ManiacCop Reviews

Alone in the Dark (2005)

Most Hilarious Film I have EVER seen

[1/10 · 4 June 2006]

Unintentionally. The movie is 'supposed' to be about (I think) an ancient artifact that turns into a bunch of monsters. Don't know, don't care. I'm probably wrong. I'm not even going to try to break down this 'plot' for anyone, because it would probably take a team of 10 MTI graduates to attempt to clear anything up, and i mean anything. Have you ever watched a film where every single scene is in complete severance from the rest? No Continiuty in a plot that wants that. I'm just going to line item what is absolutely HILARIOUS: (spoilers, if you really care) Dorff running around ever military scene with this "I haven't pooped in 3 days" look. He always just seems angry, but they never explain as to why the guy is angry. Then you Tara Reid, can you think of a more hilarious idea than to put scientist gear on her and pass that 'party girl past her prime'. Garbage. But fun. And then you have the lead, Christian Slater. Probably not a winning career movie, even though I must say I would be extremely confused as to what was going on as well.

I could keep going, but i'll spare you Just know that if you want to laugh at a movie that does NOTHING right, this is it. Best line, "Christian says: "Don't be insane" to this guy. Just the way he says it is like he just asked him for a cup of coffee. You'll Enjoy if you can just open your mind of the joy of bad, bad, unintentionally bad movies. They can be highly amusing.

Cop (1988)

Cop

[10/10 · 4 June 2006]

80's action in pure form. This is in the die hard mold, but less structure or bad guys. I must say before hand that James Woods is my favorite actor. He is amazing. IN this film he delivers the best 1 liner I have ever heard in my entire life. Ever. It's ends the movie in a hurricane of laughter. Laughter in a good way. Laughing at 80's movies. This one may have been made in 90, but it still has the 'pure cop with chip on shoulder' guy. I would also recommend The Hard Way with Michael J Fox. That's also one of James Wood's best performances.

Back to Cop. Watch for the violence. Watch for the great 80's Dialogue. Watch for a plot that while have some serious issues, is still passable and forgivably based on the movies final line. That last line, which I will not discuss her MUST WATCH THIS. Is the best ending to ANY movie I have ever scene (ofcourse in the context of an 80's action/adventure/cop/type movie). Enjoy!

Journey to the Center of the Earth (1993 TV Movie)

Worst movie I've ever seen..........................ever.

[1/10 · 10 February 2006]

Wow, this is the worst movie I have ever seen. 3.3? No, more like a 0. Seriously, I have watched literally hundreds of movies that are considered 'bad.' But this one is the worst. It's not even funny bad, it's just bad, really really bad. I'm vomiting just thinking about it.

These lines: "sonic bores blind folded" or, "I needed to make sure this ship survived, even if I didn't." Oh, there is the patented black guy, the bad guy in a suit, the old doctor, the 2 hot chicks, and the ugly one, the voiced over ship girl (T-Minus 10 minutes). Oh, and then there are the scenes where they talk to this girl in a floating orb, only none of the actors are even looking near the orb.

God I have a headache now. I have to watch Bad Santa to feel better. Yea, that's what i'm going to do.

I Can Make You Love Me (1993 TV Movie)

As far as bad movies go, this one is a keeper

[8/10 · 10 February 2006]

****Spoilers***As far as bad movies go, I loved this one. It's really bad, but bad in a good way. It's cheesy 90's crap. It's Brooke Sheilds getting her shoulder blown off. It's a slow build up to extreme violence. I did not realize it was a true story until afterwards, but I just knew something was going to happen. The stalker, he just starts stalking it up right away. Letters, threats, weird conversations, it got to the point where I just waited for the blow up. The death scene.

Ah, the death scenes. Yeah, it's a sad, sad, sad, horrible situation in real life, but seeing this guy blow away all the characters you just got to know, is pretty amusing. You can't take these movies seriously. But yeah, brooke, blood, stalking, graphic bullet holes, it's a winner.

First Degree (1995 Video)

Exactly the same as "Someone To Watch Over Me"

[3/10 · 10 February 2006]

This movie is exactly the same as Ridley Scott's, "Someone To Watch Over Me", which is a classic. It stars Tom Berenger and Mimi Rogers and the bad guy from the Fugitive. It's a quality movie, with good direction and great acting. This movie is the polar opposite. It's the same plot, just minus any good acting and adding TV movie direction. I do have to say I like the interaction between Lowe and the woman. She's hot and their romance is believable on many levels. Unfortunately, that alone cannot save this carbon copy of the classic Ridley Scott film.

Usually crappy TV movies have some redeeming quality that makes them watchable at the very least. I think for me, this film's redeeming value is that Rob Lowe and the lead female have chemistry. That and I was able to watch and compare the plot to another quality film.

...And Then She Was Gone (1991 TV Movie)

Oh Yeah. awful

[5/10 · 10 February 2006]

Classic. If you're into bad early 90's 'made for TV' movies. This one involves a child that vanishes. I had trouble paying attention (I have ADD) and combining attention defecit disorder with a bad early 90's TV movie makes for a rough situation.

It's awful. No two if ands it's or buts about it. But, if you laugh at horrible lines and a plot that any mildy intelligent person can pick apart within the first ten minutes, then this is for you. I have trouble giving a vote on this, because although being awful as it so obviously was, I was sickly drawn into watching it unfold. Like a book I've read 20 times, I knew every 'twist' and 'turn' involved. There weren't many to begin with, but a slow plot can sometimes be refreshing.

Cabin Fever (2002)

Not good, not un-entertaining.

[4/10 · 10 February 2006]

This movie is kinda funny, kinda gross, kinda pointless and overall kinda entertaining. You have to be on some sort of herbal medication to actually sit through it though. I liked the gore, I liked the ending, I liked the hicks, and I laughed at some of the lines because they were SOOOO bad.

If you really want to see an entertaining movie, watch "Wrong Turn." Now that movie is real horror in some scenes, and hilarious in others. Highly entertaining. I kind of see this as a poor man's Wrong Turn, but adding a horrible flesh eating virus. You'll see. Don't go in with any sort of high expectations. This is nothing but a gory, dark comedy and some would say made in poor taste. Watchagonnado.

Creepozoids (1987)

See it for the Creepozoid BABY ATTACK!!!!

[9/10 · 27 October 2005]

For what it is/what Creepazoids captures a time in cinema history. The time when robotic baby monsters, dry ice, apocalyptic times, needless gore and a few hot women created an 80's masterpiece. All be it, that when it ends, you are shocked. That the film only lasts 71 minutes. I enjoyed it. I am an 80's film fan, all types. But I especially like the ones like these, that make absolutely no point, there is no 'underlying meaning' to try to figure out. It's just what is it. I

Bottomline, if you're a fan of crap movies and consider them to be as entertaining as any Hollywood drama, then at least rent this movie. I just purchased it for $3 for my local video store. It's a keeper, simply for the fact that there are both monster babies and giants rats. period.

Path of Destruction (2005 TV Movie)

If you love bad movies, then is takes the cake

[3/10 · 26 September 2005]

This movie is hilariously bad. From the very beginning, you know you're in for a gut busting ride of bad script writing, acting, directing and gaping plot holes that boggle the mind. If you enjoy laughing at poorly made tripe, than this is your type of movie. If you want to watch a movie with a somewhat believable plot and some point, then you might want to rent something more mainstream.

I watched this with my brother last night at 1am on sci fi. We knew what we were getting into. From the absurd dialogue to sheer convenience of certain events, you will get your fair share of 'writing class no-no's'. Anyways, this movie, taken for what it's worth (production value, acting and sheer lunacy), can be tolerated and watched. Once only though. NO ONE has that much time.

House of the Dead (2003)

So bad......it's really, really, really, bad

[1/10 · 26 September 2005]

I won't go into to detail. The only thing i'll say is that I watched this film with a smile on my face. I enjoy watching bad movies, and this might just be #1. I'm serious. I've watched Troll 2, Maniac Cop 3, Wishmaster 2 etc. But this movie. Wow. Incoherent.....to the point where there are so many logical questions running through you head that you have to surrender and just watch. Enjoy! When watching, just keep asking yourself this: "who the hell would do that?"

Every character decision in this movie makes no logical sense. Blood, death, horror, mutilation, and tragedy is all glossed over. This movie can only be classified as a comedy. Nothing more.

The Village (2004)

Not bad, Not great

[5/10 · 31 January 2005]

This movie was interesting....you come in thinking its a horror/thriller, but in reality its more a mystery/character study. The reason I gave it a 5, is because of the plot holes. That, and it was a tad boring....there were some sections that just seemed to drag on....but the best part of this movie is the atmosphere that is provided by the pennsilvania backdrop. the fog, grass, woods etc. made it very relaxing....acting was great too. The young girl, who plays a blind woman is superb. Joquin Pheonix is good as well. There were all stage actors, and it shows. This movie could be a play...a lot of dialogue, but worth seeing if you like different movies. There are some surpises, but unfortunately for me , the plot holes that lead to the surprise annoyed me enough to submit a 5. enjoy!

Point of Origin (2002 TV Movie)

Well acted and directed, with a plot twist

[8/10 · 26 June 2002]

This film was interesting to watch on a few levels. It was well acted and directed, with a plot twist. The direction is unique in style and conveys the plots ideas well. The director uses bright and dull colors to show what the characters are thinking. He also uses sound to bring the audience into an arsonist's mind. I did miss the first ten minutes of the movie, but from what I saw this movie will keep the viewer interested and curious.

Ray Liotta also shines as a highly intelligent and shady Arson detective. The supporting cast does a good job keeping the tension and the enigmatic qualities of Point of Origin going. This movie could have made the theaters if there was just one more big actor in it. It is a lot better than many "theater worthy" films that I have seen in the past. Overall I'd say watch it, over all of those carbon copy movies that you see at the video store.

The Man Who Wasn't There (2001)

neo-noir at its finest

[28 May 2002]

I love the Coen brothers. This film is another one to tack up to the wall of success for these guys. The Man Who Wasn't There is neo-noir at its finest. Ofcourse it is not a carbon copy of the 40's Genre. The reason this movie should be rented by any film enthusiast is because it combines great direction, acting and plot. When a director can accomplish this it is rare (not so much with these two brothers) and must be seen.

The reason this movie is somewhat different from other noir films is because there is no Femme-Fatale: The woman to coerces the man into doing evil things for her. This movie uses Billy Bob perfectly as a mono-tone barber who creates a web of intuige and uncertainty with one gut decision. I won't go any further, but you get the picture. It is also filmed in black and white to extentuate the underlying shadyness in this picture.

Another film technique that makes this film a joy is the use of a voice over narration from the main character. From start to finish Billy Bob narrates his inner-monologue so the audience can get a taste of the mind behind the character. Rent this movie the next time you go to the video store, you'll enjoy it's cleverness and unique qualities.

From Hell (2001)

good lighting, directing and acting, but the plot is horrible

[28 May 2002]

This movie has good lighting, directing and acting, but the plot is horrible. I watched Menace II Society and Dead Pres and they were both great films. It seemed like the Hughes bros. were in their element. Unfortunately, they stepped into the the wrong arena in this movie. You can notice flashes of brilliance in their direction, but the plot moves along at a snails pace. Don't watch this movie if you want to see a redeemable representation of Jack the Ripper, it isn't about that at all. It seems to me that they used the Jack the Ripper storyline as a catalyst to show late 19th Century London. The entire movie is dark, dank and downtrodden.

By the end of this film I felt ripped off. Depp and Grahm are good, maybe even great at their jobs, but their talents are squandered in this film. The directors try and turn the story of a sadistic killer into a love story. The problem with their attempted love story is that Depp and Grahm hardly interact at all before the last few scenes. Ahhh, why do all movies end up like this?? Can't there not be a female protagonist for Depp to fall for. I wish. Oh well, I applaud the Hughes bros. for attempting to make a stylized movie about Jack, but they fall short in the plot, dialogue and the whole Jack the Ripper story.

Bottom line, watch this movie if you A: like either Depp or Grahm, B: enjoy watching interesting dirction with little or no plot to attach itself to. or C: enjoy watching old time London where women are treated like dirt. Don't watch this movie if you A: enjoy films where the plot and the direction correlate to create meaning. B: if you have a weak stomach or are a femenist. or C: If you expect this to be even close to as good as Meance II Society (one of my all time favorites) or Dead Presidents.

Joy Ride (2001)

hitchcockian on a lower scale

[21 May 2002]

This film is hitchcockian on a lower scale. This film is well worth seeing. The plot is similar to the "Hitcher" if you have seen that, but the directing is more stylized and dark. The acting is fairly good, but not quite as good as most Hitchcock films. I liked it overall and if you get the DVD you can get a sneak peek into how a movie is made. The have various endings with different situations, none of which are as good as the actual ending. They must have tested the other endings and gotten bad reviews. I can see why. Overall I give it a 7.5.

Men of Honor (2000)

watch this movie, but be warned, redeming qualities are few and far between

[21 May 2002]

Cookie cutter....I have already seen this movie fifty times over before even seeing it, but it is watchable (at best). In other words, The plot is tired and boring but the acting is fairly good. I mean you can't go wrong with De Niro and Gooding Jr. I know it is a true story, but come on, how many cliches and lame predictable plot lines can you have before the audience just laughes at the film.

I truly tried to get into this film, but when the hero is just so perfect and everything he does is so heroic I almost was forced to terminate viewing. I did stick around though and watched in stoned faced contention as the movie muddled along. If you are at the video store and are looking to watch a film with your girl and are only going to be half paying attention anyways, then this film is perfect. But if you want to watch a film with artistic qualities and some intruiging factors, then don't bother.

Mulholland Drive (2001)

you must watch this movie three times to truly try and understand it

[21 May 2002]

I just completed watching this film for the third time. Each time I get more and more enthralled and amazed by the genius that David Lynch possesses. This movie is so deep and so layered that I could see a simple mind not understanding it and being angry at it, and that is ok. This movie is meant for people that have an artistic and more abstract brain than most. I watched the first time and was very confused. But the next time I really started to see what the plot meant. This is not one movie, but two movies. The first is an hour and a half long, and is a complete dream. The next 45 minutes are the real life context of the dream, convuluted throught the dreamers eyes. That is why this movie is so amazing. By yhe third viewing you should see the similarities to the movie Persona, (there are some glaring similarities) and the mirroring between the dark real world of the main protagonist and her dream world. Don't think this is the bottom line of the movie, because there are so many things in scene and twists in the plot that make this movie the kind that I will have to buy and continually watch. Lynch is filmmaking at it's sheer best and if you watch this movie and don't realize that, then you really don't know much about movies. I am so sick of all these cookie cutter movies where you know what is going to happen. You know, all the movies with the male protagonist and his female counterpart, who win the war against whatever and kiss at the end. I am so glad that some directors, writers and studios (universal) have the balls to make a movie that actually twists your mind around and makes you want to watch the movie again and again. Thank you Mr. Lynch, for taking film to the next level. You made my day.

X-Men (2000)

special effects wasted due to lack of progressive plot

[4/10 · 12 September 2001]

X-men has some decent special effects and directing, but it is wasted due to a lack of a progressive plot. Movie goers want to see a movie that moves along, in the X-men's case the movie moves at a snails pace and the only character the audience genuinely cares about is Wolverine. They should call this movie Wolverine and friends.

They should have kept this one in comic book format. Lets hope X-Men 2 has a more exciting and explosive plot. Isn't that what comic books are for???

Baby Boy (2001)

Great movie that combines drama, comedy, music and action.

[10/10 · 8 September 2001]

Baby boy is a great movie that combines drama, comedy, music and action to convey meaningful social issues. I loved the way this movie developed and the way the characters developed. THere are about five parts that made me laugh hysterically outloud. If you like John Singleton and great acting then watch this movie. It is a pleasure.

Battlefield Earth (2000)

Ridiculous waste

[1/10 · 8 September 2001]

This movie is ridiculous. First of all one thing that caught my mind was that every single action sequence is in slow motion. That makes no sense considering slow motion is supposed to be for intense sense where slowing down the film helps the emotional aspects sink in with the audience. The plot and acting are proposterous. Travolta looks like a complete and utter joke in his lame costume. Also, cliches run abound and everything seems to get sewn up in the last 10 minutes. If you want to laugh at really really awful movie, then rent battlefield earth. This movie should be called Battlefield crap. It is a waste of time and money on the producers part. Just think those millions of dollars wasted on this so called "movie" could have gone to a foreign country to save some starving children. Instead the money was wasted on bad direction, bad acting, bad costumes, bad special effects and an overall bad movie. ENJOY!!!

The Interview (1998)

good, but too much dialogue and not enough activity

[5/10 · 8 September 2001]

This movie has a lot of plot twists but the entire thing takes place in an interview room. The flashbacks don't do much for the plot and the ending doesn't reveal all that much, although it does make you think. If you enjoy character study flicks, then you will probably enjoy this movie, but if you like a good mix of dialogue and other aspects (female characters, action, different settings) then this movie is not for you.

The Interview is similar to the usual suspects in that it will keep you guessing. I must admit that the acting is pretty good as well.