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Reviews
The Prodigal Planet (1983)
Utter crap. DAMNATION ALLEY for Christians.
I happen to be rather fond of DAMNATION ALLEY. It's an extremely cheesy post apocalypse film from 1977 starring George Peppard & Jan Michael Vincent. As I said, it's cheesy & goofy, but fun & has a really cool vehicle at its center.
The makers of this film clearly saw it (along with several other films of the period, like THE OMEGA MAN, LOGANS RUN, SOYLENT GREEN, etc.) & ripped off the basic concept & then ladled on the Christian apologetics from their previous films. As well as a bunch of braindead (anti)computer nonsense. As well as the most arrogant, egotistical, self-important, moronic hero ever.
2025: The World Enslaved by a Virus (2021)
Wow. Just wow.
I watched this movie (okay, fast forwarded through much of it) because of Godawful Movies. I will never forgive them.
The Six O'Clock Follies (1980)
I wished this was good
I watched the few episodes of this that were aired because I was a fan of war films. I was also a fan of MASH (the film & the series) & BARNEY MILLER & thought this was going to have the same feel of those Boy was I wrong. Even at the tender age of 16 I recognized it as crap. It was basically the lamest kind of work place sitcom, that just happened to be set in Saigon.
For a very long time I thought I had imagined this show. I had never met anyone else who remembered it. It wasn't until years after IMDb appeared that I realized I could look it up. Not only did I discover it actually existed, but that Laurence Fishburne & Bill Paxton were major characters. I seem to remember that the best part of the show was the opening credits. I'll have to check if someone as OCD as myself (but more computer savvy) has tracked it down & put it on YouTube.
The Cowboys (1972)
One of The Dukes best performances
**Possible Spoilers** (Come on, it's over 40 years old, what are you waiting for?)
I'll start by admitting that I am a John Wayne fan. I'll also say I'm not a fan of his politics. I don't say that to start an argument, I say it so it's clear I like him as an actor, not as a symbol.
Now that that's out of the way I have to say that I consider THE COWBOYS to be one of his best performances (it's on a par with THE SEARCHERS & THE MAN WHO SHOT LIBERTY VALANCE). THE COWBOYS shows Wayne at his most emotionally accessible. He's still playing the stoic westerner, but we see him with his wife (who loves him, but clearly knows he's a pigheaded bastard) & we see him playing his age. Not like in TRUE GRIT where he played "old", but simply playing his actual age (65, which in1876, was pretty damn old). And he clearly had a genuine rapport with young men he was working with.
I also have to say that to some degree this film turns the "John Wayne" ethos on it's head. I know a lot of people think this film shows The Duke turning the kids into little versions of himself. But I think the most important moment in the film is when the kids finally bring the cattle into Belle Fourche. They've killed the rustlers who killed their leader (& father figure). And they've accomplished what they promised to do. But none of them look pleased with themselves. They aren't riding tall in the saddle. They are beaten down, worn out, & depressed. They've "done what a mans gotta do", but it hasn't made them happy or proud. Quite the opposite. They have clearly lost something in the acts of violence they have done, no matter how necessary some of them may have been. A lot of people use the cliché "coming of age" when referring to this film. I think the better cliché would be "loss of innocence".
I also want to respond to a reviewer (who was writing in 2003, but, what the hell) who said he thought Roscoe Lee Browne was "better" than John Wayne in the film. I am an actor myself & I bow before the altar of Mr. Browne. I would kill (well, let's not get crazy here) a close acquaintance just for his voice. (He did an episode of BARNEY MILLER that I highly recommend to everyone). And he is absolutely wonderful in THE COWBOYS. But I think he & Wayne owe each other a thanks for making each other better. The chemistry between the two of them is unbelievable. If you want to chalk it up to their political differences, feel free. Frankly, to me, it just looks like a couple actors having a great time working with each other. Apparently, the scene where Browne tosses the knife at Wayne's hand when he's reaching for a piece of pie was improvised (Wayne didn't know it was going to happen). But Duke ran with it, & it's a great moment.
I've already written too much. To anyone who has not seen this film, watch it. Set all your presumptions aside, & watch it on it's own terms. I think you'll love it
Z Nation (2014)
Cross species zombification?
OK. Anyone who tries to apply logic to this show is an idiot. It's just, goofy zombie fun. On a scale with SHAUN OF THE DEAD & ZOMBIELAND at one end & THE WALKING DEAD at the other end, this definitely falls somewhere in the middle, probably tending more toward SHAUN than TWD. Having said that, the one thing that made me go"WTF?" was the zombie dog. If only humans become zombies, then the suspension of disbelief is a little easier to achieve. But if every dog, cat, salamander, pot-bellied pig, gerbil, white tailed deer & wombat can become zombified, then the numbers just don't add up. But then, I came to my senses & recalled my MST3K training: "It's just a show, I should really just relax". I was also annoyed when someone used the phrase "zompacalypse" because I had convinced myself I was the first person to ever think of that. I was an idiot.
Ilya Muromets (1956)
It deserves what it gets.
In one of the comments on this film the writer admits that it is Cold War propaganda aimed at the Chinese, who, in the form of the villainous "Tugars" are: "...the ghastliest of odious, racist caricatures... syphilitic-looking, sub-human devils with nothing but raping, pillaging and slaughter on their feral minds."
The writer then proceeds to explain what a stunning film this was and that the MST3K folks should be ashamed of themselves for riffing on it. To that I have to say, any film that depicts an entire race of people in the manner described above deserves all the derision that can be heaped on it.And, in anticipation of the obvious question: Yes, that goes for 'Birth of a Nation" as well.
Yes, recognize a films historical context. Yes, recognize the artistry that went into its making. But, finally, also recognize when that artistry is being employed as a thin cover for an open sewer.
Soultaker (1990)
WINGS OF DESIRE it ain't
Three years before this film was made, a German film called WINGS OF DESIRE was released. Now, I'm not a big fan of that movie either, but those of you who think there was something original about SOULTAKER might want to take a look at it. The angels even wear "cool" black trenchcoats.
American Playhouse: Overdrawn at the Memory Bank (1983)
In praise of a working actor...
Let me preface this comment by saying, first, I am an actor in LA, and second, that I am well aware that this is a very bad movie. Stupendously bad. Mind shatteringly bad. Life alteringly bad. OK, fine...it sucked!
But, I feel there are some points that must be made to explain (but by no means excuse) the well-meaning but misguided souls that worked so hard to bring us this dreck.
First, PBS. Granted, this production should never have made it past the first table read. But one must remember that, only a few years before, PBS had been responsible for one of the greatest pieces of sci-fi ever to appear on TV: The Lathe of Heaven. This was a wonderful, faithful adaptation of Ursula LeGuin's story.It was a genuine masterpiece. They probably thought they could do no wrong. How wrong they were. But, for an organisation that is notoriously strapped for cash, the attempt to widen it's appeal is understandable (if not forgivable). At least they hadn't started showing John Tesh concerts, yet.
Second, Raul Julia. A great many people that make comments on this site like to say of a famous actor in a bad film, "he must have needed rent money", or something to that effect. Well, I hate to break it to all you non-actors out there, but the fact is, some of us actually do NEED TO MAKE RENT MONEY. Raul was a great actor, an actors actor, but he was never a superstar. And, at the time Overdrawn At the Memory Bank was made, he had gained some success on the Broadway stage, but he probably still needed the job. The fact that he was a firm supporter of public broadcasting was undoubtedly a bit of gravy. Not all actors are Jack Nicholson, w/50,000,000 off the back end of BATMAN. Some of us are Raul Julia, in 1984, drawing a paycheck, and hoping our talent will show through, and elevate a piece of crap like OATMB.
Third, MST 3000. OK, granted, they had nothing to do with the making of this film. But, they took an unwatchable (while well intentioned)film, and turned it into an incredibly enjoyable film. And they were nice (as they reasonably could be) to Raul.
Mars Attacks! (1996)
What did you expect?
To those of you who say this film is silly, absurd and over the top all I can say is: What did you expect? This is what Tim Burton does, folks! This is a man who directed one of the most loving, humane, and respectful bio-pics of all time. And it was about Ed Wood, for God sake! I also noticed a number of people said in their comments that they hated this movie when they saw it in the theatre and they also hated IT when they saw it a SECOND time. Well why did you watch it again? The great thing about movies is nobody MAKES you watch them. However ridiculous, silly, or unfunny you may think this movie is (oh, and if I failed to mention it I think it's an hysterically funny, multi-layered satire), let's remember what happens when Mr. Burton takes himself too seriously:PLANET OF THE APES. In closing my little rant I'd just like to say,I think we can all agree on one thing: love MARS ATTACKS! or hate it, at least it wasn't INDEPENDENCE DAY.