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Monster Trucks (2016)
Redneck How to Train Your Dragon
Not great, would have been better with practical effects instead of CGI. Def made for kids. It would have been better with a lower budget. Wasn't quite sure if it was pro or anti oil. Arguably could make an argument that monster trucks are actually an arguement for trans rights and that we shoudl be supportive of people who don't feel comfortable in their own body because sometimes when you are just a truck and then become a monster truck you are much cooler and that should be how we are all seeing people who are making the brave and difficult move to take their self and add sick ass suspension and flames and stuff.
Zoombies (2016)
Suprisingly good!
I'll be honest, it started off rocky. I immediately hated all of the characters.
Fortunately this is a horror movie about a zoo where the animals turn in to zombies, so I didn't need to get attached.
There was a perfect amount of blood, plenty of animals, and there was a bunch of incredibly bad CGI.
There was a whole scene with a gorilla that went back and forth between said bad cgi and a Halloween gorilla suit. I'm not sure which was less convincing. It was incredible.
My only criticism was that the zombie koala didn't kill the child. I hated that child.
The Rangers: Bloodstone (2021)
An Act of Hubris
This is the 19th movie in my weekly B-Grade movie night streak. This was the only one I couldn't finish, and I watched a movie called Sharks of the Corn.
It was unbearably boring. I couldn't tell you anything that happened in it and I watched nearly an hour and a half.
It felt like an excuse for the writer/director/star to justify to his wife more cosplay wardrobe.
I expected more from Canada.
Steven Kan's Sharks of the Corn (2021)
A larger budget would have only made it worse
This is one of the only movies that I would have preferred they remove the many sex scenes and nudity from it.
There so many odd choices made.
Some of the acting was... enthusiastic. Not good. Enthusiastic. This actually came off creepy and with better writing and production might have been enjoyable.
The plot takes an odd turn, which at least I can say I didn't see coming...
There was some issues with continuity and props.
I'm pretty sure on actress played multiple characters.
The premise starts off good and then kinda just goes off the rails.
Yonggary (1999)
A true B-grade knock off on already B-grade movie
Somehow I really enjoyed this movie, despite everything telling me I shouldn't.
The CGI was worst in class. The acting was idiotic. The plot just didn't make any sense.
But for some reason by the end I was rooting for Godzilla's inbred cousin.
This was one of the few movies I can say was so bad it was good.
BloodRayne: The Third Reich (2011)
Terrible Acting, an odd number of sex scenes.
Right off the bat, if you are here for a hot vampire chick, just watch the first 30 minutes. There two extremely explicit sex scenes crammed right in there.
This movie got a bonus star for every sex scene that it had, and I was going to give it a 3.
They couldn't make up their minds what accents the Nazis were supposed to have.
The action was underwhelming.
The acting was god awful.
The intro was incredibly long and pointless.
But hey, it looked good, the set dressing and costuming was decent. That's about it.
The Asian Connection (2016)
What a weird movie...
Okay right off the bat. Steven Seagal cast himself in this movie as an Asian-American man. I was incredibility confused and had to google to see if I was wrong about him not being Asian at all. He is not.
Steven was in this movie for about 30 minutes. 20 of these minutes were sex scenes or weird lingering shots of him touching women.
I'm pretty sure this movie was only made as an excuse for him to sleep with women. It was very uncomfortable to watch.
Other than that the movie was shot pretty well, the plot around the main characters was passable, and honestly without Stevens presence could have been an okay movie. By my god was he weird. So so so weird.
Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus (2010)
Its exactly what you would expect.
Its a direct to TV ScyFy original. Its a giant shark fighting a giant crocodile. It has horrible CGI, questionable plot logic, and an excessive amount of unconvincing blood.
I loved it.
Timber the Treasure Dog (2016)
I watched this as an adult with no children.
And I don't know what I was expecting....
The best part of this movie was the 15 seconds featuring Wilfred Brimley.
The mixing was 2008 youtube levels.
The stunts for the 10 year old children were performed by full grown adults. (The dogs performed their own.)
There were so many continuity errors I almost has an panic attack.
The only redeeming factor of this movie is that it stars Americas next breakout lead, the man, the legend, Rib Hillis.
Cowboys vs Dinosaurs (2015)
His name is Rib
What can I say other than the star being named Rib Hillis. This man is named Rib. Rib. Let that sink in. His parent just named him Rib.
There are a lot of things that are great about this movie, but only if you enjoy laughing at it's expense.
The dinosaurs are made out of gasoline for some reason because I'm pretty sure the writer is just an idiot. The acting is stiff and awkward except for the incredible performance by Eric Roberts who seems to have been in 56 movies that year alone. The man is putting in work.
The only thing I would have changed was the odd lack of blood. It could have used a little camping up.
There were some weird relationships and twists. There was cowboy drama, there was relationship drama, and there was dinosaur drama. It had a little bit for everyone.
Grab a beer and check out this goofy genre mashup.
Bad CGI Sharks (2019)
Weird, Quirky, Enjoyable
There was so much about this movie that was just.... odd. It was add choice after questionable choice, after inadvisable choice. If you tried to explain the characters and plot of this movie to me I would have never watched it. Yet, despite all that it somehow was quite enjoyable. The movie managed to capture a charm that made the experience worth while. This parody of the Shark genre paid homage to what the creators loved about the genre, and you could feel their passion in the work. But most of all I can't emphasize enough how gosh darn weird this movie was.
Boa vs. Python (2004)
Definatelty a ScyFy original...
This movie had it all. Bad CGI, butts, guns that didn't make sense, inappropriately timed sex scenes, and criticism of Big Game hunting and the Military Industrial Complex. I don't think anything could have made this movie better, and not in the good way. If Breaking Benjamin had produced the sound track it might have squeaked out a 7.
Santa Jaws (2018)
Not Quite a Shark Flick, Not quite a Christmas movie
This movie attempts to merge two genres, and it doesn't quite pull it off. It feels like a decent movie made by high-schoolers or college freshman, but could have used a few more adults involved. The movie was made with the same level of maturity of much of its cast.
It wasn't the worst movie I have ever watched, but that's not a very high bar to pass.
Jack Frost (1997)
My new Holiday go to.
This movie struck a good balance between campy and quality. It felt like a Bruce Campbell movie, self aware in its nonsense, but carefully thought out. The acting was great, the effects were solid, and it captured a refined aesthetic that has be reaching for my blockbuster membership card.
Jingle All the Way 2 (2014)
This is truly a bad movie....
If you came to this hoping for the same nostalgic magic that the first movie has, you will be horribly disappointed. It was just not funny. The only time I managed to laugh was at the expense of everyone involved in making this disaster.
This movie seemed to be aimed at the core demographic of people who later would end up to being Jan 6th attendees.
I watched this hoping to laugh at this movie, and ended up feeling more empty than Larry the Cable Guys awards case.
Jingle All the Way (1996)
Mostly for Nostalgia
This movie was a classic for me as a kid, so this holiday season I re-watched it for the first time in many years. Time was as good to this movie as it was on Arnold himself. A bit dated, not completely appropriate, and mostly hyped from nostalgia, but it had a good heart and a decent message.
Llamageddon (2015)
A Goofy mess.
This movie took a lot of risks. Did they all pay off? Absolutely not. It was goofy, self aware, but maybe should have taken itself even a little bit more seriously. There was a lot to love, but if you weren't watching it to make fun of, you probably won't have a good time. I think the creators would agree.
Bingo Hell (2021)
Not Bad, Not Great
Some solid acting and and decent production value, but the writing was a bit uninspired and felt like it didn't quite commit to the bit. The movie wrapped up rather abruptly, with a hefty segment of the movie being devoted to jokes about the elderly. If this movie was more absurd or even slightly cheesier then I would have enjoyed it a lot more.
If you like corny this isn't quite that. If you like horror it doesn't really commit all the way. That being said the movie wasn't bad. It just wasn't great.
The VelociPastor (2018)
A great self aware movie, but you should probably grab a drink for this one.
This movie was pretty self aware. It did a good job making fun of itself. With that said it felt lazy at times, but there was one solid music video of great editing out of nowhere. The writing could have used some work, but there were some funny concepts that weren't taken full advantage of.
Did I have a good time? Yea!
Would I watch it again? Probably not.
Would I watch a sequel? With a slightly better budget and a tighter script, this could like Pirates of the Caribbean 2. Way better than the original and I am willing to fight you about that.
If you like bad movies and are looking for a laugh with friends this is a great pick. If you are looking for a quality movie I would save your time.