swedish_lioness Reviews

Canceled (2023)

Painful to watch

[2/10 · 28 April 2024]

Flat characters and a badly written manuscript makes this Swedish movie painful to watch. The actors show no emotion whatsoever at any time and seem to be reading their lines from an autocue. The only jumpscares in this movie are when it changes from conversation to music. As usual in Swedish movies, the music is tons louder than the people speaking. So when there's just conversation on screen, you have to turn the sound up to hear what they're saying. Then, when music comes on for any reason, you have to throw yourself at the remote to lower the sound so you don't go deaf. Those are the only jumpscares in this movie - the sound...

The story itself is completely predictable. And the footage they "find" in the movie, of the family living in the mansion in the 70's? It's supposed to be homevideos made by the family. So who was filming when the grandmother went on her killing spree? A ghost?

No, this movie was a complete let down, as I figured it would be. If Joakim Lundell is behind it, you know it's gonna disappoint...

Hereditary (2018)

Sheer and utter garbage!

[1/10 · 5 April 2024]

How this movie has such a high rating is beyond me! I would give it no stars at all if it weren't for the fact that the acting was pretty decent.

Nothing happens in this movie until there's about 15 minutes left. Then it picks up pace for approximately 3 minutes before it goes back to mind-numbing boredom. This is supposed to be a horror movie, but in reality it's just a 2 hour long sleeping pill. It is in fact so insipid that I ended up watching it a second time, not realising until the very end that I'd already seen it...

The whole movie is basically about a mother who goes off the rails when her young daughter dies in an accident. There are some attempts at gore/disgust/cheap scares, but they all fall short of doing anything but make you shake your head in disappointment.

Seriously, don't waste your time watching this garbage. You'd be better off cleaning the floors with a toothbrush...

Dead in the Water (2021)

This is NOT a thriller

[3/10 · 5 April 2024]

Why is this movie labelled "thriller"? I don't get it. It should be labelled "drama", because that's what it is.

A young woman who is trying to make a living as a vlogger, is dumped by her boyfriend, so her rich friend brings her to a remote house by a lake. Of course there's no cell reception and the car breaks down. Could it be more cliche? Yes, it can. The two gorls run into a man while hiking and decide to offer him to stay with them for the weekend. Because who wouldn't invite a perfect stranger into their house, right? And the cliches just keep on lining up when the former boyfriend turns up at the house, wanting a second chance. When his request is turned down, he admits to having slept with the rich friend. The stranger kills him when the girls aren't watching as he's been secretly stalking the vlogger and wants her for himself. So predictable it's laughable! And the ending is equally predictable.

If you want to see a drama about a young woman who comes to the conclusion that she needs to make some changes in her life in order for it to be more fulfilling, than check this movie out. If you're in the mood for a decent thriller, give this one a miss. As a drama, this movie is ok. As a thriller it's really bad.

Creep (I) (2004)

Not the worst I've ever seen, but close...

[2/10 · 12 January 2024]

As most horror movies these days, this one is predictable.

Half naked female being chased by crazed killer? Check Everyone but "heroine" dies? Check Bad acting? Check "Scary" looking killer? Check Really bad music? Check I could go on and on and on about this movie, but I really don't see the point. It feels familiar, it looks familiar and to be honest - it IS familiar. Because it's just the same as almost every other so called horror movie out there. There's no suspense, no surprises and no scares.

The only thing the surprised me about this movie? The dog somehow ended up surviving! I'm surprised by this,, but that is all I'm surprised about when it comes to this movie...

Dead End (I) (2003)

One of the worst movies ever!

[1/10 · 20 December 2023]

It's been a loooong time since I saw a movie this bad. It was so bad in fact, that I had to turn it off after 45 minutes.

A family is driving to have Christmas dinner with relatives and the husband decides to take a short cut. This was obviously before gps, because they get lost. And then the whole movie just derails... I think it wants to be funny at times, but it doesn't deliver. It's just childish and over the top. And as far as scary goes? The only thing scary about this so called horror movie is how scary bad it is...

That's another 45 minutes of my life I will never get back. If you're smart - do something better with your time.

Abominable Snowman (2013 TV Movie)

Don't waste your time

[2/10 · 12 December 2023]

I didn't have high hopes for this movie to begin with, and unfortunately it proved me right. The script was bad and the acting was horrible.

The movie is basically about a young woman who drags her friends with her to go look for her brother who's gone missing in the mountains. But it turns out he's not missing, he's trying to set a trap fot Bigfoot, using himself as bait. It works, and Bigfoot kills almost everyone. So, pretty much what you'd expect from this kind of movie.

What really annoyed me with this movie though was that most of the people helping the young woman search for her brother have been in the military. And they still waste all their ammo shooting at nothing! Nobody with any kind of firearms training would do that. If you know you have 8 bullets left, you're not going to waste a single one shooting at something you can't see! Nobody with half a braincell would do that!

Nightbeasts (2010)

How does this movie have such a high rating?

[3/10 · 7 December 2023]

I was pleasantly surprised to find a horror movie with such a high rating (5.4), so I decided it must be worth watching. Boy, was I wrong! The only good thing about this movie was the Big Foot. No fancy computer work here. Just men in costumes running around, playing monster. They were supercute! Zach Galligan wasn't a good actor in Gremlins, and he hasn't gotten any better apparently. Once again, the creatures he stars against, overshine him with ease. And there were plenty of annoying little things that didn't add anything to the movie itself, but simply made me want to reach through my screen and strangle Mr Galligan. Yes, I realise he's only doing what he's told, but still... A father teaching his young son to shoot, using a real deer for target practice?! Really? That alone told me the character was an idiot.

If you want to watch a horror movie, don't watch this one. It might be horrible, but it's no horror movie...

Hypothermia (2010)

Laughable...

[1/10 · 7 December 2023]

I like Michael Rooker as an actor and he's the only redeeming thing about this movie. How on earth Hypothermia was labeled "horror" is beyond me. It should possibly be labeled "comedy" instead as it's so bad, all you can do it laugh. And don't get me started on the so called monster... It's a guy in a pvc suit!

The movie is about a family who visits a lake for some ice fishing. Another father-son fishing team arrives at the lake and befriends the family. They all soon realise there's a monster in the lake who wants to kill them. The acting is horrible, with the exception of Mr Rooker. And they all chose to stay on the ice instead of going to the cabin. The son in the father-son team is attacked and gets a deep laceration to his arm, but the father refuses to take his son to the hospital, obviously finding ice fishing more important than his son's well-being. Seriously?

This movie is stupid. Bad script, bad acting, illogical behaviour and a really laughable monster. Don't waste your time watching Hypothermia.

The Reef (2010)

Above average for this type of movie

[7/10 · 27 November 2023]

I like movies that are based on true stories, so I was looking forward to watching The Reef. And I wasn't disappointed. For once, the sharks in the movie were real sharks and (to my surprise) the sharks even acted like sharks! This is what was good about this movie.

Then come the bad parts. If you're an experienced scuba diver or snorkler, you know not to thrash around in panic as soon as you see a dorsal fin sticking out of the water. You would know that you should keep your movement to a minimum so you don't attract even more attention. You should also always try to maintain eye contact, or at least face the shark. And last but not least, you don't try to outswim a shark! The people in this movie do all of the above. No wonder they got eaten... If you act like prey, you become prey...

If you can overlook these flaws, the movie is actually pretty decent and certainly worth watching. Especially since the sharks, for once, aren't portrayed as bloodthirsty killing machines on a personal vendetta against humans...

Shark Waters (2022)

Absolutely horrible

[1/10 · 25 November 2023]

I love sharks, but I still enjoy a good shark movie. This movie was filmed almost 50 years after Jaws, so you'd expect good (or at least decent) graphics. But no. The graphics are so bad they're laughable. And I'm sorry to say the acting isn't any better. So, is there ANYTHING redeeming about this movie? Only one thing that I can think of. Unlike Jaws, Shark Waters will not be making anybody fear sharks and it certainly won't keep anyone out of the water. Shark Water is a spectacular FAIL in every single way a movie can be. It's so laughable, it's not even funny. So, don't waste your time looking at it. All that will come from watching Shark Waters is that you will have wasted nearly 90 minutes of your life that you will never get back...

Outback (2019)

Watchable, but quite boring

[5/10 · 25 November 2023]

Outback is a boring movie. Nothing happens and the actors aren't convincing in their roles. And it always annoys me how idioticly stupid people are in these types of movies. If you're going to go traveling on your own through the wilderness of any country, you read up on it before going. Any idiot with half a braincell knows you don't piss on a jellyfish sting. It doesn't help in any way and might even make things worse. You don't drink your own piss when you run out of water as urine contains salt and will actually speed up the dehydration. And you don't drink windshield wiper fluid from a car, as it usually contains methanol and antifreeze. Both are toxic and can cause kidney failure and death. What marginally intelligent adult human doesn't know this? And last, but not least...you don't walk so far away from your car that you can no longer see it, especially if it's going to get dark soon. There are many dangerous animals in Australia, so you do not want to go stumbling around in the Australian outback in the dark. If you go into the Australian outback on your own with no brains whatsoever, you deserve to die there.

The Tunnel (I) (2011)

Almost worth watching, but ot quite.

[3/10 · 16 November 2023]

Obviously taking inspiration from Blair Witch Project in how it was filmed, the Tunnel fails to deliver on the suspense and scares. The storyline in itself isn't too bad. A newscrew goes into the tunnels under Sydney and are hunted by some murderous creature who lives in the dark down there. This could have made for an interesting horror movie, if it hadn't fallen into the same traps as most horror movies of this kind tends to. Every horror movie lover knows there are a few "don'ts" you don't want to see in a good horror movie, and unfortunately, the Tunnel doesn't miss many of them... They split up to make it easier for the thing hunting them to kill them. And the woman keeps screaming at practically everything, which is obviously not the way to stay hidden. And honestly, if you're gonna go into tunnels you are unfamiliar with, bringing a map isn't enough. You would obviously leave markings on the walls so you wouldn't be lost in case the map isn't up to date or it simply goes missing... And you would bring extra batteries for the flashlights just in case, as well as glowsticks... And last, but not least, when you finally get to safety and you have one person with you who's in dire need of medical assistance, you give the 911 operator the information they need to get help to you as quickly as possible, instead of just screaming "we need help", as that's pretty obvious since you're calling 911...

Piranha 3D (2010)

Should be called "Naked and stupid" instead of "Piranah"...

[2/10 · 6 August 2023]

The only good thing in this movie is Elisabeth Shue's acting. Unfortunately, she's not enough to save this movie.

The acting is bad and over the top. And why is it that people in so called horror movies all seem to be idiots? If you string a rope between two boats in order to get the people from the sinking boat to climb over to the boat that isn't sinking, it makes no sense whatsoever for the person coming to the rescue to first climb over to the sinking boat. If the boat is sinking, time is of the essence. Especially since there are hungry killer-piranahs in the water. And if that wasn't stupid enough, it actually gets worse. One teen is stuck inside the sinking boat. The only way out is to swim down through a shoal of piranahs. So they lure the piranahs away, by throwing a dead, bleeding body into the water. Great! Now the teen can swim out, right? No, of course not... Being such a brainless damsel in distress, she must wait for her teen love interest to get into the water and come get her. And said teen love interest's mother allows her son to get in the water to "save" the girl! Seriously? No mother would ever say "ok son, you can get into the piranah infested water, I don't mind"... Absolutely ridiculous!

This movie was so predictable, it was boring. And there wasn't anything even remotely scary about it, so how it can be called "horror" is beyond me. The only reason I gave it two stars instead of one, is Elisabeth Shue. She deserves a star all of her own.

And I get that boobs and butts sells, but it added nothing to the movie. A wet t-shirt competition that was only there to show off boobs. Same with the "mermaid" scene where two young females with fake boobs swim around naked, touching and kissing each other. And all the females are wearing skimpy bikinis. Not a swimsuit in sight. Or even a chubby female... Not even remotely representative of real life, considering approximately 30% of high school students are overweight or obese.

Yield (2020)

Too cliché for my taste.

[1/10 · 29 April 2023]

This low budget film doesn't stand out in a good way. It's your typical "idiots get lost in the woods" horror. They ignore the warnings signs and when their car gets a flat theycall 911 who says they can't help because the natioinal forest is private property (first responders and everyone else are allowed by law to enter private property in case of an emergency). So they go into an unfamiliar forest instead of staying on the road they came in on and obviously they get lost and somehow fail to notice the two big men following them on crunching leaves (even though they're not deaf) so they can get killed. Then their friends believe they're missing and that something bad has happened, but they don't call the police. Instead they buy plane tickets and book a hotel to go and check it out themselves. At this stage I was so annoyed with not just the "plot", but also the horrible acting and shooting of the film that I just couldn't watch any more. Wasting 20 minutes of my life was enough...

Haunted Trail (2021)

So bad I couldn't finish watching it

[1/10 · 10 April 2023]

How this movie got a 5.0 rating I will never understand. The "acting" is laughably bad and the script isn't any better. The actor playing Zay is just plain annoying. He just will not stop yapping even though he has absolutely nothing to say. He's like a chihuahua on speed or something. And I think his IQ drops a bit more every time he opens his mouth, cause nothing of any substance ever comes out. After watching for about 40 minutes I wanted to kill him myself just to shut him up! I ended up stopping the movie instead as I just couldn't finish it. If you're considering watching this movie - don't. It's an hour and a half or so of your life wasted. Do something fun with your time instead - like watch paint dry... Believe me - you'll enjoy it more.