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Walking with Dinosaurs 3D (2013)
A poor movie with a thin plot. Spend those $10 getting your kid a book about dinosaurs instead.
The plot was paper-thin. The visuals were nice and if you're all about visuals and don't care if the movie itself has nothing to it, maybe you could enjoy this at some level.
To me, the worst part were the annoying voice-overs with random dinosaur/animal facts that would pop up every 10-15 minutes. Even with a runtime just over 80 minutes, the plot was so lacking that they had to have 5 minutes pausing to add dinosaur facts to make it long enough for a feature movie.
There are worse movies out there, sure... but this one isn't really worth seeing. The voices added nothing to the film. Justin Long should stick to selling overpriced white buggy computers.
Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist (2008)
Not as good as it could have been, despite two talented leads.
The movie was good, yet not great. The characters and script were pretty decent, but it felt incomplete somehow. My biggest complaint would be all the indie music. I personally find the whole "indie" music scene to be a bunch of kids who look down on anyone who listens to any album that's gone gold, or anything that plays on mainstream radio stations.
I didn't know any of the music they were talking about, for the most part. I assume most of the bands they saw were made up/fictionalized for plot's sake, but it would have been better (for me) if what connected the main characters was something I could relate to.
But I've come to accept that I'm one of very few people with a dislike for the indie scene, so this movie is probably something most others would enjoy, especially those into the music scene that annoys me.
The one spoiler I have, and the most disgusting scene, is the one where the girl's friend fishes gum out of a toilet. Should not have been in the movie.
Over the Hedge (2006)
This film met my expectations... but they were very high to begin with.
I liked Over the Hedge, but I was expecting a lot so it did not come as a surprise... I read the numerous positive reviews on IMDb from people who saw screenings and saw its critical praise as well. I knew it would be good, and it was.
A lot of people may be skeptical to see yet another "talking animal" adventure, but this is probably the best animated film since The Incredibles, and the funniest since Shrek. There has been a dangerous increase in the number of CGI films in the past year or so, banking off the "instant success formula" of films such as Shrek 2. The creators of these cartoons assume that kids will watch any movie as long as it contains bright color, happy talking animals, and a tie-in with a fast food company. However, this is no longer the case. Flops such as Doogal and The Wild have shown that people (even families desperate for a movie night) have discretion and will avoid poor fare such as Doogal.
Look at the facts here. In its opening night, Over The Hedge made more than Doogal did in its entire run in the theaters, and after two weeks will have easily surpassed Hoodwinked.
The movie itself was good, and the characters were believable and reminded me of real people even though they had a lot of shtick in their antics. Hammy is adorable and sadly is like me... we both love cookies and hate having them taken from us.
No longer is CGI amazing, at least not to my generation, it's something we have grown up with for more than ten years now. Hopefully companies will soon realize that CGI films can no longer rely on "amazing" animation and skimp on the plot... we need more Over the Hedges and Shreks and less Hoodwinks and Doogals.
RV (2006)
Boring and unfunny; Williams at his worst...
I'll start this review off by admitting a secret of mine. I enjoy "crappy kids films." I liked Yours Mine and Ours and The Shaggy Dog. So, that being said, I really couldn't stand R.V.
It was boring and dragged on and on, especially through the last half hour. There were occasional laughs but hardly anything consistent. Robin Williams is a great actor but he has really sunk to a new low. He's hardly as creative or entertaining. He uses some of his voices in the beginning of the film, and it works, but he stops it.
The last half hour was far too preachy and moral... the typical "overworked dad learns to love his family over his job but the job works out perfectly anyway" story. Really, this could have been better, if they got rid of the whole preachy side of things. I guess someone had a story to tell, but I don't want to hear it. If you want to have a fun time, just rent anything else... if you're looking to have your kids think, see Akeelah and the Bee. Or see Over the Hedge soon.
Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector (2006)
It's a Scary Movie for Buddy Comedies with a lot of farting.
Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector is not a bad movie. It's actually pretty funny. Even though many complain that all the characters are cardboard cutouts of cop movies, I think this is intentional. I believe that this movie is meant more of a parody of buddy cop comedies than anything else.
Larry is pretty funny, though I think he works better at stand-up comedy because he doesn't have any limitations of plot. The rest of the cast was pretty good, especially Butlin (the boy.) The movie had a bit of odd social commentary. It seemed as though Larry had some anti-racist beliefs. He would let health inspections slide more for those who had not been in the U.S. as long, and Big Shug (a black man with great fried chicken... I guess that's stereotype) was somewhat of the hero.
The movie actually had a few tense scenes. It doesn't deserve to be in the Bottom 100.
Ice Age: The Meltdown (2006)
Mildly Disappointed
Ice Age 2 wasn't bad, but I guess I expected more out of it. I tend to enjoy almost any CGI film, and Toy Story 2 is probably one of my favorite films ever.
However, I've never seen the first Ice Age which may have impacted my opinion on its successor. The characters were unfamiliar to me, except for Scrat the squirrel which I have seen for almost half a year now through constant advertising.
Scratt was easily the best part of the film, his little chase of the acorns worked quite well and meshed in well with the plot near the end.
But the rest of the cast wasn't quite as enjoyable, although I liked Sid and could personally relate to how he never got any respect from his friends and companions.
Diego was funny and sarcastic, though I felt he didn't get enough screen time. The mammoths were trying too hard to be sweet and did not work out very well. Part of this has to do with the unavoidable fact that Queen Latifah is loud and annoying in human form or animal form. I've never understood the appeal of her "attitude" and never will.
The plot itself was rather thin. Basically, the animals had to make it to some alleged boat before the whole island flooded due to global warming.
I just thought the movie wasn't funny enough, but at least it acknowledges climate change.
Doogal (2006)
Doogal: One of the worst kids films ever made.
There seems to be a relaxing of standards when it comes to making children's films, especially CGI cartoons. As long as it has goofy animal characters, some "inside" jokes for the adults, and is 90 minutes or less, it will get green-lighted by any studio and run a profit.
Yet this formula in no way guarantees a good movie, and Doogal is no exception. It is perhaps one of the worst kids film ever made. Its "heroes" are a candy-addict dog named Doogal, Brian the Snail, a hippie rabbit, and an opera-singing cow. None of these characters are especially funny or charming, and the voice acting done here, despite all the big names, is mediocre and simply gives the characters a voice without adding anything extra to the movie.
The plot is simplistic and boring, even with the lower standards set for children's films. Doogal ends up crashing a candy cart into a carousel and this releases an evil ice mage, and Doogal and his friends must find the three diamonds before the evil mage does.
Then, the movie falters even more. More than half of the jokes it attempts are REFERENCES to other much better movies and TV series, such as Lord of the Rings, The Matrix, Harry Potter, and Star Trek. And what makes this so offensive is that the jokes are not even remotely funny to anyone with an IQ above 30. For example, the good and evil wizards are little clowns on springs. The evil one claims he is: "The lord of the springs."
Also, the target audience of young children will not understand these movie references, as they are targeted at their parents. Yet the problem with these "adult jokes" is that they are hardly jokes. Movies such as Shrek or Madagascar were able to smoothly add hilarious adult humor into their movies, yet Doogal fails miserably.
If this sort of movie can make it into theaters, then I should seriously start writing a screenplay. I could whip something better in a day.
Don't insult your kids intelligence by buying into the robotic parent-thought of seeing every G-rated movie because it is for kids. Here's a list of much better movies still playing at theaters:
Pink Panther Narnia Eight Below Hoodwinked (could be hard to find) Shaggy Dog (coming in two weeks.)
And countless ones are on DVD and TV. Skip Doogal for your sanity. Your kids will thank you as well.
When a Stranger Calls (2006)
I'm not sure what was more annoying... the movie, or the teenage audience?
I'm not your typical horror fan. In fact, I'll be completely honest, I despise the genre, especially when it's full of blood and gore. I don't get scared easily, nor do I like watching torture on the big screen. So horror movies really don't work for me.
That being said, When a Stranger Calls fell completely flat. It was hardly scary at all, and it was entirely predictable. Every "shocking moment" was formulaic and not impressive at all. Yet the young audience collectively screamed as if they had just seen the most disgusting thing in their life.
One of the problems with the plot was that it had interesting points, but these were all small side stories that had nothing to do with the stranger calling the babysitter. We see very little of Jill's dad or her two friends, and they are really the only interesting people in the whole movie. The beginning of the movie plays more like a romantic comedy with some interesting characters, but it instead drifts off into the main and boring story about the "creepy caller." I'm not the best judge of horror, but this is one that any smart person would skip. Fortunately for the producers of this movie and unfortunately for society, the target audience has a collective IQ of 7.
Last Holiday (2006)
Most people think Queen Latifah was the best thing about this movie, but quite frankly, she is the one major flaw.
To be honest, I've always disliked Queen Latifah ever since I saw Bringing Down the House. I found her to be annoying and abrasive. She is the stereotypical "dumb loud black woman" that appears in every other movie. Yet I've never met a black woman that acts like this stereotype.
The movie itself was actually pretty decent, and I felt that most of the cast did a great job with the material which made it better. But Queen Latifah was her usual intolerable self. Sometimes, when she would rant, and others around her would clap, I'd think about how if she did this in reality and not in Last Holiday, someone would have told her to shut up.
This definitely isn't the best movie I've ever seen, or even close to it. But if you're looking for a dramedy, or a comeda... this wouldn't be a bad place to start.
Big Momma's House 2 (2006)
I wasn't really disappointed, but only because I didn't have any expectations.
This movie really wasn't that funny... but it wasn't awful, either. The plot was decent, a masterpiece compared to Deuce Bigalow 2.
But the main focus of the movie, "Big Momma" is boring. Martin Lawerence's idea of "Big Momma" seems to be randomly squealing and saying: "Ooh, girl..." and acting like a stereotypical black woman... fat, annoying, and loud. You know the stereotype I'm talking about it. This black woman is in every movie, but there isn't an actual black person that acts like Big Momma or Queen Latifah. The character is just a one-dimensional joke that falls flat quickly, and I guess as he/she is the main plot then the movie itself falls flat.
The funniest character, a kid named Stuart I believe, didn't get enough screen time.
I was disappointed to see the talented Kat Dennings again typecast into the "rebellious 15 or 16 year old teenager" role that she nailed in 40-year-old virgin. She's talented and sexy... I think it's time that someone gave her a real role, and let her play a character closer to her real age.
I wouldn't really recommend this movie, because it's just not very funny.
Yours, Mine & Ours (2005)
Not nearly as bad as I expected!
I've never really seen these "large family" family films, so my expectations were pretty low to begin with.
It seems that there have been a lot of negative reviews of Yours, Mine, and Ours when it really wasn't that bad. It's silly. A lot of things happen without any real sense of why they're happening. But it's fun. It's even good.
It hearkens back to the day of Double Dare, Doug, Rugrats, and Ren and Stimpy on Nickelodeon. A time before Pokemon and 10-year olds with camera phones. It's messy, it's funny, and one scene is a bit sexy, though it's not what the directors had in mind when they made it. (Paint fight between the two oldest girls of the opposing families! Spoiler, I suppose.) A lot of people wouldn't like it because it doesn't really have a point or a message. But there's nothing wrong with a movie that's just there for entertainment, as long as the movie accepts and realizes that that's all it's good for. Yours, Mine, and Ours knows it's just for fun, and it runs with that and the result is a pretty good movie.
I've never seen Cheaper By the Dozen, but I might see 1 and then 2 since I was pleasantly surprised by this flick. (Forumla: Quality of movie = This one... Giant Family Movie + Steve Martin - Hillary Duff = Giant Family Movie) It's better than Chicken Little, the movie that Disney has somehow told everyone to see. I would recommend this for families, maybe for others. But there definitely are better non-family films.
There's some talented acting, especially among the four oldest kids, and the little kids are really cute, but not vomit-inducing... cute.
Just Friends (2005)
Starts with a blast, swerves around too much near the end.
2005 should be declared the year of the romantic comedy. We've had some real standouts. Hitch, Wedding Crashers, 40-year old virgin, and now Just Friends. An excellent movie, though not quite in the league of the first three on my list.
Ryan Reynolds is a hilarious actor, and he has a pretty decent range. He definitely wasn't too much like his Monty in Waiting.
The whole cast is absolutely amusing, especially Anna Faris as Samantha James. I actually dated a girl like Samantha for nine months. She did all the pouty faces, the "You're mine mine mine" crap, and didn't know what the word modest meant. Confused Karl Marx with Tolkien and Dave Barry. Her IQ would have been less than her weight even if she were 85 pounds. Anyway, sorry, back to the film. By the way, I'm not a communist.
Just Friends was a good movie, and it had the potential to be amazing but it seemed to lose focus at the end. The last 20 minutes or so involved so many trips back and forth both literally and emotionally for the two main characters that it became harder to really care about the end result, just as long as it would finally come to an end.
But the majority of the movie was classic, and the slapstick was done really well and didn't dominate the film too much. I would recommend this for couples... it's a nice date movie, neither a "chick flick" or "guy... flick?"
Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (2005)
An amazing film
I waited for weeks for the film to come to the AMC Mercado so I could see it for free because I work there.
I would have gladly paid full admission price to see it. It's witty and funny, and the "stopping the camera" in the middle of the flick is absolutely hilarious.
There are really no flaws with this, and I would gladly recommend it for anyone. Sadly it might not be in most theaters for more than a couple weeks, and it's worth seeing on the big screen.
One of the best parts of the film was that the gay character was not the annoying "girly" gay stereotype that has infested movies for so long.
Chicken Little (2005)
Mediocrity at its best! (Slightly above average.)
There is nothing special, unique, or new in Chicken Little. Everything this movie has to offer has already been done by Dreamworks and Pixar.
That's not to say Chicken Little is a bad movie. It's not. It just doesn't stand out especially in any way. Gone are the days when being a CGI film allowed a movie to get away with a poor plot and uninteresting characters. CGI has been around for ten years now. It's nothing new, and the companies have to realize that slapping together random actors and having them do the voices for the characters of another CGI film is NOT a surefire way to make money.
In the next few years, we'll be going into CGI overload. There are plenty more coming out, and I'm sure quite a few will be bland.
CGI movies need something to stand out from the crowd, and this is where Chicken Little falls short. Pixar has its charming stories and characters that you can really feel for, even though they are just computer-generated images. Dreamworks has its witty satire and heartfelt tales that make most of their films amazing. I can't wait for Over The Hedge! However, Chicken Little is a rather uninspiring story. It's been told before. There's a boy. (A chicken.) Things happen to him, and no one believes him, and his father is embarrassed by him. The script does a good job of making Chicken Little a believable character for the first half hour of the movie, but it starts to lose focus and become rather nonsensical.
The characters are hardly given any time to develop in this short film. They are really just there for one-liners that are occasionally funny and often bland.
The only real characters with any spark are Chicken Little and his father, and the film fell apart because it shifted the focus away from the father-son relationship and to his bumbling gang of friends.
And... another note on father-son relationships. Why can't Hollywood make them more realistic? Fathers are always unsupportive, domineering, and cold, especially in the beginning, until "some event" changes their lives. Only a few movies have really made any attempt to craft a realistic father-son relationship, and ironically that would be Sky High and Zathura.
My dad is a pussy. He is afraid of everyone and everything and is always nervous. Why can't there be a dad like that in a movie? Anyway, if you're paying for this movie, I'd advise you to take your kids to Zathura or Harry Potter. Who cares if Chicken Little is "G?" But, if you have a lot of money, this isn't the worst choice you can make.
Waiting... (2005)
Rarely do I laugh this hard!
Simply put, Waiting was hilarious. Every character had his or her moments, and Natasha the "minor" waitress was absolutely stunning. Quotes since the actress is 20.
I found a lot of the characters reminded me of my friends and myself. I could relate to Calvin and his complete incompetence with girls. I too am a pussy.
The movie was incredibly crude but it's over-the-top jokes made it even funnier than it would have been otherwise. There are some movies that can do something that by itself is vomit-inducing, and turn it into a hilarious and classic sequence. Other movies make one want to vomit on the actors and directors. Fortunately, Waiting falls into the former category.
It's nothing as bad as Deuce Bigalow where we are treated to watching someone eat french fries that fell in a toilet and seeing a woman with a penis for a nose who blows out life-giving fluids when she sneezes.
There are a few scenes that could have been deleted without the movie losing any of its humor. The drug use/party scenes were completely unnecessary and I felt added nothing to the movie. We could have done without the images of people passing joints and smoking bongs. It wasn't funny. But besides that minor scratch, this is going to become a cult classic and I will probably own it on DVD along with Wedding Crashers and The 40 Year Old Virgin.
The Perfect Man (2005)
Hillary Duff plays a psychotic girl in serious need of mental help.
Yet we are supposed to see Holly's antics as cute. Well... they aren't.
Holly is a girl with major issues. Her mom keeps moving when she can't find a boyfriend, and then Holly and her little sister Zoe decide to make a fictional man for her. With her stereotypically Brooklyn sidekick, they wreak all sorts of havoc just to make sure their mom doesn't find out about the man that they based the perfect man off of.
My girlfriend liked it... and I have no idea why.
This is perhaps one of the worst movies ever made, with laughable dialogue and about TEN MINUTES of AIM conversations with the untalented actors saying what they are typing as if the audience can't read. Judging the IQ of those who like Hillary Duff and this kind of movie, and the state of today's public schools I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of them can't read.
This really is NOT a good movie for kids. The characters have no redeeming value whatsoever and the family is very disturbing to say the least.
All the minor characters have no depth and are just comic stereotypes such as "witty black woman" and "flamboyant and sex-obsessed gay man" and "geek in love with pretty girl who really is kind of ugly and a ditzy bleached blonde (I'd pick Kat Dennings or Lindsay Lohan over Hillary Duff. So would any male.)"
There are a lot of people giving high scores to this movie but I suspect they're just Hillary Duff fans. From a neutral standpoint, this is perhaps the worst movie ever written. It's almost comically bad, but the whole... so bad it's good thing really is best for sci fi movies like Dark Star or Hercules in New York. Not for ditzy chick flicks.
Parents, it's actually better to let your kids see an evil raunchy comedy such as Wedding Crashers or 40 year old Virgin. They have more moral messages than this load of bleach.
A Sound of Thunder (2005)
Inconsistent, illogical, occasionally enjoyable.
I am a HUGE fan of time-travel movies. I love the Back to the Future Trilogy, Butterfly Effect, The Time Machine (the book, the old movie, and even the new version.) Thus, I have come to insist on certain logical and semi-scientific rules in any time travel movie.
1. When you change the past, and come back to the present, the people in the new present have ***NO IDEA THAT ANYTHING HAS CHANGED*** Only you, and anyone else you were traveling with, will have any idea that things are different/better/worse. This is shown CONSISTENTLY throughout Back to the Future I and II and Butterfly Effect. When the main character changes his past and comes back to the new present, no one else has ANY memory of the present that he/she lived in. (Marty in BTTF, or Evan in BE.) Yet, A Sound of Thunder fails completely on this very important concept. The basic plot of this illogical escapade has a rich man who has discovered a (stolen the) way to go back to the past and gives rich people a way to feel a real thrill of death by giving them guns and having them shoot down dinosaurs. Of course, this is really all planned and seemingly safe. The dinosaur is always the exact same Allosaurus, who would end up being killed by a volcano just minutes after the tourists shoot him down. As long as it dies the same way every time, and no one steps off the path, everything should be fine.
Of course, one time, something happens. Here's the big spoiler. The fake-macho client ends up stepping on A BUTTERFLY. How creative and insightful.
What ends up happening, is somehow, a clumsy person goes back in time, and steps on one butterfly which would have been killed by an exploding volcano anyway. Yet this somehow changes the cycle of evolution drastically.
So, you would expect, based on the logic of time travel movies, that these people would come back and if there were humans, no one would remember anything about the past.
Yet instead, everything seems normal right away. But that night, a "time wave" washes over the world. The next day, it's 70 degrees in Chicago and fish are beaching themselves on Lake Michigan. Plants are growing through 3 foot walls. More waves come, the next makes vines grow all over Chicago, the next sends a bunch of bugs to our heroes. and by the next wave, humans have definitely lost control over Chicago... they are being poisoned and turned crazy by some sort of semi- intelligent vine and roving bands of "gorilla dinosaurs" hunt humans.
This makes no sense. Time doesn't change in "waves." It changes suddenly. There's no delayed reaction. That is illogical and inconsistent with every other time travel movie.
The special effects for the time waves are decent, the waves themselves also provide a bit of excitement, the feeling of what changes will appear next. However, the futuristic cars look quite ugly and fake. Half the time the setting feels like it is intentionally B-movie, going for a comedic effect, and yet this has a big budget...
The acting is decent and the characters aren't annoying one-dimensional like some films, but it is really a pretty bad movie.
Yes, I know this is an adaptation of a Ray Bradbury novel. I can't compare it to the novel because I have never read the book but I can say that as a movie standing on its own, it is poor.
If you want a good time travel movie, rent one of the Back to the Future films.
If you're looking for "How do little things change the world" movie, rent Butterfly Effect.
Or rent all four of the above-mentioned movies. It'll be cheaper than taking everyone out to the movies. You can even buy a big bag of grocery store candy for the kids and make your own popcorn.
I WORK at a movie theater, so when I say don't see something at the theaters, DON'T SEE IT AT THE THEATERS.
The 40 Year Old Virgin (2005)
Raunchy Comedy with a heart.
Andy Stitzer (Steve Carrell) is living every guy's dream. His apartment is stocked full of action figures, hundreds of video games, posters... everything except his beautiful bisexual supermodel wife who enjoys playing games as much as he does, and his sports car. He's a virgin who rides a bike and lives alone.
He works at SmartTech, a spin off of stores such as Best Buy or Fry's. His coworkers in the stock room are David (Paul Rudd), Jay (Romany Malco), and Cal (Seth Rogen).
The four of them and Andy have very little in common. Andy's idea of an exciting weekend involves egg salad sandwiches in his apartment, and let's just say that the others have more interesting lives than that.
But now that they're in need of a fifth poker player for the game, they wonder if Andy would be a possible candidate. However, at this point, they see him as a mysterious guy and a potential serial killer. They grudgingly invite him to play with them, and he accepts.
As they guys exchange stories about their crazy sexual encounters and David starts obsessing about his ex-girlfriend Amy, all the guys start ragging on him, including Andy. At this point, he seems to be fitting in well enough, but the guys put him on the spot, making him tell a wild sex story.
He stumbles and bumbles, and ends up describing a woman's breasts as bags of sand. The other guys figure out he is a virgin, and decide to get to find a girl.
The relationship between Andy and his three friends is done amazingly well. I personally can relate to Andy. When I was in high school, my friends would often give me random dating advice and how to get with girls, etc. However what was funny, was that neither of them were any more experienced than me. I could totally relate to Andy when he got mad at his friends, and wondered if it was all a cruel joke. I too felt that way sometimes, when people would tell me i was a pimp or a ladies man when I had never been on a date. And they really did care about him, and are true friends, which made the movie all the better. It could have gone the other way, with at least one of them being a cruel prankster, but I was glad 40 year old virgin avoided having any real antagonist.
One amazing thing about this movie is that every character has a little bit of meaning and depth, and every actor is excellent. Wedding Crashers had a couple of characters that did nothing but provide cheap laughs. The homophobic racist grandma, Claire's evil boyfriend and Todd were all exploited for laughs and never really allowed to develop into anything. But EVERY character in 40 year old Virgin is important and allows the plot to develop further. There is no one that stops the scene or drags it with a poor performance that is played only for laughs.
In fact, this movie is so good that it could have been three separate movies, combined into one amazing cinematic performance. The three movies I speak of: 1. Guy has never had sex, friends want him to get laid - This part alone was funnier than similar movies like American Pie.
2. Guy/girl romance, break up, drama, issues, etc - Better than the formulaic movies that have come out like Must Love Dogs or All About Love... or most rom com.
3. Mother/daughters relationship - The relationship between Trish (Catherine Keener) and Marla (Kat Dennings) alone could have been a movie with Andy as a side character. this would have been a much better movie than The Perfect Man, mainly because the plot and characters and acting were much better. Plus, Dennings and Keener... much better looking than Duff and Locklear.
The main point is... this is the best movie since Spiderman 2, and the best comedy I have ever seen in my life. See it now, but see Wedding Crashers first. If you see this first you'll be disappointed in Wedding Crashers... see it first, love it, and then love this one more!
Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo (2005)
It started out with a bang of mediocrity...
There were a couple of funny scenes in this movie, but they were all within the first 20 minutes. The funniest part of the movie is where Deuce ends up eating a bunch of "Space Cake" aka pot brownies and gets really stoned, and then naively asks: "There's drugs in space cake?" when being questioned.
That's the funniest line in this whole movie, which is kind of pathetic.
Deuce Bigalow is back, and I haven't seen the first one and after seeing this I don't want to. He's now become obsessed with fish because his wife was killed by a shark on their honeymoon. He carries around a (wooden version of her leg?) I believe.
But of course, his old pimp friend T.J. needs help in Amsterdam, so our Naive Deuce goes there.
T.J. ends up being framed for man-whore murders so Deuce must go undercover again as a man-whore to learn if any of this one man-whore's women had any motive to kill him.
This is the point when the movie falls into complete awfulness and vomitittude. Here are a few scenes that you will "Experience" if you actually go to this piece of crud.
1. TJ eating FRIES OUT OF A TOILET. 2. A "giant woman" offering Deuce her boobies. 3. A woman with a hole in her throat 4. A woman with a penis for a nose who cums when she sneezes.
Skip this movie unless you're an idiot. Surprisingly people were laughing in the theater... A LOT.
The Dukes of Hazzard (2005)
Could have been worse but not by much
There are few things worse than Jessica Simpson's "southern" accent and one of them is in this movie. It's the freaking "Australian" girl who doesn't even sound remotely like an Aussie. Couldn't they hire an actual hot Australian girl for the part? I mean, there are hundreds of random hot girls, and the girl playing the Australian roommate had no acting talent whatsoever.
Jessica Simpson is so dumb she doesn't know what a southern accent is. Half the time she sounds like she's from Brooklyn. I mean if you think tuna is chicken you might think Atlanta is New York so I wouldn't be surprised if she has everything confused.
Besides those two untalented girls, the movie and its paper-thin plot revolve around drinking and cars. The plot is essentially a catalyst for car chases and chances for the hot and robotic Jessica Simpson to strip to nearly nothing.
It's definitely a guy movie, with pointless explosions and car chases... just for the sake of car chases. There's no plot or anything. It might be worth a rental, but I wouldn't spend 10 or even 8 dollars to watch this movie. Luckily, I work at the theater. Got in free. Legally. And it was worth the price I paid.
Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith (2005)
It's an instant classic like the original.
Revenge of the Sith could shatter box office records. Of course as anyone with any knowledge of macroeconomics (very few people) knows that really is meaningless because it doesn't account for inflation! But in any case it is one amazing film. The movie is fast-paced despite being over two and a half hours long. Some of the fighting became a little cheesy at times, more like a video game than a movie, but it didn't fall into this trap as much as the Matrix did. Early on the droids that Obi Wan and Anakin fight are literally no challenge. They are mowed down within seconds. I wish they would put up more of a challenge.
Great acting all around. Portman is a little dry but she makes up for it by being one of the hottest women in the galaxy.
Sadly this looks to be the last Star Wars ever produced. I really wish Lucas was still doing 7-9...
Hitch (2005)
Best movie I've seen in the theaters for a while!
This is definitely the best movie I've seen in the theaters for quite some time now, probably the best since Spiderman 2, The Stepford Wides, and Harry Potter: Prisoner of Azkaban.
It was definitely a chick flick but I'm the kind of guy who enjoys a good romantic comedy. Will Smith was able to play someone who wasn't a complete cocky "hardass" agent in some worldwide anti-alien conspiracy for once which surprised me. It was a very funny movie and I have to say the Albert character was best. I wish there was more of him and less of Will Smith's character, Alex Hitchens. Perhaps that's because I, like Albert, have a penchant for spilling food on myself.
I'd recommend this movie to almost anyone, except hardcore angsty teenage cynics with pierced brains who hate anything happy.
The Matrix Revolutions (2003)
It was good, but it could have been so much better...
ALERT SPOILERS ALERT SPOILERS
I remember coming out of that second Matrix on a cool June night with my friends, my dad, and my brother. We were excited... the movie was confusing, not quite as groundbreaking as the first... but we had so many questions! There were answers, and we expected them to come in the great Third Movie.
I saw Revolutions... and not only did it not answer my previous questions, I have more than I did before.
I miss The Matrix. I mean, the world itself. This movie was too dark... the Matrix somehow became populated by a bunch of Agent Smiths. Did he take over the whole thing... in Matrix Reloaded he just had about 100 men, and now it looks like he's taken over everything? How did that all happen in 24 hours? Did all of his men start creating more Smiths? Or can only he copy himself into others?
This movie lacked any real substance... there were some good action/fight scenes, but they really didn't tie together too well at all. Neo's fight with Smith was cool.. but it lost the appeal of the first two movies. It seemed more like they were dancing around in the sky than trying to fight each other.
The Battle with Zion was amazing, but it didn't really add anything to the movie. It seemed like we knew the humans were going to lose no matter what. Though that huge swarm of sentiles. That was really nice to watch. I would say the Battle of Zion is the best part of this whole movie, but the problem is they added too many minor characters and shrunk many of the major parts.
Morpheus has gone from some super-hero to a low-ranking captain on a ship. Naobi is the only interesting character added since the first movie. A lot of the characters added in the last two movies have just seemed to be there to add more challenge to the plot and make the movies longer.
They could have easily made these two sequels into one and cut out a lot of the unimportant crap and some characters.
It seems like a lot of the characters they added are just like random encounters in a Final Fantasy video game, annoying, repetitive, and they slow down the plot.
The ending didn't seem to end it. The architect says, "Those who choose to be free, will be." Or something like that.
I found it mediocore. I know there are some people, mostly teenagers, who think this movie is "mind-blowingly awesome." You know the type. They talk like they have smoked a lot of marijuana when they haven't, and they describe everything as "totally deep." I didn't get the "deeper meaning" of this movie... except that I think it could have been better.
Bringing Down the House (2003)
Average enough.
This movie was rather average overall. Steve Martin saved a bad film. That and the catfight scene. I mean, I expected better. It had a good setup. Guy meets girl on the net, she's not what he expects. And it had Steve Martin. Yet somehow, amid all these stereotypes that would have been offensive even in the 1950's, it lost its glamour. They really had too much racism. Not every white person is an out-of-touch "honky" and not every black person is a felon/hangs out with felons. There were too many racist jokes. I'm sure it was meant to be a social commentary on how there still is racism, but they could have done it another way.
The movie really had no point it seemed. Except that catfight scene. Two girls fighting. Nice.
Punch-Drunk Love (2002)
Sandler is actually a very good actor.
I wasn't sure exactly what to expect when I saw this movie. I wasn't sure if it would be artistic or not. For the first few minutes I was confused. It didn't make sense the first bit, but it turned into an amazing movie, artistic and intense. I was surprised to see that Sandler could act somewhat well.
It was funny, too. Though not dumb-funny like the other Sandler movies. This was a darker comedy, a classic perhaps. Sandler lovers may be disappointed in his new more serious roles.