rloc Reviews

Laguna Beach: The Real Orange County (2004–2006)

Anyone who believes this show is a moron

[10/10 · 1 February 2007]

I've lived in the REAL OC- on and off- for over 20 years. The fact is, this show represents about 15 percent of kids who are *hated in the REAL OC, by the rest of the people who live here. These kids would get stomped in Huntington Beach, believe me- and we're waiting for them. First they were in Laguna- living sheltered richie-rich lives in that little town- just down the road. Nothing against gays- but Laguna is literally a gay town- if you are gay around here, that's where you want to live. There aren't any cool nightclubs there- only pretentious art shops that rip off tourists looking for 'art from the beach'. Tourist central for all the 'inlanders' as we call them- trying to act pompous and pretentious before they go back to their culdesac in Riverside (might as well be the Ozarks, as far as we're concerned). So now there is this show called, 'the hills'. They live in the Valley- suburbia- like the movie 'Orange County'(which is a much better portrayal of life in THE VALLEY, not Orange County in general). For all you morons out there who watch this show and worship these people- no one wants to live in the Valley. That's why they escape to Hollywood to go to the clubs- the valley sucks, and is boring for anything other than the Porno movies that are shot there. It's a prison for kids- and most of the kids that come out of there lead lame, sheltered ignorant lives. I'm not making this up- it's general consensus. No one wants to admit they live in the valley unless they are an old yuppie who has bought a house there. The real orange county I know is about ecstasy,acid, crystal meth, weed, cocaine, tattoos, boob jobs, belly rings, surfing, mohawks, steel-toe boots to kick your window-shield in. 4th of July riots in Huntington Beach- cop cars overturned, couches on fire in the middle of the street.Not these stupid kids who MTV claims to represent us. Truth is, these kids doubtless need bodyguards, because anyone I know would not give them a kind welcome, anywhere. I personally would like to pee off a balcony onto their heads (I peed off a 3rd story car garage last time I was there). I have lived in Hollywood as well- and while you get the impression from seeing the show that these nightclubs are all 'posh' and 'ritzy'- those are the lame clubs, that only morons like these would go to- because their little sissy butts are safe from the denizens of Hollywood. The transvestites, the punk squatters on Hollywood Blvd. by the McDonalds- the 'Hollywood Ninja'- Man From Mars- hookers, and smelly rockers going to musician's institute of technology, living on $1 hot dogs from the AM PM across from Frederick's of Hollywood. The real clubs- the fun clubs- the clubs these kids don't belong in- that's the real Hollywood. The Rainbow, the whiskey, the Red light Distrcit (now defunct)- clubs like these- that's where real people go to. These clubs they show on MTV are for celebrity-seekers (tourists) and those that don't generally know any better- or stupid rich valley kids like these. Morons beget morons. Overpriced drinks, lame music, lame conversation is what you get there- stupid girls who live in the valley- and is why we avoid those places- from much experience. MTV can bite me- they know that we are PO'd. They've lost a lot of viewership over this business- personally everyone i know is so turned off by it, that it sheds a bad light on MTV- and their crummy other shows lately don't help. You want to see the REAL REAL OC? Follow them down to Long Beach to pick up some crystal meth (no, I don't do it- anymore). Watch the pretty rich girls turn into ugly meth-head hookers- before your eyes, as they ramble on incessantly about the most trivial things in life. Then catch up with them a year from now- and see how they have ended up- that's THE REAL OC, RIGHT NOW.