wheresjoeysmovie Reviews

Tea Time (2007)

An amazing horror short film

[9/10 · 10 November 2021]

This gem of a short film concerns an elderly lady making tea for two in her home but there isn't anyone on the other side of the table nor is there a cat where she puts cat food. We learn the horrible truth of what happened thereafter. I feel it is a perfect example of dementia, even going so far as to infuse the two victims into one hallucination that reveals her foggy memory of the horror that has happened. A fantastic score and lead performance give this bite. The moment she stares at herself in the mirror and has a realization is particularly chilling. I wished more people reviewed this one.

A Ghost Story (2017)

Painfully Beautiful

[10/10 · 30 November 2018]

Sometimes one of those highly original movies come along and become a part of you forever. Very few things are so preciously good that you struggle to watch anything after because it will not be as beautiful. This movie was that movie for me. It concerns a man who unexpectedly dies and has to haunt the same place because he cannot move on. The images are gorgeous and the score is perfect. It is best left to tell no more than that. I feel as if I might have said too much with the one sentence alone and betraying the filmmaker by doing so. If you have lost someone precious in your life, this will be especially affecting. I had to pause mid-way through, take a moment to stop crying, and continue. As it is painfully obvious, I treasured this movie. It was a visual poem that needed few words to tell it's story. That is rare!

Halloween (I) (2018)

The Best Sequel

[8/10 · 23 October 2018]

Halloween (2018)- I just saw the newest Halloween movie tonight and it left me with a lot of personal thoughts and a general uneasiness walking back into the house, checking behind the corner. Being someone who lives with PTSD, I was right there with Laurie Strode during this movie. To have your "moment" with those who you need it with that contributed to your PTSD is so important. It can take years or even decades to get that moment and there is so much pain in between. I still have 2 people I need that moment with. 2 people died before I could have my moment. The rest, however, I had my moment to face and succeeded. I won't leave spoilers here and tell you how Laurie's moment goes but I want to say I LOVED this movie. The movie begins suspenseful and holds that suspense tight throughout. Jamie Lee Curtis gives her very best performance as the Laurie Strode character in this one in my opinion. I would also venture to say this movie is my favorite after the original of all sequels or remakes. It pays homage to many things "Halloween" fans hold dear, including a special song towards the end of the ending credits for the HARDCORE fans. This movie holds a special parallel between Michael and Laurie and what brought them to their showdown. Laurie Strode has paid a lot of prices in her last 40 years since "that night", including a very troubled relationship with her daughter, who had to grow up with a mom who is hellbent on never re-living the worst trauma of her life without being prepared and ready to make her own special closure. She has, however, developed a better relationship with her granddaughter, who gives her more of a chance than everyone else does. Every relationship is felt in my opinion. This movie is definitely a movie that has respect for fans of the original and succeeds in the ways H20 failed. I loved "Halloween H20" also but I had some problems with the way the story unfolded and I have pretended the horrible "Resurrection" never happened. This situation makes much more sense to me than any other situation previous. This also has characters making logical decisions within the situations presented that are believable (sans a decision at a party). However, there is also much fun to be had and quite a body count. It is still a slasher film also- just more elevated on an empathetic level especially. This movie ignores all sequels and is a direct sequel to the original- 40 years later. However, there are a couple tongue-in-cheek references to a couple of the sequels. There is a subplot that begins the film and leads things where they are destined to go and I enjoyed how it was handled also. It is almost a wink to all of us and our obsession with Michael Myers for the last 40 years. It lets you think about what would happen if you (as a fan) were to meet the killer yourself! For me, it added to the overall suspense that is unrelenting in certain parts. This feels like Michael Myers and who he was in the original. In a couple scenes (read on the internet where), the original shape (Nick Castle) is Michael in the mask again. The weather of his mask parellels the weather of the skin of Laurie Strode. Time is burned into both of them! As an audience, we wait until their fateful meeting- and it's a hell of a good ride to get there. There is also a welcome amount of humor- but it never takes away from the horror. At least it did not for me! In a franchise that is basically a "choose your own adventure" now, this was my favorite adventure apart from the original.

I don't want to say much more about the plot. The last thing I will say is I loved it very much and I took something special from it- being someone who battles PTSD. I really don't see how a true horror fan and a true "Halloween" fan couldn't love this treasure gifted to us. Now go watch it! It is worth it. In the meantime, I will wait for my "moment" with the last 2 people on my list and see how that plays out. We never know why people choose to hurt us severely and sometimes they don't know why they do either. The last thing I will finish with is that anyone who has PTSD knows to watch around every corner of every place you go because you don't know what you're going to face- but you want to be prepared!

Fuller House (2016–2020)

Fun for Hate-Watching

[4/10 · 7 April 2017]

I only give it a 2 because I get laughs from it for the wrong reasons. This show feels like it's been made in some other dimension. The desperate and forced laugh tracks, the painfully bad writing, the overuse of nostalgia and badly, the annoying characters, the sometimes creepy "woo" tracks (like when the brother and sister hugged in Season 2), the stereotypes, the plot lines that were already becoming unoriginal in the 90s, the big huge house with everything but hardly anyone working, the guest stars who look as if they can't wait for it to be over, the selfish disgusting lead character DJ. There is still so much more to say beyond that. When me and my fiancé watch it, we feel as if we have entered another dimension where only these people exist and feel as if they are in real life but are not. The only real saving grace is Jodie Sweetin who I can almost feel her saying under her breath "At least I'm working but ****". Hate-watching it, however, is a little fun. Only a little though.

I Am Not a Serial Killer (2016)

If Only..

[6/10 · 19 February 2017]

It is such a tragedy when a film is so well done and then BAM- it goes to hell at the end. Max Records gives a fantastic performance of a teenager whose dark impulses frighten those around him because they do not understand the mindset of someone different. He is diagnosed as a sociopath from one of the most unethical doctors on film. He lacks empathy and it affects his life significantly. Despite his difficulty expressing or understanding empathy, he is drawn to help an elderly man next door (a great Christopher Lloyd) with secrets of his own. In the meantime, people are dying.

This movie went so many interesting places and I loved some of the territory I could identify with. The performances were also top- notch. And then BAM- the ending takes all the best parts of the script and shreds them and wastes so much of the potential of this story. I enjoyed everything until the last ten minutes so much that I still had to give it a 6. It is worth the watch for how good it was and what it could have been with an ending grounded in reality. I understand that it is based on a book- but the book should have had a different ending too if it resembles this story the same way.

Goodbye to Language (2014)

Guilty

[9/10 · 15 January 2017]

This movie was an experience I will never forget. It is a movie that would be cheapened to describe too much. It is about so many things to those who will let it mean something. As for what it meant to me? I will give you a little to go on. For me, it was about how guilty we all are of being so haunted by guilt for everything- unlike the imaginative, loyal dog who has no idea what guilt is. For me, It was about how many things are lost in translation between people- even those who are quite intimate with one another. It was about how our feelings have became the Hitler to our humanity. It was also about how the only language we all know (even the dog) is our bowel movements. However, they don't mean **** to the dog as he goes on to experience more- never worrying where he left his waste or if you saw him drop it. It is also about how lost we all are in artificial means of communication- even film. IF you think I have cheapened it too much, you need more imagination. This film has so much to give- just be open to listen. But it is not an easy watch let me say. It is only a little bit more than an hour of your time. It meant a great deal to me. Godard was 84 when he made it and his wisdom is as memorable as every color (or lack thereof sometimes) in this potential swan song. If it means nothing to you, all you have lost is an episode of "The Voice" or some other magic trick. This is a director's poem about his life and his reminder to you to write yours.

The Rocky Horror Picture Show: Let's Do the Time Warp Again (2016 TV Movie)

Lets maybe not do the Time Warp again

[3/10 · 21 October 2016]

The Rocky Horror Picture Show: Let's Do The Time Warp Again- (D+)- I knew before I watched it that I would be disappointed so at least I wasn't shocked. It began with the usherette (one of the things from the original show) and it was a sweet, even moving beginning. Then the movie started. I enjoyed Brad Majors (one of 3 characters I deemed "OK" as Columbia would say in the original movie). Janet Weiss was miscast and it didn't work. Magenta was, far and away, the worst thing about it!! If she is your favorite character, you are going to be unhappy. Riff was not absolutely terrible but not good either. Columbia was EASILY the best thing about all of it. The take is a little more modern but done well- what I wish the rest of it could have aspired to. Laverne Cox has fun as Frank and she'd be the 3rd most likable thing in it- but it is still deeply flawed but NO ONE is close to Tim Curry- especially here. Tim Curry doesn't get all the Criminologist parts that should be there..but I feel it's probably because of his health- which is quite noticeably not good. It is still touching to see him though also depressing too. Ben Vereen (of Roots) does alright with Dr. Scott. He'd be the 4th best thing. Rocky was BAD. Not as bad as Magenta. But still bad. A couple of the classic scenes are missing too- forewarning. Also- the way many songs are done leave a lot to be desired.

Now let me tell you what MOST ticks me off alongside the horrible Magenta portrayal. My favorite thing about The original Rocky Horror Picture Show is the DIVERSITY of it. There is someone for everyone in it. The Transylvanians are a huge melting pot- dwarfs, fat people, skinny people, old people, young people, really weird people of all colors, hairstyles, races, shapes and sizes and so much more. IN THIS they are all skinny, most look the same and they are all younger and they all feel false and costumed. It is not as welcoming a group as the original or the stage play. FAR FROM IT!! And the original seems to have no gender, no race, no sexual orientation and its FREE. Not the case here. And the audience participation scenes feel very false also- because they have to be sanitized (just as some of the movie does too). The Concept of that does not work at all. And even Eddie (another heavy character in the movie) becomes lean Adam Lambert.

The only reason this gets D+ instead of an F is there were a couple characters who worked- especially Brad and Columbia. It will open up the show to some new viewers- which will hopefully lead them to the insanely superior original (though I wished they would have seen the original first). Laverne Cox did still try hard and I love the Fay Wray reference towards the end. The usherette (the best voice also) and Tim Curry being there makes for a couple of moving moments. I wanted to like it more. I really did. It just didn't happen. Watch the original instead. If you still need to see it, watch the original after and cheer yourself up.

The Lobster (2015)

Delicious and Crazy

[8/10 · 20 September 2016]

This odd movie was the one of the best things this year. Colin Farrell stars in this highly original movie that is an allegory for relationships. He is one of many single people who have 45 days at a hotel to make a match for marriage or they will be turned into whatever animal they choose. Our main character chooses a lobster. This is from the same awesome madman who directed "Dogtooth". The images are beautiful, the humor is dark and weird and the performances are great across the board. This is definitely a movie you will not know what is going to happen next. Oh how wonderful it is to still have those movies.. It's best to know next to nothing going on and I have given you very little. Enjoy.

Don't Breathe (2016)

Fitting title

[8/10 · 12 September 2016]

Not without flaws, this is a taut, tense movie. I enjoy movies with a gray area as to whom to vote for. Everyone in this film has good and bad. They all have a particular goal and they all are ruthless toward achieving it.

The basic premise is a blind man gets a huge settlement after his daughter is killed in a vehicular manslaughter situation. Three thieves are privy to this and want to steal his money. One of them has a father who works in security and has keys to all the security systems in the area and with information. He wants to help the girl who desperately wants out of her situation (and needs money) because he loves her. Her boyfriend is all talk about getting things done and a bit of a douche but has a heart in there too. It was also for me a bit like a millennial vs. old school. The blind man is a war vet who was blinded in the war and the thieves are millennials in that they feel entitled to someone else's stuff but there is still a gray area in this section THANKFULLY. You will see.

You switch off more than once about who to feel sympathetic for or whether to root for anyone. One thing for sure is you will be tense and on the edge of your seat. There are also plenty of twists here and there to keep you interested. This is better than the other horror movies you can go see right now I bet. Stephen Lang (as the blind man) does a great job. The more I think about it after, the more I like it. PS Don't watch the trailer.

The Purge: Election Year (2016)

Very timely..even in the exaggerated sense

[7/10 · 10 July 2016]

Well, so me and my fiancé went to the movies with a good friend today. We really could not afford it but we did anyway. We went to the Mt. Airy theater where pathetically small drinks were 5.15 each. We did not get popcorn- which started at 7.00! So, I have enjoyed The Purge series. The first one was heavily flawed but I liked the idea of it and where it took my mind. The Purge: Anarchy was a HUGE step up and took the action out where I wanted to first to be. Now comes along The Purge: Election Year! My expectations were high- especially with the timely title. The story centers on a female presidential nominee (who was once a victim of the Purge when she was younger) who saw her entire family massacred. Her main objective, among others, is to end the Purge if elected. The opposing side likes The Purge and thinks it is essential, not to mention it causes the lower classes to kill each other. The plan is to change the rules and to allow politicians to be murdered also- in hopes of ending this woman's campaign forever. There is also a side plot of a store owner (Bubba of Forrest Gump) whose Purge insurance just shafted him and he is fearing for his store so he wants to keep watch and save his investments. One of his best friends with a dark past also factors into this. We also get the return of Frank from "Anarchy" - who is now in a "The Bodyguard" situation with the presidential hopeful. Well, The Purge commences and a lot of action and insanity comes. What I want to talk about really is what I liked and what I didn't like about this movie and to tell you there must be SOME SPOILERS. So stop reading if you do not want to know- though I won't tell you everything. This movie is very much a reflection of today's society and the current political climate- that is taken to cartoonish levels of exaggeration at times. This movie is quite liberal and I don't mind that because I am. I do wish, however, that is was a bit more subtle. It's more like a sledgehammer. But, then again, so is this election! My main problem was the over-the-top portrayal of religion. I do understand that many people are killing in the name of religion today and hating and excluding minorities. I also think the other half is never represented anymore. The ending becomes so over-the-top that Evil Dead 2 begins to look subtler. I love Evil Dead 2! One of the best parts of this movie for me was the representation of this entitled teenager generation who feel compelled to get revenge just because some pesky adult doesn't let them steal a candy bar. It may sound hokey on paper but I feel it is more than on point with today! All in all. there is a lot of politics. Some of it is largely exaggerated. However, Isn't that exactly what is going on right now? An over-the-top cartoon definitely works for this political climate. Conservatives, however, will not enjoy seeing the worst of their ilk presented in the ugly face they portray to minorities. Before it's all said and done, we see Crips..we see preachers with shotguns..foreign murder "tourists" who want to come murder for a holiday. I could've used some less cheesy lines. I could have used less satire and more horror. I could've went without the false jump scares. I guess the one thing that stays with me after is I am one of those poor class that a good percentage of the rich wished they could do away with to lessen taxes. I also thought about the fact that the hate and insanity I have seen this year politically is very much exaggerated and immediate. Also, this Purge idea doesn't seem like such an impossibility. It also reminds to VOTE democrat!!!! Despite it's flaws, it was entertaining and I appreciated what it was shooting for. Pardon the pun...

Annabelle (I) (2014)

Annabelle is the worst movie of 2014

[1/10 · 19 December 2014]

It is everything wrong with some of the worst modern horror clichés. It fails in every important area. There are a lot of modern horror films (and even a number of older ones) that rely on fake music scares. This movie is the pinnacle of the worst of that. I jumped once when the music abruptly changed. The reason I jumped was not because the film was scary or even atmospheric. It was just the cheapest trick I can remember seeing in a long time. It also felt like an "action sequence" in a stale film that builds nothing out of nothing. The only reason this movie will be noteworthy in the future is when people say this was "Alfre Woodard's worst film" to those who think she has none. What in the world was she thinking? The only true mystery of this movie for me is why anyone does like it. It is a rushed sequel that insults the previous film.

Star Time (1992)

Underrated Gem

[8/10 · 7 November 2014]

This movie was one I ran across via an old video store going out of business. Michael St. Gerard plays a guy who gets upset because his favorite TV show has been taken off the air and he gets a little homicidal. John P. Ryan gives a stunning performance as a mysterious character on TV who is giving our main character some interesting direction. You won't see another movie quite like this one. I also wish I knew how to get a copy of the song at the end of the movie, also titled "Star Time". Overall, it is worth a look indeed if you can actually find it. I was lucky enough to. It is a tense film with a little satire, a little disturbing commentary and a little mystery- all accentuated by some good performances.

Duck Dynasty (2012–2017)

I see enough red neck in my hometown

[1/10 · 3 January 2014]

Phil Robertson and the other yokels of Duck Dynasty care about one thing (as other reality stars) YOUR MONEY!

I refuse to watch these idiots spit their nonsense out. And "Reality TV" continues to be the biggest oxymoron the world has ever seen. I'd watch if a black gay couple moved next door LOL. That would be must-see TV.

As for the recent controversy, all you need to do is watch a trailer of this to know what you are in for. As a gay man, I cannot support something that goes against everything I am. Ignorance is a virus and tolerating intolerance defeats the purpose of tolerance.

In short, don't waste your time on this fake garbage or these people! They are making millions of dollars to dumb down the viewing public.