hagen-39417 Reviews

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (2017)

Convoluted as all hell

[5/10 · 6 December 2023]

Well...this movie sure is...something. It's really hard to describe what this movie is because it truly can't decide what it wants to be.

This is like everything that makes superhero stuff a big turn off and is everything people make fun of and complain constantly about superhero stuff for being. With it just being the most convoluted thing ever and is just the very definition of all over the place.

And what is it that makes this movie so convoluted you ask? I will tell you it's that this movie all the time wants you to be very critical of it yet at the same time not critical at all. While also wanting you to take it very serious yet at the same time not take it serious at all.

Here are some very good examples when Nebula intensely speaks out in genuine anger only for all that serious build up to be killed off by the most needless dumb guy acting awkward next to her joking bit,

Gamora and Nebula fight that start intense only to turn into an ridiculous over the top anime fight with Gamora absurdly large gun,

Peter figuring out his dad killed his mom, leading him to shoot him only for him to make his dad transform into David Hasselhoff. Really like really?

David Hasselhoff?

And then of course when Peter gets extraordinary powers he transforms into Pacman with rocks and collides in a big fight with his dad with the same powers. Are you for real?

You just can't have it both ways for everything man! Can't you just have one single serious moment free from mindless stupidity that kills off the mood? There's a time and a place for these things you know? Have some dignity and restraint for god sake!

And you see the thing is I wouldn't mind this movie silliness if that was all it was going for.

But the movie continuously goes on with how it wants me to take it serious and that it's meant to be an emotional movie but then it continuously shows the most mindlessly silly things right after those serious moments.

Of course that doesn't work cause nothing and no one can be both one thing and the polar opposite at the same time and expect it to work well. What is it you want to be movie?

You really seem to care what you're coming off as only to not care right after. Isn't that just a little hypocritical when you think of it? You gotta make up your mind damn it!

Still don't believe me when I say this film is incredibly convoluted?

To be fair the movie isn't horrible, it still looks very nice with all the technical stuff in it being top notched. But it's just really careless in what it's trying to be or tell in this frankly very tasteless and crass manner which honestly makes it slightly insulting. If you don't really care what I think about you of course you're gonna get the same response from me right back.

So yeah this movie jumps from all kinds of tones which gives a lot of confused mixed messages. It doesn't really make for a really terrible film but not a particularly good one either.

5/10 As mid as you get.

The Lost Boys (1987)

This cant be real! Joel Schumacher has made a good film? What!

[8/10 · 15 November 2023]

Joel Schumacher has made a good film. You heard that right. I'm just as astonished as you.

Now you properly just like me will forever know Joel Schumacher infamously for his 1997 atrocity Batman and Robin and after making a movie that monumentally bad who wouldn't think the director of that film would be a talentless hopelessly clueless idiot hack.

Yet right here he's made a actually good movie. I can't believe I'm praising Schumacher for making a good film. The aesthetic look of this movie is what Gotham City in his Batman movies should have looked like. A grimy murky decrepit environment.

How Schumacher actually gave us the complete opposite of that in his Batman films is something I and no one will ever be able to fathom how it happened.

I don't even think he himself knows how it happened honestly. How he didn't have better judgement to make his Batman films not campy and mindlessly silly and stupid in every way is just mind boggling.

Especially when you compare them to this film and wonder if he truly were ever capable of making good, well thought out judgement at all.

I just don't know how Schumacher completely lost his mind when making Batman and Robin but he did like there's just no arguing of that movie being full of nothing but awful incredibly dumb choices and is completely devoid of any intelligence.

But the fact that I'm gonna say right here that he has directed a movie with great cool style, eye pleasing visual, cool stylish costumes, thrilling action, great frightening practical effects and makeup, scary tension filled atmosphere, likeable characters with good acting and a has directed a great performance out of Kiefer Sutherland is something i still have a hard time to comprehend fully. Cause all those things is of course something his Batman films had none of. When they so clearly should've had it yet he astoundingly didn't know better to put those thing in.

Now the movie does though have a little hokey acting mostly from the very young kids but even some hokey acting is nothing compared to mindlessly stupid insanely over the top acting like in you guessed it Batman and Robin.

But judging this movie by itself some hokey acting isn't that terrible the majority of the acting is quite decent to good.

So The Lost Boys is pretty good still have a hard time to say that but it is. Just forget the terrible Batman movies Schumacher has made and you will have a pretty great time watching this.

8/10 A very surprising fun ride.

Tropic Thunder (2008)

Pretty solid comedy

[8/10 · 22 September 2023]

Man this movie is a blast. It's a very great parody of how wild, harsh and even ridiculous the world of Hollywood can be.

With every character being a fully on purpose over the top stereotype or the cliches of Hollywood culture.

Like movie sequel fatigue, the insecure actor, dealing with drug addiction, breaking type casting, going away from doing comedy to drama, Oscar baiting, aggressive hot temper movie executives and the controversial black face. All to show how insane the world of Hollywood can be at times yet with great humor to it.

The actors here are just hilarious especially Tom Cruise. Who I didn't quite recognize at first which made it all the more funny to see the big movie star that he is play this hairy, bald, explosively aggressive movie executive stereotype in this fun playful mockery of the world he so well known for.

Made me also really happy to see how he has actually a sense of humor and can have a laugh at himself and the culture he's a part of.

And that dance he does in the end credits just too good.

Never did I think I would see Tom Cruise as a middle aged, bald, hairy man dance intensely to rap. Just the greatest delight.

So if you haven't seen it I really recommend it.

Just to see Tom Cruise alone makes the movie worth a watch.

8/10 Really fun.

Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015)

All over the place

[5/10 · 19 September 2023]

The real big thing that turns me off from superhero stuff and makes me not like being involved in it is this right here. With it's just all over the place and is just convoluted as all hell.

With that it has so much exposition and worldbuilding to unpack of the fictional world with things that has happened before, what is happening now with it and what's to come of it after, with it also having to develop so many characters and other things that it becomes really hard to follow and fully developed all of it.

That its full of inappropriate juvenile humor or moments and you see all kinds of tones, themes, ideas and fantasy creatures or elements you can think of appear in the same place and come totally out of nowhere.

How much of the stories and events that happens don't seem all that fully thought out with it seeming to be making it up as it goes along with it also seeming to be making up its own rules but only follows them when it conveniently works well at the moment.

And finally how everything that ever happens is frankly totally inconsequential. With that nothing has real lasting effect so it's like everything that happened didn't even matter.

That's something really every superhero movie or superhero stuff in general has problems with just nothing lasts ever and always returns back to where it started out.

Nobody ever really evolves and nothing ever really changes and nobody really ever dies or goes away to pursue something else

and if they do it's only very short and temporary for both change or death which is definitely not how it works IRL. Its just this endless loop of events happening over and over again.

You see what I mean when I say superhero stuff are so incredibly convoluted.

Course I don't blame anyone making this having a super hard time trying to make these movies easy to follow. Creating fiction is incredibly hard to do well and in a coherent manner but these are still issues.

And I'm gonna end with this thing that some might want to think about. There one thing all stories need and that is a ending.

We all would like a satisfying ending but it doesn't always happen but the story still gave an ending.

And this film series making one movie after another with no real plan to end makes the previous movie that made the next happen really not matter as much anymore cause its like its disposable and not special. And really even more proves the point of everything that happens in these movies being totally inconsequential.

Makes it really hard to care and be invested in something unwilling to take risks and just having no definite conclusion.

There's only so many times you can do something until it gets stale and redundant.

3rd Rock from the Sun (1996–2001)

It's whatever

[5/10 · 17 September 2023]

I have no idea how some many people adore this show. It just not at all special. I only wanted to see it because of the greatly intriguing synopsis. What really sad though the show does practically nothing with this great idea at all.

The idea of aliens coming to earth disguised as human to learn and understand humanity, earth nature, different culture and so much more could have been so fascinating and engaging with so much great philosophical things to explore and could've offered so much thrills to see.

But instead all it gives is something so cheap, lazy and generic.

Where every character has no real deep personality because it comes at the cost of being pretty much a non stop joke machine.

Where the show doesn't even feel like a sci fi show if you jump into a random episode I guarantee there's nothing done with how they're aliens it's just a cliché super weird sitcom family with silly antics happening. And the show isn't really putting all that much effort into what its doing.

Like for example the Solomon family (the aliens in disguise) talks about how they feel emotion they have never felt before in the first season and implies that they alien race don't have any knowledge or connection of human culture.

But then later on in the show they tell stories of what they and their race did and felt when they were aliens like their race already felt emotions and acted like humans and have connection to human culture with certain references their race makes.

And also brings another big point of why no human find them incredibly bizarre and not be distant towards them when did literally tell them these strange weird stories and things and somehow don't question it at all or act even the tiniest bit suspicious. See what I mean by this show just not putting in that much effort and characters being pretty much a non stop joke machine?

Now the show has some few funny moments really only coming from John Lithgow and only cause of him delightfully chewing the scenery many times. But again the show just does nothing with this great idea for a story and gives just generic shallow one dimensional entertainment. Its so incredibly disappointing to see something with so much potential to be great not be utilized.

5/10 Nothing really special.

Family Guy: Brian the Closer (2014) Season 13, Episode 4

This show just don't care anymore

[1/10 · 24 August 2023]

Jesus Family Guy now is nothing more than just showing needless cruelty.

Peter hurting Brian for enjoying his toy by slamming his face into a fire hydrant is just that, so is Brian screwing over Quagmire the one who paid for his new teeth in surgery.

And what's even worse is I cant even feel sorry for anything horrible happening to a character done by another cause the character it happens to or the one causing it is just as horrible as the other.

Family Guy of course can't tell serious stories/moments or tell moral lessons cause its characters are absolutely awful despicable immoral scumbags. Who never learns anything ever from what horrible thing they're doing.

No like really they're always try to have characters learn from their idiotic or awful behaviour but by the end of the episode onto the next they're regressed right back to the same awful hateable person as before.

Why does this show even bother trying to teach well meaning messages and thoughtful lessons they so obviously don't hold or value? Like wtf kind of person is this careless in what they're doing. I'm so tired of the exact same bs from Family Guy over and over again.

Aren't the writers, actors and the network even more tired?

Like Family Guy season 12 and up is without a doubt purposely trying to be the most hateable thing ever.

The writers here are just putting all their effort into making the most abysmal thing ever they just have to be.

There's no other explanation or reason for why episodes like herpe and the love sore, fresh heir, Brian is a bad father and this one out of many are so incredibly miserable to watch.

This episode is just one of many of their desperate attempts to getting cancelled by being absolutely horribly unpleasant in every way. Why wont it just ever happen though literally everyone wants it?

Family Guy: Herpe, the Love Sore (2014) Season 12, Episode 16

Brian is just irredeemable

[1/10 · 23 August 2023]

I have never be more disgusted by a tv show before.

Brian actually gives Stewie herpes by switching blood knowing full well he has herpes for no reason with nothing to gain and feel literally not even the tiniest bit of guilt, shame or remorse for permanently giving his supposed best friend a disgusting STD for the rest of his life.

Stewie literally saved his life a few episodes earlier and this is how he repays his savior and best friend?! What the f is wrong with Brian he is beyond sick he's a full on despicable sadistic sociopath!

And there is no message to this at all!

It not a message about growing from mistakes, its not a message about knowing who your true friends are its not even a message about betrayal cause by the end of the episode it truly says nothing.

Stewie somehow forgives Brian on a whim for literally scaring his body for life.

The whole plot is just an appalling act with nothing to it that makes you sick to your very core!

Nothing in this episode or any episodes of the entire season for that matter is clear of what it wants to say. It's not clear whether it wants to be deep, comedic, silly, melancholic, emotionally heavy, thoughtfully messaging, nihilistic or all of them.

This god awful episode can't even do nihilism properly!

You know after watching this episodes the writer of it is just screaming

"Please hate me so I don't have to work on this show anymore!"

there just no other reason for why this episode is so awful.

Something this incredibly unpleasantly bad can only come from someone who deliberately wants to appall the viewers so much that they will hate the show so much that they want it to get cancelled.

Sadly though it didn't get cancelled.

But everyone sure do despise it now.

This episode is just out to emotionally violate you and just see have far it can go in disgusting you by the most scummy behavior.

Family Guy: Fresh Heir (2014) Season 12, Episode 14

WTF is wrong with this show

[1/10 · 23 August 2023]

People actually dedicated their precious time and effort into making this disturbing f up sh* show.

Peter is trying to marry his son to inherited the wealth his grandfather was gonna give him that his son somehow goes along with just so he can spend more time with him even though he know he's dad could not care less about him and just wants his wealth.

There's being f up and then there's this disgusting pile of sh* episode! I could actually shoot the one who wrote this actual crime against nature episode and for actually mentally torturing me.

Like I'm not kidding this episode wants to actually torture you with showing the most disgusting, shocking, disturbing, unpleasant thing imaginable just for the sake of it.

This episode is what would happen if you enter a serial killer's mind just seeing the most sickening disturbing things imaginable!

A pure sadistic horrifying hell! This episode is the very definition of a lot of things.

Of being tone deaf, of being self loafing, of being nihilistic and of being unpleasant miserable and disturbing beyond words.

Don't you ever dare to subject yourself to the pure torture this episode has to show! Whoever made this episode should feel absolutely horrible for making this atrocity!

Family Guy: Brian's a Bad Father (2014) Season 12, Episode 11

Awful to the very extreme

[1/10 · 23 August 2023]

I've seen a lot of movies and tv series. Some good, some not so good. But I've never seen one that is purposely trying to make me hate it.

There's no doubt in my mind that the people who made episodes like herpes and the love sore, fresh heir and this episode were made for the sole purpose of being hated by viewers.

This could not be more f up! What could you possibly gain from this as an artistic creator?

All 3 of these episodes could not be more unpleasant, abysmal, appalling or nihilistic and for what possibly cause?!

TV shows and movies last time I checked were supposed to entertain, stimulate the mind and serve a purpose for what I'm watching.

There's no other way around it, the creators wanted to make something so shocking and atrocious that everyone watching would hate the show and not watch it anymore so it could be permanently cancelled.

Well at least they succeeded with no one wanting to watch it anymore. These episodes are without a doubt no exaggeration full on crimes against nature and the biggest sh* on all of storytelling.

Something this obscene can only come when you go out of your way and strive to be unpleasantly atrocious.

Brian actually uses his own son Dylan he hasn't seen in years to get a writing role on a kids tv show and still feels not even a hint of shame for using him.

Yet Dylan somehow forgives Brian after he's giving his son no love at all and don't care at all to get close to him and learns not a thing by the ending.

Brian is no exaggeration a full on sociopath!

And believe it or not that's not even the worst thing in this episode cause in a side plot Peter shoots Quagmire in the arm right in front of him fully intentionally and aware of what he did yet feels no shame at all for what he did.

Turns out Brian isn't the only sociopath in this horrible family.

Peter actually dares to have Joe choose between which best friend he's gonna stand by.

As if Quagmire is actually overreacting. Peter should be grateful Quagmire doesn't kill him where he stands for acting like that.

Oh wait never mind it ends with Quagmire shooting Peter and killing their friendship forever or not cause in the next episode Peter is somehow alive and Quagmire is somehow okay being with Peter like it didn't even happen.

In the most insulting way this episode will completely sh* on any dramatic serious build up with something completely nonsensical a character does or say or with something shocking or disturbing a character does.

Why the f would you have a story with a well meaning message just to sh* on it and acting like everything that took place didn't even happen?!

While simultaneously having a horrible story with no massage at all just a appalling cruel act done by a suppose good friend to another that ends in the most horrible way of pure hateful violence.

This episode have reached an unmatched level of awful I didn't think was even possible.

After seeing this episode I know not any tv show or movie ever can come close to this level of awful.

The Simpsons (1989– )

Still quite special

[8/10 · 25 July 2023]

The Simpsons is really something special to have still been going this long for over 30 years. Actually over 30 years! Hard to believe right?

And yeah it's a cliché now to say

"When is it gonna end?" "The Simpsons of the 90s was so good" "When are they gonna make another family guy crossover?"

Okay no one is asking for that JK.

Now it's really hard to rate this now cause it's pretty much impossible to have a show go on this long and not become convoluted. But if I have to put it shortly Season 1 to 8 were really solid from story,humour and drama, something really hard to pull off all together.

While season 9 to 15 the decline happens slowly but is still average and never horrible the worst is just not very good.

Then season 16 to 20 where it gets just unremarkable nothing really great to say but nothing really bad to say either.

Then season 21 to now is where it becomes really generic, with really long overly elaborate segments to seem more clever than it really is and some episodes that are so desperate to get a 20 min runtime.

You can tell the people involved with the show are running out of creative juice at this point.

But again it's never really awful, it's just not very amazing or with all that much effort and is just kinda empty, plays it safe and is not very special. Which is still kinda bad but it's still pretty innocuous and not really worth getting upset over.

It did become simplified (no pun intended) by season 9 and forward but it still had some decent jokes, some good emotional moments on occasions and entertaining enough to give a watch. Even though it gets really repetitive and monotonous by season 21 and forward with reused stories from previous episodes and just going without anything fresh to show at certain points.

I'm still really hoping the series will end soon. Cause it could not more obviously be all out of ideas to explore by now. A real foolish hope I know. But we all know all the great stuff The Simpsons gave us in the 90s like everyone has said. That's all we could really ask for.

Family Guy (1999– )

Either okay or absolutely atrocious

[3/10 · 25 July 2023]

Family guy is just pure comedy that's all it is and that's all it was.

Or at least at one time it is and was that.

So yes there were moments where the show was funny. But at its worst it's truly the most abysmal thing i've ever seen! Season 1 to 11 were never remarkable; they actually had some pretty bad episodes but at the very least they had some funny jokes and weren't unpleasant to watch.

Instead of season 12 and forward where it seems to deliberately be unpleasant with there being barely any comedy anymore with completely awful phoned in stories with a bs sappy completely unearned ending.

Being crass, offensive and uncomfortably mean and shocking serving no purpose.

Characters acting like the most hateable scumbags ever serving no purpose.

And I kid you not the show will multiple times straight to your face blatantly hate on itself of how awful and phoned in it is. Being on full display with the episode emmy winning episode (S16 Ep1) That's the actual title I swear.

The show practically tells to your face "yep we're awful and you're gonna watch us continue being that way." Do I even need to explain why these episodes are bad when they literally do it themself. Actually insulting.

From here on out Brian is truly the most despicable pathetic immoral scumbag to ever walk the earth by season 12 and forward and the show actually expect me to believe he's not a full on villain. This is character assanation at its finest literally the same season they assassinated this character's life too.

Then literally everything and everyone are so one dimensional, scummy, unremarkable and generic as can be. It's actually an impressive achievement how bland, joyless and actually unpleasant this shows has become at this point.

This show now just don't give the slightest f about how awful and unpleasant it comes off as if anything its fully intentionally trying to be that.

What kind of sick show tries to intentionally be miserable to watch with completely hateable characters with no redeeming qualities or depths to them at all serving no sort of reason for either of them and wishing hatred from its viewers?!

Jeez family guy is so impossible to rate really cause it's just occasionally funny at times but somehow simultaneously is so unpleasant cause the show so much of the time has truly no respect at all for it story and characters with both of them being so incredibly cruel and shocking just for the sake of it that it come off just nihilistic.

You're way better off just watching a compilation on youtube of this show funny jokes and cutaways cause for the love of god don't subject yourself to the torture i had to go through with this show pure nihilistic self hatred in later seasons.

Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith (2005)

Still mediocre

[5/10 · 4 July 2023]

This might just be a teeny tiny improvement over the other films only for it having one well acted scene.

Ewan McGregor breaking down in sadness and betrayal is actually pretty well acted and has something I never thought I was gonna see in this prequel film acting with life and well portrayed emotions.

Makes me almost forget how the written words he's saying is just unimaginative and state the obvious and Hayden Christensen bad artificial acting next to him. Almost though.

And the rest of the movie is just like all of these prequal movies as dull as can be, characters who have just zero chemistry with everybody who are just lifeless emotionless robots who only do plot related things.

And in all these movies every heart to heart moments characters have with each other ends as soon as they begin.

But again won't do any good with how they have zero chemistry and life to them.

And the romance between Anakin and Padme is still so horrifically bad. Like there's never been more of an unnatural romance in film other than Twilight.

And just like the rest of these films it only cares about presenting creative idea instead of executing them well. Which is just so shallow and stupid to do. Execution is everything in storytelling.

It will 100% make or break its outcome always.

Well guess what if presenting creative ideas was all it took to make a great movie than every movie ever made would be great.

And there's no greater killer of creative ideas than bad acting and terrible direction.

All these movies just don't really care to go the extra mile in anything. I find it very hard to believe this is George Lucas heartfelt attempt to makes these movies with passion.

In all 3 of these movies he's doing everything pretty half-heartedly and seem so tired of his films with how incredibly dull and unenergetic they are here.

So yeah the movie is practically just the same as the other 2 only with like one single well acted performance which still practically makes no difference.

5/10 Still pretty mediocre.

Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones (2002)

Just the same as the previous one

[5/10 · 2 July 2023]

This movie is straight up just the same dull lifeless film as the first. Only difference is an awful unnatural romance!

And my god is the romance painfully cringeworthily bad!

There's just nothing worst then a sappy unnatural stupid romance!

Padme and Anakin could not look more uncomfortable with each other and the actors together straight up have no way of making the just awful dialogue and direction work whatsoever.

And I'm actually suppose to believe these two are madly in love with each other these two that have no life to any sort of thing they're saying cause yeah when I think of love I think of it as dull, contrived, unnatural and passionless.

And again the rest of the movie is so lifelessly acted and directed that anything happening isn't gonna do any sort of impact on you.

5/10 Just as bland as the previous one.

Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace (1999)

So incredibly dull.

[5/10 · 2 July 2023]

People are actually gonna tell me there's something great about this movie. This incredibly dull and lifelessly acted and directed movie is what people actually gonna considered to be great.

With how lifelessly made this movie is it can say and show any sort of creative thing it want and it could mean f all with how phoned in all the energy is in this film.

The greatest killer of anything in a film or tv series is 100% bad acting and incredibly dull terrible direction.

Cause guess what coming up with a creative idea isn't actually very hard to do. And its just shallow to think just presenting creative ideas is all it takes to make a great movie.

If that was really the case wouldn't just every movie or tv series ever made be great?

5/10 The very definition of dull.

Pokémon (1997–2023)

A complete drag

[3/10 · 29 June 2023]

So Ash finally is the champion huh? And yet I don't feel any sort of excitement whatsoever.

After 25 freaking 25 years of endless repetitive BS where straight up nothing important happens, where there's no real interesting story to be seen, where everything goes completely aimlessly and every single thing that happens is completely arbitrary; there's just no satisfaction to be felt at all.

This series is undoubtedly the most monotonous thing I've ever seen in my life. You know how many episodes you can skip where truly nothing of importance or slightest of interest happens?

Like actually hundreds of them. I can't even remember so many supposedly important events with the actual hundreds of useless episodes there are.

And after forever hearing people all the time state the things that happening or what people are doing or just the plain obvious I'm so done with. It's amazing how even the smallest, most trivial things can become so annoying when it keeps going on for so long.

Season 1 is like the only one somewhat fun to watch but for all the wrong reasons because it's so bonkers weird, freaky and doesn't take an eternity to finish.

And every other series is where all the monotonous stuff really takes off where practically nothing stands out where there's no weird energy to entertain you and it stays that way forever.

There's really just 2 kinds of episodes: either a Pokémon being introduced, someone simping for a girl, team rocket trying to catch Pikachu or the Pokémon introduced and of course loses every single time or either there's a Pokémon battle episode. That's it.

Like it is just straight up substanceless. The character and story depth is just non-existent. Just like his Pikachu Ash's character never evolved. His characters was just whatever the script needed him to be in the moment.

And I just have to say, Oh my god Team Rocket are so incredibly annoying! They are the most incompetent pestering dumbasses to ever live!

Seeing them loose over and over and over again to of course no surprise at all and being just the epitome of pathetic becomes truly unbearable!

Like any episode without team rocket is the biggest relief they're so insufferably annoying!

So in conclusion I feel nothing for this series with how ridiculously long it have drag on and tediously have gone on forever with so much I can't even remember cause of course when you are going on for this insanely long it's impossible to not become convoluted.

This series is just completely empty it cant even give the bare minimum of actually anything and goes on with so much stuff for so ridiculously long you can't even remember anything that has happened.

3/10 As forgettable as you can get.

The Shawshank Redemption (1994)

Beautifully sincere

[10/10 · 16 February 2023]

This movie is just so beautifully sincere.

What's so special about this film that I love is how its so much about friendship. Unlike most movies that focus on romances more, a lot of them which can be really tack on.

This movie relationship with Red and Andy is just too beautiful really shows how much humanity people in prison really do have.

You know Tim Robbins of this film really said it best about what makes this film so heartfelt of how we all in some way feel trapped in our own lives.

Truer words have never been spoken. That 100% shows everyone in this film and in ourselves.

10/10 Just a incredibly endearing film.

The Spectacular Spider-Man (2008–2009)

Nothing comes even close to this

[10/10 · 17 August 2022]

The Spectacular Spider-Man is so good it makes me mad.

When you compare this to every other adaptation it's really a joke how none of them come even the slightest bit close to this series quality. I mean the competition is so weak it might as well be non-existent. There really is only this series and then there's everything else.

Every other adaptation always have crucial pieces missing, repeat the same problems and don't learn from what has come before and really never successfully tells its themes in a clear satisfying coherent way.

Amounting to really nothing more than the very bare minimum if even that.

And sometimes they just straight up forget it and make Spider-Man like every other generic superhero that's just about beating the villain with ridiculous high stakes with a bunch of other superheroes needlessly showing up or needlessly teaming up with him.

Spectacular Spider-Man finally does its themes justice. It's not really the best adaptation because it's the most faithful to the comics it's just that it has finally actually learn from what has come before from Spider-Man

and has the best execution of its ideas and themes and execution means everything and will make or break the impact on those ideas and themes.

Here we get so much emotional compelling stuff happening like showing the difficulty of fitting in, trying to financially support your family, getting acceptance from your family,

going through the feeling of betrayal, struggling the balance of choice, growing humble from seeing life in a new perspective, feelings of restraint to tell others close to you what you really feel and who you really love and so many more.

Peter and all other side characters surrounding him goes through these wonderfully executed arcs.

And that's what makes this the best for me: The side characters.

While all adaptations have their own varied problems there's one they all share excluding this one and that's underdeveloped side characters.

This is the only Spider-Man adaptation where the side characters are just as well developed, layered, likeable and interesting to watch on their own as him.

The villains are just as well developed but I get to them soon.

This is actually the only time I truly care for the side characters.

They feel like real people you wanted to have in your life embodying both the good and the bad of what people can be.

And they actually evolve Flash being a great example of this for once he isn't just a cliché bully or a bland character and shows moments of thoughtfulness and grows into that even more as time goes on. It is actually baffling how no other Spider-Man anything has tried to give this much maturity and attention to its side character other than this.

One thing I have to bring up that doesn't get talked nearly enough about in this series is that it's so incredibly funny and I mean truly genuinely funny unlike a lot of other movies, shows and games where a lot of the times you can't really tell what's meant to be funny and what isn't.

In this you always know when it's meant to be funny and serious and it always lands.

I particularly love the Jackie Chan-like action this series has where it's really cool slick action happening yet still has pretty goofy funny slapstick and humor at the same time and it still blends so well.

Like for example Spidey throwing candy apples at Doc Ock, Spidey pulling Ox moustache, Rhino falling into frozen water, Spider-Man getting his underwear revealed while fighting Kraven and it never feels out of place and never makes the villains or Spidey come off as stupid or less threatening.

And those villains where such great villains cause for once we get big Spider-Man villains who actually play it smart.

Like every other version of the Green Goblin I've seen he's never very clever or skilled at achieving his goal or even being threatening whatsoever except in this series.

Same with Doc Ock and Tombstone who's the Kingpin of this series and where Kingpin is done great is where his Daredevil enemy in Netflix Daredevil. The competition really is non-existent.

This series is exactly what I've been begging for Spider-Man adaptations to be and it's finally something that doesn't give the bare minimum.

Finally there's side characters that are fully developed and layered, villains who play it smart, no contradiction to the everyday problems of Peter by needless forced superhero team ups or stupidly big earth ending stakes and actually giving Peters character more attention and importance than Spider-Man not the other way around.

Finally there's a series that cares more about the everyday living person over the flashy superhero action.

This series was spectacular indeed.

It's 100% the most sincere, heartfelt, emotional, mature, thoroughly made I've ever seen from Spider-Man.

I know I'll savor this series cause when it comes to any other Spider-Man adaptation it's only a downhill of mediocrity from here.

10/10 Spider-Man at his best ever.

The Amazing Spider-Man 2 (2014)

Mid every single time it's mid

[4/10 · 7 August 2022]

How does this always happen?

I shouldn't even be surprised at this point of another Spider-Man movie that's mid.

Why is it so hard for a Spider-Man movie to have interesting fully developed side characters and a plot that's fully developed. Is this actually all Spider-Man has to offer? Just the bare minimum is that it?

Like all I want from Spider-Man is side characters I actually care about, that have layers, are fully developed like he's meant to be and matter by themselves not that they're around Peter.

Yet it just seems impossible to deliver that and all I can get is something barely average or painfully mediocre, this movie being the second one.

These movies actually aren't any different from the Raimi movies at all.

Both of these movie series are underdeveloped in some form and don't learn from what has come before and improve on it.

I'm just numb from this same old thing here with Spider-Man it has actually become a routine of how underwhelming all his movies are.

I'm tired of

How interesting, compelling stuff always ends as soon as it begins.

How side characters are always underdeveloped.

How the plot is never consistent.

And how constantly contrived and artificially made events, motivation and character action are.

So yeah no real surprise for me with this movies mediocre, half baked delivery with everything.

This just blend in with all the other Spider-Man movies cause every single Spider-Man movie can only give the very bare minimum.

All these movies only have like one single scene that's kind of nice but can never get an entire movie to work as a whole to connect everything to satisfying level.

4/10 No surprise at this point.

The Amazing Spider-Man (2012)

The usual averageness

[6/10 · 5 August 2022]

I am so beyond tired of this same old routine with Spider-Man.

When are these movies ever actually gonna learn from what has come before and how to improve upon it?

This movie is way too harshly hated upon but it still has the same issue I've been begging to be improved in literally every single Spider-Man movie.

Which is why can't we ever get a Spider-Man movie where the side characters are fully developed and actually matter by themselves?

It's what we got in the Raimi movies. With how MJ don't matter by herself only that she with Spider-Man does she mean anything of importance. And every other character don't matter at all when they're by themselves only when Peters around do they matter.

In this movie it repeated again I don't get to see any character matters unless Peter is around them.

Like Peters is meant to be a 3 dimensional character but no one around him have any dimensions you can't just try to make one character have complex layers but not apply that to anyone else.

If I don't care for anyone close to Peter I don't care much for him either.

How do these movies keep messing this up?

So yeah I don't have much to say other than this movie didn't make me feel much at all just like the Raimi movies and like its not like really bad cause The Raimi movies and this one blends together.

They are frankly all on the same level of quality cause they can only give the very bare minimum nothing more or less.

Here it's no different

Peters Parents, Flash the bully, Gwen's relationship, Doctor Connors, Oscorps projects, Uncle Bens and Aunt May and all the side characters and subplots only gets the very bare minimum of development.

You don't get any more deeper complex levels of stuff with them and when you do it ends as soon it begins.

6/10 The usual averageness.

Spider-Man 3 (2007)

What is this fanbases problem?

[6/10 · 25 July 2022]

This movie and fanbase have made me feel like a mental patient forever.

The sheer amount of hate that has spawned from this film likes its just cool to hate like nickelback is the most despicable thing I've seen from any fanbase ever!

The Star Wars fanbase are less toxic compared to this one.

If you are gonna praise the first 2 movies in this series but then hate on this one and calling it incredibly stupid and full of plot holes you're the very definition of a hypocrite!

What movies do you think you've been watching?!

All of these movies have been stupid, silly, over the top, messy and full of giant plot holes, contrivances and characters with little to no development.

You should be ashamed of the gigantic level of hypocrisy you're showing!

For a fanbase of a character who's all about responsibility the fans sure don't care much about being responsible or consistent for what standards they claim to have or for what they do or say themselves.

So Peter's a jerk and not understanding to MJ people say.

Well that's exactly what MJ been like in the previous movie yet no one is saying Spider-Man 2 is bad cause of it.

And you know what I actually don't even feel bad for how Peter treats her or even cheats with Gwen in this.

She's been just the worst in the previous film. If anything him treating her like this seems fitting that just how their relationships been like in these movies little support, no deep connection over anything and cheating like crazy with other people.

(I'm actually not kidding MJ cheats on every boyfriend she has in all of these films yet its only bad when Peter does it.)

Just the pinnacle of a healthy relatable couple these two are together in all these films.

In all seriousness though they shouldn't be a couple at all they never ever connect in any deep way with anything they share and are actually seemingly only miserable with each other and again this is a flaw in all of these movies!

But here it's all of a sudden the worst thing ever.

So the final act don't make sense people say. That's exactly in the previous 2 movies Norman fight with Spider-Man is artificially created by the biggest stretch of figuring out his identity by a cut on his arm and don't even commit with the hurting the ones he loves he just scares aunt may and kidnap MJ.

Same flaw with Otto he makes the dumbest deal with Harry to get Spider-Man to him and not just torture what he wants out of him which would have been so easy with his arms,

Then he nearly kills Peter twice by throwing a car at him that he barely dodges and throws him into a brick wall and really don't care at all that he needs him to tell him where Spider-Man is with how mindless he does things.

And finally Harry telling Peter where Otto is hiding is such a gigantic plot hole cause he would have no idea where that is and even if he said he didn't know where he's hiding then how in the world would Peter find Otto with no trace.

I mean nothing about Otto makes any sense at all in the final act of Spider-Man 2.

Yet no one is bothered by those plot holes there but here it's all of a sudden terrible.

Really all 3 of these movies are of the same level of quality because all of them share the same flaws and repeat the same things yet in the first 2 films it's passable but now it's bad because Peters turns emo and everyone starts losing their mind.

After all the bizarre over the top weirdness I've seen from these movies Peter turning emo and strutting down the streets is just normal in these movies.

The movies that have had Norman Osborn dress like a character from Power Rangers,

Goofy dumb as hell wrestling,

Aunt May dressed as the most cliché old lady rescued like a cartoon character by Spider-Man,

Peters cartoonishly over the top falls from buildings,

Peters super derp meme gold faces

and even Peter strutting down the street to the song Raindrops keep falling on my head.

How hypocritical can you get?

Actually any criticism or flaw that's brought up in this film I guarantee the previous 2 films has as well and just keeps feeding this endless growing fire of hypocrisy and irresponsibility to stated standards of this fanbase.

For those who didn't like the other 2 films and don't like this one and vice versa, good on them for not being a giant despicable hypocrite and actually staying true to their standards.

But to everyone else WTF actually is your problem?

By hating this film you have actually undone every positive you've said in the previous movies and any flaws or plot holes here are no different from the other films.

So are you actually gonna stay true to the standards you claim to keep or remain a hypocrite who actually don't act responsible with a character who's all about that?

6/10 Just about as mid as the other 2 films.

Spider-Man 2 (2004)

Really overrated

[6/10 · 23 July 2022]

I really don't get the hype of this movie.

Seeing as I didn't like the first movie of this series much of at all, my feelings are about the same with this one.

In that I have no strong feelings for anything happening and don't really care or feel for any character in this movie.

I really don't understand at all why so many people would call this the best Spider-Man movie.

If anything it could be argued that this is considered the best Spider-Man movie only by default.

Cause no other movie has attempted to tackle the theme of everyday worries from this movie, the problem is they're not executed very well in this movie. That's the problem with every Spider-Man movie though it can only deliver the very bare minimum. That's all I get from these movies.

And when you look too deep into this movie you realize that everything that happens in this movie is completely contrived with all of the whys and the how's that happens in this movie.

How does Peter survive a fall 100 of feet in the air multiple times if he's lost his powers wouldn't his super endurance be gone as well?

How does Otto, a still normal human survive everything and get back up with no horrible injury?

How does Harry know where Otto is hiding when Peter asks him? There's no way he could've known.

Even if Harry said he didn't know how the heck did Peter find Otto with no trace?

Why doesn't Peter have a deep talk with Harry of what happened with his dad's death after he saves MJ to clear things out?

Why Is MJ the most manipulative person in this movie?

She jumps from any guy she likes for the moment to another and cheats like crazy with no shame or with no one calling her out for it. Why the heck is Peter with this toxic women isn't he smarter than this?

Why the heck would Peter jump off a building testing his powers again and not climb a wall like earlier?

Again isn't he smarter than this?

Why the heck would Otto throw a car at the one guy he needs to tell him where Spider-Man is?

Why would Otto make a deal with Harry and not torture what he wants out of him?

Why would Otto steal money to buy equipment and not just go steal the equipment?

Isn't that actually easier for him to do with his arms?

And how does he even get that equipment shipped to what's supposed to be his hiding spot without anyone noticing?

This movie just do not make any sense at all.

It has actually even more plot holes and contrivances than the first movie.

Has unearned drama and resolution and some things aren't resolved at all.

Has side characters that actually aren't developed at all really everyone in the bugle aren't developed even Jameson who is still played well by JK Simmons has no deep character.

Has the worst case of using a character as a living prop in Jameson son he actually has zero character and development. Like I said, he is literally just a living prop to make drama happen.

The worst thing you can do in any story is make characters living tools to make things happen and not give them any development of any sort.

Course Jameson son isn't the only one who gets this unacceptable treatment.

Because MJ in this entire movie is practically just a prize that Peter must get.

He just doesn't have anything to connect deeply with her and I actually don't see a single scene where they aren't arguing with each other then the most cliché melodramatic romance nonsense ripped from a bad soap opera.

Execution means everything in stories and this one's stubbles greatly.

It has some nice effects and music.

But with so many giant plot holes, contrivances and things that aren't developed at all that it is just barely average and really only gives the very bare minimum as usual from Spider-Man.

6/10 Not really that great and really overrated.

Spider-Man (2002)

The very bare minimum

[5/10 · 18 June 2022]

This movie doesn't give much for me to enjoy for myself.

It has this problem I personally think every Spider-Man movie has and that is they all only give the very bare minimum. The side character development, the romance, the villain, Peters personal problem and his double personality with Spider-Man all only gets the very bare minimum of some kind of growth.

It leaves me feeling empty watching this cause I wasn't personally really thrilled by anything I watched cause nothing was really special to me and I didn't connect with any character, cause all of the side character was underdeveloped which kind of makes Peter also underdeveloped sense he has no strong connection with anyone else.

Other than that what's impossible for me to tell in this movie is when it's meant to be funny and when it's meant to be serious.

Actually Willem Dafoe performance is the biggest part of this.

Like is he meant to be serious threat or a goofy weirdo?

I just don't know. As soon as he turns into the Green Goblin I start laughing I mean how can you not with that costume he wears and not think he's a ridiculous harmless buffoon.

He straight up looks like an action figure from the 80s.

You can't expect your villain to be threating dressed like that.

That the thing with this movie you need to never look into it to deep to enjoy it otherwise you realize how incredibly bizarre and all over the place it is.

With the drama being actually pretty contrived with the Spider-Man side of things with the biggest example being how Norman finds out Peter is Spider-Man by seeing the cut on his arm at thanksgiving thinking it was from their fight in the burning building. That's a real big stretch to have him realize that's true by something like that.

Cause the story he made up of how he got injured by a bike messenger crash actually wouldn't be that far fetched of happening.

Plus could he even see him cut his arm in the fight earlier wasn't thing happening so fast for him while they were fighting.

Norman figuring this out to me feels like very artificially made drama and even what he does with this information afterwards don't make much sense.

Like why does he show up to Aunt Mays house just to blow up her roof and scare her? Why doesn't he torture her some more by slowly killing her to hurt Peter wasn't that his goal to carry out?

For some reason he just shows up to scare her and just leaves and all of sudden decides to kidnaps MJ to hurt Spider-Man

I'm not into to any of this this villain is not threating what so ever to me, his motivation don't make sense along with making really dumb decision being a really unintentionally incompetent movie villain in my eyes.

What's even more stupid about this final battle is how this is the third time Peter needs to rescue MJ from danger fourth if you count him catching MJ from slipping in the cafeteria.

It becomes laughable how many times she needs rescuing and it's honestly not evening really impactful at this point with how repetitive it's gotten and this is just the first movie and I'm already tired of seeing this.

To add insult to injury MJ has no strong likable character traits at all in this movie again you only get the very bare minimum with what her character is meant to be and only see what happens in her life off screen and told later by her.

So my final thoughts on this movie is it only gives 50% effort at everything to me when it comes to character relating stuff.

At all other parts I either feel no special excitement, very confused or kind of annoyed watching this movie.

5/10 The very definition of the bare minimum.

Spider-Man: The Animated Series (1994–1998)

A waste of everything

[1/10 · 20 May 2022]

This might be the most chaotic put together thing I've ever seen.

WTF have I actually just watched?!

People are actually gonna say Spider-Man 3 and TASM 2 are messy and painfully stupid but this isn't?

So let me get this straight this series that is nothing but watered down, edgeless, crappy animated, terribly acted, insanely rushed, all over the place and half baked is actually gonna be acceptable for people and they're just gonna overlook these things like they're small nitpicks and not glaring issues.

Yet when any other Spider-Man thing has one of these issues it's all of a sudden awful and unacceptable.

How can no one else see this?

How can any rational person actually like this? How can even an irrational person like this?

And how is this worthy of any sort of serious consideration for all of its campy BS nonsense it has thrown at me? If what I'm watching isn't treating itself seriously, why TF should I?

WTF does anyone think this even is?! Does anyone have any awareness what so ever of what makes something stupid and what something worthy of serious consideration?

Anyone can like anything by themself but when they put that thing on a pedestal like their precious little comfort thing is an amazing achievement yet in this case has constantly bad animation, voice acting and rushed pacing (which btw plenty of people have admitted to at least one of these flaws) among so many other flaws is just not setting any standards and showing the most pathetic pride.

Does any of those flaws sound like an acceptable standard to keep in high regard to?!

That's a big fat NO!!!

There are actually people putting this on a pedestal like it's a gourmet dinner and not coming to grips that it's more of a run of the mill burger at McDonald's.

I mean it's a silly edgeless cartoon from the 90s for god sake! It's not something to be taken super seriously!

Those people thinking that seriously to this are actually delusional thick headed hyperbolic oblivious idiots! Just watch Johnny2Cellos and GodzillaMendoza idiotic observation videos on YouTube on this series and you see what I mean.

Never has something been more undeserving of praise like it cured cancer than this holy mess.

No one can tell me any sort of rational argument whatsoever for this being even the slightest bit good let alone average.

Cause there is no denying or overlooking the glaring flaws here!

Just look at the final battle from episode like The Final nightmare, Ravages of time, Partners, The Price of heroism, The Wedding, The Vampire queen or just any battles from Goblin war, Carnage and Venom returns and try to tell me these episode aren't disastrously rushed giant animated blunders.

Someone actually tell me what happened here in these tsunami waves of WTF moments?!

Even when the animation isn't reused it practically always gets later on and completely diminishes the original value of it and spoils completely the original for me to enjoy it again.

I have no idea how anyone else can still enjoy these episodes on a second watch with the errors I just mentioned.

Being as unfinished, insanely rushed and downright clumsy made as this on a technical level is just inexcusable!

If the prequels have taught me anything it's that you can have as many creative ideas as you want but execution means everything. If you don't have one properly carried out you will be seriously downgraded in quality and can go from mediocrity to even worse.

After all the horrible to atrocious stuff that surrounding this series I've said, what even remotely positive thing am I suppose to say?

If I was to say anything positive about it, I'd be a blatant liar cause I honestly have nothing positive to say here that isn't diminished completely.

Really though this series was never good it was either just bland or really painfully bad.

And if I'm gonna sum up what the one thing that really encompasses everything I despise about this series is that every single episode feels and looks exactly like an stupid B-movie from the 50s/60s.

It's campy, it's straight up tone deaf, has zero subtlety, has the most obnoxious dumb over the top acting, is super clumsy made, is even more cheaply made, sets no standards for an acceptable execution, is pathetically desperate to be entertaining and everything about it is artificial.

So when you're this watered down nothing gonna make an impact on you, everything gets diminished and by that ends up a waste of everything so it legitimately amounts to nothing.

That's all this series really is a big nothing.

1/10 The greatest waste of everything.

Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (2018)

An enjoyable meta film almost meant to be a parody

[8/10 · 2 May 2022]

I gotta be real, I see this movie more as a parody of Spider-Man than an actual adaptation. But it's a very good parody.

A movie as insanely silly as this one on paper can only be done right by the people who made The Lego Movie.

Specifically Phil Lord and Christopher Miller as producers of this movie.

These two just know how to perfectly poke fun at the silliness of something, always being aware of the weirdness of the situation, yet still not being too heavy with it and still being thrilling and even more impressively genuinely emotional at the same time.

This movie being no different It's has all of that plus is meta in everything Spider-Man related the opening narration, the badly made costume Miles buys, Spider-Man being on way too much merchandise, the outlandish situation etc.

I personally see this movie as a great self aware joking meta comedy with great emotional moments that still isn't out of place and enjoy it as that.

But I don't see it as a real great adaptation of the Spider-Man character because of the team up with the other "spider people" just really seem to contradict what the character is meant to be represented as relatable and independent, it's more about the parody view of him.

I personally don't get why this would be called the best spider-man movie,don't get me wrong it's still a good movie but that's kinda like saying Monty Python and the holy grail is the best King Arthur movie.

It's still an enjoyable movie but it's not really meant to be the most accurate or serious take of him, just more of a fun mockery of him but not in an incredibly mean way.

That's how I see this movie myself.

8/10 Still an enjoyable watch.

Spider-Man: No Way Home (2021)

What has become of this fanbase?

[4/10 · 27 April 2022]

What has happened to standards of quality?!

And Spider-Man being your friendly neighborhood everyman?!

The whole point of this character is meant to connect to people with everyday problems facing them with a lack of control over it because he's trying to balance out those everyday problems as he grows as a person into a matured man. While keeping the super heroics on the most personal grounded level as possible.

At some point seemingly everyone has abandon this idea.

Now he's just every other generic superhero that just there to beat the villain with stupidly high stakes with no grounded relatable problems and a incredibly forced team up added to it. While getting all the gadgets, perks and help from any superhero he meets without any hard effort for it.

Cause that's what Spider-Man is all about that's all everyday problems we ourselves have dealt with.

This fanbase now are just jam-packed with A grade hypocrites.

Claiming to have high standards and expectation for this character being relatable and unique from other superheroes yet will drop it as soon as some other cool superhero shows up or teams up with him.

All of a sudden the superheroes are the only things that matters, not the people themself.

For a fanbase of a character who's all about responsibility the fans sure don't care much about acting responsible or consistent for what standards they say they have or for what they say or do themselves.

And now cause of that actual irresponsible behavior this character life is one none of us can connect to anything in our own life's anymore.

And I'm done with all of this garbage!

Especially with this insane fanbase with zero standards not caring whatsoever what this character meant to represent anymore!

4/10 Mediocre movie just as expected.