtue"There is true dark horror in this to be sure as well as the Indy must have hot babe tittie shots. I will not give away the movie. All more I will say is that given the mediocre budget I'll give em a B for effort and anyone that enjoys late 50s to mid 70s B horror should try to catch this one. On the otherhand,if your brand of horror is exclusively House of 1000 corpses or Land of the dead,you will probably want to pass. My score a 7.
Trick or Treats (1982)
Boring
What a tedious film. You've read the other comments so you know the basic plot. It starts out rather amusingly stupid as the disgruntled wife has her hubby committed. The funny farm guys falling in the pool fighting hubby is one of the higher points,IMO.
Fat Brat into magic doing way too many pranks,stupid babysitter wannabe actress takes too much crap. The scenes with babysitters BF on phone are basically pointless. David Carradine must have been hard up for $$ at the time to put his name into this garbage. It does have a few witty lines and such but for the most part is almost a waste of time. I bought this for a $1.50,watched it and tossed it. Why take up space on my shelf.