chelmold Reviews

Magazine Dreams (2023)

"You'll Get Fat and No One Will Like You"

[8/10 · 28 January 2023]

Wow saw this at Sundance. Honestly had no idea what this was going in. This was intense! Jonathan Majors is great, no surprise there. He is totally believable as Killian, a probably somewhat developmentally disabled amateur bodybuilding competitor. It ranges from cringeworthy to edge of your seat to weird to shocking to horrifying. Such an amazing performance.

The cinematography was claustrophobic and off putting and the music was often jarring, with dramatic shifts that mirror Killian's mental state.

I don't want to give any spoilers, but this wouldn't be one to take your grandma to. It gave me Nightcrawler vibes in the way it just keeps escalating and getting more frantic and surreal, mixed with a little Bullhead. Unless that sounds like something your grandma would be into, in which case, take her, she'll love it!

Going Varsity in Mariachi (2023)

Thumbs Up from a Former Band Geek

[7/10 · 26 January 2023]

Saw this at Sundance. It's a compelling underdog story that follows kids at a less than well funded high school in the Rio Grande Valley on their journey to make it to Mariachi State Finals in Texas. There are two other schools also featured, but mainly it follows the kids at Edinburg North.

I think anyone who was any kind of band geek or who competed in anything in high school could enjoy this as a walk down memory lane, but through the lens of mariachi competition - a thing I did not know existed until I bought these tickets. The editing keeps it interesting and shows parts of the kids' lives outside of band practice, particularly some of the seniors.

Nightsiren (2022)

Our neighbors are the real monsters

[8/10 · 10 December 2022]

We really liked this movie. You can see where it's drawing on some the vibes of recent folk horror movies like The VVitch, The Ritual, and Midsommer, but it goes somewhere very different. It's an engaging exploration of the horrors of small town prejudice and misogyny in modern Slovakia.

The cinematography is beautiful, contrasting spectacular sweeping shots of the mountains with tight, almost claustrophobic handheld camera work for the scenes with the small minded villagers. The juxtaposition of the almost medieval actions of the townspeople with the modern highway that ran right by the village in certain shots was almost shocking as you are reminded that this is indeed modern times.

The two lead actresses are both great individually and together as they have amazing (if at times confusing) chemistry. The story moved at a good pace. Overall, we thought it was good full stop, not just "pretty good for a foreign film." Definitely worth a watch!

Do Revenge (2022)

Great homage to 90's teen movies

[10/10 · 18 September 2022]

We loved this. Like Clueless meets Cruel Intentions with some 10 Things I Hate About You and She's All That rolled in. They get backstabbing sabotaging teenaged girl relationships very right. All the crazy outfits were so much fun. The soundtrack was full of a great mix of modern music and 90's music. I loved that they included Sarah Michelle Gellar as the headmaster. Sophie Turner has a fun small part. I wasn't familiar with the younger actors, but I thought they all did a great job, no duds in this cast. I would definitely watch this again and I'd recommend it as a good time to anyone who has 90's teen nostalgia!

Clickbait (2021)

Ending Is An Insult To The Viewer

[4/10 · 6 September 2021]

I was loving this show. It took me 3 weeks to get through it and I thought it was great. The acting was good. The plot was interesting. Every time you thought you had something figured out, there was a twist and your whole perception shifted.

Then at the end of episode 7 the killer opens the door... and you're just wait, like who the eff is that?? It's basically the equivalent of a nameless extra who was in the background of a few scenes. And the writers are like "Surprise!! Didn't guess it was someone we never introduced as at all important who had no motive at all did you? Oh ho ho, we got you good! We're so smart with our amazing twist!"

You could watch it now having read this review and you'll still never guess who it turns out to be. If you don't think a bad ending can invalidate an entire show, just remember Game of Thrones.

Music Box: Woodstock 99: Peace Love and Rage (2021) Season 1, Episode 1

Fun Interesting Documentary

[8/10 · 3 September 2021]

We saw this flipping through HBO and were big into going to concerts and festivals at the time, although we did not go to Woodstock 99. We definitely saw many of the same bands around the late 90's though. We remember watching the whole debacle unfold on MTV at home.

The stories from the people who attended were a highlight for me. Especially the story of the guy who was writing the diary. I wish there had been more clips of the music. There were only short clips of some of the artists and that was some of the best stuff.

Unclear why this was so triggering to so many other reviewers. Was this the movie of the week at the racist book club or something? Good lord, these other reviews. We knew rape was wrong at the time guys, I promise.

Overall if you ever liked any of the bands of the late 90's I think it would be worth a watch to see a few good clips of the music and see the artists talk about their experience.

12 Hour Shift (2020)

Fun horror comedy

[8/10 · 13 October 2020]

You can't trust horror reviews. I swear people come out of the woodwork to watch something they know they're going to hate and clutch their pearls when there's violence in it. And this is not even that violent! Then the other half whines that they weren't scared. Lord help us.

This was off the wall, dark, funny, kept me entertained the whole time, and had a moderate amount of blood and violence. All of the actresses were hilarious. It's a cute little indie horror comedy. I would watch this with just about anyone. Definitely worth a watch.

The Deep Ones (2020)

Yep, 5 out of 10

[4/10 · 9 October 2020]

It's hard to know whether to trust horror movies ratings because they're always skewed by joyless judgmental jerks who are like "oh my gawd, who would ever want to watch this type of garbage!" Well... lots of people. But 5/10 seems right, this is like mediocre low budget, like Hallmark channel quality (if they had Hallmark Horror.)

The acting for the most part is pretty bad. The blonde friend is great though. There were a few things I liked. There are a bunch of old tv references (Three's Company, Andy Griffith, I Love Lucy). One character gives off strong Mrs. Doubtfire vibes. And best of all, the central relationship reminded me a ton of Jesse and Darcey from 90 Day Fiancé: Before the 90 Days.

Worth a watch? Ehh... probably only if you are into low budget horror.