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mleveringham
Reviews
Columbo: No Time to Die (1992)
Experimental Epsiode: Mediocre Results
I agree with previous reviews which stated that this is possibly the worst episode in the entire franchise. Obviously, there's no murder nor is the viewer aware of who the perpetrator is (as is the usual) in the beginning, nor do we know how it was done early on, either. To me these are not the worst of it, but rather when we find out who the perpetrator is, it's just some random crazy fan. So really, one could both accurately and fairly describe this eps as anticlimactic indeed; and that's being generous.
In addition, there's no funny lines for Columbo to deliver, the story is unremarkable and the characters were boring if not just plain cardboard.
Having said all of the above, this installment is a testament to the acting skills of Peter Falk, who plays up any humor he can, since there is no deliberate humor written in. I also enjoyed the MacGyver style escape attempt from the kidnapped character; but sadly, to have all that effort thwarted by her simply getting distracted and likewise recaptured, was a little too ridiculous for my suspension of disbelief to handle.
Anyway, there is some value in watching this episode simply because it's a complete departure from the formula that made Columbo successful. Other than that, it's not something I would watch more than once.
The X Files: Never Again (1997)
Very Tales from The Crypt
Very Female Fantasy based epsiode. It's Tales from the Crypt meets 1940's Detective Noir meets 50 Shades of Grey. Especially when the detective scene rolls around, with Scully answering the guy's apartment door (with little on) but what looked like his shirt.
The fact that these detectives had nothing more to ask about a barely dressed FBI agent being in their suspect's place before handing over case info, was laughable to say the least. It sure didn't do much for suspending one's disbelieve.
I did enjoy the bits of humor with Mulder visiting Graceland, and the end was a bit of a gritty relief from the otherwise boring "Scully has a Darkside" theme, though.
Other than the above, it was a slow-paced bit of a snore, that was at least fairly well cast. Even If you like the stand alone episodes, as I do; I can't honestly recommend this entry as one of the better ones.
The X Files: Apocrypha (1996)
Not One of.My Favorites, But...
I'm a notable fan of the X-files. However, NOT of the mythology episodes. Even back in the day, these episodes just got tired fast. It actually made the character of Mulder seem childish, which fortunately was addressed in the 2016/18 reboots; when the series got to make fun of itself.
Of course, they couldn't all be monster of the week episodes either, otherwise it might as well have been the Twilight Zone.
Anyway, this 2nd of a two-part episode is a bit more tolerable, because of the greater portion of history in the mix. However, the evil or "alien oil" thing, was more funny (then and now) to me, than even remotely scarey.
So, if you're into the alien mythology episodes this 2 part installment, might be right down your memory lane, and with a but more of a fun historical reference as well.
Walker, Texas Ranger: Wedding Bells: Part 1 (2000)
Painful to Watch
Even when this series originally aired, this 2 part episode and the others like it, were painful for me to watch. Of course, most people only watched Walker Texas Ranger for the Norris-action nostalgia (even in) the 90s. This episode certainly isn't lacking in that regard. The bad acting and over the top stunts, just came part and parcel to said guilty pleasure viewing. Unfortunately, these types of episodes also came with the package. The Country Wedding thing was just drawn out far too long, with (at least) two songs and a bit of a third. Not to mention, the obvious problems with how a Texas Ranger could pay for such an elaborate event. Sprinkle in the age of the actors and the fantasy dialogue about Walker and the ADA having children, etc. And the episode starts to test the limits of one's ability to "suspend one's disbelieve".
Having said all of this, I am a fan of the series. I appreciate it for what it was: A vehicle to showcase whatever physical abilities Norris still had at the time. It's just that some episodes like "Wedding Bells" (despite the theme) didn't really need to make the viewers feel like we all suffered through an actual country wedding. Forcing the issue, gives the episode an additional campyness that the series didn't need anymore of.
A Christmas Horror Story (2015)
Mediocre is Being Generous
I had high hopes for this one, with William Shatner at the Helm, pardon the pun. Unfortunately my hopes were dashed against the sharp rocks of bad acting, and lack luster intersecting story telling. I'm a huge fan of anthologies and I still can't grade on a curve for this so-called horror movie. Anthologies should focus on one story as a time, but even if you let the criss-cross yarnage pass, the endings will add insult to injury as well. Anyway, overall this film is a barely functional claptrap of painful viewing that I finished just barley before my patience ran completely out.
I might suggest this title if you want to see how Anthologies should not be made, or as an example of how throwing in one recognized name can be used as bait to watch a very bad film.
Dracula Reborn (2015)
Waste of Film
I agree with most of the previous reviewers thoughts. It took me three attempts to stay awake to finish this low budget, amateur, zero-star attempt at student-level film making.
I had hoped, that there might be some ending worth at least the wrap-up, but nope; everybody just gets killed.
The lack of a plot, the gore, the obvious attempts at sexual-erotica to cope with the lack of a story, made calling this one Campy, an insult to all Campy films ever. Then there was the God awful acting and the laughable FX. Vampires dissappearing with their shadows still walking along, was hilarious.
Do yourself a favor and pass on this one. There's absolutely no reason to watch it, unless you want a nearly two hour demonstration on how not to make a movie.