ediland-76782 Reviews

Red, White & Royal Blue (2023)

I needed this

[9/10 · 11 August 2023]

I laughed, I cried, I went AWWW and honestly, this is my new summer favorite. I have not read the book, so cannot say anything about that, but the main leads were both fun and sweet and had great chemistry. Side characters also shine through, especially Sarah Shahi with her no-nonsense portrayal and Uma Thurman as the tough president but a loving mom. Not gonna lie, casting Stephen Fry, arguably one of the most outspoken gay men in the world as a, well, a bigot gave me a good chuckle.

The music was good (just how many covers of "Fools Rush In" are there?), the cinematography was a true eye-candy and the banter was getting better and better with each minute.

This will be rewatched many, many, many times.

Love Tactics 2 (2023)

It didn't make me wanna rage but...

[4/10 · 10 August 2023]

Buckle up, people, I have thoughts. I'm a cinematic masochist, I've been told, and I proudly carry this title. Love Tactics part 1 left me raging for days and for the right reasons - all of them listed in the review. So when the sequel came... Well, I got my drinks chilled, I got my ice-cream in a bowl and I got my Netflix on. I was ready to shred it to pieces, cause as we know, sequels are 9 out of 10 cases inferior to part one.

Well, color me shocked, this part was actually better. No, it doesn't mean it was good, it just means that I didn't feel like murdering anyone when the end credits rolled. But let's start from the beginning.

Plot It's been a year. Asli and Kerem are still together, both appalled cause their respective friends, Tuna and The Screaming One, are getting married. They both act like little idiots about it, cause why would a woman want to be married, what kind of a man would voluntarily put a ring on it blah blah blah. Same old stereotypes they were shouting on the top of their lungs in the first film. Surprisingly, it didn't bother me this much, I guess my tropical rum did its thing. Anyway, the two lovebirds go to dinner, giving us, well - giving me, probably the only funny scene in the entire movie. Asli spewing nonsense about how a marriage is useless etc. And Kerem telling her it's wonderful she says that, cause he doesn't want to marry her. And this is where Asli got pissed, cause, as she told her girlfriends, he's allowed to not want to get married, but he's not allowed to not want to get married TO HER. So she decides to do everything to change his mind. Not cause she want's to get married, mind you. No. It's cause she's narcissistic brat and it's all about Me Me Me. After his buddies tell Kerem that Asli lied, cause "every woman wants to get married" , he decides to do everything to make sure she never thinks of marrying him. Because you know, marriage is prison.

Ugh... Can you tell how much I still hate those characters?

Anyway. The oh-so-funny shenanigans begin, Asli borrows a baby (yeah, you read that correctly) and goes to Kerem's office to show him she'll be a good mom, though, as her friends pointed out, she dislikes children. But hey, who cares, she's a woman on a mission, so when Kerem invites her over and expects her to serve his buddies (cause you know, a wife = a maid) she does so with a sweet smile. Kerem panics and decides to use the fact his buddy is arguing with his wife to show Asli that marriage is boring, kills love and passion. Bravo for using your friends as props, that's so healthy I teared up. Asli decides to show Kerem that marriage can be full of love for many decades. So she invites him to meet her parents. Cause you know, she hasn't introduced him to them in a year of being exclusive. Now, this was supposed to be a comic relief, I believe, with daddy going through midlife crisis and riding a motorcycle and mommy drinking like a fish and demanding divorce right there and then, but gotta say, the actors weren't good and it was cringy. Like "I don't want to live on this planet anymore" cringy.

Meanwhile I'm beginning to feel like I'm watching a movie from the 1990s about highschoolers, not about people in their early 30s. God bless the rum.

Anyway, stuff happens, an old school friend of Asli comes back, he's successful, rich and apparently hot, so Kerem is jealous, but not too much, cause he knows he's the hottest alpha under the sun, right? Then there's a bachelorette party on an island, where the girlfriends do, what all women around the world do, according to horny teenage boys, that is, and they dance in lingerie. And swim synchronically in the pool. And dress up in high heels and latex dresses to sit on the pier and drink champagne. You know, that's my typical Wednesday. Ugh... The guys crash the bachelorette, cause of course they do. The soon-to-be newlyweds spill the beans and Asli learns about Kerem's plan and he learns about hers and I just roll my eyes cause what kind of idiots wouldn't realize sooner, that something was going on? So they dance the tango which, in all fairness, was pleasant to watch, and they talk during it, which on the other hand was a cringe, cause the idiots keep lying. Very healthy relationship, this one.

Anyway, everybody gets drunk and in the morning Kerem takes Asli for a plane ride. Cause she's so great with heights she turns into a freakin' foghorn, as the first movie showed us. I turned down the volume, cause I learn fast. Oh, but Kerem got smart, you see, he got his girlfriend pills. And here comes the second so called comic relief in the guise of a pilot without a license. I'm not even gonna get into it. I'll just skip to the part where the pilot is out like a light and they fly into a storm cloud. Kerem gets scared and she proposes to Asli, but she's high as a kite and laughs. Meanwhile I finish another drink and thank the fate I have a day off the next day, cause I'm getting too old for this garbage.

The hot as damn old friend from school offers Asli an amazing job opportunity, but she'd have to go to Dubai for 6 months. Kerem decides to marry her and proposes, they have sex on the table and a wedding on the beach.

The End

Like I said, it is not a good film, but it didn't make me homicidal, so that's a plus. The plot was predictable like the order of the days in the week, but whatever. It's a rom-com, I didn't expect intellectual stimulation. The views were beautiful, cinematography was also good, the music was forgettable, but whatever. Ozyildiz was better, acting wise, than in the 1st one, or maybe his character was simply less annoying. Ozdemir toned down her acting and there were moments where I noticed her yesteryears comedy chops. Still, Asli was annoying AF.

So, to sum it up. 4/10 for the movie.

10/10 for the rum.

The Matrix Resurrections (I) (2021)

Matrix: The Remake meets Matrix: The Cash-Grab

[4/10 · 4 October 2022]

It was a remake of the first Matrix, right? Because I get a nod, maybe three, towards the OG trilogy, but not the basically 80% of the movie. Same scenes, same dialogues... I had fun, more or less, even if I was browsing the internet while watching. But seriously, this movie was completely unnecessary. Acting-wise it was good, music-wise too. Fight choreography was spectacular, but there's just no getting over the complete lack of an idea for the original plot. It all felt like the "look, we've gotten older and we feel like reminiscing the good old days". More power to you, but you could've ne it privately at home with a bottle of whiskey.

But I guess you wouldn't get the money then, right?

A complete cash-grab.

Viola (2022– )

Fun, entertaining and rewatchable

[8/10 · 1 October 2022]

Police dramas are everywhere, so it's hard to come up with something new. VCIM is not an Earth shattering piece of television, but it is very entertaining. Time flies fast, as you watch Viola trying to find her footing in the new city, with a boss who has no faith in her abilities, chauvinistic colleagues and no friends. Francesca Chillemi created a very sympathetic character you can't stop rooting for. Can Yaman plays a police inspector, cynical, flirtatious and very competent in his job. When his Francesco Demir meets Viola sparks begin to fly. I would be tempted to say that it's a typical sunshine/grumpy trope, but Demir throws jokes around like old ladies throw bread for the ducks in the park. So I guess it's more of a sunshine/cynical joker kind of situation. Especially because the inspector doesn't hide the fact that he wants to see Viola in his bed and gets frustrated when his typical tricks don't work. (Way to go, Viola!) Those two already have a rapport that is a source of laughs. The rest of the cast blends very well with the protagonists, the overall chemistry between the characters is coherent and on a high level. Cinematography is great, with the views of the beautiful Palermo looking like a postcard - it really makes you wanna go there.

Overall it's a fun, breezy, kind of summery show with a high rewatchability factor. Give it a go.

Love Tactics (2022)

Waste of time. Let me tell you why.

[2/10 · 12 February 2022]

Waste of time of the viewers, but also of the cast and crew.

Let's start with the characters. The background ones - flat like a piece of paper. They have names, I just can't be bothered to remember them, cause what for? They're all so stupid that they consider every word of Asli and Kerem to be gospel truth, no matter how moronic and how juvenile. And I'm not kidding. One of Asli's friends even makes notes. The main characters? By all means, let me start with Asli played by Demet. Asli is a rude, heartless, arrogant witch. That's in short. She plays with people's feelings, looks down on her friends, thinks herself all knowing in matters of love and men and considers herself a God's gift to humanity. Her style could be equated to "a bomb exploded in the second-hand and this is what dropped on me". Now, Kerem played by Sukru. He's childish (it's my campaign! - seriously, I was just waiting for him to stomp his feet like a 4yo), arrogant and completely... forgettable. He's so unlikable that they had to give him "sad" back story to make him tolerable - more on that later.

Now, the plot. Take "How to Lose a Guy...", a few scenes from "Ugly Truth", one or two from "Bay Yanlis", "Erkenci Kus" and "Sen Cal Kapimi" and probably a few others my mind just blocked due to the cringe factor and voila - you pretty much have this film.

Disclaimer: If you wanna skip the plot, just go to the last paragraph.

It starts when a blog reader throws Asli a challenge and she agrees to make a man fall in love with her to prove her methods work. Meanwhile Kerem's client is given to his colleague and he agrees to give him back only when Kerem makes a girl fall for him. So Asli picks a dress, spewing nonsense how men stop developing on the level of potty training and Kerem picks a watch saying that he is now the product he is going to sell to women. There are easier ways to do that than bets, but to each their own, I guess.

Of course they meet in the bar/pub/club/cafe (?) and immediately decide "that's the victim/mark" (lovely people, really) and so the games begin.

Fast forward a bit, cause nothing interesting happens (she changes clothes, he changes clothes) and then they meet again when they get in the same cab on a rainy evening. She insults him, he treats her like a moron and thus the great love is born? Seriously, don't expect any logic here. Then we go to Cappadocia, which is breathtaking. Unfortunately along with the views we're getting a sleezy, creepy amca vel. Uncle, who is like a hundred years old, but doesn't look a year over five hundred and who is more than willing to get into Asli's pants. And Asli, "smart" girl that she is, decides to make Kerem jealous leading amca on. Not gonna lie, had to grab a drink here, cause it felt ugh. But do not worry, cause to Kerem's aide comes amca's equally sleezy daughter, who already had him for one night and apparently was impressed and wants more. So amca harasses Asli, his daughter harasses Kerem and haha, sexual harassment is so funny. :/ Asli and Kerem get them drunk and run away. And this is where we learn that Kerem was born here, his daddy died and his mommy left when he was ten. You know, the all time fool-proof way of soliciting compassion for the character that represents nothing good. It's the laziest way of making a character even remotely likable and here, sorry to say, it failed. Not for Asli, though, who, from now on, looks at Kerem with eyes that were supposed to be puppy-eyes, but came out more like "I'm so freakin' high I've no idea where I am".

And here we come to the hot-air balloon flight and something that can only be described as the "fog horn sequence". Turns out Asli has a phobia (space or heights - don't remember, don't care) and so she screams in fear. I am not exaggerating when I say my dog jumped up and ran to another room and the birds on the trees by my window just flew away. I had to mute the audio for a moment. Suddenly I felt like I was dropped into slap-stick comedy, which was neither here nor there. But hey, not to worry, because Kerem will fix her phobia by telling her to not be afraid. Ugh... If only it worked with my arachnophobia, I'd move to Australia years ago. Anyway, fast forward and Kerem asks her to dinner. In his home. He'd cook. And she agrees so hurray, sexy time is coming. But first Asli will get herself drunk, Kerem will play "Breakfast at Tiffany's" for them to watch in the garden and turn on the sprinklers so that their first kiss was "in the rain". (Bartender, bourbon, and make it a double) It may sound romantic - it's not. The reason? Complete lack of chemistry between the characters. Peanut butter and jelly have more sparks than those two. Anyway, moving on. Nothing interesting to see here. After sexy times both Asli and Kerem admit they're in love but behold - the obligatory conflict before the happy ending - a must in any respected rom-com. Asli learns that Kerem slept with her friend and ghosted her, so she decides to finish what she started and humiliate him on her blog. They meet, she secretly live-streams his love confession to the world, tells him it was all fake and leaves. Sad song in the background tells me I'm supposed to cry here, but I'm not nearly intoxicated enough for this.

Allow me, please, to jump ahead again, because this is way too long already, and I'm still not done. Anyways, Asli realizes what a colossal moron she's been and writes on her blog that she's in love. Kerem reads it while he's already on the plane to London with the daughter of the sleezy amca. We get the worst airport sequence I have ever seen in any rom-com and Asli and Kerem finally meet. They're arrested by the airport security and THE END Oh, you think I rushed through this ending? That's cause it was rushed. There was no proper conversation and Asli's apology was a "by the way..." kind of thing. I really dislike those people.

Uff... I would love to send a fruit basket to the script writer and beg them never ever to write a rom-com again. EVER. Don't get me wrong, I don't expect rom-coms to be groundbreaking cinema, I am more than happy to embrace all the tropes of the genre. I even welcome them when they're done well. But this was not the case. The director could've made a really fun, feel-good movie, if they didn't take themselves so seriously and, of course, if there was any chemistry between the actors. This was my first encounter with Sukru, so I don't really have a comparison, but I have seen Demet in a few things before and all I can say is: What happened? The girl used to be good in comedy, so why is this such a dumpster fire? The tears are forced, the laughs are even worse, the puppy-eyes were left somewhere in the past and taken over by "I'm so high I have to duck to not get hit by ISS". It's also infuriating how all those stereotypes about genders are still so pushed to the front. I honestly thought we evolved beyond that and left it somewhere in the nineties. Anyway, thank you for your time. I assure you, however long this review, the movie is much longer and at much less funny. Cheers!