I turned this movie on cable just to see the horses, and even while only half-watching it I was appalled and disgusted by how outright horrible it is. Who paid for this dreck? How desperate were some of these name actors? It NEVER fails to amaze me how they can make movies about horses without KNOWING anything about horses! This "film" takes the term "bad movies" to a whole new level... not one I'm sure I can stand despite the beautiful scenery and horses. I'm not sure what's worse: the inane script, the half-ass and mailed-in acting, or the ham-handed editing. Not even worth it for the animals, and at least THEY can act. Run away. Fast.
Reviews
10 Reviews
War Horse
(2011)
Not perfect, but wonderful
30 November 2011
War Horse – 4 out of 5 stars
Tonight we went to an advance screening of Steven Spielberg's new movie War Horse. Having watched the trailer, I was excited to go see it and hopeful that it wasn't another horse-does- unrealistic things type of movie. For those who don't know, I grew up partially on a farm so I have a pretty good idea of what horses can and can't do, and how they think.
Every time a horse came on screen, whether it was our equine star Joey or not, I immediately thought, "No bad horse action! Please!" My wish was answered 4 out of 5 times, but the few unrealistic incidents did make me take my rating down to 4 stars out of 5. Other than that, this movie is absolutely wonderful.
Mr. Spielberg's eye for directing hasn't gotten any weaker over the years, that much is for sure. It's clear that he loves horses and shows them in a noble light that they well deserve. The cinematography by Janusz Kaminski is just stunning, not only the gorgeous opening long shots of England but also the horrors of the trench war in France. The ending scenes had my mouth hanging open in wonder, and it did make me mist up a bit. The casting was also fantastic; I watch a lot of movies and recognize a lot of B and character actors, and I didn't know a single person in this movie. I can't remember the last time that happened, but it really gave the film a ring of comfortable authenticity.
Now on to the realistic horse problems. While they mostly dealt with the way horses really think, they did sometimes attribute human or dog mentality to them. Nothing as bad as, say, Mulan's or Rapunzel's horses in the Disney films, but a high-strung Thoroughbred learning to be harnessed and hooked to a plow and plowing an entire field in one day? Um or, when Joey steps in for his horse friend who is hurt oops. Or when he teaches the same friend that it's OK to wear a harness? Uh sorry guys, but even the smartest equine wouldn't do any of that. Even so, these scenes barely pulled me out of the movie; I kind of noticed them, groaned mentally, and went back to watching raptly. I was fascinated by some of the things that they got the horses to do and, in particular, one scene that could not have been done as shown. I can't wait to find out how they did it; you'll know it when you see it.
The war scenes may be a bit intense for younger children, but there is no real on screen violence and very little blood, surprisingly enough. When people and animals are killed, it's either offscreen or blocked from view though you know what happened. I was very impressed by how they did it; when the British charge the German trenches it was as realistic as Saving Private Ryan but without all the blood, gore, and closeups of people killing each other. You hear lots of gunfire and see people fall, but there are no gaping wounds or fountains of blood. Also, my late grandfather fought in WWI so I found myself wondering if what I was seeing was anything like what he went through; I'm sure it's as close as I'll ever come to really knowing.
A quick mention of the sound. I'm a big Civil War and slightly lesser WWII buff and have watched a lot of war movies, and this one had amazing sound effects for the bullets, cannons, and other noise of war. I was very impressed by the "tearing linen" sound of the shells overhead, and the booming metallic explosions of the German artillery. Very, very well done.
The soundtrack was by John Williams; I need say no more, I'm sure.
The story was a bit weak and predictable in places but since I didn't realize it until after the movie was over and I was thinking about it, I didn't give it any less of a rating for that. Nothing felt forced or coerced, and the entire film flowed smoothly and seamlessly. Some parts reminded me of other movies, specifically Black Beauty, Spirit: Stallion of the Cimmaron and Gone With the Wind in particular, but not to the point that it was obvious until after the film was over.
If this movie looks of interest to you, I highly recommend it for both adults and children old enough to understand what the story is about.
Tonight we went to an advance screening of Steven Spielberg's new movie War Horse. Having watched the trailer, I was excited to go see it and hopeful that it wasn't another horse-does- unrealistic things type of movie. For those who don't know, I grew up partially on a farm so I have a pretty good idea of what horses can and can't do, and how they think.
Every time a horse came on screen, whether it was our equine star Joey or not, I immediately thought, "No bad horse action! Please!" My wish was answered 4 out of 5 times, but the few unrealistic incidents did make me take my rating down to 4 stars out of 5. Other than that, this movie is absolutely wonderful.
Mr. Spielberg's eye for directing hasn't gotten any weaker over the years, that much is for sure. It's clear that he loves horses and shows them in a noble light that they well deserve. The cinematography by Janusz Kaminski is just stunning, not only the gorgeous opening long shots of England but also the horrors of the trench war in France. The ending scenes had my mouth hanging open in wonder, and it did make me mist up a bit. The casting was also fantastic; I watch a lot of movies and recognize a lot of B and character actors, and I didn't know a single person in this movie. I can't remember the last time that happened, but it really gave the film a ring of comfortable authenticity.
Now on to the realistic horse problems. While they mostly dealt with the way horses really think, they did sometimes attribute human or dog mentality to them. Nothing as bad as, say, Mulan's or Rapunzel's horses in the Disney films, but a high-strung Thoroughbred learning to be harnessed and hooked to a plow and plowing an entire field in one day? Um or, when Joey steps in for his horse friend who is hurt oops. Or when he teaches the same friend that it's OK to wear a harness? Uh sorry guys, but even the smartest equine wouldn't do any of that. Even so, these scenes barely pulled me out of the movie; I kind of noticed them, groaned mentally, and went back to watching raptly. I was fascinated by some of the things that they got the horses to do and, in particular, one scene that could not have been done as shown. I can't wait to find out how they did it; you'll know it when you see it.
The war scenes may be a bit intense for younger children, but there is no real on screen violence and very little blood, surprisingly enough. When people and animals are killed, it's either offscreen or blocked from view though you know what happened. I was very impressed by how they did it; when the British charge the German trenches it was as realistic as Saving Private Ryan but without all the blood, gore, and closeups of people killing each other. You hear lots of gunfire and see people fall, but there are no gaping wounds or fountains of blood. Also, my late grandfather fought in WWI so I found myself wondering if what I was seeing was anything like what he went through; I'm sure it's as close as I'll ever come to really knowing.
A quick mention of the sound. I'm a big Civil War and slightly lesser WWII buff and have watched a lot of war movies, and this one had amazing sound effects for the bullets, cannons, and other noise of war. I was very impressed by the "tearing linen" sound of the shells overhead, and the booming metallic explosions of the German artillery. Very, very well done.
The soundtrack was by John Williams; I need say no more, I'm sure.
The story was a bit weak and predictable in places but since I didn't realize it until after the movie was over and I was thinking about it, I didn't give it any less of a rating for that. Nothing felt forced or coerced, and the entire film flowed smoothly and seamlessly. Some parts reminded me of other movies, specifically Black Beauty, Spirit: Stallion of the Cimmaron and Gone With the Wind in particular, but not to the point that it was obvious until after the film was over.
If this movie looks of interest to you, I highly recommend it for both adults and children old enough to understand what the story is about.
Californication
(2007–2014)
Sadly disappointing
24 July 2007
(This review refers to the pilot episode only.) This is a VERY disappointing pilot. I'm a huge fan of Duchovny's but even seeing him buck-naked most of the show couldn't save it for me. It's got a lame plot, insipid writing and outright stupid dialog, and the only reason I watched it to the end is because I kept hoping it would get better. The whole show harped on his getting laid and being unable to write, with lots of R-rated shots of the former. Despite a few LOL moments, it was totally dull and boring despite the nudity and sex scenes. Unless you're interested in gratuitous male and female nudity and ho-hum-seen-it-before sex scenes using the same position every time just with different women, don't waste your time on this one.
Cars
(2006)
Pixar's 7th Home Run in a Row
21 June 2006
I went to see Pixar's newest, "Cars" fully expecting not only not to like it, but possibly to DISLIKE it. Those who know me know I'm a HUGE Pixar fan, but I don't follow car racing of any kind and don't particularly care for cars (though I do know a little about classic cars-- come on, I grew up in Detroit). I was really put off by the long-running teaser that had Larry the Cable Guy as the tow truck, and went into the theater prepared to be underwhelmed.
I'd like some catsup with my previous words, please. Thank you.
Though not with the type of amazingly original story that fueled the likes of "Toy Story", "Monsters, Inc" and "The Incredibles", this film is a worthy addition to the Pixar family and is, IMHO, their 7th home run in a row.
Since anyone who's aware of this film knows the story, I won't go into it much here. Suffice to say that it IS Michael J Fox's "Doc Hollywood" revisited with a few minor differences; you can even pick out a few scenes that are darn near frame-for-frame similar. But you know what? You won't care. You're so blown away by the animation and the voice talent and the whole package in itself that you'll note the similarities and go on with the movie. The theater we were in had quite a few children of various ages as well as adults, and it kept everyone thoroughly entertained.
Being a computer tech, I'm always aware of Pixar's technology... for the first few minutes, that is. Then I'm so swept away in the movie itself that I pretty quickly forget that I'm watching animation. This one was a bit different; there were some scenes that were so amazing that I couldn't help but notice the animation, but that only made it better and more impressive. I've driven cross-country from Michigan to Arizona and let me assure you, the Pixar folks got that drive down pat!
I don't know where to start with the voice talent. This isn't all of Pixar's usual stable of talent, but the new voices are spot-on perfect for their characters. I take back what I said about Larry the Cable Guy, and Paul Newman IS that Hudson Hornet, blue eyes and all. A particularly funny part is the cow-tipping take off, which had me in stitches along with the kiddies. Come on, moo-ing and farting tractors? What's not to love?
And while I didn't get the car racing jokes, it really didn't matter. One of these days I'll sit down with a friend who does follow car racing and have her explain it to me, but in the meantime I plan to see this film at least once more before it leaves the theater. Maybe twice. Hey, how often is it that you don't tear up at the end of the movie, you get misty-eyed at the end of the CREDITS?
Oh, and, as you may have heard, DO NOT MOVE FROM YOUR SEAT until you see the Disney logo! Especially if you're a fan of the other Pixar movies, you won't regret seeing the adorable extras they threw in all along AND past the end of the credits.
Back to my Fancy Feast of bad words about this movie. Now I know better, and Pixar has won me beyond the shadow of a doubt. Whatever they do next is FINE by me!
I'd like some catsup with my previous words, please. Thank you.
Though not with the type of amazingly original story that fueled the likes of "Toy Story", "Monsters, Inc" and "The Incredibles", this film is a worthy addition to the Pixar family and is, IMHO, their 7th home run in a row.
Since anyone who's aware of this film knows the story, I won't go into it much here. Suffice to say that it IS Michael J Fox's "Doc Hollywood" revisited with a few minor differences; you can even pick out a few scenes that are darn near frame-for-frame similar. But you know what? You won't care. You're so blown away by the animation and the voice talent and the whole package in itself that you'll note the similarities and go on with the movie. The theater we were in had quite a few children of various ages as well as adults, and it kept everyone thoroughly entertained.
Being a computer tech, I'm always aware of Pixar's technology... for the first few minutes, that is. Then I'm so swept away in the movie itself that I pretty quickly forget that I'm watching animation. This one was a bit different; there were some scenes that were so amazing that I couldn't help but notice the animation, but that only made it better and more impressive. I've driven cross-country from Michigan to Arizona and let me assure you, the Pixar folks got that drive down pat!
I don't know where to start with the voice talent. This isn't all of Pixar's usual stable of talent, but the new voices are spot-on perfect for their characters. I take back what I said about Larry the Cable Guy, and Paul Newman IS that Hudson Hornet, blue eyes and all. A particularly funny part is the cow-tipping take off, which had me in stitches along with the kiddies. Come on, moo-ing and farting tractors? What's not to love?
And while I didn't get the car racing jokes, it really didn't matter. One of these days I'll sit down with a friend who does follow car racing and have her explain it to me, but in the meantime I plan to see this film at least once more before it leaves the theater. Maybe twice. Hey, how often is it that you don't tear up at the end of the movie, you get misty-eyed at the end of the CREDITS?
Oh, and, as you may have heard, DO NOT MOVE FROM YOUR SEAT until you see the Disney logo! Especially if you're a fan of the other Pixar movies, you won't regret seeing the adorable extras they threw in all along AND past the end of the credits.
Back to my Fancy Feast of bad words about this movie. Now I know better, and Pixar has won me beyond the shadow of a doubt. Whatever they do next is FINE by me!
Blood Work
(2002)
Slow-paced but worth seeing
1 February 2003
Clint Eastwood isn't weak. Even playing a character 60 days past a heart transplant, he can still kick major butt. Although this movie takes a bit to get going and appears to have some slow parts, it's very misleading. The mystery is revealed step-by-step with the viewer often figuring it out only a step ahead of the characters, and that makes it fun. I highly recommend this if you have the patience to sit it out--and, sadly enough, Paul Rodreguez' rather forced effort at being a sarcastic cop (who woulda thunk it?).
Adorable!
5 January 2003
It's wonderful to see the MST3k crew finally able to let go. While they didn't have some of their funniest lines ever in the movie, it is definitely right up there with the best of the series--which is saying a lot. The credit comments were well worth the whole movie: "The Amazing Rando!"
Mallrats
(1995)
Funnier than I expected!
19 July 2002
I came late to Kevin Smith's ViewAskewaverse. I saw Chasing Amy shortly after it went to video and adored it, but it wasn't until Dogma that I realized just how much this director and I saw the world alike. After seeing Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back 4 times in the theater, I knew I had to go back and see Clerks and Mallrats. Most of my friends said I should like 'em with my sense of humor. LIKE them?! I LOVE them! Clerks is a true masterpiece, but Mallrats isn't far behind. It's amazing how clearly you can see Smith's growth as a person and a director even watching these movies out of order. The story is excellent without a thread left hanging and with belly laughs galore. I couldn't recommend it more as long as you don't take yourself--or the ViewAskewaverse--seriously. Enjoy!
Bad Moon
(1996)
Possibly one of the worst werewolf movies ever
6 June 2002
I hope that Primo, the German Shepherd who played Thor, fired his agent after this role. It's amazing how they can take such a great novel and make such a bad movie out of it. Not only was the dog the best actor, he had the best lines and best stunt double. If you like dogs, people, or just plain good movies, do not waste your time on this stinker. Even the beautiful scenery and Primo's best efforts can't save this one.
Just... go see!
24 May 2002
If you love animation, go see. If you love horses, go see. If you love both you will be in HEAVEN. While they could have animated the horses a bit better, what really got me was the movement. The human eye can pick out the correct movement for a given creature, and they FINALLY got the horse movement right! And you can tell these folks learned their stuff between 'The Lion King' and 'Shrek'; the fire and water effects are just incredible, as are the backgrounds and camera work Mark my words, Bryan Adams will get at least one, if not more, Oscar nominations for those perfectly-fitting songs. I wouldn't be surprised if the movie itself gets more nominations for cinematography, sound editing, and Foley work; the horse sounds were just perfect. And, of course, Best Animated Feature Film, though I felt it was a bit short at 1hr 20 min. Some parts may be a bit intense for younger or very sensitive children, so parents may want to consider if seeing the main characters shot at and hurt will upset younger viewers. However, this movie is for all ages; my friend and I were not the only adults without children in the theater! Just... go see! ;-)
The Beastmaster
(1982)
Fun, brawling, and ignore the bad acting
21 May 2002
I adore this movie. Despite the truly bad acting--and I'll be the first to admit that only John Amos and Rip Torn can act in this entire movie--this is a genuinely good-spirited, fun, swashbuckling gem. There's half-naked women and even-more-naked men, cute children rescued from danger, neat animals (who can act better than a lot of the people, I have to admit), lots of interestingly- choreographed fight scenes with swords and maces, and fun dialogue throughout no matter how stilted its delivery may be.
Most of the blood and gore has been cut out, which gives it an interesting look and feel--you may find that your imagination provides more than seeing it on film would have.
I give it a 5 out of 5, because when it boils right down to what matters, this movie has more heart than any dozen high-budget films put together.
Most of the blood and gore has been cut out, which gives it an interesting look and feel--you may find that your imagination provides more than seeing it on film would have.
I give it a 5 out of 5, because when it boils right down to what matters, this movie has more heart than any dozen high-budget films put together.
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