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Reviews
Land of Bad (2024)
OK way to pass a couple of hours
Not too much to say about this film other than that it's underwhelmingingly OK.
Big chunks of the film involve Liam Hemsworth chatting cheerily to Russel Crowe on the radio while walking quite jauntily through enemy filled territory (I've never served in the military, but I suspect loud conversations into a mic in enemy territory while being actively pursued may be against best practice). He also seems to have no inflammatory responses - his face remains resolutely unswollen despite receiving a moderate beating with an engineering hammer. The Delta bros are all suitably monosyllabic and bad-ass, people take their shirts off (heroically). Thankfully Russel Crowe keeps his on.
Planes, shooting and shouting, explosions, and a loose-cannon officer who's right in the end and chews out his pencil-neck geek superior all combine to give a moderately OK-ish end product.
Jiu Jitsu (2020)
Unspeakably poor show
Does this review contain spoilers? No - it can't really be spoiled any further.
I enjoy a martial arts flick as much as the next guy - I do Brazillian JJ, and little bits of other, striking, arts to keep my eye in. Admittedly, I suck at all of them, but not as much as this film. I used to think that Nicholas Cage was actually quite a reasonable actor, but just had a propensity to choose poor action parts - this film completely changed my views of Cage, and all the other planks in the cast who were going thru the motions for a pay-cheque. Awful acting, awful plot, awful effects - some reasonably gymnastic martial arts "tricking" failed to raise the standard of this dross above awful. It just kind of whimpers out of existence at the end. Too poor to even be comically entertaining.
Seungriho (2021)
Pretty solid space romp, tipping its hat to some classics
Really rather an enjoyable watch to while away a Sunday evening after dinner. Starts off as a rather bleak tale of ecological collapse, corporate greed and the evil mega-wealthy. Turns around into a pretty happy, family friendly tale of global redemption with nanobot technology saving the day and being used to restore the earth. En route, all the bad guys get punished and meet sticky ends, the good guys prosper and live happily ever after (the weakest twist of the plot really - but still enjoyable). Touches base with a number of solid movies including "Elysium", "Serenity", "Blade Runner", "Titan:AE", and "Total Recall".
Not too mentally taxing to watch, but nothing to be negative about either - the young child actors play their parts with aching pathos. The rest of the cast deliver solid, fairly convincing performances as either camped-up villains, or rebellious, slightly cliched misfit heroes.
Bottom line: I enjoyed it.
Without Remorse (2021)
Probably okay with beer and pizza
I'll generally give anything with Guy Pearce a watch - he normally adds value, style and credibility to a film. Turns out there's an exception to prove every rule. This is probably okay to watch with a few beers and pizza as a straight action pic. The dialogue could have been written by a slightly foul mouthed five year old and can mostly be disregarded, and the twist/betrayal was visible about ten seconds into the opening credits - and when did Billy Elliot join the CIA. All told, only moderately entertaining, massively clichéd, and only slightly better than being outside in the drizzle (watched while camping in Scotland on a very dreich day).
Kingsman: The Secret Service (2014)
Fairly poor action film aimed at the "young adult" market
This film was picked by my 15 year old son as a family film, suitable for middle-teens up - obviously.
To any parents contemplating renting this film for kids nearly 15 "because they're quite mature" I'd suggest caution. This should really be an 18.
How the BBFC could have awarded this offering a 15 certificate beggars belief - without offering any spoilers, the language in the film is rather excessively bad with most sentences containing the F- word, and a couple of variants to do with incest. There is also a highly inappropriate gag relating to anal sex that has a visual punchline at the end of the movie.
Disregarding the prolific foul language and surprisingly graphic violence, it's actually a very formulaic teen/young persons' actioner akin to "Storm Breaker". Tough inner city underdog wins through to overcome a bunch of snooty Oxbridge toffs and become a Kingsman - some sort of Super Army Soldier/MI6/Ninja agent.
Colin Firth appears to be tired of his career as a softly spoken, typically-English romantic lead and is trying to more street by incorporating a few four letter words into his vocabulary, kicking wholesale ass, and decapitating women with a fire axe. He really should stick to what he's good at. Samuel L Jackson is also at his cringe-making worst (I actually rather like SLJ in pre-Star Wars era) as the camp, lisping super villain of the piece. Even by the standards of "Snakes on a Plane" this is not one of his finest hours.
The rest of the cast do their best with what they're given - Mark Strong and Michael Caine will no doubt have been grateful for their cheques for turning up and going through the motions.
Bottom line in my opinion is that it's a slightly below par, adolescent thriller/actioner starring a group of talented actors who for whatever reason (Aging, or early career) need the work - but really should have known better. It's spoiled as a family movie by excessive bad language and somewhat too graphic violence - admittedly without much blood-spatter.
Olympus Has Fallen (2013)
Not really worth watching - Die Hard is far more entertaining
"Turn off your brain," as one reviewer says. Only by being clinically dead, with no brain stem activity confirmed, could you turn your brain be "off" adequately to enjoy this tottering pile of junk.
I guess that the cast (which actually sounded quite promising) do a fairly workman-like job with the material that they're given. Aaron Eckhart is appropriate jutty-jawed (well equipped for the role!) and heroic as the US president. Gerard Butler does a pretty good job shouting(and swearing prolifically) in a faintly American accent as a highly clichéd, hardened, ex-special forces secret service dude, and Morgan Freeman delivers his lines with suitable gravitas - that's just about all that can be said in faint praise of this film.
The story is ridiculous and the script highly unoriginal and derivative. The film takes itself far too seriously and has none of the redeeming humour found in some of the other films in the genre (eg Die Hard franchise). The supporting cast of extras seem to behave in a manner designed only to boost the body count - highly trained White House security personnel piling out of the main doors and leaving cover to be minced in a hail of evil Korean gunfire while only Gerard Butler has the wit to fire from cover (and is bullet proof anyhow).
Another issue I have is actually with the British Board of Film Classification. There is a lot of foul language in this film, purely for effect and a lot of Jackson Pollock-style brain spattering with head-shots. Maybe a little too graphic for a 15 cert, despite the ready availability of immensely violent and gory games and YouTube material out there.
Johnny Mnemonic (1995)
Really disappointing effort!
Admittedly after having read the short story of the same name along with a number of William Gibson's other books I approached this film with some preconceptions which I'd resolved to shelve and actively ignore if possible. I think I did this reasonably well.
The reason I give this film three stars is because it is a bad film even by the rather dubious standards of the action genre in the 90s.
The Jane/Molly character is just plain irritating and seems to be suffering from some sort of meth-created paranoid funk most of the time - certainly not somebody who would inspire confidence as a cool-as-ice razor-girl bodyguard. Keanu Reeves, who I generally like despite his limited acting range, is unusually wooden and seems to be going through the motions for a big fat pay cheque both on and off screen. The rest of the cast turn in performances fit for a straight-to-video/TV movie directed by teens. The only exception is Udo Kier as Ralfi who is typically convincing as a sinister Peter Lorre like fence\agent\pimp because of his appearance.
I was inspired to watch the DVD on the basis of other reviews which suggested 'tweren't too bad. Maybe if you haven't read the story, it's tolerable as a piece of rainy day, diversionary drivel. Otherwise approach with extreme caution.
Battle: Los Angeles (2011)
Reasonably entertaining film with aliens, shooting and shouting
This film was never intended to answer any deep or fundamental questions about the nature of life, the universe and everything. For Pete's sake all you philosophy majors out there critiquing this move as if it was the "Seventh Seal" - lighten up! I like my Marine (US and Royal) staff sergeants gritty, grizzled and preferably chewing on cigars while lobbing grenades. Two out of three ain't bad, and despite the lead actor's lack of tobacco, he romps his way through a fairly action packed couple of hours of heroics, which are maybe somewhat hammed up, with adequate shouts of "oorah" from his men and ladies. It kept my kids and me entertained for the duration of the afternoon. Do I feel let down that it didn't enlighten me about Cartesian dualism, and the ghost in the machine? Not at all - I saw shooting, shouting and aliens - which is what I paid for.
Thor (2011)
A confused effort mistaking style and CGI for plot and content
Directed by the one time great hope of British film and theatre and involving a pretty high-end cast of talent this film was visually pleasant enough. The lead was certainly easy on the eye to watch as the humbled warrior learning diplomacy, love, discretion, and all the other touchy-feely nonsense essential to the 21st century metro-sexual male-cum-mature Norse god.
The scale of the CGI environments and settings was truly Wagnerian in nature and the film had a couple of reasonably funny slap-stick moments of comedy for light relief.
The film is however pedestrian and plodding for the most part - my children (11 and 13) were both squirming in their seats for considerable portions of the movie. The main battle on a New Mexico (?) street seemed to be what the movie was leading up to - it was over in a trice, though the big tin man was impressive in a Gort-kind of way.
A pleasant enough way to spend a rainy afternoon, but definitely not worth the money to see on the big screen.
The Green Hornet (2011)
Two thumbs down and some sort of prolapse
This film was astonishingly awful - at nearly £20 ($35) to see with my son, it's the first time in a number of years that I have felt inclined to walk out of the theatre. Several other people did. It falls horribly between two or three stools - it's neither particularly funny, or exciting and lacks any merit for its martial arts content. If intended as any sort of homage to Bruce Lee, he must be spinning rapidly in his grave. Seth Rogen is just loud and unpleasant (crass, course, brash - I'm running out of suitable adjectives) - as he so often seems to be in his films - and portrays an absolutely awful attitude towards women which is not redeemed by any saving graces. The only attribute of any merit in this film is Jay Chou - and simply because he looks a bit like Bruce Lee. The rest of the cast are clearly going thru' the motions (and this movie is one big motion) simply for a pay cheque - lucky beggars: I wish I could sleep walk my way thru' my workday too. On the whole it was a couple of hours I would gladly not have had to live through.
3:10 to Yuma (2007)
Like the curate's egg - good in parts.
Makes a strong start despite some silly shoot-ups and Peter Fonda's bullet-proof peritoneum. Nearly made it onto my list of best Westerns until the last 20 mins or so when the characterisation went a bit dada.
An excellent main cast is supported by strong performances from the rest of this posse. Russel Crowe is initially chillingly convincing as a bible quoting psychopath and Christian Bale's character as a desperate, if decent, loser is understandable and played with considerable pathos. Ben Foster is also notable as the Schofield revolver-toting minion of Crowe. Peter Fonda still has beautiful eyes despite his now rather craggy exterior and plays the part of a nearly indestuctible Pink to perfection.
It's just a pity that it all falls apart at the last hurdle. When I watch this movie again (Which I will) I'll stop it 20 minutes before the end.
Beowulf (2007)
A good idea let down by poor casting.
A potentially great film of an epic story with outstanding 3D effects totally spoiled by the ridiculous casting of Ray Winston as Beowulf. May be credible for the US market, but certainly in the UK Ray Winston is a "cockney geezer" who should stick to playing London gangsters - certainly not the material that Nordic heroes in Anglo-Saxon poems are made of!
Visually the film is very impressive - I was very glad to have taken the 3D option and enjoyed the night flights on owl back and other visual jim-crackery. The strong supporting cast of characters were all well voiced by a variety of celeb talent. The prominent wrestling scene with Grendel was ridiculous however, with far too many sight gags hiding Beowulfs CGI genitalia - given the mature content and extreme violence of much of the rest of the film this modesty seems somewhat pointless.
If ever this film is remade maybe Tony Soprano would be a good choice for the lead - badda-bing, badda-bong.