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It Follows (2014)
Kind Of A One-Trick-Pony
I have to admit that, given the fantastic critical reviews and my love of psychological horror, I felt kind of let-down by It Follows. Once the premise is established, the actual encounters become somewhat repetitive. "It" follows the protagonists, then the protagonists encounter "it", and inevitably the protagonists escape "it" (because otherwise the movie would be over, right?). "It" follows the protagonists again, the protagonists encounter "it" again, and inevitably, the protagonists escape "it" again (because otherwise the movie would be over again, right?). This is the formula for the majority of the movie, not much different from your typical slasher film (which this is not). It's a psychological horror movie that follows the traditional slasher movie formula- encounter, escape, encounter, escape, encounter, escape . . .etc., and finally, eventually, resolution. If you were to map the arch of the film, it would probably look pretty similar to your generic "Freddy" or "Jason" movie.
The Lighthouse (2019)
Pleasantly Surprised, But Not Really Surprised
I'm not going to lie, I put-off watching The Lighthouse specifically because it co-stars Robert Pattinson. I understand that it's unfair to judge him as an actor based solely on his involvement in the Twilight series (which I haven't seen), but sometimes I just find it difficult to restrain my prejudice against anything and everything labeled "young adult". I was having difficulty divorcing my perception of him as the crown-prince of everything designed to play on the exaggerated hormones of teenage girls. So, despite the endless positive reviews, I avoided this movie for almost two years. Then I finally decided to bite the bullet and forced myself to watch it. And no shocker, I thought it was great. I've always been a huge fan of psychological horror, and this movie suited my tastes perfectly. And . . Robert Pattinson was great in this and proved that he's more than just a pretty face that makes teenage girls swoon.
The VVitch: A New-England Folktale (2015)
One Of My Favorite Modern Horror Movies
I wish people understood the distinction between the "horror" and "slasher" genres. The VVitch is not a slasher film. It's a psychological horror film in the vein of The Omen, Rosemary's Baby, and Hereditary. It's a modern classic. Almost every time I'm flipping through the channels and come across The VVitch on HBO, I end up watching it.
Hereditary (2018)
My Favorite Horror Film Since The VVitch
The negative reviews are mostly from people who don't differentiate between "horror" and "slasher" films. This is not a slasher film. It's a suspenseful, psychological horror movie in the vein of The Omen, Rosemary's Baby, and The VVitch, and is on par, in terms of quality, with all of those movies.
News of the World (2020)
An Endless String Of Movie Tropes Woven Together Into One Giant Movie Cliche
How many movies are there where a stranger becomes the unexpected guardian, protector, and hero, for a child with whom they've only recently become acquainted? A million? The movie's premise is a movie trope in and of itself. There's a suspenseful horse-and-buggy chase. Seen it a million times before. There's an Old West stand-off between an out-numbered underdog and villainous desperadoes where the underdog protagonist uses cunning and experience to outwit his antagonists. Seen it a million times before. There are numerous scenes where the unexpected guardian uses compassion and patience to break through the child's stand-offish exterior and finally establish trust between himself and the child. Seen it a million times before.
There's so much cliche, that by the time anything new or interesting happens, the viewer is already bored and annoyed.
In all fairness, I guess this movie shouldn't have elicited such a strong feeling of resentment in me. But given that it stars Tom Hanks, the reviews were so strong, and I had looked forward to seeing this movie for such a long time, I guess my expectations were so high, that the moment I began to get bored I became more resentful than the movie probably deserves. That being said, I was genuinely bored for long stretches of time during this movie (even during the action scenes), and it seems like that should be something difficult to accomplish for a Western starring Tom Hanks that takes place in the rural Deep South in the years immediately following the American Civil War.
The Death of Dick Long (2019)
Intended To Be Novel, But Simply Cheap And Gimmicky
Anyone who's familiar with "Mr. Hands" (possibly the first viral internet video) saw this movie's "revelation" coming from a mile away. Other than that, the other big draw is supposed to be that the two main characters are Southern, working-class, man-children (a fairly prominent cultural group in the deep-South who are typically not featured as the protagonists in major motion pictures). The problem is, this aspect just comes-off as gimmicky rather than novel, because it's been done before in everything and anything featuring Danny McBride.
Cross Danny McBride with Mr. Hands, and you've got The Death Of Dick Long.
Turn-off your brain, your sense of humor, and your hope of being entertained before watching.
Kansas (1988)
False Dialogue, Unrealistic Scenarios, Technical Inconsistencies
Virtually none of the dialogue rings true. All of the characters' actions and reactions ring false in virtually every scene. Full of basic technical inconsistencies- just an example: where would an MP get a Combat Infantryman's Badge in 1988? Was he an Infantryman during the Invasion Of Grenada, and then changed his MOS sometime during the intervening 5 years? It's difficult to maintain the suspension of disbelief from minute-to-minute throughout the movie.
I'm only watching this because it's on HBO late at night and I had never heard of it before. I'm an hour into the film and I just checked the guide channel to see how much of the movie was left, and there's still almost an hour to go. To make matters worse, I tried a box of baked macaroni bites while watching this and they turned-out to be not nearly as good as I was hoping. I think I might read about how the movie ends on Wikipedia and just call it a night.
The Calling (2014)
Now I get it.
The first three-quarters are great. Then, with 20 minutes left in the film, there's a sudden exposition scene, the mystery/suspense atmosphere is ruined, and the viewer experiences a huge let-down.
Now I understand why the average rating for this film isn't higher.
On the Road (2012)
Dated
The problem with the movie is the same as with the novel- these attitudes haven't been "novel" for many generations now. The novel was celebrated for its foray into existentialism, in effect, a rebellion against the strict conventionalism of 1950's America. The novel punctuated these ideas by utilizing a writing style which also strayed from conventional writing styles in North America during that time- Jack Kerouac's stream-of-consciousness free-form prose. The problem with this movie is the same as with the book- refusing to live according to conventional starnards is commonplace now. In the 1950's it was revolutionary. In the modern era you see it everywhere, and don't even bat an eye. It's unfortunate, but the book suffers from the same setbacks. What was innovative, and revolutionary, and rebellious in the 1950's, just feels like high-school kids making their first explorations toward independence in the modern era.
Wrath of the Titans (2012)
It's a Spectacle. It Does What It's Intended To Do
The original Clash Of The Titans was fun for its camp value. The special effects were simply, and clearly, claymation. It appealed to the youngest children because of its relatability to popular forms of animation prevalent in the late-1970's/early-1980's. It appealed to adults for its corniness and camp value.
The modern Titans movies don't even attempt to pursue those values. They're simply intended as spectacles, and they achieve that goal. If these movies had come-out in the late-1990's/early-2000's, when CGI effects-driven spectacle movies were the newest thing, these movies would have been on par with the Lord Of The Rings movies.
But in the modern era, when every movie can have, and/or does have, fantastic CGI effects, to genuinely hold the viewers' interest, something more is necessary- a plot and characters the viewers feel vested in. The modern Titans movies don't have either. They exist simply for the "watch and be astounded" effect. And they're fine in that role. The problem is that there are so many movies which simply serve that purpose now, that they're run-of-the-mill.
If you're bored at 3am and there's nothing else on TV while you're playing computer games, Wrath Of The Titans is fine.
Wrong Turn (2021)
I'm Unfamiliar With Original, This Is Just A Stupid Premise
I think the reviewers on Rotten Tomatoes only gave this movie positive reviews to throw Matthew Modine a bone.
As someone who's lived on the Tennessee/Virginia border, there are no "hidden mountains" in Western Virginia. Right off the bat, the premise is implausible for anyone who's ever been there.
The separatist clan featured in the film have all somehow developed different accents from one another during the last 175 years. One of the main characters' accents constantly switch back and forth between German and New England, while other members of the clan have Scandinavian accents.
I'm not a horror buff, but I know what constitutes bad horror, like half of the gory scenes being glanced-over because they consist of nothing more than bad CGI.
There were multiple scenes where I caught myself laughing at things which weren't intended to be funny. There were multiple scenes where I found myself asking, "Why would any rational person make that decision?" There were multiple times when I thought to myself, "Thank God it's over. That was was a test of willpower." And then the movie would start-up again.
Imagine if the SciFi Channel tried to make a slasher film. That's "Wrong Turn".
Inheritance (2020)
Like a Cheesy, Terrible, Made-For-Cable Movie
I created an IMDB account solely to review this movie. This movie is reminiscent of a cheap-looking, made-for-cable movie, produced in-house, by a cable network.
Every minutest detail in Inheritance is so deeply flawed that I wondered if the people who made this movie were intentionally making it bad for some ulterior motive. As mentioned in all the other reviews, Lily Collins looks like a high school sophomore, but is playing the part of the District Attorney of a large American city. The music score is an incessant, generic, ominous moaning, rehashed from from every spooky movie made before this one. I genuinely suspect that the music score was simply downloaded from Spotify.
The people who made this movie couldn't even be bothered to get the tiny details correct. Have you ever tried to eat a steak with a plastic knife and fork? What about TRYING TO EAT A *WELL-DONE* STEAK WITH A PLASTIC KNIFE AND FORK? Not easy, is it? But eating a WELL-DONE STEAK with a plastic knife and fork is easy in this movie. Have you ever played chess? The characters in this movie have been playing chess regularly for years, but during an "intense" scene, they leave their chess pieces open to attacks Forrest Gump would have seen coming a mile away. Have you ever inherited something from someone recently deceased? Did you and all of the other inheritors sit in a room together for the "reading of the will"? No, you didn't. Because that's just a stupid movie trope that doesn't exist in real life. But alas, it happens in this movie.
Literally, everything in this movie is poorly conceived and poorly executed. And the worst thing about Inheritance, is that everything in this movie stretches the suspension of disbelief to such an extent, that Simon Pegg, who seems like he genuinely made an effort, comes-off as over-acting and hammy in comparison to the dreadful quality of the rest of the film. Every scene featuring Simon Pegg withdraws the viewer from the viewing-experience because the viewer suddenly finds him or herself wondering, "why is Simon Pegg trying so hard in this dreck of a film?"
Are you familiar with the 'made-for-cable' movies you see listed as you're scrolling through the cable guide channel, and you roll your eyes as you scroll past them and read their ridiculous titles, like, "Mommy, Is It Okay That I Married My Stepfather?", and you think to yourself, "who watches this junk enough that they keep making these cheesy, terrible, 'made-for-cable' movies?". Inheritance lies about the middle of the quality-spectrum of cheesy, terrible, 'made-for-cable' movies.