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Reviews
Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny (2023)
Indian Jones and the Dial of BORING
I, like so many others, grew up with this wonderful trilogy as a kid. Some of the best movie memories ever with this franchise. While I didnt think crystal skull was as bad as everyone thought, it definitely wasnt good enough to be a proper sendoff to the franchise. I thought Dial was going to correct that mistake. WRONG.
The movie sucked. I mean Ive seen worse but for an Indiana Jones movie, and ICONIC Indiana Jones movie... to have THIS be the send off? The ultimate last adventure to say goodbye? It was hard to watch. I wish I would've gone and seen the flash instead.
It was BORRRRRINGGG.
- Boring, drab atmosphere and at set design. Piss yellowish brown mustard colored the whole time
- No depth in any characters, no tension created
- Main woman EXTREMELY unlikeable.
- Main kid EXTREMELY forgettable. Couldnt understand what he
- Most of all it completely and utterly failed to produce an "indy's Last
- Everything felt so sad and old and tired, which is kind of how Indy
- AND worst of all, it was NO FUN.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014)
That didn't happen
Ridiculous.. Message to Mike Bay: Stay out of my childhood toy box. I can look past the turtles being giant for some reason but whats with changing everything about the storyline. So vernon fenwick is april's full-time cameraman now? Shredder and splinter never knew each other in japan? April knew the turtles as little pets and basically saved them and is responsible for their lives? Splinter learned martial arts AFTER he became a rat? Gimme a F%%&G break. So you put vernon in the movie but no erma, bern thompson or casey jones. Shredder looked and sounded like a transformer (shocker) The villain scientist's (i cant remember his name) plot was pulled right out of 1983. Poison the world and sell the only antidote, because we've never hear that one before. IT was just so thrown together, thinking the effects would make up for it. I found myself just bored, esp with the snow cliff scene. Megan fox is a good actress so she did what was required of her but it just didn't feel like a ninja turtles movie. The storyline felt so rushed, it had 0 folklore and nostalgia for the true TMNT fans out there. Eastman and Laird shouldve never signed off on this, if they still own the rights that is. I mean it sucked. And splinter looked F&%$G retarded, like a star wars alien, not a rat. There was no buildup to the foot's plan, their history, anything. Karai's character was not even explained at all. If you're like me and you MUST see it just because your a huge fan of the franchise, go ahead but its just a joke
Shinobi (2005)
Wait a minute guys
Listen this movie wasn't great. It was mildly entertaining. A few fight scenes were cool, but someone else wrote this bc i think it sums it up perfectly: A few fights were cool, the cinematography was great but both were VASTLY UNDERUSED. It could have been so much more. The love story wasn't hit hard enough to make me feel for the two main char. It just could have been so much more. Some char had cool traits but again, we need more fights!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wouldn't waste my time on it, unless someone let you borrow it, but don't buy it or rent it. Not in the same universe as Crouching, daggers or hero. It doesn't seem like the Japanese directors can hang with the likes of the Chinese and NO ONE can hang with Ang Lee.
BUT, don't ever tell me this wasn't better than Azumi. Azumi is the worst piece of crap i have seen in this genre, this movie is way better than Azumi, TRUST ME.
Azumi (2003)
Complete Bulls**t
Wow, this was a humongous disappointment. As a big fan of this genre, i couldn't believe what i was seeing. Im not squeamish (SP?) but i have never seen so much gratuitous violence in my life. I don't mind it if its necessary and there's actually a good story behind it. I cannot believe that some ppl liked this movie. The story was nowhere near good enough to carry that kind of violence or feel any sympathy for any of the characters. First of all, how stupid did they all act in the first part of the movie. Respectful students learning the ways of the warrior/assassin do not act like that. "You're a frog! HAHAH!!" The master never disciplined them for acting stupid or out of place, but then all of a sudden its time to kill your best friend?! And why in the world are five assassins better than 10?! Azumi was hot as goddamn hell, and like some other guy, that was the main reason i bought this movie, but it just sucked. Not compelling in the least, no build up, just slicing each other. And that was another thing. Were any of these ninjas worth crap? How many 1 slice fatalities are we gonna have? Have they ever been taught how to block?
If you like martial arts movies, go buy crouching tiger, house of flying daggers, hero, even white dragon was way better than this, the legend of the red dragon was better than this! this movie absolutely SUCKED
Stiletto Dance (2001)
Ohhhhhh Boyyyyyyyyyy
OK, first of all. I was searching through all of Eric Roberts movies..wait! Let me finish!....to find out who the Spanish chick was in this movie. (the wife of the badass guy). I finally found out who it was and thank god i did because if i had to look at another terrible movie starring Julia Roberts brother, i was gonna pass out. As you probably already know, this movie is terrible. I mean, its such a joke and basically a spoof off a good crime/action flick. ITs laughable. Why is that no Eric Roberts movie on here has gotten more than an avg. vote of 6? Why is is that almost every movie he does has 3.3 avg? Well, its because Eric Roberts is made out of garbage. No, seriously, he drips empty soda cans and banana peels from his pockets because he literally is garbage. How many c- action flicks is the guy gonna make with the same premise? He's a rebel who still is mainly good inside but he gets in too deep and along the way gets to f**k insanely hot chicks. Why? Because he gets them cast in the movie for himself. How else do you explain all his movies having insanley attractive ladies? He knows his movies are jokes so he figures he might as well have some fun in the middle of making something terrible, which is every movie in which he was the star. If you haven't figured it out by now, i hate Eric Roberts. The guy has no talent, he's a piece of trash and he has never been on the set of a movie worth watching. Richard Grieco thinks this guy is washed up.
Meet Prince Charming (1999)
Classic case of why even make it?
Not the worst but one of the worst movies ever made. top 10 definitely. Tia, baby, come on, your career's not going that badly is it? You know you're in trouble when the main actors don't even buy in. Its like they were thinking, " OK, i know this movie is a ridiculous joke but lets try to get through it scene by scene." Who would buy this as cute or believable? David Charvet? he's better off doing infomercials, what a loser. why do movies like this even get made? an utterly terrible, unbelievable, painfully obvious, ridiculous piece of trash. God, i feel sorry for a girl as fine as Tia that she has to stoop to Chravet's level. I absolutely cannot stand him as an actor. for baywatch, he looked the part but this was doomed from the start. No feeling, no tension or life involved with the characters. There were so many clichés that have been done 10,000 times in other movies it just made it all that much more embarrassing. Wow.
A Series of Unfortunate Events (2004)
A series of unfortunate suckiness
I don't know how else to say it so I am just going to say it: This movie absolutely sucked. What a piece of monkey trash. First of all, the previews do nothing except get your hopes up. I thought Jim Carrey was actually going to be a funny character in this trash compactor of a movie. Then i find out he's just some mean old person who NEVER stops coming back to get the kids. I was ready to turn off my DVD player after about the fourth disguise he came up with. And no, i never read the book and realized what i was in for because im not a nerd. And how stupid was the guy from the children's orphanage? You would think he would either a) listen to the kids about Count Monkey or b) Finally recognize that it's him in a costume. But no, the count came back 457 times as a different disguise and the kids just gave up when no one listened to them. They were like, "OK, No one will believe us so lets just take him in again and we're screwed." They weren't screaming from the rooftops, "Help! This guy tried to kill us! He'll do it again! Please help us!!!" Why did they give up so fast? And how stupid was the movie scene. Again, no one did anything to help the kids out before it was 3443 hours too late. The whole thing was just a huge waste of my time. A stupid little story that was predictable, but wasn't funny enough to keep your attention at all. The only bright spot was the little cute baby who was kinda funny. And lastly, did the parents die or not?! I don't get it. This movie made Death to Smoochy look good. Ouch