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cmkmhall
Reviews
I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry (2007)
I now pronounce you Sucks & Sorry.
It is one thing for a movie to poke fun at the norms of society, but it is another thing for a movie like this one to be constantly shoving its mission statement down your throat and up your wrasse. "Gay is okay" and "Anti-homosexual is anti-contextual" seems to be the pathos of every scene.
I found this movie to be neither very funny nor very persuasive. Its humor is little more than a pathetic vanity project for AS's constant craving for a get it any way you can poke-fest. AS will do anything to get the dollar out of your pocket and into his pocket. (Fortunately, I had a complimentary ticket.) Many may find this movie to be a chuckle-fest, but a sorry excuse for a comedy is my verdict. 3/10.
Attn: Parents - This movie is Rated PG-13 by the MPAA. It really is still an R rating. If you take anyone below the age of 17 to see this movie, you'll be corrupting their sexuality & answering questions you'd rather not. If your kid does not ask a lot of questions, but can't stop laughing, then you really have a problem on your hands. The SexBorgers of your local public school system have already achieved Assimilation. I am the 47 year old father of a 17 year old son, so I deal with these issues constantly. Rent 'Knocked-Up' first if you need an object lesson for the facts of life. Then deal with the enflamers of this world. -CMH+++
Babel (2006)
Babel is a bauble
BABEL is a BAUBLE: Babel is a cheap trinket of a movie that ain't no "Pulp Fiction." It intertwines 3 plots in a time-jumbled fashion, and ties them all together in the end. But how I ever get caught up in this trap of a movie is beyond me. "A sucker is born every minute" is what Hollywood must have been thinking when they decided to distribute this film. If you have seen the previews and read a couple of reviews, then seeing the movie may not add much to your experience of the story-line.
And while the scenarios themselves are quite compelling, the characters are taking risks that get them into the predicaments that bring them great anguish. You want to tell them, "What did you think would happen when you did that?" But by then, the $9 for the ticket has been transferred from your wallet to Brad Pitt's pocket. Somebody has to pay for his new pack of kids,
The talk on this movie is hot, but I'll tell you this: If you don't like it, I'd say: "I told you not to go." That's the same thing I would say to the characters who dare to go to a place that is no place for them in the first place. 6/10 -Cliff Hall+++
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest (2006)
A Swishy-Buckled Pirate, if you ask me
"Pirates of the Caribbean: DEAD MAN'S CHEST" Starring Johnny Depp as Capt. Jack Sparrow IMDb.com Movie Review: Now I must say that it seems quite unlikely that a swishy-buckled character like the Capt. Jack Sparrow could ever earn the allegiance of a crew of crusty old salts who fancy themselves Pirates. But this is a Hollywood MOVIE, not a recruiting film for the U.S. Navy or His Majesty's Fleet. Given that caveat, among myself and a flock of friends who went to see "Chest" last night, it could be said that, "A good time was had by all." If you want to see the movie, I'd dare say, that's all you need to know. Go & enjoy it.
To me, it was slightly romantic; somewhat imaginative; and a bit choppy in plot & editing. But it has great sense of humour. ... Enjoy it as it is. That's right, I did NOT see the first "Pirates", but that didn't seem to matter. And, yes, there is ample evidence that a sequel is in the offing. Another take it or leave it proposition. I recently saw "Click" and found that to be more cause for thought or reflection.
If you want cerebral, read a book. If you want a swishy-buckled Captain, Jack Sparrow will swoop you off your feet. Depp's Devil doesn't wear Prada, but he looks like he'd like to ! ... 8/10. Cliff Hall+++.
Open Water (2003)
"OPEN WATER" SINKS (-SPOILERS-)
As far as the story goes, a documentary may have been a better format than it's travel log / re-enactment style. It is supposedly based on a true story of a married couple who are on a dive boat which leaves them at sea. That premise alone should be worth the price of admission, but you may not feel that way after you see it. If you go, see it with an open mind as to what is going on during the whole ordeal, because the finale is subtle though abrupt. Yes, it is recommended viewing, but with the price of a baby-sitter running ~ $25 for 2 tots for 3 hours, tickets around $18, any extras would run into a $50 trip. This film does not require a huge screen to enjoy it; wait for the DVD rental. My 14 year old son and I (44 year old male) both asked ourselves why this story was ever told, because the ending was a sour surprise and left you feeling futile.
Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (2004)
"ANCHORMAN" IS ADRIFT
Maybe "Anchorman" qualifies as improvisational parody or satire, and rollicking comedy. Or maybe it is just a great big steaming pile of lame and asinine humor which is neither very funny nor very cogent. If you are not in the mood for a throw-away comedy, do something else with your 2 hours and $8. Only the concurrently running "White Chicks" could possibly be worse, but I'm not going to go see that dunce-trap just to prove myself right. Whatever you saw in the trailers is about as good as it gets. Certainly there are some scenes which are funny, but they are really dredging a muddy bottom to pull off an entire movie. Dan Akroyd & Jane Curtain were much funnier 25 years ago on SLN than this news team will ever be. To me, the last laugh is on those who think this caliber of movie is worth paying for.
Timeline (2003)
Entertaining from start to finish
TIMELINE was very entertaining and had so many of the things I enjoy about movies: heroism, excitement, romance, courage, honor and an interesting story with plenty of action to keep things moving forward.
If you like the premise of this movie's plot, ignore the nay-sayers and the nit-picking critics, and go enjoy one of the better movies of this entire year. [9 / 10]
Northfork (2003)
They Took a Wrong Turn at NorthFork
This movie NORTHFORK has an interesting premise, and great potential. But the drama and tragedy of a town about to be submerged by the reservoir behind a hydroelectric dam is never really fathomed. And the potential energy of this movie is wasted on a breath-taking view of a story line that is as thin and bizarre as the landscape is barren.
NORTHFORK is a pretentious and surreal look at a realistic story, but without any of the realism. It seems to be more of an excuse for the writers and directors to explore the incongruities of the characters' religious faults and selfish motivations than anything else.
[Possible Spoiler]: Perhaps the young boy Irwin is a metaphor for the town itself, as it wasn't clear to me if Fr. Harlan was merely bathing Irwin or politely drowning him, to spare him the plight of a hopeless life. But all this is too esoteric and enigmatic to merit any more attention. It wasn't worth the money or my time. I should have walked out with the first group that left. What more can I say?
The Four Feathers (2002)
"THE FOUR FEATHERS" is FIVE-STARS
What a great movie ! I took my 12 year old son to see this movie, and it was without regret. It was so much of what I like in a movie: a noble moral imperative and a redemptive dynamic. Add lots of action and a compelling romance, and you got a great movie. If you liked Mel Gibson in the Patriot, you'd like Four Feathers. 10/10.
Rain (2001)
"WHEN IT RAINS, IT POURS"
RAIN is a retrospective on regrets, a study in how NOT to raise children or repair a marriage. Or, maybe it's a sure-fire recipe for disaster.
Take one indulgent husband & permissive father. Add one selfish wife & juvenile mother. Steam one surly & shameful daughter. Glaze one exploring but innocent young son.
Ignite the whole dish with a lecherous neighbor and a seemingly harmless dose of the Sex, Drugs, Rock n Roll of the '70's, and you have all the tragedy that any one family should ever have to bear in a lifetime compressed into one summer at the beach.
Definitely NOT a "feel-good" movie. But it is a good lesson in a reality to be avoided. Probably 80% of the viewers in a Westernized culture have personally experienced some form of the destructive tragedies included in this portrait of a modern sorrow. Go learn from their mistakes. ***/4
Cherish (2002)
ALMOST MORE "STALKED" THAN "CHERISHED"
I certainly did enjoy this movie & its soundtrack.
Worth the trip for its fresh style and stars, CHERISH is alive in story and the telling.
But I wish it had been more of a "Playing for Natasha" romance, rather than a slightly sordid "Stalking Zoe" fetish turned violent (however downplayed). 8/10.
SPOILER: Hall & Oates' beautiful song "Private Eyes" is used as the melody during a creepy glimpse of Zoe's tormentor, while he dances with delight. If this song plays in your head after this movie, it will feel more like Tainted Love than a Cherished image.
Road to Perdition (2002)
From PERDITION to REDEMPTION?
This movie is in a genre of what I think could be called a paternal romance. Wherein loyalty & honor & duty & obedience, and right & wrong are the themes, but the right thing to do is not always so clear, and not so easy to do. Or the closest father and son are not always born of blood. As in "A Bronx Tale" or any of The Godfather series, or the most recent envelope-pusher, "Training Day", the "Road to Perdition" strays far from the Straight & Narrow. But that is okay, because most of us spend most of our time on The Broad Road, tempting Destruction.
The movie opens & closes with the question, "Who was Michael Sullivan?" And the answer is in the mind & heart of the beholder: Son of Perdition, or Father of Redemption? - Me? I recommend you watch this fine film and sort out the father & the fiend & the man & the saint in you. 10/10.
Minority Report (2002)
The Majority Report is 10/10 !
No movie is perfect, but Minority Report earns an "A" in my book. Again, let me keep it short & sweet: If you liked the previews, the movie is well crafted, the story is solid, and the acting and direction are tops. But, for full enjoyment, just make darn sure that you arrive plenty early. My theater was packed for a first Friday 2pm show. And DO NOT miss any of the opening moments of this film. ENJOY!!
Undercover Brother (2002)
"UNDERCOVER BROTHER" IS ONE FUNNY MOTHER!!
What a great sense of humor & comedy for all the parts of this movie!! The best thing to do with this movie is go enjoy it, don't sit there and read about it. If you liked the trailer/preview, this movie is for you. 10/10. [If you didn't like the preview, your funny bone is not working!]
Insomnia (2002)
"INSOMNIA" may be a CURE for IT !!
For me, this film had most of the ingredients to be a great movie EXCEPT a great story!! It was neither suspenseful, thrilling nor intriguing. Just another "tainted-cop-trapped-by-his-suspect" recipe. Leftovers! Don't be surprised if it nearly puts you to sleep !! 6/10.
The Triumph of Love (2001)
A TRIUMPH INDEED
If you are looking for a romantic comedy that borders on a fabulous farce, this film is for you. It's an adaptation of an almost 300 year old French stage play that is full of fun and frolic. Invite a friend with you to share this triumph of love over philosophy.
Changing Lanes (2002)
CHANGING LANES: WHY BOTHER?
Considering all the talent for acting in this movie, it sucks! To say much more is to waste my time all over again. I walked out after about an hour, and so did other patrons. Or at least they found the movie so unrewarding as to care more about popcorn or soda, or idle conversation on their cell phone in the hallway.
The plight of the characters never gained my sympathy. And I suspect that the ending would have brought little satisfaction, because it would either be too implausible or too delayed. I guess I'll never know, because I no longer care.
Ice Age (2002)
Treat yourself to an Ice Age of fun soon !!
Funny and endearing, ICE AGE is a triumph of conscience over selfishness. Take your whole family - you'll be glad you did. It's story & message are heart-warming & timeless. When will the rest of Hollywood acknowledge that a noble moral premise is more important than star power or action?
Life as a House (2001)
"NEEDS SOME RE-MODELING" - 4.0 / 10.0
The best metaphor I can use to review this movie is the old cabin which is central to the action of this movie. This movie is confused about what it is. It's a jigsaw puzzle from more than one similar picture, and there are lots of missing pieces.
As George says to Robin, "Love is not enough". And a great idea like this one will get you in to see this movie. But if you are satisfied by this movie, then maybe you should try 2 hours of some quickie radio pop-psychology therapy from Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Because your life, your values, and your decisions would likely have no more foundation this precariously perched movie.
I wanted to love this movie, but the most honorable characters in this movie are the boss who has to fire George, or Robin's husband, Peter (?), the proverbial materialist who is forced into sensitivity training by an unstable wife whose affections change like the wind. ...
Hey, feel free to like this movie as much as you want. But if want to see a superb treatment of a related theme, just resist the temptation to see "Domestic Disturbance". It wasn't much better. Instead, go see "MY FIRST MISTER", with Albert Brooks and Leelee Sobieski. THAT is an Oscar-material movie.
"Life as a House" is more of a "shack", and the most redemptive remodeling is accomplished in the character of Sam. But the highlight comes at the end as the credits are about to role. It's a good thing, too, because the implausibility of this act of charity just adds to the confusion of this House. Score: 4 out of 10.
Max Keeble's Big Move (2001)
JUNIOR HIGH HYPERBOLE - Lighten up !
Take it easy, folks !! This is only a MOVIE, and this one is intended to be a fanciful exaggeration from the word go. I took my 11 yo son to see it, and he had no problem understanding that.
Isn't this movie supposed to be an extreme comic view of the unfair world of junior high from an underdog's point of view? Think of The Three Stooges - did anybody take their scripts to task? No, but everybody LAUGHED!
Better judgment triumphs in the end in most respects, in Max Keeble's Big Move. And Max earns respect not because he's the toughest, but because his turnabout beats the bullies at their own game, and because he won't let his buddies take the rap alone.
This movie, and Shrek, See Spot Run, Cats & Dogs, and Spy Kids, are some of the most enjoyable movies I have seen in the last 10 months. Not since "What Women Want" or "The Brothers" have I seen an adult movie that was near as funny as any of these kiddie movies. (Okay, add in "Oh, Brother, Where Art Thou".)
I only hope that overly critical attitudes aren't congenital.
Training Day (2001)
UNPREDICTABLE and GREY
"Right" and "Wrong" are thrown into the blender and turned on "HIGH" for this film.
Taking Justice & Loyalty to the "Nth deGrey", this movie has an intense flavor you may enjoy.
The performances are riveting and unforgettable.
Otherwise, this film so scrambles the moral conflict implied by the action that you may simply leave the theater feeling relieved that you are not a part of Alonzo's world.
Joy Ride (2001)
"JOY RIDE": HOLD ON TO YOUR STICK !!
A tall tale well told, it puts a fresh edge on the old saw: "What goes around, comes around." The predictability factor may be high, but the execution quotient is ~ 100%. "Enjoy the Show".
Planet of the Apes (2001)
WORTH the TRIP - PRIMAL ENERGY to the MAX!
Whether you see movies like this one for the saga, the heroism, or the action, you won't be disappointed.
Make sure you see this one in the theater first; don't wait until it comes out on video. Much of the energy and intensity is conveyed by the audio and the especially moving soundtrack. So, unless your Stereo-VCR speakers are the size of a laundry basket, and your TV screen is the size of a beach blanket, enjoy PLANET of the APES on a gorilla-size scale: Splurge for the tix & ENJOY !!
A.I. Artificial Intelligence (2001)
2/10: MOTHER'S PATHETIC LOVE & ROBOT'S HOPELESS ASPIRATIONS
A.I. is a pretentious moral that fails to be anything other than a movie that can't decide what it should be. It is neither a clever modernization of Pinocchio, nor a fresh version of the movie Blade Runner. The Wizard of Oz it is not.
It could have been a wonderful essay on marital & parental love, or the tragedy of losing a child, or being unable to have more children. But it degenerates immediately into a neurotic & pathetic obsession of the mother with her being loved, and her selfish desire is so desperate, a soulless animitron of outward perfection will do.
It could have been a searing analysis by a self-aware artificial sapient that: Man is man, and can never be duplicated, not even by man. It could have affirmed the majesty of humanity by confronting us with the revelation that the aspiration to be human is insufficient to consummate that transformation.
But it ends as a protracted and ridiculous quest for an impotent fairy. It is a Close Encounter of the Meaningless Kind. At least the sham Wizard of Oz could see that the journey was half the battle.
The soul of this movie is as artificial as David's is absent. David's efforts begin hopelessly, and end hopelessly. And so does this movie.
Not since Random Hearts or The Pledge or Million Dollar Hotel have I seen so useless a movie. If not for Haley Joel Osment's endearing performance, this movie should been permanently consigned to deep freeze storage, just like the cruel & fiendish, but all too real, Martin. If that's the view of this cynical author of the end of man or his spirit, maybe Ian Watson or Brian Aldiss, or at least his infected story, can be quarantined in the tank next to Martin!