kmetko51 Reviews

Spike of Bensonhurst (1988)

Mama Mia Awesome!

[8 October 2004]

Fantastic is an understatement. Sasha Mitchell shines in this gem, this slice of Brooklyn life that puts most other New York movies to shame in the gutter of garbage where they belong.

Charming as heck, it follows the path of an ignorant fellow, Sasha, who has a heart of bronze and a head of stone, as he tries to pursue his dreams of love, boxing, and just trying to get by after he's banished from Bensonhurst, the only place he wants to be! He may be stupid but he looks real good.

And Talisa Soto is wonderfully beautiful, both ripe and delicious! Lots of laughs, local color, and an original for sure!

Wild On... (1997–2009)

Jules good, Brooke...gosh darn awful!

[20 February 2002]

What was once the most enchanting hour in the history of television has degenerated into sixty minutes of putrid trash. The Wild On's of old, (how I rue their passing,) featured the incomparable Jules Asner, as winsome as she is beautiful, and of course her beauty has no rival, so that tells you just how gosh darned winsome she is! Charming as all heck I tell you and with more sweetness than a sugar factory. Why who could help but be enthralled and captivated as Jules cavorted around the globe, flashing her smile across the seven seas, winning new hearts the world over. By Jiminy, truly television, and dare I say mankind, had reached its apex in that blessed hour, that sacred show, that Wild On.

Sadly the sublime spectacle that was a globe trotting Jules has been subverted by the sinister sideshow that is the Brooke Burke experience-and what a dreadful experience it is! Does this woman own one outfit that is not two sizes too small? Her tailor should be brought up on charges, but not before the cretinous producers who decided to have that crass no talent follow the hallowed footsteps of America's perennial sweetheart, the lovely Jules Asner.

How I long to see Brooke embark on a Wild On to some remote isle where television cameras are banned, and thus spare this nation the tawdry display that has sullied the name of a show that was once synonymous with class and quality. At the very least she should just stop being so annoying.

In summation, Jules good, Brooke bad, all hail the television!

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Revealed with Jules Asner (2001–2003)

Almost television nirvana

[10 January 2002]

It is the best of times, and it is the worst of times, such is the experience of watching this magical, yet flawed hour. What is magical you ask? Why Jules of course, but it is the time spent on her guests that prevents the show from attaining the level of perfection it constantly hovers around.

Take the Ann Heche episode. Jules asked the hard hitting questions that needed to be asked, and Ann was impelled to "reveal" all there is to know about being a frail, unattractive, charmless, psychotic, has been that never really was. Revealing? Sure. Was Jules her usual effervescent and enchanting self? Absolutely. Do I ever want to see or hear from that no talent Ann Heche? Of course not.

Now if Jules would sit down for an hour and simply interview herself, then we would have nirvana. Intoxicated by her winsome smile, all the world would tune in breathlessly, and, dare I say, we could have peace in our time.

At the very least it would beat hearing from Carnie Wilson.

Amélie (2001)

Cutie Pie in Clunky Shoes

[10 January 2002]

The French have done it again! Not since their bread, fries, and delicious toast have they produced such an enchanting morsel as Amelie. With a heart warming story, technical expertise, perfect music, and a lead actress who puts the pix in pixie, all of the aspects of great film making are meshed in seemless symmetry- and that's in contrast to the pretentious nonsense some of those French are famous for. If you want to be thoroughly charmed for two hours, and the E! channel is not working, then go see Amelie, you'll be glad you did, and if you aren't, then you are a heartless cynic who should just go back to watching crap like the West Wing.

Dawson's Creek (1998–2003)

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

[20 November 2001]

Sure the show is terrible, but all sane people watch it anyway because it is the Creek and Dawson is awesome, but geez louise and for the love of Pete do not have him get back with Jen Linley! I think it is high time the writers ended the incessant love triangles, and rhombuses and just had Dawson and the Paceman get together like we all know is gonna happen anyway. "Mr. Witter do you take Mr. Leary to be your lawfully wedded..."

I'd buy that for a dollar! And let's have lil Joey Potter moved to Canada already, cause you know that's what she wants in her heart of hearts!

Let's Bowl (2001–2002)

A strike!

[24 October 2001]

Hilarity thy name is Let's Bowl. You don't have to be an Olympic athlete to enjoy the side splitting antics on America's number 1 indoor bowling show, but it helps. Who doesn't love to bowl? Let's bowl is a riot, and charming as hell. Old school bowling in an old school lane, none of that high falutin wide world of sports nonsense. These are real Minnesotans, locking horns on the parquet floors, and bowling for vengeance and great prizes. I love Let's Bowl and you will too!

Smallville (2001–2017)

Better than Lois and Clark anyway

[24 October 2001]

Sure Smallville is an improvement over Lois and Clark, but that is not saying much is it? Cute idea but lacking in boldness and Clark is not geeky looking enough to be playing a geek. Where are his glasses? And why would Lana's boyfriend take the necklace he gave her and wrap it around Clark when he knew how important it was to her? He wouldn't! Bad start but the cast is light years ahead of Dean Cain and Teri Hatcher from Lois and Clark. That show was a nightmare, let's hope Smallville gets better quick and provides company for quality WB programming like the incomparable Dawson's Creek.

Who Knows? (2001)

So bad it's....horrible.

[24 October 2001]

Pretentious, boring, miserable, with whiny, uninteresting characters and nary a moment of excitement. Within the first five minutes you realize you have made a grave error by attending this grossly unfunny film, and afterwards you kick yourself for not having left early to go get some pumpkin pie. One would think a film lacking any action or plot twists would at least easily maintain believability, but somehow this terribly directed mess has plot holes galore, and characters that defy logic. The lead actress is singularly unappealing, but she is not alone as most of the actors are devoid of charm. Truly one of the worst movies I've ever had the displeasure of seeing.

The Critic (1994–2001)

Blows

[24 October 2001]

This show sucks. The lead character is whiny and unappealing and it would be funny if the jokes weren't so bad. If a friend urges you to stay up late to watch this terrible show at some ungodly hour, find a test pattern, or go watch paint dry, it is infinitely more entertaining.