Chris_Ego Reviews

The 355 (2022)

It's bad and here is why

[2/10 · 19 May 2024]

Female led action movies are declining now. Over the past few years the action cinema tried hard to sell female action stars. But these movies lacked of the same two things: a good story and a belivable lead. Mostly the female action star was mainly good looking but the act wasn't quite convincing. With Jessica Chastain as the lead action heroine I hoped the worn-out cliché would twist and turn. She added so much charisma to her previous characters. In "The 355" everything fails. The story is plain and predictable. Some fight scenes (in the cooling room) are executed well but the shoot-out shows the low points in this movie. Three girls are shooting a guy on the run and they miss, and miss and miss. There is a hilarious chase at the docks but all of it ends up in vane. So why the fuzz that makes the movie even more unbelivable? Clearly the fast editing makes up for weak action scenes but they could have done better. This is a waste of time for everyone. The cast, the crew, the audience. Even "Ghost in the shell" had more life and depth and this was a computer machine. Try harder next time.

Rebel Moon - Part Two: The Scargiver (2024)

100% trash. NOT worth your time

[1/10 · 1 May 2024]

SciFi. Well, you can't reinvent this particular wheel. After watching tons of movies, I have an understanding that storylines, characters and their motivations are repeated in this endless loop that is seen in movies, experienced in theatres, books, etc. But COME ON, Zack could have done much better. He came up with an interesting universe, although PRETTY MUCH EVERTYTHING resembles the STAR WARS galaxy: sand planet, (laser)swords, ancient and new technology, a kodex (religion), rebels against (imperial) dark forces, a royal family...the list goes on. However, this enterprise could lead somewhere interesting, if the execution wouldn't suck! The dialogues are poor. I can't even understand the mumbling of skinny lead Sofia Boutella, who succeeds in fighting way too good regarding her body weight and physical appearance. The 7 (Ronin) rogue warriors are just "there" and since their background isn't explored, are expendable.

Here comes the worst part: the movie starts with 15mins of grain harvest. Yes. Imagine that. Would make a great commercial, tho. They even added epic medieval music to get you on a field festival. Or at least the bakery next door. Still the empire loses against farmers. Almost everything that was set to be serious becomes a lame joke.

Here's to Netflix: ERASE THAT FILM FOREVER FROM YOUR ARCHIVES. AND DELIVER BETTER NEXT TIME!

Scream (I) (2022)

i have no mouth and i must SCREAM!

[1/10 · 9 March 2024]

This is supposed to be a hommage to Wes Craven and his SCREAM franchise. So they brought in a bunch of the original cast and followed the slasher recipe. It could have been fun. It could have been terrific. And it even could have been scary. But it wasn't any of that. The movie wastes too much time indulging the SCREAM history. If they didn't spend that much time talking about horror film clichés, tropes and mistakes of the victims they could have made a creative flick on top of all the sequels. It was a good idea to bring the franchise to the present and make use of gadgets like smartphones, tracking devices and strong female characters. However certain scenes like the discussion about how the killer might be drag the movie into a bottomless pit. It was like sitting in the room with unexperienced producers discussing how the story would go on. After every line I would like to shout "no, let's not do that!". Well this film ended up being ridiculous, boring and senseless.

Uncharted (2022)

it's so bad I had to write a review to warn the world!

[1/10 · 20 February 2024]

I knew this is gonna bad. But it was even worse than expected. What a lame production. UNCHARTED (2022) is a video game adaptation and yet tries so hard to be as adventurous as Indiana Jones, as hot as Tomb Raider and as exciting as The Da Vinci Code. However it fails in every department. The action sequences could work in the computer game as rendered cut scenes. But wouldn't it be desirable to make the movie more realistic? Lead Spiderman guy is annoying almost all the time. Marky Mark plays himself (as usual) but gets away with it. Sexy sidekicks and villains steal the show. Story is okay but gets uncharted (pun intended!) when the action kicks in. Wait until the helicopters arrive! My jaw was wide open when I realised the insane stupidity of this presentation. By the end of the movie the production team tried so hard to beg for a sequel with cheap tricks like 2 post credits scenes and many hints for the next adventure to come.

My taste in films was seriously insulted by this feauture. If I would've watched it in cinema I'd want my money back.

Painkiller (2023)

absolutely worth your time

[10/10 · 21 November 2023]

In Europe I didn't hear about the pharma scandal but when watching this series I wanted to investigate. Especially after all the lobbying that went with the recent epidemic you might want to check out "Painkiller" to get a glimpse what the fuzz is really all about.

The Netflix series tells the rise of the opioid OXYCONTIN with all the greed, the corruption and the tragedy in just 6 episodes. Carried by a talented cast and a masterful script directed by Peter Berg. Enjoy the performances of Uzo Aduba, Matthew Broderick, and West Duchovny. I rarely see authentic and emotional scenes in current series so this one is a real treat.

Suck Me Shakespeer (2013)

funny German movie for teens & adults with Ghetto slang

[6/10 · 18 June 2023]

Must be quite fun for German teenagers, scholars and parents. The slang contains explicit language. The story is quite cute. It's about a gangster (Elyas M'Barek) at crossroads, a love affair (Karoline Herfurth) and most of all, the education of youngsters. The mischief that gangster "Herr Müller" (Zeki Müller) brings in is quite notorious. He has a very unusual way of teaching kids with delinquent habits about life. He has a brutal and relentless way in his behaviour and his language. Nevertheless he is very successful with his methods.

Shooting with the cast must have been quite hilarious as seen in the making of. Give it a shot, no matter your age.

FUBAR (2023– )

WORTH your time, if...

[6/10 · 9 June 2023]

+ you like Arnie for whom he is and what he does + you CAN enjoy seeing the Action Star in his first series being an Action Star and handling family issues + you just roll with the story and how the series is produced + you just give FUBAR a try!

For the ones who opted out after Ep01, just stick with me. The series gets better later on. The characters show more depth and the action does not cut short. Monica Barbaro as Emma Brunner is a tough nut but very adorable. She is a great pick in the charming cast. Gabriel Luna as Boro Polonia didn't get to show his potential in "Terminator: Dark Fate" but here in "Fubar" he is doing a great and convincing job as the villain with a heart. Travis Van Winkle is not your average prince as Aldon, but acts with a well defined performance. Jay Baruchel as Carter is the only one I hated from beginning to end. Well done, mate! Aparna Brielle as Tina is hot in every way.

Soundtrack, cinematography are good. The second season could raise the bar storywise but should not lose the focus on family business.

Æon Flux (2005)

will only be remembered for it's incohesive edit

[2/10 · 10 April 2023]

First off, I wasn't familiar with the original animated series when I decided to watch Charlize Theron in tight pants. Now I am thrilled to check out the anime with its cyberpunk world and careless display of violence.

Charlize Theron looks stunning in every shot which director Karyn Kusama was probably aiming for. Also Marton Csokas is such a handsome guy but he has to play this unbelievable anti hero.

The storytelling gets worse after the first 45 minutes. Everything gets crammed up and messy. I did not understand the changing motivations of Aeon, Sithandra and the whole Goodchild clan. This is from the trivia section: "According to director Karyn Kusama, after finishing the movie, the studio fired her, re-cut the movie to a 71-minute long version that tested poorly and then asked her to edit the film again, but not back to her original vision. Huge parts of the plot were left out and even one character's sexuality of being gay was cut out by the studio." This might explain why Æon Flux (2005) is such a bad movie with a cry for help from the editing room.

Glass Onion (2022)

hand me a glass of onions!

[10/10 · 4 April 2023]

"Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery" is a high budget Netflix production with a great cast. In interviews the talents reveal they spent a lot of time together during breaks after filming, so you can grasp that intimate chemistry between the gang. The script is seriously well written and executed with perfection. The story is not shockingly different from similar murder mysteries but since the cast acts like in a theatre play the performance is the most important thing about the second part of Rian Johnson's hommage to Alfred Hitchcock. The film never gets boring and the music is brilliant.

Edward Norton was awesome in "Birdman" and was an excellent choice for "Kinfes Out". Daniel Craig is even more on point than in the first movie. Janelle Monáe pulls off a great deal of charisma and takes it to another level by the end of the movie.

Wonder Woman 1984 (2020)

a big disappointment

[3/10 · 12 March 2023]

While the first "Wonder Woman" (2017) was a huge success, the Synder Couple ran out of good ideas here. "Wonder Woman 1984" plays in a really cool decade and features the fashion and technology of that time. Still the simple recipe renders tough female leads followed by stupid men which makes the movie one dimensional. I hated that Gal would fly like Superman. Wonder Woman has cool features and she should not be like male heroes. I liked the good and bad sides about Kristen Wiig's character Barbara Minerva. But when she turned into Lady Cats I lost her. As if the actual "Cats" movie wasn't bad enough why make her turn into that CGI felt ball? Robin Wright as Antiope and Connie Nielsen as Hippolyta are always a treat. Pedro Pascal as Maxwell Lord shows some real acting skills here. The movie turns from exciting to bad in the last 45 minutes. Just plain Hollywood talking with an obvious catholic yet pathetic touch about being humble and not getting greedy. It is so pretentious and bad I completely forgot how good the beginning of the film was. Sad, so sad.

Tenet (2020)

bloated & pretentious

[2/10 · 9 March 2023]

I have to admit crashing a real plane with practical effects was a highlight, but this doesn't make "Tenet" a good action movie. I'd say it's Nolands worst project since this film tries so hard to be unique it gets lost in the sands of its own time. When "Tenet" was released in 2020 everybody was hyped about the way how the reverse footage was shot. This is interesting but doesn't look convincing all the time. The fight at the airport is tedious and unwillingly funny, especially when the SWAT like guys are crawling backwards on the floor making funny shoe noises like they played basketball on the school court. The first hour goes by fast and so much happens in this time yet little I did understand. They keep talking too much too fast and Blondie is whispering when she is the one spreading important clues. Nolan fails to star the "Protagonist" in a likeable way and therefor the film just presses on without any connection to the lead. Robert Pattinson did a nice job as his sidekick Neil and I am so looking forward to see him starring the "Batman". Oops, I lost it there. Yeah, Tenet is a waste of your precious watching time.

You People (2023)

Eddie Murphy & Jonah Hill=fun!

[10/10 · 9 March 2023]

Yes the concept works. I had many great laughs and didn't regret watching this race-com a single minute. The script has just the right ingredients to make a L. A. Romeo & Juliet story hilarious, turning clichés up and down and pointing fingers in many directions. The interracial mashup was just as fun as the religious clash. And folks try to see the film as what it is rather than what you would want it to be. Smile and let love rule. Eddie Murphy plays all his cards "Prince of Zamunda" style while Jonah Hill is frustrated by opposites and sandtraps. The quest is a mission impossible and everything can go array. So they just went by it and the outcome is a fantastic comedy. The rest of the cast is acting hilarious too. Fitting soundtrack. Well done Netflix.

Ad Astra (2019)

why travelling millions of miles to get nowhere?

[3/10 · 5 March 2023]

So the audience is taken on this space trip with MR Pitt exclusively to witness an impossible quest in a complicated father-son story. Starting off quite good with action and hell-bent hero Roy McBride avoiding death with a death wish. This character is portrayed as a tough man with skills of military precision, yet hollow emotionally. His voiceover underlines the fact that Roy McBride just evaded any human notion successfully. This kind of storytelling proves to be effective when Roy McBride gets closer to find his dad and the frames of his persona start to break down. But wait Hollywood, what happened just after the first half of the movie? Nothing makes sense anymore, the story turns awkyard ways, the characters on Mars seem to come from "Total Recall" and Roy McBride boarding a rocket as a blind passenger couldn't be funnier. The whole movie boils down to the single moment when son meets father...and it's utterly casual, even boring! Big disappointment. I couldn't make out if this film is meant to speak to us on a psychological level and if so then things must have been told differently. Visually great, no question, space is vast, strings are played low and notes held long, just don't repeat the soundtrack of "Interstellar" in the beginning. Enjoy a grumpy Tommy Lee Jones being a Space Cowboy in his own right. If you just watched "Armageddon" then you might recognise Liv Tyler. Why Donald Sutherland stepped up as Roy's guard is again out of my grasp. But he is there. Oh boy, what a waste of talent.

The Stranger (II) (2022)

lame movie based on true events

[2/10 · 22 December 2022]

Yeah yeah yeah the acting is good, the drama is choking me and the suspense creeps in at various places. BUT the storytelling is frustrating. In the first 30 minutes I just didn't understand what all these old farts in suits were supposed to be. Mark and Henry are working for shady men, doing delivery jobs. After a while it was clear that they are no mobsters. Later on I was told more about Henry's past and then some pieces of the puzzle are being put together revealing a framework of the plot. I really liked the scenes when Henry made Mark feel uncomfortable because this is when the story could have gone different places. When Mark experiences nightmares and hallucinations I thought this crime drama turns into a suspense thriller with horror elements. I was ready to see some personalities collapse into each other or at least Mark should see Henry in his mirror image. But then this idea was ditched and the film carries on dragging us through the dirty roads in the outback of Australia.

Small spoiler: the end was unsatisfying to say the least.

Voyagers (2021)

even Colin Farrell left the film early...

[5/10 · 1 December 2022]

Yes the premise sounded good.

Yes the cast was fresh and pretty unknown.

Yes the score was a perfect fit to the suspense, the mood, the vast space.

But why did the story derail after one hour? There are many reasons. First the plot needed a twist. Second it seemed important to the writer to show how the kids did on their own. Sadly we were delivered another "Hunger Games" cliché about nasty little savages. It would have been much more interesting if the writer tapped into psychological questions and triggered some contemplation about living by the rules, the struggles of adolescence or how to tackle a challenge or how to reach a common goal. Instead there was disappointment in characters and a fundamental lack of knowledge in science in space. I can't tell more here but let me tell you this: the airlock is no piece of cake when the hatch is open.

Taken not every movie can be as perfect in storyline, cast and horror like "Event Horizon". I missed the interesting red line. The thing I would cling to. People wonder about the teenagers "who have been trained (all their life) to succeed with this mission", but hey, they left the space program before they could grow pubes. What are you thinking? I wonder why they didn't crash into an asteorid or something.

"Voyagers" is a good movie, if you start thinking outside the box and get inspired by things you disliked about the film.

Cyberpunk: Edgerunners (2022)

A straight 10 star rating

[10/10 · 12 November 2022]

A straight 10 star rating: That's a no brainer. This Netflix show is modern anime at its best. "Cyberpunk: Edgerunners" is a companion to the video game but you don't have to be familiar with the story. If you are into the world of cyberpunk with all its branches you will easily dig what the producers came up with. Think of "Ghost In The Shell", "Blade Runner" and "Elysium" you'll have a blueprint to what might go on in "Edgerunners". Big tech companies, body enhancements, gore and also a great story. I liked how they portrayed the characters, their background and their motivations but most importantly their relationships between each other. The connection between David and Lucy is an important element throughout the show and gives the high tech world a human touch. Watch it in Japanese and enjoy the performances of Kenichiro Ohashi, Aoi Yûki, Takako Honda and Tomoyo Kurosawa. The melodic and dramatic moments were sucking me in just the right way. Also the score fits nicely and the electronic beats move you through the action scenes. The animations are top notch!

I Used to Be Famous (2022)

for those about to feel

[6/10 · 18 October 2022]

"I Used to Be Famous" contains a lot of original music and I feel for it. The synth-driven songs are produced with a deep human touch and you'll be surprised how well the music carries the picture. It's a pretty bold move from Netflix to cast unknown actors and throw them into a delicate story like this one is. The former boy band star Vince feels isolated with his own artistic vision. That's when he runs into the autistic drummer Stevie and they soon team up. It was only by the end of the movie when I realised how much the two characters have in common. Stevie needed a friend to look up to and Vince struggles from the loss of his deceased brother. Stevie kinda reminds him of his brother and all this circumstances makes the two of them bond really tight.

This British feature feels like an Indie production of higher value but it was the story and the acting that I found captivating for what it's worth. The film has a fantastic finale and you should definitely stick around until the end!

Guns Akimbo (2019)

Fun from 2019

[7/10 · 13 October 2022]

"Guns Akimbo" is about a real life deathmatch. But wait there is more to it. Daniel Radcliffe plays the shy nerd Miles who works as a programmer at daytime and goes hunting internet trolls during the night. The coding adventure reminds me of the beginning in "The Matrix". There are plenty of resemblances of some of my favourite movies in "Guns Akimbo" but it's all blended well together. Samara Weaving sure has had her share as the gore-driven wixen in "The Babysitter". Now she takes her looks that kill as a young girl who won't stop for nothing and she is in for that body count. Natasha Liu Bordizzo whom you might know from "Day Shift" is perfect for the Netflix rooster of young actresses. As Nova she is Miles' ex girlfriend and plays an important role 'til the very end.

Visually the film is full of neon colors which is totally a trip for the eyes. Cameras rolling upside down, a score packed with EDM which could come from a video game and funny lines make this mash-up of a trigger happy movie great entertainment for a Friday night.

The Holiday (2006)

Brilliant Rom-Com over Xmas

[8/10 · 8 October 2022]

The 2006 production "The Holiday" starts off quite generic but once it gets rolling, the story gets more interesting by the minute. Soon we have a bunch of folks struggling with relationships, emotions and personal needs. Their encounters are interconnected and despite the story rolls out between two continents thanks to the pacing I could follow the narrative easily. I heard that this film was written specifically with Cameron Diaz, Kate Winslet, Jude Law, and Jack Black in mind. Their chemistry on screen is great. This is one of the rare movies where Hollywood actors actually show genuine human emotions. Cameron Diaz plays a troubled character and through her effort she puts into her performance it feels a bit like over acting but okay. The most convincing part comes from Kate Winslet who did a tremendous job of making her character emotionally palpable. Her facial expressions are truly significant. Jude Law does great. Only Jack Black is the one I could not relate to since he plays like he does not want to be there. Prefect soundtrack by Hans Zimmer!

New Kids Turbo (2010)

trash for the wicked

[3/10 · 17 September 2022]

"New Kids Turbo" is a parody about the Vokuhila scene that was very much alive all over Europe in the late 80s/early 90s and obviously the Dutch producers portrayed the local scene of Maaskantje around that era. I had a hard time understanding the slang and following the story that is told in retrospect by the cast in the last third of the movie. Then again the movie follows a chronological order. However the movie is total anarchy and is full of brutal jokes. I loved the sudden gags that were anything but politically correct. They are cursing all the time and they make fun of handicapped people. The only woman that is seen more often quite never is called anything but "who*re" The police is portrayed even more stupid than the gang which is rather funny. Even more fun is the fact that Tom Holkenborg did the score. I couldn't believe this movie has actually been released.

Mr. & Mrs. Smith (2005)

watched it in 2022 and it's fun!

[8/10 · 15 September 2022]

So much is true, I've never seen this movie until now and I was pretty amazed how good it is! Knowing that THIS is the movie where Brad and Angelina met to become "Brangelina" in real life, I had to give this production from 2005 a try. Back then it was a box office hit.

Budget: $110,000,000 (estimated) Gross US & Canada: $186,336,279

The good things about "Mr. & Mrs. Smith" are: +adult humor +Angelina's eyes (the only movie where she actually shines and speaks to me) +chemistry between the lead +story +car chase scenes are way above par, both visually and the sound fx

Not many bad things are to name. Probably it's a bit too cheesy at times. Probably it would have been more convincing if the cat&mouse game in the house wasn't that extreme. However the script is smart, the dialogues are perfect for this kind of Hollywood popcon movie and the music repeats that Columbian theme throughout the film reminding the audience where the troubled couple met.

Knives Out (2019)

murder mystery

[8/10 · 12 September 2022]

Very well play with a talented cast. The murder mystery from 2019 starts off really compelling and rarely gets boring during 2 hours of playtime. The plot twists, the characters lie and the dogs are barking at suspicious intruders. Keep guessing until the end who killed the rich father of a greedy family. "Knives Out" contains very poignant dialogues and it is a perfect feast for book lovers. It is entertaining, thrilling and comes with witty lines.

Just to drop a few names: Daniel Craig, Chris Evans, Ana de Armas and the best one is Jamie Lee Curtis.

The music by Nathan Johnson just fits perfect to the chill factory of the thriller.

Super Mario Bros. (1993)

Fungus Among Us

[2/10 · 11 September 2022]

Super Mario Bros (1993) was a flop on release and still holds up a pretty bad shape to this day! The dystopian cyberpunk world sure contained great art and set design, but the main characters failed to match the iconic video game heroes Mario & Luigi. Bob Hoskins as chief plumber Mario was a great decision for the lead role and he even performed an Italian accent. On the other hand John Leguizamo as Luigi didn't even try to change his Latino voice and didn't amuse me with clumsy walks. Dennis Hopper is super versatile in this one. Alan Silvestri's OST is way too classical and repeats his success of "Back In The Future" with obvious musical events following the scenes where surprises are going to happen.

The story relies on the theory that an alien fungus is responsible for all live on earth which definitely is an interesting plot for the franchise. But the execution was terrible.

Special Correspondents (2016)

extremely well written

[9/10 · 8 September 2022]

I laughed off my buttocks watching this comedy in 2022. The story is as hilarious as authentic. Since fake news have become a huge topic over the past few years I like to say this film was a satire before anyone could think of how the world would be like in 2022.

The script is extremely well written and the dialogues are purely a gem. Listen and watch the play carefully to find the beautiful details of sarcasm woven into the story. Ricky Gervais plays such a lovely character, as human as he can be. Eric Bana is convincing in his role and even though it is not clear this is a buddy movie, their chemistry got me right away. Kelly Macdonald, oh man, she is so good in every scene, playing the insecure journalist with high standards in moral. Everyone who likes America Ferrera will have their laughs.

Tekken: Bloodline (2022)

flawless victory

[10/10 · 8 September 2022]

TEKKEN: Bloodline (2022) is a modern take on the video game. It surprises with a captivating story. Fans of Tekken 3 will enjoy this one. I loved the fights, the choreo, the characters and the struggles Jin has to deal with. Watching the detailed animation makes me wonder how much time it took to get it all done. The level of perfection is high everywhere. The soundtrack is perfect and the cinematography keeps you in the zone. The slow-mo comes in just at the right moments which gives you a little time to breathe during the fights. I hope they produce more episodes in future.

Go watch TEKKEN: Bloodline on Netflix and do some workout routine! Get in the ring!