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Reviews
The Hunchback of Notre Dame II (2002)
I could make a stop motion on microsoft paint better than this drivel!
What got me was the incredibley bad animation. Cinderella 2 came out the following year. The animation surpassed this. Also that scene where the gargoyles jaws fall off was just tragic and the continuity with their jaws reattached a moment later. I mean, I know I'm intoxicated but even I noticed that blunder. Poor show!
Also this review needs to be 600 characters but I've said what I needed to. So heres the bbc's good food recipe for tomato soup:
Ingredients
1-1.25kg/2lb 4oz-2lb 12oz ripe tomatoes
1 medium onion
1 small carrot
1 celery stick
2 tbsp olive oil
2 squirts of tomato purée (about 2 tsp)
a good pinch of sugar
2 bay leaves
1.2 litres/2 pints hot vegetable stock (made with boiling water and 4 rounded tsp bouillon powder or 2 stock cubes)
The Haunting (1999)
Owen Wilson says Wow at 46 mins in
Then turn it off cause there's really nothing to see here...
Also did they just leave the bodies in there? Did no one go back for Owen Wilson's head?
Rose (2020)
S'alright
That raw carrot they had on the table on the second last scene had more cinematic presence than anyone in this film. I've seen worse carrots but not better.
Wrong Turn (2021)
Trong Wurn
'You know that 2003 film wrong turn? Well we want to remake it but with a lower budget, worse script and a completely different storyline'
Movie Excutives: 'Take my money!'
Shookum Hills (2021)
Worst Tomb Raider Evur
It's as if someone got a stock Adobe video transition effect and applied it to 2 hours worth of questionable footage.
Devil still managed to hit below my expectations.
Ghastly.
Bone Tomahawk (2015)
Kurt Russell's up some good corn chowder
You know when you're on a plane and you aren't allowed electronics so you have to reread the safety instructions repeatedly at nauseam, then the engine starts to fail and you begin to plummet, the wings rip off and all your surroundings are engulfed in the burning inferno. Yeh this film reminds me of that...
Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark (2019)
Scary Stories Wrote in the Daytime
Most of these scary stories were told in the day time so it wasn't dark.
Also who blind tastes a stew?
Ant-Man and the Wasp (2018)
Estimated Cooking Time 2h 5mins
Put Michelle Pfeiffer back in she's not done yet...
The Jack in the Box (2019)
The Museum of War and Jack in the Boxes
Where can I find this museum? I need to brush up on my war.
The Resident (2011)
Peeping Tom's Bedsit
The apartment the protagonist lives in was reminiscent to the beloved children's game 'mouse trap' crossed with H.H.Holmes notorious murder House.
Also I'd notice an eye when I tried to plug in my kettle.
Irresistible (2006)
There's never a good time to tell your wife you've done the deed with her daughter...
Where does someone purchase wasps of that quantity? Is there a wholesale for wasps? I think there's a serious gap in the market for wholesale wasps.
Clown (2014)
Possible solution to deal with this demon clown suit
Couldn't you ask NASA next time they journey up to space to take the demon clown suit with them and just let it go into space? I mean then it would be gone. Can demons survive in space? Surely not.
After.Life (2009)
No.Food.At.A.Wake?
No wonder he drank himself silly. If there had been a buffet option available I believe the ending would have been a lot different. A good cucumber sandwich would have soaked up a lot of that liquor.
Honeymoon (2014)
Why so many pancakes?
There are other breakfast foods available. I gave the 3 stars as they included French toast. More variety would have made this a much more believable and enjoyable watch.
Also these are the kind of couple that sends out unwanted family Christmas letters and arrange weekly zoom 'parties' with a fancy dress theme. I'd avoid them and this lack of breakfast selection film.
Honeybee? More like where's the honey nut cheerios..?!
The Tourist (2010)
They are very slowly getting away...
I feel like a lot of these slow paced boat chases could have easily been resolved with a well placed badminton net.