Tyndareon Reviews

Rick and Morty: Rickdependence Spray (2021) Season 5, Episode 4

something fishy with the review bombing

[9/10 · 17 July 2021]

So a bunch of people wrote a gazillion of 2-line vague extra negative reviews about an episode that was incredibly creative and by far better than the actually bad episodes (R&M has those too). Is there some mass trigger that left them collectively &@!!hurt or is there something we're not supposed to see?

All in all this episode has solid jokes, provocative content, delicious twists and mind-expansive sci-fi ideas. Not one of the very best but still quite memorable and thought provoking. Also one of the few episodes that actually advances the overall plot as others have already pointed out.

DuckTales: Challenge of the Senior Junior Woodchucks! (2020) Season 3, Episode 1

Boring and tasteless

[2/10 · 25 February 2021]

Utterly forgettable apart from some very obscene themes, not suited for children or anyone with nostalgic attachment to the original series.

Killerman (2019)

Very Strong

[7/10 · 21 November 2019]

Strong performances, intimidating villains, claustrophobic situations; this level of authenticity is very seldom (if ever) found in Hollywood where they go for safe and cheap thrills. There's no superheroes here, no easy resolutions, no good guys. It's all gritty and grey and asphyxiating in its determination to drive the plot forward without relying on the usual stupid (albeit entertaining) tropes.

Somehow, in this age when we've already seen all there's to be seen in such a thoroughly explored genre as this (crime, drugs, gangs), this movie still manages to deliver and I applaud it.

All in all, Realistic: 8, Immersive: 8, Entertaining: 5, Resourceful: 7, Suspenseful: 7.

The Current War (2017)

Strong performances nullified by absurd script

[4/10 · 15 November 2019]

The point this movie is trying to make is that the Captains of industry did not care about money!! It's actually a direct quote, delivered again and again. It's insane and insulting.

I don't understand why they tried so hard to humanize Edison; it's well established that he was unscrupulous enough to steal other people's ideas and torture poor animals to defame his competitor. It's not only disingenuous to portray him as a caring husband and devoted humanist, but it also makes the movie dull and frustrating because there's no real antagonist.

So since money is not important, and they're all good guys, the conflict breaks down to which current is inherently superior in a scientific sense, which is an insanely ignorant question since science does not do superior; everything has its uses.

So, to sum up, timid, misleading, and moralizing. Not all bad, the two leads - especially Shannon - are brilliant, but disappointing nonetheless.

The Bygone (2019)

Political correctness garbage masquerading as a western.

[1/10 · 13 November 2019]

Absolute zero. From the opening credits, declaring that there was no sexual violence in America before Europeans brought it with them - I mean how stupid can someone be? - to the bitter - and ridiculous - end.

The protagonist is typically a sickly, pale, skinny white male with less testosterone than a rock, a sniveling little man-child, always getting beaten or helped out by others, with zero strengths or smarts, just a big ol' moral compass, telling others what to do with no idea how to actually do it.

The plot is just as dumb; the aforementioned genius steals a prostitute from her whorehouse and lo and behold, her pimp wants her back - and he does get her with no effort or feeling, the white knight is just that useless. What happens next is just as strenuous to the viewer's grip on reality and hardly entertaining. When they finally introduce the oil tycoon = racist serial killer arc it's so over the top it's hilarious and surreal.

This movie checks all boxes of cultural decline and alienation from truth. There's something stupid or harmful being spat in literally every other sentence. The fact that they seem so noticeable may detract from the very real danger of being so permeated by lies you'll stop registering them. Your mind is a neural network; don't train it with garbage.

One Less God (2017)

Perfect 10 reviews in a 4.7 film?

[1/10 · 27 September 2018]

Don't waste your time. This is as pretentious as it is amateurish. The use of music is wrong, it flows against the rhythm of the story. The camera inexplicably comes again and again uncomfortably close to the faces of the characters even though there is no subtle expression to observe. The direction is non-existent, the actors deliver their lines like reading them out of a book and there is a lot of time spent in scenes that contribute nothing to the story.

Still the most egregious of all is the change of its original title "One less God" - an obvious tell of a globalism pseudo-religious tale - into "Mumbai Siege" letting you think this is some kind of thriller. The very opening of the film is emetic in its deliverance and heavy-handedness. You see a western man taking part in a Hinduistic festival, like he could actually have some kind of connection to the Hindu culture, while a western couple renew their vows in another Hinduistic ritual like it's some kind of game! And on the background a dull narrator tells us how all religions, cults and conspiracy theories are sacred and equal and it doesn't matter which you choose; the only thing that matters is Life, that is, the globalist religion of tolerance and meekness.

(Really? Life? How about roaches? Bacteria? Maybe washing your hands is murder after all.)

If all that wasn't enough, the fighting scenes - the adrenaline component - are so LAME, one could have thought it was a school sketch. There should be a personalization function to block the ratings and reviews of people who give a 10 to a movie you know is barely a 1.

The Orville: Mad Idolatry (2017) Season 1, Episode 12

Faith in Reason..

[1/10 · 10 August 2018]

Orville is a mostly OK series, neither bad nor good, some laughs, some awkward bad jokes, some smart twists, some embarrassing. But in this episode it proves what most people already understand, that it is NOT science fiction. Reason and science is NOT something you have faith in, it's NOT magic! To advance science you must precisely be IRREVERENT towards science, you must challenge what you inherit.

On the other hand religion is not magic either. To think that a religion is simply the result of a "miraculous" phenomenon - rather than the artistic representation of a system of knowledge - betrays a naive and frankly, culturally illiterate individual.

I don't care for the juxtaposition of "barbarian Westerner" to "wise Arab/sub-Saharan African" either. That's actually a war on historical and scientific truth. I thought FOX was not on the side of the lunatics..

Detectorists (2014–2022)

1st season: 8, 2nd & 3rd : 0

[1/10 · 14 July 2018]

I must assume that all those other reviewers had just watched the 1st season which was funny in a cheeky, fresh kind of way. But 2nd and 3rd have zero laughs and to compound upon the total lack of comedic value, they present the main characters as spineless and stupid, lying all the time to their spouses like they're adolescent boys hiding from their mothers. It's even more annoying than the constant cringe-fest of american pseudo-comedies.

So, if you must, watch season 1 and for the love of god skip the others. It's almost like the first attracted a crowd and the BBC socialist suits saw their chance to turn a good show into yet another PC man-hate indoctrination session. Which would explain why it's not funny.

2307: Winter's Dream (2016)

Amateurish cliché-ridden trash

[2/10 · 18 June 2017]

Formulaic pseudo-post apocalyptic film, with terrible action scenes and the flimsiest excuse of a plot, carelessly patched together by common myths infesting actual movies.

There's really little to none redeeming value in this.

1)As sci-fi it doesn't even compete; it raises no questions, introduces no new ideas, creates not even a shadow of an actual futuristic setting.

2)As a thriller it has no tension; nobody can summon the willpower to care for "characters" who systematically act out the most inane choices and the amateurish direction doesn't help.

3)The backbone of the plot is so.. safe, it feels like a sham. I'll occasionally stomach the pseudo-intellectual doctrine that passes for liberalism in Hollywood these days as long as it is attached to a 100M production. But in an independent production - and a sci-fi to boot - I expect to be presented with the unpopular opinion, the 'truth' that lacks recognition or exposure, not to be spoon-fed the mainstream dogma!

In any case there were a couple of decent lines - maybe even competent - so I'll give it a 2.

Tangled (2010)

They dropped the ball

[5/10 · 26 June 2015]

This movie for the most part provided solid first class entertainment, it wasn't particularly funny - except for the Horse, that was inspired - but it was lighthearted and fresh.

But then it tries its hand at being manipulative and obscene, in a pathetic attempt to relate to the bratty, spoiled, over-privileged teenagers out there. I am not in that target group, and if I were as sure as hell I hope I would see through this.

One might make a case about concepts like love, and family and parenting being too complicated for the average viewer, let alone as portrayed in a children's movie. But no. Maleficent had the same base story more or less, and it was consistent.

All the lightheartedness in the world will not save your movie if your world is tailored to make sense only to a group who has the slightest - and tenuous at that - grip with reality. If you endeavor to make your resolution be an absolute defeat for the villain, make sure said villain is not an essential part of your world.

For example let's say your plot is about a mother and her disobedient child who gets in trouble all the time, and your intended resolution is to kill it. Well.. You may think you have your bases covered when you reveal that the child was not after all biologically related to the mother, and when you provide her with her "real" child, long lost, which is sweet and obedient, as a counterpoint, but guess what, show that movie to a mother and she will rip your eyes out, if only to stop you from creating another abomination and inflicting it upon the world.

Naruto: Shippuden (2007–2017)

Ridiculous

[1/10 · 12 August 2014]

"Naruto: Shippuden" could very well be the worst case in the history of pathetic attempts at anime productions. To comprehend its failure one must surely watch a few episodes, otherwise the depths it sinks into are utterly unimaginable. I'm not even gonna go to the 'inferior to original Naruto' argument. Yes, Naruto was corny at times, sappy, silly and yet touching and entertaining, that is, its missteps were balanced out by its graces and one could even claim they were not missteps at all, but rather flavor inducing key points for plot and atmosphere development.

However, Shippuden's failure does not lie in too high expectations. It simply and bluntly cannot compare to any feature of the original anime since it lacks soul, essence, it shouldn't even be called an anime. To be specific, the show gives the impression that it was made by fans who have watched the original series, memorized some elements and names and decided to imitate it without knowing how the pieces fit and what glue holds them together. The manga part is not all-bad, that is if you have been reading it for years (among other manga) you won't necessarily have the sudden impulse to quit under pain of accidentally putting your head through the television or eating your hat. You might as well keep spending a few minutes every week, if only to satisfy your curiosity. So what I'm saying is that the material the anime is based in, in no way accounts for the mess they did, it was purely a matter of presentation.

For example, one quickly notices that while watching even the most suspenseful(supposedly) battles, one can skip 10-30 seconds every half a minute and lose absolutely nothing of the plot, because there is no action, no dialogue, no development whatsoever. Rather the camera, slowly, very slowly, with no reason whatsoever, suddenly and randomly zooms in on naruto, then slowly, very slowly, zooms in on Kakashi, then again shows Naruto but this time is zooms out, then it shows the clouds and zooms in, then...well you get the picture. This technique in competent anime serves to press a point home, to show a character's reaction to a specific event either in case you missed its significance or nature, or to reinforce your feelings for it. It is one of many rules that as I said make the pieces fit together, the subtleties of which are wasted on the incompetent creators of this show.

Another example is the splitting of scenes, another technique, serving to emphasize an event or presenting it in a different light, by superimposing another, seemingly unrelated event. In this show apparently they employ it to destroy the atmosphere and tension of a scene by superimposing it to really unrelated other scene.

I could go on and on, sadly the fatal flaws are there, the whole structure screams with disharmony. If there is one thing it reminds me of, it is Joey in 'Friends', using the quotation marks out of context in ignorance. Ignorance. (As Ebisu would say, how shameful..)

Straight Story (2006)

Can someone fail so utterly they actually succeed?

[7/10 · 7 March 2014]

Apparently yes as this movie plainly demonstrates. The intention of the filmmaker is obvious I think. As pointed out by several other reviewers, by inverting a situation where society - or rather the reactionary movement - condemns from a moral point of view a certain subculture, the film tries to establish the notion that morality - at least where sexual identity is concerned - is based upon a convention as arbitrary as the next. Which is smart. Unfortunately their chosen method to accomplish said goal is to present this fictional inverted world with all the ridicule they can master - and they do so admirably. I say unfortunately because ridicule is transfered back to the original institutions rather than validation been attributed to the subculture. So everything is invalid, tradition is ridiculous and, oh yeah, the subculture itself too - if it aspires to validation and recognition. And this argument finally transcends the rather dull debate of morality in sexually driven social institutions. I will go as far as saying that after this, every film created to promote homosexuality can officially be categorized as part of the reactionary movement too. Applause.

Europa Report (2013)

Not All-Bad, still highly overrated

[5/10 · 2 October 2013]

First of all, this isn't science fiction, and those reviewers who claim so, some going so far as calling negative reviews' authors idiots, definitely need to open a dictionary. Science fiction is not about science per se, water's boiling point is science for example, but rather futuristic science, and its effects on social structure and civilization in general. In this movie nobody talks about science, no character has notable depth and the higher purpose they pursue cannot possibly have any effect in society or even our understanding of the world. What this is, is a horror flick, complete with the urge to root for people who make dump choices and are subsequently punished by a logical universe and natural selection. As a horror flick, and one that suffers from not only bad science - I mean really, you think something from within can break the ice that sustains cometary bombardment? Absolutely not, in fact it is tens of km thick - but also from implausibility of plot, it utterly fails to generate any kind of emotional response beside irritation due to narrative choices mentioned in most other reviews. Not all bad however because M.Nyqvist delivers a solid performance as usual and his character provides the only redeeming turn in the plot, a low-key, highly professional and perhaps valiant effort which was exactly what he stood for in the entire movie, an effort though that the unimaginative director immediately counters, and quite effectively if I may say so, with the irrational subsequent action of Marinca's character, the idiot who thinks irony means coincidence. Avoid this if you seek something thought-provoking. P.S. comparing this to masterpieces like 2001 and Moon, or even Sunshine, is inexcusable.

Troy (2004)

Imagine a Lord of the Rings adaptation where Sauron gets the Ring in the end.

[3/10 · 12 July 2013]

Imagine you're watching a lotr adaptation from a renowned director who employees actors of exceptional talent for this kind of cinema at least. It looks good although soon you start noticing slight deviations from the story you know. How slight? Let's say Gandalf is a pot- head, Bilbo a pedophile, Aragorn a narcissist, Boromir a coward, Gimli a cross-dresser and so on. You ignore it for the moment because Legolas kicks ass. On the other hand Saruman is noble, the witch-king merciful, the orcs valiant and Sauron a dreamer and an idealist. You still refuse to be bothered because..well because Legolas kicks ass. Then the truly big issues emerge, like the oppression of the giants by the greedy dwarfs, the genocide of the orcs by the racist elves, the butchery of the desperate goblins crossing from the desolation of Mordor to the fertile lands of men by the immigration police of xenophobic Gondor. Now you're getting suspicious. Legolas is tricked into killing pour orcs by the dastardly alliance of men-elves-dwarfs who have discovered oil in Mordor and want to steal even that from Sauron's people. And for that they order Legolas to kill Sauron, the world's last hope for freedom and justice. But Legolas falls in love with a female goblin and she teaches him the ideals of communism that make her people so hated by elven capitalism. In the end Legolas abandons his corrupted degenerates of companions and sacrifices himself to get the Ring to Sauron saving the world in the process. The end. I hope dear reader that by know you'd be properly infuriated. Still the Iliad Lotr is not. It is by far the most important work of literature, the core of Western civilization since it clearly shapes the ideas explored by Greek drama in the next centuries. The moral conflict taking place in Iliad is complex and subtle in a way beyond its time. It is understandable if a director is having a hard time bringing it to the screen. But to deliberately screw up something that belongs to us all just to teach us..what? that Greeks were scum?(although it is clear the Trojan War was civil war - Greek names, Greek religion, Greek customs for both sides) Or that authority is corrupt? (a safe message that hurts no one when the original explores the depths of human nature in general and the capacity of everyone for their own destruction) I am disappointed most of all because Brad Pit through sheer magnitude of performance will dissuade any future attempt. What a tremendous Achilles he would be in a decent adaptation, I shiver to think.

What Richard Did (2012)

Pretentious and unstructured

[3/10 · 7 May 2013]

There is nothing really redeeming in this surprisingly disappointing endeavour. The viewer is subjected to 88 minutes of terrible acting, unimaginative dialogue and inadequate cinematography. One might just say it was a decent enough if a bit amateurish work and leave it at that, but if we are debating whether this is the best Irish movie of the century..well that would really be just sad for Irish cinema.

So without revealing any key elements of the (nonexistent) plot, one could point out that achieving absolutely no character depth in a movie that its pace would suggest it pursues nothing else but character development is an achievement in its own right.

Add to that the development of a romantic relationship with no use of meaningful dialogue -because that might have served as indicant of personality particularities and as I said there is no reason to think one character is different from any other here- and no intensity of feeling portrayed, yet a relationship that will supposedly prove to hold great significance in the unfolding events.

Then there is the unfolding. The director manages to downplay the only event of significance in the movie. It is deliberate but wrong because it wastes the lulling first half and creates the demand for a powerful emotional buildup which needless to say, the lead actor fails to deliver. There this movie dies.

What follows is another lulling part, laden as the first with youthful frivolity and promiscuity, which one could claim if juxtaposed with the first and presented as tasteless and lacking, might help this movie prove it had reason to exist. Obviously that opportunity passes by unseen too.

Now those who have surmised that this is a work of art and originality I urge to watch Paranoid Park or even Elephant and see the difference between true mastery and sad imitation.