AngstromStrongbeard Reviews

Highlander II: The Quickening (1991)

Complete Garbage

[1/10 · 25 April 2013]

This movie makes no sense. Continuity was obviously nowhere in the minds of the movie's creators, because they've completely disregarded the premise laid out in the original Highlander.

The original Highlander movie left us with a victorious Connor MacLeod enjoying The Prize as the last living immortal. This new movie picks up several decades later with an old and frail (???) MacLeod looking back on his life in regret. Society is in shambles. The planet is in rough shape, its Ozone layer completely gone with only a planet-wide anti-radiation shield, built by MacLeod himself (???), standing in the way of our destruction.

It's just another day for MacLeod...that is, until he's ambushed by some old friends who want to chop off his head!

(You see, contrary to what the original movie said, all of the immortals are actually alien exiles from a planet called "Zeist". On Zeist, MacLeod and the other immortals who were exiled to Earth were part of some sort of rebellion or revolution (never explained). MacLeod and Ramirez were captured by the enemy and exiled to Earth. The last surviving immortal on Earth can either grow old and die or go back to Zeist (I guess that's what they prize was supposed to be, at least according to this movie).)

Apparently, the bad guy, Katana, who exiled MacLeod to Earth in the first place, is upset that MacLeod is going to grow old and die rather than come back and give him a shot at some revenge, so he sends some henchmen to come after MacLeod. The story goes on from there. Aside from a side plot regarding a conspiracy surrounding the planetary anti-radiation shield, the movie is just the same old sword fighting decapitation fest, this time in a more futuristic setting and with worse acting, writing, plot structure, and lower production value than before.

The only bright light that shone from this black hole of a movie was Sean Connery. Despite being in a horrible movie, he gave a great performance as always! Even so, it doesn't make up for how bad the rest of the movie was. If you want some Sean Connery, go watch "Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade". Avoid this movie!

Blues Brothers 2000 (1998)

Great Music, Horrible Sequel.

[3/10 · 24 April 2013]

The whole movie seemed like a throwback/tribute to the original. It didn't really try at all to stand on its own merits, it just came across as an excuse for the cast (most of whom were in the original) to relive the good ole' days. Most of the scenes and plot points mirrored those of the original film. Aside from that, the signature clothing (black suit, black fedora, sunglasses, etc.) and the Bluesmobile, this movie is almost unrecognizable from the original film.

Out of the two stars of the original, only Dan Aykroyd survived to make this film. (RIP John Belushi.) Unfortunately, Elwood Blues must have gone to the grave with Jake Blues, because Dan Aykroyd's reprisal of his role is disgraceful. Elwood's voice, accent, mannerisms, and overall attitude have totally changed...for the worse. A once mysterious, serious, resourceful, and charming character has been warped into a worthless goofball, and this change sets the tone for the rest of the movie as well.

The original movie, though very funny, had a serious tone to it (at least the performances seemed that way), but Blues Brothers 2000 is just goofy and cheesy. The only thing that I can compare the goofiness/cheesiness to is a kids movie...which makes sense since one of the main characters of this movie IS a kid, "Buster Blues". After visiting The Penguin from the original movie, Elwood gets stuck mentoring an orphan boy, Buster, who turns out to be a blues prodigy. Add John Goodman's equally goofy character, "Mighty" Mack McTeer, into the mix and you've got a recipe for disaster.

The only things that saves this movie from being a 0/10 are the outstanding musical sequences (with the exception of Johnny Lang's "contribution"). With the exception of John Belushi, the original band is reunited in this film and they do not disappoint! The Blues Brothers Band and the various cameos from famous musicians throughout the movie are reason enough to watch it. The final sequence, a Battle of the Bands contest, is particularly good.

To Summarize: the movie sucks, but the music is great! Watch it at least once, especially if you've seen the original.

The Riches (2007–2008)

Could Have Been Much Better

[4/10 · 18 April 2013]

The show had an interesting premise, so much so that, even given my 4/10 rating, I had to watch it to the bitter end. Unfortunately, the show didn't live up to its potential.

The acting on the show was fairly good, but there were too many character developments and plot points that didn't seem to make good sense, or at least weren't developed thoroughly enough to make sense. Here are a few:

1) Sammy's gender battle. The youngest child, a boy named Sammy, kept wanting to be a girl and would oftentimes dress up as a girl despite the fact that it very well could have compromised their operation. This was kind of interesting at the outset, but they never went anywhere with it. The character himself never really went anywhere. He was just the quiet "other kid" who would occasionally dress like a girl at inopportune times. What was the point? Who knows. Also, what about the murals he kept drawing? Pointless.

2) Dahlia's dentistry gig. As part of Dahlia's effort to take over the life of Mrs. Rich, she had to attend a job interview at a dentist office. Somehow, she got the job and managed to work at the office for a few days despite her obvious lack of qualifications. This was way too far fetched. I guess the writers understood this, because, with very little set up or mentioning of it afterwards, the Dentist that she was working for committed suicide when he couldn't handle the grief of having recently lost his wife. The office then closed down and she didn't have to work there anymore. How convenient! How random and pointless...seriously, why did they even have her work there in the first place? It added absolutely nothing to the plot or to her development.

3) The family's "conscience" and their criticisms of the "buffer lifestyle". They are a family of travelers. They roam around the countryside in their RV scamming, pickpocketing, and otherwise conning their way through life at the expense of everyone they come across. They have no problem with this. For some reason, though, when they take over the lives of the Riches, their moral compass comes from nowhere and creates arbitrary drama. Whenever they cross into the slightest grey of moral areas, they freak out because they're supposedly these moral and righteous people who have the right to look down their noses at "buffers". Hello! At the start of the season, these people went into a High School reunion and pick pocketed EVERYONE there! And now they're freaking out about winning a court case against a lesbian couple, temporarily covering up someone's accidental murder (which they had ALREADY DONE when they took over the Riches' lives), or cutting Wayne's boss (a corrupt asshole) out of a multimillion dollar real estate deal? And yet, they had no problem scamming an ex-athlete who was in dire financial straits out of half a million dollars, or ripping off a woman who was suing because her arm was eaten by alligators, or selling a breeding Alpaca for $100,000 even though it was infertile, or any number of their other scams. Their selective morality just made no sense and got old very fast, especially when their son, Cael (the most ruthless and morally ambiguous traveler of all of them) ran away from home because of who they had "become". Come on...

4) Dahlia's parole fiasco. Everything is going right for them. They're on track to get $13 million and retire for life. All they have to do is carry on like normal for just a few months. Then, out of nowhere, Dahlia gets some crazy idea after sitting in on an AA meeting to confess to the police that she is a parole violator (something that could get her thrown in prison and/or blow her family's whole operation). What in the world?! This made absolutely zero sense.

I think the writers had just run out of good ideas and were trying to throw whatever mayhem they could think of into the mix. It just wasn't sustainable and it didn't work out.

The Cabin in the Woods (2011)

Not What I Expected...

[8/10 · 5 April 2013]

The average campy slasher movie is fun because of the thrill inherent in the dangers the characters face, the suspense and irony of knowing what the characters are in for before they themselves know it (and, most likely, die from it), and because of the obligatory female nudity that all teenage males cheer for and all adult males discretely nod in approval of. This fun compensates for the downsides that also come with the territory, like the terrible acting, the horrible dialogue, and the pathetic plot.

Fortunately, this movie has rid itself of the downsides and delivers on the fun factors in a big way! A cleverly written, very entertaining, and hilarious twist on the standard slasher-type movie, "The Cabin in the Woods" is a must watch for anyone who needs a good popcorn movie that packs something extra. (Make sure you watch with friends!)

Skyfall (2012)

Disappointing

[2/10 · 16 March 2013]

This film was extremely dull and watching it was a draining experience for me.

The beginning chase scene, though heavily borrowed from other movies (I'll forgive that), was the most exciting part of the whole thing. After that was an hour and forty-five minutes of drawn-out, painfully boring garbage.

James Bond is no longer recognizable as a franchise. The new direction that it's taken is trying so hard to take itself seriously that it does so at the expense of entertainment value. Skyfall tries to carry itself like it's such a smart sophisticated movie, but it's not. (Don't even get me started on M's poetry recital...) It's still James Bond in its simple/porous plot and its fairly lousy dialogue, but it no longer makes up for it with guns blazing action, gadget-wielding explosive sabotage, nearly humorous levels of womanizing, and general liveliness. What do I mean by liveliness? James Bond was always a smooth operator, rarely breaking a sweat, but now he, and pretty much every other cast member for that matter, emotes so little and has such a FLAT, depressing personality that I can't connect with the character, let alone be entertained by it. SPOILER ALERT: when M died at the end, I felt absolutely nothing. I wasn't invested in the story or its characters at all. That is a problem.

The villain wasn't scary, but he was confusing. An ultra-brilliant computer genius with secret agent level skills and years of meticulous planning gets thwarted by a fire extinguisher-induced smokescreen and some Kevin McCallisteresque booby traps? I don't buy it. The way they built him up, I expected a LOT more.

All that said, I will grant the movie this: the locations and backdrops were excellent (kudos to the locations scouts) and the whole thing was filmed beautifully!