Oh boy, where to start on this one.
First off, I'm a Resident Evil Fan, own/played all the games, all the books, all the movies and shows so this was a disappointment to me as a 'Resident Evil' show.
Toss that out the window and forget the RE aspect and the show is even more painful to watch, I gave up tons of times during the 1st-3rd episodes, why I kept watching is a mystery.
90% of the time I'd be watching a scene or hear a stupid line and facepalm, A LOT of facepalming went on, I'm not proud of it. Especially when the two teens were on the screen together, by the 5th episode on I would fast forward through those scenes, they were just SO BORING and TERRIBLY acted. Any time they were together they talked about the same things over and over and over again, only in a different order and one pissed off but the other not and in a different place.
RE is painfully slow with character development, especially in the 2020 flashback scenes which are really angry unrealistic teen drama clips in reality, and they appear at times when the future timeline is getting interesting. Action scene building, building something is about to happen, BOOM! Now a 30-minute scene from 2020 where the two teen characters argue over if they think a boy is cute then back to the action scene in the future. By that time, you don't care anymore because you're trying to figure out how the 2020 scene had anything to do with the future action scene...Spoiler alert, it has nothing to do with it.
It tries too hard to insert humor into situations that don't need humor and so it feels out of place, awkward or just stupid. A few jokes or snide remarks actually hit but I'm talking about a small handful out of all the ones thrown out. One second RE is all tense and suspenseful and the next adult Jade is doing an Abbot and Costello bit with a lady and her zombie husband, then making funny remarks about her treatment of cats.
There's even song and dance numbers. No kidding, I'm dead serious. Remember that from the games?
The actors are the worst, especially the teens. The show wants you to get behind the teens but they instantly make you hate them from scene one and as the show goes on you still could care less if they live or die. All young Billie does is stare unevenly at things awkwardly while looking like she's on the verge of bursting into tears and Young Jade seems like she's never acted a day in her life, always looking like she smells something bad and is trying not to let on that she can smell it but not doing a good job at it. EVERY scene these two are in (which is well over 80% of the movie) is CRINGE. They have no chemistry and are not believable at all. They constantly look like teens trying really hard to pretend to be acting like teens. The other 3 kids (I doubt there were that many) that we ever see in this high school are forgettable; along with the 'bully' who I literally couldn't watch on screen, she literally could not act, not believable and the most awkward person ever to be on a screen. There is no way someone saw her audition and said 'This is our new break out star!' and if so, fire them.
The adults aren't any better, Wesker himself is trying to play mysterious but he..pauses..so..much..that it seems like he's forgotten his lines or is mentally making himself be mysterious which comes across as him being bored in every scene he's in.
The future Jade who is surviving on her own in this zombie infested world is the worst out of them but is constantly doing dumb/stupid zombie movie things that should have killed her in the first half hour of the pilot numerous times.
The adult Billie, oh my god, that woman can't act either. Her facial expressions seem pasted on and forced, her lines come out as questions and so much mysterious pausing makes you wonder if she's forgotten what she has to say. It's bad when the bad guy (Baxter) is the only likable character because he's just out for himself and vocalizes what he thinks (what we're saying/thinking) as he sees the events unfold around him, but they kill him so soon and quickly forget about him; but I swear if he said 'cool' one more time I would have killed him.
The zombies (or Zeros) total screen time (and I'm not kidding, I'm being generous here) is about a combined total of 5 - 6 minutes of screen time. And the amount in the scenes are low, like maybe 20ish zombies in a large scene, they appear in handfuls here and there. Like they wasted the budget on CGI instead of zombies for a show about zombies.
Oh yes, the CGI. Some of it is good and seamless, the rest make you PAINFULLY aware its CGI and terrible. The zombie dog: from far away looks good but when the camera focuses on it you can tell it's a fake cartoon looking dog. The mice/rats that they inject in the glass cases, once they start smashing the glass, they become weird looking computer animals. There's even a scene where they try to do an autopsy and when the doctor reaches down and starts an incision, it is the most god-awful use of CGI I have ever seen (I watched it a few more times and each time it got worse and faker) The CGI people should be fired, how half of it passed much less aired is unbelievable to me.
But not just those things, a few certain things bothered me, so if you'll give me a second to vent.....
1: The young girls are what 13 or 14, and they just spew curses and other things at every adult no matter who they are or if they just met them or not. Are teens able to relate to this or is this what adults think kids can relate to?
2: Why is it when every character sees something big/new/shocking they stand there for about 2-3 minutes with their mouth open while the big/new/shocking creature comes at them at full speed? RUN MAN! For this alone all the main characters should have died after 5 minutes of being introduced.
3: Thank God Billie has the same streaks of white in her hair so we can identify it's her only older. Is there still a zombie beauty salon where her and Jade can get their hair done all cut and pretty. Jade alone has been all by herself for 6 months living in a tent in a zombie populated area and yet her hair is perfectly done up and never gets messed up through all her adventure? How is that possible? Zombie strength hair spray? Umbrella, get on that!
4: Do you think you can trust your sister? NO, not just no but hell no, and she tells you she wants to know where the university is and then lets you go so you can be safe? DON'T BE STUPID! She's going to track you! You've been paranoid your whole life and now all of the sudden you forget everything you've been through and because a typical horror movie female victim leading the killer right to the safehouse.
5. Jades daughter - is she the ONLY kid on this ship? And if not, where are all the other kids? As for her, how is it she has full access to everywhere she wants to go in the ship and no one seems to question it. Then finds her way off the boat to cling to her mom on shore as she's about to get caught. WHO IS BABYSITTING HER? Maybe both parents shouldn't be off doing these dangerous things at the same time and one keep their daughter safe!
6: Oh me, Umbrella has some real tuff firewalls - Oops I'm 15 and I just got through. Oh no, the firewalls are tougher now, oops I got through that one too and also hacked into every security camera and appliance in your house, Oopsie!
7: Umbrella Security - You're telling me this huge global corporation Umbrella has no guards posted everywhere at their offices, and that the way to cheat the huge security system is with a flashlight on your head and an answering machine greeting? Are you serious?! That was one of the stupidest things I've ever seen.
8: What the fat flying hell was with the animal mask in Billie's locker? That whole scene thing happened and then nothing else was said about it. It was trying so hard to be weird and mysterious that it just inserted things in for shock value, i guess. We see how well THAT worked out.
9: The jokes - Why did every character have to give smart remarks in the middle of their speeches then look back at the henchmen to see if they agree/laugh with them? What the hell? Are you a bad/good guy trying to do something or is it Showtime at the Apollo? Save it for the song/dance numbers.
10: Huge caterpillar - You mean to tell me you camped on top of this thing for 6 months and didn't know it was below you?! How is that even possible! Besides the point of how do you infect a caterpillar or a single spider! Dogs, cats, bird's things like that I get could be (but weren't) infected, so if a caterpillar was infected, why not ants, or moths or scorpions?
11: Chainsaw - I get it, it's a staple in horror survival games/horror movies and looks cool, but with all these zombies coming after you and all the soldiers falling around you, you didn't stop to get a gun or two? You're just running around awkwardly with this chainsaw revving the whole time then act surprised when it runs out of gas?
12: The first episode ending cliffhanger - I'm just going to jump off this building and into a field of zombies with nothing to survive and as I flail around I land on my feet on the roof of the only vehicle there un-inured without a limp. But I'm not too worried because all the zombies pause before they come after me and when they do have me, they pause and do nothing. Real bloodthirsty if you ask me...*shiver* Scary!
But I digress...
I dare you to find someone who watches this and finds it's the perfect show on Netflix right now. I'm sure most people are watching it trying to figure out exactly what it is: Drama, teen movie, horror, sci-fi, thriller, comedy, m? It's a huge glob of all that while trying to ride on the coat tails of an established franchise that it completely ignores.
Watch for yourself if you want, then get back with me and we'll compare notes.
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