zakcarroll-93753 Reviews

Civil War (2024)

Divided states and minds

[5/10 · 12 April 2024]

I'm not sure if this movie was over-hyped or under delivered. I was very excited for this film like many others. I'm honestly not sure where to begin. I heard a lot about this film and the ideas behind it. Alex Garland didn't want to pick sides which I thought was a smart choice. Instead of giving backstory, Garland just wanted to show what a war torn America could look like. While I respect and understand the thematic and philosophical choices made it ends up being a nothing movie. The plot is nonexistent, the character development is lacking. All the moments in the film that were supposed to be tense were flat. Garland went too neutral and ended up not making much of a point at all. They make a few stops, most of which consist of redneck antics. Not much context is given to the war which leaves you caring less. There's a few jokes in the movie that just felt forced or out of place. I understand comic relief is necessary in a film like this. There's just something about the way it's done here that was off.

The movie is visually striking and all The sets look fantastic. My only grip with the aesthetic is that it all kind of blends together. Look there's a smoldering humv in front of JCPenney. Look there's a smoldering humv in front of a suburban neighborhood. Look there's a smoldering humv in front of the White House. It's not all humv shots but 85% of them are pretty much that.

My last gripe is the soundtrack. The choices of songs and the times at which they played were daunting. Every time a song played it took me right out of the film. The songs didn't fit the tones of the scenes they were used in. They didn't even fit in any sort of ironic sense. I couldn't believe how mismatched and confusing the soundtrack was. I will say however this film made an incredible use of silence. The only times I felt excitement during this film were during these times.

All in all see it or don't see it. Maybe there's a directors cut on the way that's way better. For right now I wouldn't spend the money to see this movie in theaters. If you want to support of movie in theaters go see monkey man. Watch this one when it's streaming in a month.

The Sopranos (1999–2007)

I'm furious I didn't watch it sooner

[10/10 · 23 December 2023]

Normally I'm not a big mobster movie guy. Nothing against them just not my cup of tea. So naturally I didn't watch the sopranos because I though "it's just a show about mobsters". A show about a mob boss and his family it is. What it isn't is just that.

The sopranos is a beautifully told allegory of life in the modern era. The battle between old worlds and new. The mounting pressures of work life balance. Even Empty-nesting.

The level of attention to detail in this show is unparalleled. Everything means something. Every innocuous act you see on screen is everything but. The only downside of this show is that the foreshadowing is done so well, you can drive yourself mad looking for clues.

If that wasn't enough for you this show is a masterclass in character development. If you have any interest in writing anything watch the sopranos. Everyone's motives are apparent and they're not spoon fed to you either. After the first season you know most of these people. In the seasons that follow you can almost predict how someone is gonna act.

If you haven't seen the sopranos don't wait 20 years to do it like I did. Just watch it now and thank me 20 years down the line.

Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny (2023)

Haven't seen

[1/10 · 7 September 2023]

I imagine it's a lot of Harrison ford acting like he cares about being there. The poor guys has been asked to reprise every role of his career at this point. Remember this is the second "let's milk this franchise" installment. Remember crystal skull? Yeah I blacked it out of my memory too.

I'm sure ford loves the money and I don't blame him. I would also take advantage of the current, out of touch, Hollywood. I'm just over here waiting for the American graffiti + fast & furious mashup.

I just hope these blatant cash grabs keep bombing at the box office. There are more than 5 stories that can be told.

Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse (2023)

Would have rated higher but...

[7/10 · 7 September 2023]

I'm just tired of this Hollywood trend of TBC endings. "Do you care about figuring out what happens next? Well you better shell out more cash". I know you might be thinking "hey wet blanket, they needed to draw out the story in order to tell it right!" If you commissioned a painter to do a portrait of you only for them to deliver half a portrait on a full canvas informing you that you need to shell out more for the other half because it wouldn't fit you'd call bs. A professional writer can do this same thing with words, it's literally their job. I was loving this movie until I realized there was only 7 mins left and no end in sight. After that I could only think about all the tidbits in this whopping 2.5 hour movie that could have been cut (and probably added back into an extended directors cut later) to round out the story. Im not even saying they should have only made 2 movies. I'm just saying movies within a trilogy should also stand on their own. Imagine if empire strikes back ended as soon as Luke learned that Vader was his father. Sure you'd want to see the next movie but it also keeps the writers in a rigid story structure that HAS to pick up right where the last one left off. There's no room for new ideas or error. If something happens between now and the scheduled release date (which this is Hollywood so a studio exec could literally have a bad day and scrap the whole project) this movie that could have been a masterpiece is now just an unfinished piece of nothing.

Donnie Darko (2001)

I Have Lost Faith in Humanity

[3/10 · 14 April 2023]

The fact that Donnie Darko has an 8 star rating on IMDB has caused me to lose faith. Faith in the platform and the people who use it and mankind.

I loved this movie when I was 13. I though it was deep, compelling, provocative, and romantic. I rewatched it again when I was 23 and saw nothing but garbage. It's an angsty, pseudo-intellectual, nonsensical waste of time for anyone above the age of 15.

I love both the Gyllenhaals and the only reason to watch this movie at all is to watch the scenes where they're together. It's absolutely hilarious. The scene at the dinner table is the only reason this movies gets more than one star. Watch the movie until that point (it's early on) and then Just turn it off.

The VVitch: A New-England Folktale (2015)

Slow burn no little payoff

[4/10 · 13 November 2022]

Am I dumb? Sure. Did this movie make me feel smart? No. Which is weird because I feel like this movie is made to make dumb people feel smart. Its a bunch of "fancy"(old timey English speak) dialogue that seems purposely difficult to understand so it "adds to the experience" when in reality it's the only thing that kept this movie going.

"Speak thine daughter so I don't doth mistaken thee for yonder embalance so thee isn't doth done though inclined to forthence digress from hither tower"

All I'm trying to say is, this movie jerks itself dry until it's completely milked. By the time you get to the end. You just want it to be over. Not only that but the ending has very little payoff.

If you want a peak into what it was like to have a family that speaks in Shakespearean tongues like a bunch of pretentious puritans then give it a go. If you want a spooky movie with a decent story watch anything else.

The Perfection (2018)

The RC cola of Oscar bait

[3/10 · 17 September 2022]

On its own the first 20 mins would make are a great short film. It's intriguing and mysterious. 2 girls with a vague connection fall in love and start traveling together. Only to find out that one of them poisons the other one and gaslights her into cutting her own hand off. While it was a bit predictable it was a decent twist and it was done well. After that this movie takes a hard left turn into the woods, continues driving off the road at full speed until it inevitably hits a tree and throws everyone from the car. If you want to have a decent thriller or horror movie you need stakes. Fun fact you can't have any stakes if all of the characters are unlikable and unrealistic. I didn't know who I was supposed to be rooting for after a certain point. I honestly thought they all deserved what came to them in the end. A lot of this movie was predictable garbage. "I made you cut your own hand off and left you for dead to save you can't you see?" "I do see and I love you for that" WHAT????? Am I taking crazy pills? All in all this movie was a frustrating mess. I started out liking it fine. By the end I was frustrated to the point where I had to come to IMDb and rant about it.

Primal (2019– )

A masterpiece that is definitely not for children

[10/10 · 29 August 2022]

Genndy Tartakovsky has done it again. A visual masterpiece that invokes every emotion it's possible to feel. Pain, suffering, love, loss, empathy, anger, and so much more, all without any dialogue. Is it brutal? You betcha! Is it senseless? Not in the slightest. While it is a gore fest, we're talking about a time when surviving was the only thing for anyone or anything to do. The world into which you're thrust is chaotic and dangerous. Dinosaurs, primates, birds of prey, giant spiders all battling for dominance. I saw quite a few 1 star reviews stating things like "how could you make this for children?" "Dinosaurs died out long before man, this is false information and needs to be stopped!" Well as much as I wish the power puff girls and samurai jack were real this is a cartoon. Hopefully most people understand that this isn't a historic representation it's another world and beautifully brutal one at that. While it premieres on Cartoon Network it's part of their late night adult block of programming(adult swim). This is definitely not for children. If you're old enough and want to cry and cheer all in the same sitting this is the show for you.

Terminator: Dark Fate (2019)

"I ONLY LIKE T1 AND T2 blah blah blah"

[6/10 · 28 August 2022]

Terminator fans are so delicate. "They made John Conner into a lady??? 1 star im a man and I need to be represented in Hollywood" is about half the reviews I've read for this movie. T1 and T2 are great films but everything that's come after has been fine. Dark fate is no exception to that. I love the concept for this film. The future is inevitable no matter if it's skynet or legion. Humanity is doomed to make the same mistakes and the machines are going to make sure they capitalize on that.

Was the writing the best? No, but if you're watching an action movie for the writing, you're in the wrong place.

Top tier special effects. We'll choreographed fight sequences. Almost nonstop action through and through.

"Boo they did a fan service by bring back Sarah Connor and the terminator!" This movie isn't just about the new it's about the old. Sarah loses her son right off the bat. Of course it makes sense for her to show up and she's been doing exactly what you'd have expected her do in that time. While the terminator didn't need to be there he helps them win and earns a little bit of redemption along the way (probably not all of it though he did kill a kid after all)

I have a couple of tips for anyone who's hated every film since T3: 1) stop watching them. Nothing is every going to live up to your nostalgia skewed viewpoint. So just stay in your T1 and T2 echo chamber and talk about the "good ol' days" when women weren't allowed to be John Conner.

2) this one is very important so listen up all you armchair film critics. If you're going to write a review critiquing the writing of a film make sure your review isn't riddled with grammatical and spelling errors. You just look dumb. Seriously do half of you proof read your reviews before you post them?

Old (2021)

Not the worst shyamalan movie

[6/10 · 8 June 2022]

Old is a fairly solid film. The concept is fascinating and honestly if the name and movie posters didn't give away 85% of what this film is then it probably would have been more enjoyable. I like the concept and the characters are interesting. It's one of the only pg-13 movies that has terrified me and left me with some truly haunting images. I'm not sure what the twist was supposed to be. They're less twists and more so just getting answers to the questions you've been asking the entire film. If the twists came out of nowhere it would have been more interesting. Basically they show you everything and hold on to like 2 things until the end and that's not a twist.

Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore (2022)

Where's the secrets? Where's the story?

[4/10 · 8 June 2022]

Almost saw this in theaters and I'm glad I didn't. I was looking forward to this third installment in the fantastic beasts movies. While they're nowhere near as good as the source material it's still fun to explore the wizard in's world (even if it was created by a transphobic hate monger). I never read the books but I really hope the ending was much better than this film's. You're telling me this guy you've built up as being this huge baddies for 2 movies is thwarted by a baby animal? Can you imagine if Voldemort was did the same thing? "You have a baby Pegasus? Oh no I guess I'll stop being evil now. Sorry everyone" pretty disappointing to say the least. Great cast, great performances but no real story.

The Godfather (1972)

Never understood the hype

[5/10 · 8 June 2022]

The Godfather is considered a "classic" gangster film. While Marlin Brando is what most people remember about this movie, he's only in it for 40 mins out of the total 173. The other 133 mins of this film drag on and on. The only thing keeping you there is the hope that Brando will show back up soon. Lots of scenes of guys sitting in cars talking about "important" issues. By issues I mean talking about the next guy they're gonna kill. It's just a mediocre film at this point. No real substance and a lot of down time that most people have forgotten about. If this movie was 120 mins long it would be so much more approachable and tolerable. Unfortunately I can only watch two guys sitting and talking about who they're gonna kill so many times in a row before I start to lose interest. Watch it if you must but you're not missing much.

The Running Man (1987)

Still a classic

[8/10 · 8 June 2022]

Running man is an absolute classic Schwarzenegger film. If you're looking for a smart political sci-fi drama don't worry about catching this one. If you're looking for a dumb political sci-fi action flic oh boy you're in for a treat. In true Schwarzenegger fashion this film is full of cheesy one liners and almost nonstop action. The story is compelling while still keeping things on the lighter side. It still seems like we're only one more bad election from this being our reality. The same people who scrutinize action movies like this are the same people who watch children's movies and criticize them for being "too childish". It's campy, it's corny and i absolutely love it.

Brothers by Blood (2020)

Don't listen to the people telling you not to listen to the bad reviews.

[3/10 · 8 June 2022]

Gangster films and action films are very different types of films. Actions movies, while they can make you think, they're mainly there for the rush and excitement that come along with them. You follow the hero(s) and their journey. Gangster flics are about provoking conflicting emotions. You're not looking at the hero(s) you're looking at the villain(s). Yet you find yourself rooting for them or against them or a mixture of both. This film leaves you feeling apathetic for its characters. I don't know them and the editing doesn't help me know the story either. It's talking heads. I don't need nonstop action but this movie is all talk and no action. Yet with all the talk you learn nothing. It's a confusing mess of a film and the ending is all but predictable.

Chariot (2022)

High hopes, long drop

[3/10 · 18 April 2022]

If it wasn't for me seeing the description of this movie before hand I would have had no clue what was going on. Chariot started off strong posing some interesting questions "why has this guy had this dream 5000 times?" "Why is everyone so eccentric and strange?" As the movie progresses none of these questions are answered. Instead more and more questions are asked to cover up the fact that they didn't answer anything so far. Every question posed by an actual character in this film is frustratingly answered with an "I don't know". It's a movie about the nature of existence and reincarnation and yet when we finally have the doctor actually start explaining what's going on he says this "we don't know how it works or who made it but it just works. You die you're born and then you die". We don't know how it works or who made it should be the title of this movie. No direction, no cohesion, no vision. This is what you get when you say "I want to make a film about the afterlife" and don't put any thought into it whatsoever.