freemantle_uk Reviews

Planet of the Apes (1968)

I hate every ape I see, from Chimpan-A to Chimpan-Z

[8/10 · 15 April 2024]

Planet of the Apes is a highly regarded film that has been loved for decades and spawned a successful franchise. The classic era of The Simpsons loved making references to this film. Even people who haven't seen it know the ending and some of the famous scenes like 'get your stinkin' paws off me, you damn dirty ape!' It has been a long time since I watched it but I still remember some of the big moments.

Planet of the Apes acted as a precursor to the grim sci-fi movies of the 1970s. Charlton Heston repeated some ideas in Soylent Green since his characters started off as arseholes and had iconic twist endings.

Planet of the Apes had a satirical edge during the trial scene and there was an element of Spartacus since the lead characters were given a mate.

For a modern audience the makeup effects didn't survive the test of time, but considering the quality of the film it didn't really matter. Some moments were bit too slow for my liking since there was a lot of walking that made Lord of the Rings seem like a mad sprint.

Kung Fu Panda 3 (2016)

A solid closer to the original trilogy

[8/10 · 31 March 2024]

After the heights of Kung Fu Panda 2, Kung Fu Panda 3 was a slight step back. It was still a fun family film and tried to capture the magic of Kung Fu Panda 2 by having an emotional story about Po finding the hidden village of pandas, connecting with his birth father and his culture. However, the threequel copied the structure and journey of the previous film since Po had to answer the question 'who am I' and needed to learn about his past. Kung Fu Panda 3 also lighten things up after Kung Fu Panda 2 and it acted as a halfway house between the first film and the first sequel in terms of tone. It was the Return of the Jedi of the Kung Fu Panda trilogy.

Kong: Skull Island (2017)

The best Monsterverse film

[8/10 · 24 March 2024]

Kong: Skull Island was the second part of the Monsterverse and brought in America's greatest monster. Whilst its predecessor, Godzilla (2014) was aiming to be a serious disaster film, Kong: Skull Island simply wanted to be a fun popcorn film and on that front, it succeeds. There were some great special effects and monster action: Larry Fong's (Zack Sydner's regular cinematographer) influence was felt during action sequences like the one at gas vents.

As well as the action, there was a horror feel to film with some characters getting some gruesome deaths, especially for a film rated 12. Kong: Skull Island did feel a bit too similar to Peter Jackson's King Kong but that was also a fun blockbuster so hardly a bad reference point.

I'm surprised that Jordan Vogt-Roberts didn't get to direct more blockbusters since he did such a good job with this one.

Ghostbusters: Answer the Call (2016)

Ghostbusters' Low Point

[3/10 · 23 March 2024]

Ghostbusters (2016), the film that was in the centre of the culture war. Many people were saying that it was 'feminist, woke propaganda' and arguing 'go woke, go broke,' and the counterbalance being that anyone who criticised it was sexist. No, it was just a bad idea and a bad film.

Ghostbusters (2016) was directed and co-written by Paul Feig who I see as a bad director who has no restraint and his style of comedy is based on cringe, humiliation, and people being arseholes to each other. The saving grace for Ghostbusters (2016) was the 12A/PG-13 rating which meant it couldn't be as lewd as his previous films.

Ghostbusters (2016) failed as a comedy since I didn't laugh, chuckle or smile. It was painful on that front, especially when it's compared to the original two films that had sharp jokes and well-rounded characters. The female Ghostbusters were just broad caricatures.

There was some potential. I did like it when the new gadgets were tested and used, there were some decent designs for the ghosts and strong special effects, especially after some of the rubbish some blockbusters 2023 offered. When the Ghostbusters were actually fighting ghosts on the streets of New York it was pretty fun.

Sadly, this was a film that shouldn't exist.

The Black Cauldron (1985)

Disney's dark fantasy

[6/10 · 21 January 2024]

The Black Cauldron was considered a part of the Disney Age. It was the film made when Disney Animation was at its lowest and it was the darkest film in Disney Animated filmography. It was based on a series of novels by Lloyd Alexander and whilst those books were written in the '60s, The Black Cauldron felt a lot like other fantasy films of the '80s as a young boy ends up going on an epic adventure to save the world. It was a typical hero's journey story. There was a dark edge to The Black Cauldron which was criticised back in the day, but has now earned a cult following.

As one would expect from a Disney film, The Black Cauldron looked fantastic, it had the classic scratchy look and the dark tone was refreshing. There were some Disney traits in the film like the Witches having a more cartoony look and the conclusion.

The Black Cauldron was a notoriously troubled production since it was heavily edited. It was felt since the film was aiming to be a briskly paced film when there should have been some slow-down for world-building. It's a curiosity for Disney fans.

Mean Girls (2004)

This is so Fetch!

[8/10 · 5 January 2024]

To prepare for the film adaptation of the musical I thought it was a good idea to watch the original film which is now 20 years old. Feeling old yet?

It was an amusing film that showed the horrors of growing up as a teenage girl (teenagers are the worst) and showed that social groups and cliques are pointless. Tina Fey's characters gave out some important life lessons about boys, popularity, and gossip aren't really that important. Mean Girls was a funny film that started out on a strong footing with Cady's first day of school and the cutaway gag involving the religious homeschool kid and it continued from there.

Lindsay Lohan's Cady acted as the newcomer to school and the social groups. It was particularly useful who aren't American girls. She was given the arc of the new girl who gets taken in by the outsiders and then becomes a popular mean girl. There was a great cast like Janis, Regina, and Karen, and show the insecurities teenagers suffer from. Rachel McAdams, Amanda Seyfried, and Lizzy Caplan have gone on to great things.

Cujo (1983)

Bad dog

[4/10 · 31 October 2023]

Stephen King has always been a prolific writer and films based on work were extremely popular in the 1980s. Cujo was one of these films and it served as my Hallow's Eve viewing of 2023.

Cujo had a simple premise where a family is terrorised by St. Bernard after getting rabies. It would be terrifying to be trapped in a car with a massive dog attacking you and there was a great moment showing how craze Cujo was when he was ramping his head into the car door. However, Cujo was a film stretched thin. It was a story short that was turned into a feature film. Most of the film was focused on two people trapped in a car and they couldn't go anywhere.

The Predator (2018)

Not my Predator

[3/10 · 31 October 2023]

The Predator is easily the worst film in the Predator. Even AvP is more preferable viewing.

The Predator was a difficult production as shown by the third act reshoots and poor green screen work. Shane Black is a great director but he was the wrong fit for the Predator franchise since he's a writer/director known for having a subversive approach and comedic edge. This was a film filled with baffling decisions like setting the film in suburban, bringing in a lot more comedy, and worst of all having the Predator coming down to Earth to steal autism, which is insulting to anyone who has autism.

There was some decide action and violence and the moment where Olivia Munn gets trapped in the decontamination area was an effective moment of tension, but the humour was mostly misses and the story was poor. It was a dumb, pointless film.

The Seasoning House (2012)

Relentlessly grim

[6/10 · 21 October 2023]

The Seasoning House was a film that is easy to admire but hard to enjoy. It was a grim film set in a brothel during the break-up of Yugoslavia. From a technical level, it was excellent since it had great make-up attempts for all the violence and did look like it was shot in a war zone. It's hard to believe it was filmed in London.

Rosie Day is an actress I really like and she did give a fantastic performance as a young deaf-mute who suffered constantly and had to fight to survive. But The Seasoning House was relentlessly grim as it showed a carnival of misery as it shows women getting drugged, raped, and killed and Angel forced to go through a war zone.

Remember the Titans (2000)

A formulaic sports film

[6/10 · 15 October 2023]

I enjoy a good sports film, even if the genre can be cliched, and I needed a change after watching so many horror films recently. So why not watch Remember the Titans since it's available on Disney+ in the UK?

I saw the film was produced by Jerry Bruckheimer and it had a lot of Bruckheimer's hallmarks. There were inspiring speeches, sunlit cinematography, and emotional music. It was Michael Bay-lite.

Remember the TItans was a perfectly functional sports film as it shows a school and a team becoming racially integrated and the players had to learn to overcome their prejudice. It was a film that showed various characters forming friendships and many having mini-arcs during the season. It was fun to see many recognisable actors like Donald Faison, Ethan Suplee, Ryan Gosling, and Hayden Panettiere in early roles.

It's one of those films that does the job as an inspiring sports film even it if was formulaic and predictable.

My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2 (2016)

A forced sequel

[5/10 · 7 September 2023]

The first Big Fat Greek Wedding was a charming film and a surprising hit. It made a ton of money, so a sequel was made 14 years later. However, My Big Fat Greek Wedding was a film that didn't need a sequel and it showed with the forced story about Toula's parents finding out they were never really married so had to have a second wedding. There was a repeat of jokes and plot points from the first film like Gus using Windex to fix anything, the family being willing to threaten outsiders, and Toula having a makeover to regain her confidence. The newest feature was the plot about Toula's relationship with her daughter and trying to bond with the moody teen.

The plot was thinner and the jokes were a lot broader than in the first. There were some decent jokes, whilst others had a punchline that could be seen from miles away.

My Big Fat Greek Wedding (2002)

A really enjoyable rom-com

[8/10 · 5 September 2023]

I'm not a rom-com guy but I needed to catch up on the My Big Fat Greek Wedding series before the release of My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3. I ended up enjoying it a lot. It made a change from my recent viewing of mostly violent and horror movies (I am catching up with the Saw franchise as well).

My Big Fat Greek Wedding was a witty film that I ended up laughing and chuckling at quite a bit and there was a lot of charm as a woman finds love with a 'xeno' and deals with the conflict that it causes. It was a love story, a family drama, and a film about cultural identity and cultural clash. It was simple, feel-good cinema.

Saw (2004)

A simple yet effective horror film

[8/10 · 23 August 2023]

Like many horror films, Saw was the film that started a franchise, and the first of many franchises started by James Wan. Saw had a simple premise where two men wake up chained to a wall and need to figure out why they were there. It was a short film premise expanded to a feature.

Saw was a thriller as much as a horror film because there was a mystery driving the story. Because of the setting of the room and the non-linear approach Saw came across as the Reservoir Dogs of horror films.

Saw was violent but the violence was used more sparingly than the later films and torture porn movement of the 2000s. The most notable moments were when someone got shot to pieces by a shotgun trap and when someone had to cut off his own leg.

The film was edited like it was made by a crack addict because of the rapid cuts, but it did add to the intensity and to hide the budget, like during the film's 'car chase,'

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows (2016)

Heroes in a half shell, Turtle Power

[7/10 · 1 August 2023]

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows was the live-action of the 1980s cartoon. I grew up watching that cartoon so I did watch this film with a smile on my face. It was a fun child friendly action film, even if it has a 12 rating in the UK.

Out of the Shadows ditched the more Michael Bay aspects of the previous film of the previous film, i.e. The sexual humour. The most that happened on that front was April O'Neill changing disguises. It was also a soft reboot since it had to bring in more cartoon elements, like making Shredder a more prominent character. The Turtles were the main characters, their conflicts were on display and they all had a chance to shine.

There were some strong action sequences, like the Turtles trying to stop Shredder's jailbreak and the action in Brazil. There was also more of emphasis on child friend humour and slapstick.

It was basically a Saturday Morning Cartoon in live-action.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014)

The Amazing Ninja Turtles

[5/10 · 30 July 2023]

Back in 2014 the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles was given the Bayformers treatment with Michael Bay and his production company producing, and one of Bay's prodigies, Jonathan Liebesman was hired to direct. And the 2014 of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles comes across Bay-lite due to the cinematography, action, slo-mo, and objectivation of Megan Fox.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014) also felt like it was influenced by the Amazing Spider-Man franchise since it added a storyline that the turtles were April's childhood pets so making them linked together like Peter Parker was destined to become Spider-Man. Both Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and The Amazing Spider-Man had the same climax and both films went for a hyper-realistic look. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014) shared a plot point with The Amazing Spider-Man 2 where the villains want to harvest the blood from the villains so they could use it for its healing abilities.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014) was a solid action film with the sequence on the mountain being the highlight and whilst the Turtles did look like Shrek on steroids, the special effects were excellent. The Turtles were well portrayed, even if Mikey was made into a pervert. Their personalities match what fans know. The filmmakers clearly favoured Raphael since he was given the most attention since he was given an arc of accepting his brothers and becoming a team player.

If I was 10 I probably would have loved this film.

TMNT (2007)

A quick turtles adventure

[6/10 · 30 July 2023]

After two disappointing live-action films, TMNT aimed to be a soft reboot of the movie series. It was also influenced by the 2003 cartoon which had a slightly more serious, bringing more supernatural elements, and a rivalry between Leonardo and Raphael. There was a narrative thrust with the Turtle family being divided and needing to come together to stop a great threat. There

TMNT was a short, breezy film: without the credits it's only an hour and 15 minutes. The simplistic art style makes the film look more like a feature-length pilot for a TV series. The animation was fluid and there was some good action and fight scenes that makes TMNT a fun watch.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993)

The Film that Destroyed a Series

[3/10 · 27 July 2023]

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III saw a real downgrade in quality, both storytelling and technical. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III saw the series go in a new direction with a fantasy, time travel story, going far from the crime-fighting/sci-fi story that the franchise was known for. It felt like a laboured film that was made out of obligation since the humour and story were forced, had storylines that were left hanging, and had little understanding of time travel. The pop culture reference really dates the film.

The animatronics were worse than the previous two films. It was noticeable that the turtles' mouths didn't match the words. The setting was limited to the turtles' home, the castle, a village, the 'Japanese' countryside, and a bar. There seems to be no budget to film in any city, let alone New York, and the way Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III and the action was shot, it looked more like a kids' TV show.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze (1991)

Go Ninja Go Ninja Go

[4/10 · 26 July 2023]

The first Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles was a huge hit and the production company was able to churn out a sequel. However, due to parental complains of violence, Secret of the Ooze toned things down and try an appeal to a younger audience. There were more jokes, the fights had more of a slapstick quality to them and the turtles used their weapons a lot less. This was evident during the first action sequence in the film where the Turtles foil a burglary.

The film was even more influenced by the cartoon. The art direction was more like a cartoon/a kids' movie, especially the lab. There was also the introduction of two mutants based on Bebop and Rocksteady and the plot was more sci-fi focused instead of being about crime fighting.

The action was decent and a big area of improvement was the characterisation of Donatello who was made more techie and scientist.

Vanilla Ice's song was annoyingly catchy.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990)

A film I probably would have loved as a kid

[6/10 · 26 July 2023]

The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles film was made at the height of Turtle Mania and a lot of people have nostalgic feelings towards the film. I grew up watching the cartoon but oddly never seen the film. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles was one of those films you need to grow up, like Superman and Batman.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles aimed to be a bridge between the grittiness comics and the more child-friendly cartoon. This film was the more grounded story since The Foot Clan were disaffected kids who were groomed by Shedder and his lieutenant into committing crimes and making them feel like they were a part of 'family.' Leonardo and Raphael were the turtles given the most attention since Leonardo was thrust into leadership and Raphael was the hothead. Donatello and Michelangelo were given the shaft because Donatello was relegated to comic relief and Michelangelo was lusting over April.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles does provide plenty of turtles action and the action was decent enough for a kids' film.

Mission: Impossible - Fallout (2018)

The best Mission: Impossible film

[9/10 · 22 July 2023]

Rogue Nation was a great action film and some how Fallout was able to top it. Fallout was a constant thrill ride and even with a run time of two-and-half hours, the film breezed by. There were some terrific action and stunt sequences, from the Halo jump in Paris, the chases in Paris and London and the finale in Kashmir (even if took longer than the 15-minute ticking time bomb).

It was also the greatest character study of Ethan Hunt since Mission: Impossible III. Ethan was shown to be loyal to his colleagues, arguably to a fault, and it showed what happened between him and Julia. I love how the screenplay ties in Mission: Impossible III as well act as a sequel to Rogue Nation.

Mission: Impossible - Rogue Nation (2015)

The Mission: Impossible Films Keep Getting Better and Better

[9/10 · 14 July 2023]

The Mission: Impossible keep getting better and better. Rogue Nation was a damn good blockbuster that had the best plot so far in the series. It wasn't a series of heists like the previous two films and it moved the series into a twisty action thriller that had a mix of action setups. The Syndicate were the greatest threat so far since they were a shadowy organisation like HYDRA and Spectre: this was the film Spectre

This was the film that introduced Rebecca Ferguson as Ilsa Faust and she was the most interesting character in the film since her loyalties were in question.

It was the film that perfected the Mission: Impossible film formula.

Elemental (2023)

A great immigration story, a weak love story

[6/10 · 9 July 2023]

I saw Elemental because my nephew really wanted to see it. What I liked about Elemental was it's immigration story because it showed the struggles of Ember's parents had to go through when they moved to Element City. They had to suffer from prejudice and had to work hard to have a establish a life for themselves. The opening five minutes was excellent work from Pixar as it told a mini story about Ember's story arriving in the city. There were also an excellent look at how immigrant communities keep a hold of their culture and how their children live in too worlds. However, other parts of the film weren't so well thought out because the chemistry between the main two characters was lacking and the theme of prejudice wasn't so strong since there were genuine reasons for fire and water people to fear each other. Ember's story felt like it needed refining since she wanted to honour her parents yet the film added the idea she had potential to be an artist was suddenly added in.

Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (2018)

One of the best Spider-Man Films

[10/10 · 29 May 2023]

Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse was my favourite film of 2018 and after a rewatch it still holds up. It was one of the best Spider-Man films, with Spider-Man 2 being the only one that can beat it.

Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse was one of the most unique superhero films of the 2010s because of its presentation and storytelling. It had a notable animation style that other films, i.e. The Mitchells vs. The Machines and Puss In Boots: The Last Wish. It story was also influential since Spider-Man: No Way Home used ideas from Spider-Verse.

Into the Spider-Verse was the complete packet for Spider-Man fans. It was a great origins story for Miles Morales, a love letter to all things Spider-Man with a particular focus on the Sam Raimi films, funny, emotional, and action-packed. There was substance since Miles gets the weight of being a hero thrust upon him, and Jake Johnson's version of Spider-Man who needed to get out of his middle-age funk. It was also subversive at times, like when revealing a character's true identity.

Upon my rewatch I notice more references and foreshadowing that missed the first time round.

The Little Mermaid (1989)

Just Friendly Crustaceans Under the Sea

[8/10 · 27 May 2023]

Seeing that a live-action remake is now out I thought it was best to watch the animated original. I haven't seen it since I was in primary school so my memories were vague, so it was pretty much a new experience for me.

The Little Mermaid was the film that kick-started the Disney Renaissance and it was certainly a good film, although I prepare Beauty and the Beast, Aladdin, and The Lion King. The Little Mermaid had the cartoony look of Beauty and the Beast and at times it felt like a Saturday Morning Cartoon with a budget because of the art style, the humour, and some of the characters, i.e. Flounder being a wimp. The films also felt like a classic Disney film, like from the Golden Era. This was due to the opening and the choir music used sometimes. It was based on a fairy tale like other Disney classics.

The music was where the film truly shined with some recognisable classics like "Part of Your World," "Kiss the Girl," and of course "Under the Sea." Sometimes the film did play like a horror film due to Ursula harvesting souls, and the chef scene being terrifying for an animal.

The Equalizer 2 (2018)

Denzel Washington's first sequel

[5/10 · 14 May 2023]

I would describe The Equalizer 2 as a 'dad film.' It was a nuts-and-bolts action-thriller that was very violent as a man unleashed virgulate justice. It was a film the mould of a Liam Neeson action-thriller where an older man shows he can see be tough and willing to do morally dubious actions. One scene did feel like it was lifted from the first Taken film,

From an action standpoint The Equalizer 2 was well done, There was a brutality to it as people get shot, stabbed and had limbs broken. However, the film was an overly baggy affair because it was filled with subplots where it showed Robert McCall as a tough man with a heart of gold. But all this bogged down the film. The main plot doesn't get started until the 30-minute mark. The first Equalizer film had more a focused plot, even with its longer run time.