Charles_Bronson Reviews

The Apple (1980)

Best B-Movie ever

[1/10 · 7 January 2005]

I came across The Apple about two years ago when I was flipping channels. I think it was Encore that was showing it about 1AM or so. I was mesmerized by how bad it was...but I was totally getting into it. It's the kind of movie I can laugh at because it's so bad. The acting, the 'plot' and the music are so embarrassingly bad...even though the music was kind of catchy. It's a shame we've seen no more performances by George Gilmour after this. Sure, he was a horrible actor but he was handsome -- only if he had got his start 20 years later, his good looks alone could've got him a career started.

I really do wish that there could've been a "where are they now" segment on the DVD. I'd love to know what George Gilmour, Grace Kennedy, Alan Love and Catherine Mary Stewart are up to now; mainly the three lesser stars of love, kennedy and gilmour seeing that their filmographies are the most bare boned. If you're a fan of 'good' bad movies, take a bite out of The Apple!

1/10

The Jerky Boys (1995)

I loved this

[10/10 · 6 May 2004]

I loved this movie and busted a gut laughing at the first 10 minutes. Basically, the first ten minutes of the movie is by far the peak of the film but there's still some laughs in between. I haven't seen this movie all the way through in at least 3 or 4 years and I would love to see it again. I just remember loaning my video of this to my Aunt and she never returned it because she loved it more than I did. The scene at the burger joint is hilarious and the one at the construction site is also one of the funnier parts of the movie. I hope they bring this movie to DVD one day. It's nearly impossible to find in video stores and it rarely ever comes on TV. It would be a great addition to my DVD collection next to 'Freddy Got Fingered'. 10/10

The Sicilian (1987)

I like it

[8/10 · 6 May 2004]

Despite the score of 4.8/10, I still picked up The Sicilian in the DVD bargain bin since I liked Christopher Lambert in Highlander and Fortress. I'm not gonna say Christopher Lambert is the greatest actor in the world but I guess he did OK in this. They've got some good supporting actors such as Joss Ackland and John Turturro that bring life to the movie. I like this movie a lot. It is MUCH better than the trash Lambert has starred in the past five years [i.e. Fortress 2, Absolon]. This movie deserves more than a 4.8...more like a 6.5+. Michael Cimino has got to be one of the greatest directors ever but I guess after Heavens Gate, people lost faith in him. Oh well. If you're looking for a spin-off Godfather type movie with the 'Highlander', it's worth a rent.

Fortress 2: Re-Entry (2000)

A letdown...

[2/10 · 5 May 2004]

I am a huge fan of Christopher Lambert. I've enjoyed some of his 'worst' films such as Mean Guns, Gunmen and The Sicilian. I loved Fortress to death and proudly have it in my DVD collection. As soon as I seen Fortress 2 in the Wal-Mart DVD bargain bin, I could not resist. I loved the original so much that I just HAD to have Fortress 2. Like most sequels, I was letdown. I loved Kurtwood Smith as the 'warden' in the original but the new guy...he just is no Kurtwood Smith. I just wish that Christopher Lambert would get better movie deals than this crap. This film was only $5...and it isn't worth much more. I now wish I would've rented it for 99 cents from the video store....2/10

The Little Rascals (1994)

Ah, good times

[5 May 2004]

I've always loved this movie. I first encountered it when I was in 4th grade. We would almost always watch this or Alladin during our school parties. I am now almost 19 years old here in 2004 and I gotta watch this movie once in a while to recapture the good ol' days of my childhood. This movie is indeed really cute and good for the whole family. I remember my cousin borrowed it from me and I did not get it back for nearly three years because she loved the movie to death. I am just glad to see that some of kids have somewhat of a career after this. I was wondering what happened to Darla, Alfalfa and the gang. It's hard to believe that most of the Rascals are now high schoolers and growing up. As I write this review, I have an urge to watch the movie again. 10/10...loved it as a kid and as a young adult, I still love it!

The Sandlot (1993)

Great movie

[5 May 2004]

I was around eight years old when this film came out. I remember watching it when it came onto HBO. I instantly fell in love with this movie. It definitely started a trend in my neighborhood because after my friends and I watched it, we started our own little baseball playing club. I am nearly 19 and I still love this film. It's one of those films that everyone can enjoy from all age groups. It's funny how time flies and how a great movie like this still gets a lot of positive reviews. I still can't believe this movie is over ten years old...feels like yesterday that I learned about "the beast" and seen Denis Leary in a role other than a foul mouthed burglar...10/10. Loved it at 8 and still love it today.

Crossing the Bridge (1992)

I love this movie

[10/10 · 17 March 2004]

I learned of the great movie that was Crossing the Bridge around 2002. It is one of those good movies that are rarely ever aired on TV. Josh Charles, Jason Gedrick and Stephen Baldwin make the perfect team. The three main characters are like guys we know in real life and went to school with: One type who played ball and was popular with the ladies, the hot head who would always pick a fight and then there is the guy who has dreams of love and making something of himself.

The guys are three years out of high school and cruise around in their Buick which they call "[the] War Wagon". They then learn about a drug run scheme that was brought to light by a dope head [David Scwhimmer]. Aside from that, the movie has some laughs and some cool characters that you can relate to. Well worth a watch. I hope this movie comes on DVD soon!

Rocket Power (1998–2004)

This show is awful

[20 February 2004]

Nickelodeon has been going downhill for a number of years now. The last great 'new' show of theirs was Hey Arnold! back in 1996. After that, they started dishing out horrible cartoons like Catdog, Wild Thornberries and of course "Rocket Power". I will admit I watched Rocket Power...about 10 episodes tops. I like to give a show a fair chance to try to grow on me. After watching around 10 episodes of this awful show, I had enough evidence to see that RP is not worth 30 minutes of my time.

The show attempts to be trendy and uses phrases such as "beefed" and "sick". To some, those are words of immortal proportions. To me, those words make me 'sick' to my stomach. Nickelodeon used to have a good reputation. They had shows that had some form of intelligence [Clarissa] or a show that made you laugh out loud [e.g. Salute Your Shorts, Rocko]. It seems today they are just cashing in on what is trendy and not the formula they once had that made great shows emerge...in other words, shows that weren't Rocket Power.

SpongeBob SquarePants (1999– )

It's OK

[20 February 2004]

I grew up during the glory days of Nick. The days when Rocko, Clarissa, Doug, Pete and Pete, etc. ruled the airwaves. Compared to the other crap that Nickelodeon shows today, Spongebob is OK. Compared to Rocket Power and Jimmy Neutron, Spongebob is like the immortal Salute Your Shorts from the early 90's. In an age of horrible Nicktoons, Spongebob is a-ok by me.

Rocko's Modern Life (1993–1996)

One of my all-time favorites

[12 January 2004]

Like some, I was born in the mid 1980's and got to see the glory days of Nickelodeon. In my childhood, I loved two things: legos and Nickelodeon. One of the shows on Nick I liked was Rocko's Modern Life.

Some of the lines were off the wall...but thats what made the show great. I LOVED Heffer. If I was ever down, this show would make me happy again because it has characters that you care about and laugh with.

Heffer: Rocko, do that goofy face you make when buying eggs...

Haha, that line alone still makes me crack up today. It's truly a shame Nickelodeon got rid of the cool shows like Doug, Salute Your Shorts, Roundhouse, My Brother and Me, Hey Dude, Pete and Pete, Aah Real Monsters, Angry Beavers, Ren and Stimpy and especially Rocko.

I wish Nickelodeon would release every season of Rocko on DVD as well as their other classic shows because the shows they have today are awful.

Doug (1991–1994)

Bring it back!

[10 January 2004]

I turned 18 in August of 2003...and I still watch cartoons. When I was growing up in the late 80's, early to mid-90's, Nickelodeon was great. Doug was one of the main shows that triggered this greatness. I just loved this show when I was a kid and I'd love to see it again.

Nickelodeon canned this great show alongside Rocko, Salute Your Shorts, Pete & Pete, Hey Dude, Clarissa and the rest of the classics. Nick has been going downhill ever since.

Nick, you want your viewers back? Bring Back Doug!

Problem Child 2 (1991)

Bad....

[28 November 2003]

I remember seeing this movie when I was a kid and I loved it. Michael Oliver was and still is one of my favorite child actors. I loved Problem Child to death. The original wasn't so random and corny like this one though...it at least was good on a 'guilty pleasures' level and was directed by a somewhat OK director like Dennis Dugan.

I loved this when I seen it for the last time in 1995. It came on today on TNT and...I didn't like it that much. I laughed at a few parts but most of the jokes were corny...the doorbell electrocution and the zapped hair was just a sign that this movie franchise was going downhill.

The start of the movie was bad...and I didn't catch the ending this time around but I remember it...and well, it was bad. It was good to see Michael Oliver and Ivyan Schwann as a team...but nothing could save this movie. Avoid Problem Child 3 also at all costs! The original Problem Child will be seen as a guilty pleasures classic but the other two are an embarassment to John Ritter and Michael Oliver [I hope Solitaire is picked up by someone].

Rugrats (1991–2003)

Kill it off, already

[8 November 2003]

Don't get me wrong. I liked Rugrats in the early days when other shows like Salute Your Shorts, Doug, Hey Dude!, Pete & Pete and Clarissa Explains It All were present...but now, the show is not so great. I am 18 years old now and I still enjoy the older episodes because they were original and cute. Like many have said, the show went downhill after the first movie came out and Dil entered into the series. Before Dil and Kimi and all these new characters came, the show rocked.

I have a weird feeling that before the series is cancelled in 2004 [if thats true], Angelica will have a brother or sister just for the sake of predictability. I'll get a bit sad that the show will be ending but I'd rather see it go down with its last ounce of dignity than die like a dog. R.I.P. Rugrats

Summer Lovers (1982)

This movie rocks

[10/10 · 19 September 2003]

I will not lie. I flipped to this movie and seen nudity...so I kept it on. However, I did enjoy the movie aside from the nudity. Valerie Quennessen caught my eye. Like most men that have watched this movie, I fell in love with her. I seen this movie all the way through last Saturday and I am now kicking myself for not taping this classic. Like many, I was saddened by seeing that Valerie died only 7 years after this movie....I was just crashed. If you're into 80's movies or just into beautiful women, you'll like it...I might also add that the scenery is beautiful. I hope to one day go to Greece and have a good time like the stars in this movie did. A movie that makes you feel good. 10/10 5 - for Valerie and 5 - everything else.

Beer (1985)

A classic

[10/10 · 12 September 2003]

I recently learned of the classic that is 'Beer'. The day I was born was when this movie was released in theatres...and up until about 2 months ago, I never even knew this movie existed. It's funny as hell. Rip Torn alone makes this movie worth watching. A nice little cast, an interesting story and loads of laughs await you when you watch 'Beer'.

Best part is when David Alan Grier tries to be 'black enough' to his son. It cracks me up every time I see that part. Forget about this review...go rent the movie or buy it on video. Well worth the money.

Ed, Edd n Eddy (1999–2008)

Very funny

[18 July 2003]

I probably would have never seen Ed, Edd 'n Eddy if it weren't for my cousin. Back in '99, I got a satellite w/ Cartoon Network but never got to see the Eds until late-2000/early-2001 when my cousin was telling me how much he loved it. I ended up seeing a marathon of EEE and I couldn't help but laugh. It's now 2003 and I will soon be 18 years old and I am still watching this show. I've heard that it will be gone around November and I find it heartbreaking to me and the fans as a whole. If Cartoon Network doesn't show re-runs of the show, I will practically just stop watching it altogether. In fact, they need a DVD series of all the seasons/episodes so we can laugh all over again.

This show reminds me of when I was a kid and I used to hang around others in my neighborhood. That, for the most part, is the reason I love it. It almost brings tears to my eyes seeing how this reminds me of when I was a pre-teen. This show has done something few people or things have ever made me done in my entire life: laugh...uncontrollably. If anyone doesn't even find Ed remotely funny, they should get their head checked. All I gotta ask: why would they rid of a classic like this?

If the EEE creator sees this, make a DVD series with all the seasons. The fans of the series have watched it for years and I believe we deserve a way of 'thanks' for making EEE what it is.

Lloyd (2001)

Wow...

[8 July 2003]

When I was around 9 years old (1994)...in that area, 3 movies came out that changed my life: Three Ninjas, Sandlot and...Little Giants...which starred Todd Bosley as Jake Berman. After seeing how not many kids from Little Giants succeeded in the business, I was shocked to see Bosley himself in this.

Todd Bosley plays a kid who thinks he's ugly [why not short? In Little Giants, he was about the same height]. The girl he falls for is some chick who acts like a goodie two-shoes and falls for the wrong guy...some jerk named 'Storm'. Even if this film wasn't exactly high budget, it at least had moments where I laughed and moments where I felt sorry for him. It's a heartwarming movie.

Lets just say I got a little weepy at moments. I'm not talking about the movie, but the star, Todd Bosley. It's just hard to see the kid stop being a kid anymore. I was used to him being little Jake Berman in 'Little Giants' and now he's 19 years old. When this movie was made, he was 17...and playing the role of about a 11-12 year old kid. Thats embarassing. I hope that Bosley gets more film roles, even if low budget like this.

The Adventures of Gerard (1970)

Eh..

[11 June 2003]

I saw this movie this morning and I must say it does not deserve one star. I admit, this movie is not exactly a CLASSIC per se but it has its share of funny moments. I'm not much of a fan of OLD movies but this one has charm to it. You have the lovely Claudia Cardinale of 'Once Upon a Time in the West' fame and Eli Wallach in this movie...good cast and an alright movie.

It's supposed to be an adventure/comedy and sees to be more alongside the genre of Comedy more than anything. It's funny but not downright hilarious in parts and the adventure seems more comical than serious.

Eh, not bad. **+/****

Uncle Joe Shannon (1978)

So-so

[5 June 2003]

Uncle Joe Shannon seems to have been a real box office bomb back in 1978. I seen half of this movie this morning and it had me kind of hooked. You could tell that this movie was low budget even for 1978. The cast is truly a bunch of unknowns with the exception of the legendary Burt Young who went on in good supporting roles in Back to School and Betsy's Wedding. After seeing 14 votes and this getting a 4.8, it breaks my heart.

I feel sorry for this so-so film that is getting harsh ratings. It's not that bad. The production values are low and meager and the acting is mediocre but this movie has heart to it. Worth at least a watch on TV if nothing else is on. Rating: 5/10

Graduating Peter (2001)

Good, but not as good as the original

[10/10 · 27 January 2003]

About 10 years or so ago, a little 30 minute (or less) documentary called "Educating Peter" came onto HBO and became an instant hit by winning an award. Peter was a 3rd grader in the original and now it documents him from 6th grade to his senior prom.

The documentary is 2/3 longer than the original but yet doesn't have the flavor the original had. Peter has truly blossomed over the years to say the least. He's bigger now and he is taking life and job skills classes. The documentary, instead of making me chuckle from time to time like the original, made me kind of feel sad.

Peter has graduated and is all grown up. I remember watching the first one when I was like 7 years old and thought it was funny how he could be so carefree. For all that is holy and nice, please make Peter a TRILOGY! I want to see Peter going to college or working and watching him grow older and how he copes with his affliction.

A truly heart warming yet saddening documentary that is good but it doesn't match to the originals half-hour feel good all the way formula. This to me is an excellent documentary but to others, it might be downright heartbreaking or downright dull.

9/10

The Simpsons (1989– )

It was great

[18 May 2002]

This show was one of the funniest if not the funniest to grace TV. Too bad old Matt Groening is probably gonna end the series after this season. The Simpsons are a cult classic and are loved by everyone. The new episodes are kinda weak and I'd rather see the series go down like a champ instead of leaving a bad taste in my mouth.

It has been a good 13 years.