profh-1 Reviews

Banacek: No Sign of the Cross (1972) Season 1, Episode 3

The Reverse Trasfiguration

[6/10 · 21 May 2024]

An aging ex-gangster decides to buy and then donate a priceless cross to an Arch-Diocese, and great security precautions are taken to ensure its safe delivery from Mexico to Los Angeles. But when the package containing it is opened, it has suddenly become a simple metal cross. HOW?

The Church calls in Thomas Banacek, asking him to perform a "miracle" while admitting it's really the insurance company who'll be paying his finder's fee should he succeed. 3 different gangsters are among the suspects, and the story rambles in such a way that I simply found it IMPOSSIBLE to figure out how the crime was pulled off, who did it, or even how Banacek figured it out! But, as usual, it's the guest-cast that tends to make one of these things. (Although, if you take note of WHO is least happy about his investigating... but, I've already said too much. Heh.)

Broderick Crawford is "Gilbert Deretzo", a sickly ex-gangster who hopes his gift to The Church will buy his way into Heaven. Crazy enough, I always remember him for an episode of GET SMART, but, he was also Jack Kirby's model for touch NYC cop "Dan Turpin".

Louise Sorel (STAR TREK: "Requiem For Methuselah") is "Alicia Danato", Deretzo's grand-daughter, who takes a liking to Banacek.

Victor Jory (THE GREEN ARCHER) is Paul Andros, a former rival of Deretzo; each accuses the other of being behind the theft.

Peter Donat (THE CHINA SYNDROME) is "Robert Morgan", a much-younger gangster who's so obsessed about "owning" things and people, he winds up attacking Banacek with a sword because his girlfriend kissed the guy.

Ahna Capri (ENTER THE DRAGON) is "Mme. Pompadour" (at a party), who Banacek warns should get out while she can, after seeing Morgan make a complete fool of himself.

Kermit Murdock (THE ANDROMEDA SYNDROME), Peter Brocco (THE HAUNTED PALACE) and Olan Soule (SUPER FRIENDS) fill out the cast as an Archbishop, a Cardinal, and hotel desk clerk. I wonder how many people ever saw Soule onscreen and realized that for 15 years he was the cartoon voice of BATMAN?

The solution to this is BRILLIANT, but it would have been nice if I felt I had even the slightest chance of figuring it out on my own while watching.

Fit to Kill (1993)

The BIG Diamond Caper!

[5/10 · 17 May 2024]

The usual DEA gang (referred to in this film as "The Secret Service", but, no, that's a different government org) are assigned to guard a party, wherein a Chinese businessman, before he retires, is planning to present a huge diamond to a pair of Russian diplomats. It was stolen by Nazis during WW2, taken to South America, and fell into the hands of the Chinese along the way. DEA nemesis "Martin Kane" wants to steal it to discredit both the US, the Russians, and the DEA. But his former business associate, Chinese gangster "Poe", sends a female assassin to kill Kane, because of his failure in the previous movie (HARD HUNTED). Kane gets the assassin, "Blue Steele", to help him, but it's a shaky allegiance, and by the 2nd half of the movie, EVEN I began to get confused by the plot. (I know, this is an Andy Sidaris film. What am I doing paying attention to THE PLOT?)

Series regulars Dona Speir, Roberta Vasquez, Cynthia Brimhall, Ava Cadell, Bruce Penhall, Michael J. Shane, Tony Peck, Sandra Wild & Carolyn Liu all return as the group of DEA / Secret Service agents. Geoffrey Moore (Roger's son!) makes his 2nd appearance as "Martin Kane". The weird thing is, he acts like he never met Dona's character before, but he did, 2 movies earlier, EXCEPT, in that film, "Kane" was played by Pat Morita. (SCRIPT EDITOR!!) Chu Chu Maleve & Richard Cansino make their 3rd appearances as a pair of IDIOTIC comedy assassins. When they show up, the film had been so serious, their comic antics felt totally out-of-place, yet, they were both so aggressively STUPID, I found myself really laughing during their scenes. Especially when a toy store manager cons them into thinking a pair of Japanese cities are really in America, and later, one of them says, "That's the last time I buy American-- next time, I buy Italian!"

A real surprise was the subplot where the gem containing the tracker is damaged, then taken to a jewelers, then stolen... and one of the robbers was none other than "Rico Rossi" himself, Nicholas Giorgiade. Sidaris had been hiring this guy for 20 YEARS, ever since STACEY in 1973 (which I just got on an excellent bootleg DVD-R from "j4hi.com").

I've already noticed that lead hero "Donna Hamilton" (her last name not revealed for the first few films) was clearly a tribute to author "Donald Hamilton", creator of MATT HELM. Now, in this film, they reveal that the recurring baddie's full name is "Martin Kane", a tribute to MARTIN KANE PRIVATE EYE, a tv series that ran 241 episodes from 1949-1954!

At this point, more and more, the amount of nudity with LARGE-breasted girls seems to be more important than the stories. For myself, personality still matters, and for the last few films, I have to say, Cynthia Brimhall's "Edy" has become my favorite character in these things. She not only has an incredible bod, she's also REALLY nice. Overall, I enjoyed FIT TO KILL more than the 2 previous films combined.

Mission: Impossible: Old Man Out: Part 2 (1966) Season 1, Episode 5

HOW MUCH suspense can anyone stand?

[8/10 · 15 May 2024]

The prison break, so carefully planned out, hits a snag, as the Cardinal is no longer in his cell, but has been moved to Maximum Security. Dan has to go in and visit 'prisoner' Rollin to find out what happened. And that A-HOLE Colonel Scutari is getting more suspicious, and warns the circus troupe he's going to have his eye on them from now until they leave. So, Dan ADJUSTS his plans on the spot.

Crazy enough, if you've watched Part 1, and then seen this episode's opening credits, you kinda KNOW what's going to happen, more than usual. The opening montage (perhaps inspired by the ones used earlier on Gerry Anderson's THUNDERBIRDS?) usually act as a high-tension teaser, but without the audience having any idea what's going on yet. This time, instead, they sort of confirm for you that, YES, the mission WILL be pulled off-- even WITH hitches.

The craziest part wasn't Rollin actually escaping from the prison on his own (without the aid of the planned high-wire gimmick), but Dan BARGING into the prison, holding 'escaped prisoner' Rollin at gunpoint, pretending to be from Military Intelligence, when at least one of the guards SHOULD have recognized that he's the same man who visited Rollin inside the prison TWICE already! Dan wearing one of Rollin's special make-up jobs would have REALLY seemed called for right then! Of course, MY favorite part was when Dan (not Barney) was diguised as a clown, silently lured Scutari into a tent, and then without warning, KNOCKED his lights out. We never saw the guy after that. Did they take him with them when they escaped the country? How embarrassing that must have been for him when he woke up in the wrong country.

The last act is just one prolonged HIGH-TENSION nightmare, as the story deliberately squeezes EVERY LAST OUNCE of suspense out, right down to the very last minute. Watching this show can often be compared to riding a rolling coaster, as, by the time it's over, you feel exhausted. (But then, a lot of episodes of VOYAGE TO THE BOTTOM OF THE SEA were also like that. The difference is, they were almost NEVER this well-written, shot or edited.)

An ongoing surprise for me, watching Season 1 for the first time, is that the team members all seem a lot more "human" than I ever remember them. Maybe the show got "slicker" when Peter Graves replaced Steven Hill? I was long under the impression that the regular characters didn't start being written this "real" until the 1988 revival!

A minor surprise (and mystery), is that the unknown "extra" team member whose face we saw at the beginning of both parts, NEVER turned up in the story. Maybe, unlike "Crystal", HE refused to come along?

Madigan: The Midtown Beat (1972) Season 1, Episode 2

The Racist Country Boy and the Black Gay Hit Man

[8/10 · 14 May 2024]

A crooked self-professed "country boy" comes to town hoping to make criminal connections, when his party is robbed by a 13-year-old black kid filling in as a busboy. Holding the crowd at bay at gunpoint, he insists on taking only $1,000. But it's enough to send the host into a racist rage, convinced his reluctant fellow crook will be impressed if he "takes care" of the kid... by hiring a HIT man.

This must be my 2nd-favorite MADIGAN story, as there's enough interesting characters and personalities to keep it from getting too serious and downbeat (as about half the episodes of this short-lived series were). Dan Madigan is tough, and intimidating, yet somehow, in this story, he's LIKABLE enough to get on a lot of people's good sides, and at one point even prevents a hooker from being arrested as a way of saying "thank you" for her help finding the youthful robber.

Charles Durning is "Sid Balinger", a crook so rough around the edges that his intended business partner wants nothing to do with him, and winds up hiring a BLACK hit man because, as Dan says, "Maybe he doesn't think he's prejudiced." I'd forgotten "Doc Hopper" was in this. I'm pretty sure this episode was my first exposure to Durning.

Nathan George is "Roscoe Blue", a noticably GAY hit man whose "hired help" is even more flamboyant than he is.

Marlene Warfield is "Clara Fix", the young boy's mother, who's trying to keep her son out of trouble, doesn't trust Madigan at first, but later teams up with him to scout Harlem for info on her son's whereabouts, especially once they realize someone's out to KILL the boy!

Gilbert Lewis is "Smokey Fix", the older brother who's in jail, and the one his kid brother stole the money for to hire a lawyer to get him out. It seems he once did time with Roscoe, who made the mistake of trying to make Smokey his prison boyfriend, and now Roscoe sees killing Smokey's brother as not just a way to make money, but also get revenge for Smokey using a knife on him earlier.

Cab Calloway is "Doc Pizer", the ghetto physician who regularly makes a habit of removing bullets from patients without reporting it to the cops. Between him and his nurse "Tina" (Joyce Walker), I was very much reminded of 2 of the characters from the earliest issues of LUKE CAGE HERO FOR HIRE, which actually debuted some months before this episode aired. Coincidence, or influence? (Who can say?)

I really wish this series had lasted longer than just one short season of TV-movies. It made me a fan of Richard Widmark, and was some of the earliest work I'd ever seen from executive producer Dean Hargrove (who became a huge fixture in TV mystery series in the 1980s & 90s).

Mission: Impossible: Old Man Out: Part 1 (1966) Season 1, Episode 4

The Eastern Bloc Prison Break

[6/10 · 8 May 2024]

An aging Cardinal who is the leader of the "opposition party" is arrested, thrown into an "impregnable" prison, tortured, and will soon be executed. Dan's mission is to RESCUE him. We see at least 3 agents picked out for this assignment who are not regular members of his team, but 2 of them never show up in this episode. Which makes me WONDER what's waiting for me in PART 2. Rollin, posing as a pickpocket, is arrested, sneaks in a lockpick, and times exactly how long it will take him to get the Cardinal to the roof of the prison... before telling him the actual rescue will have to be the next day. OY! But, when the next day arrives... the man is MISSING from his cell, as he was taken away for more brutal interrogation. As a kid, I always hated when you'd run into a VISCIOUS cliffhanger like this, and the words "TO BE CONTINUED NEXT WEEK" would appear onscreen. Never having seen Season 1 before, I'm still intent on watching ONE episode per week. So I have an entire week of suspense ahead of me, wondering, what happens next!

Mary Ann Mobley is "Crystal Walker", a trapeze artist who's worked with Dan at least twice before, and at first, flat out REFUSES to get involved in whatever it is he wants her for! I've never seen that in any other episode of M:I. Crazy enough, in some circles, Mobley is most remembered as "April Dancer" from a 2nd season episode of THE MAN FROM UNCLE... except, she was replaced by Stefanie Powers (playing an entirely-different character with the same name) when THE GIRL FROM UNCLE debuted months later.

Cyril Delevanti (THE NIGHT OF THE IGUANA) is "Cardinal Vossek", who looks so old and frail you fear he might just die even without being "interrogated".

Joseph Ruskin (6 episodes of THE UNTOUCHABLES and 2 TIME TUNNELs) is "Colonel Scutari", who is extremely suspicious of everyone and winds up questioning Dan about the NON-UNION circus troupe he runs. I sometimes wonder if Ruskin ever played a likable character in his entire long career!

Oscar Beregi Jr. Is "The Commandant", who seems far too pleased when the order comes down to EXECUTE the old Cardinal. This guy seemed to specialize in playing Nazis, and I've seen him in tons of things, including THE UNTOUCHABLES, VOYAGE, THE TIME TUNNEL, THE MONKEES, BATMAN, UNCLE, TARZAN, THE WILD WILD WEST, GET SMART, GREEN ACRES, HOGAN'S HEROES, EVERYTHING YOU ALWAYS WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT SEX, and, oh yeah, the prison guard in YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN.

Monte Markham (DEATH TAKES A HOLIDAY, THE NEW PERRY MASON) is "Tosk", a prison guard who takes a shine to Barbara Bain's alleged mind-reader.

Many times growing up, I had NO idea I was watching a 2-parter when the cliffhanger would suddenly come up. I knew this time... and so, just wound up LAUGHING (and cursing) at the screen when it arrived. I read many years ago that quite often on this show, things would appear onscreen early-on that the TV audience would have NO IDEA what they had to do with the plot, until the last act. I guess I'll find out... next week.

Mission: Impossible: Operation Rogosh (1966) Season 1, Episode 3

Trial of a Mass Murderer

[8/10 · 1 May 2024]

Imre Rogosh-- known as "The Monster"-- has been responsible for thousands of deaths in various contries. Now he's in Los Angeles, and it's Dan's job to find out what he's up to and PREVENT it from happenning, before it's too late. Dan engineers a traffic accident, and when Rogosh wakes up, he's made to think he's in a castle prison back home-- it's 3 YEARS later-- and he has amnesia and can't remember anything since the accident! I normally hate "amnesia" stories, but not this one (heh)!

Cinnamon gets to really do some acting in this one, making this the first episode with evidence of why Barbara Bain won an Emmy for Best Actress in a Dramatic Series. Barney gets to do a lot of talking over a sound system, imitating a news announcer-- before Willy gets to beat him up for real while Barney's posing as a student activist. Rollin plays a prosecutor (and we once again get to see what a laid-back, likable guy he is when out of range of the baddies), while Dan poses as a completely-ineffective defense counsel.

TWO plot twists complicate things. The first is when Rogosh's accomplices find out where he's being held-- and decide to KILL him to prevent him from talking. The second is when, near the end, Rogosh figures out what's really going on-- arrogantly brags they haven't gotten all the info out of him they want-- and then pegs Dan as the leader-- just before Dan DECKS him. And then they have to pull ONE more con to get him to talk before it's too late-- for HIM!

Fritz Weaver (CREEPSHOW) is "Imre Rogosh", a dangerously intelligent and clearly insane fanatic. Charles Maxwell (who played "Virgil Earp" on STAR TREK) is "Lazloff", who gets the job to assassinate his own boss. James Lanphier (THE PINK PANTHER) is "Klimi", who gives the order to kill his own boss.

An awful lot more people than usual were employed by Dan Briggs to pull this con game off. I'm sure most of them had NO idea what was really going on around them. When it was all over, all I could think to say was... "HOLY S***!" Boy, was this a good one.

Banacek: Project Phoenix (1972) Season 1, Episode 2

How DOES a flatcar vanish from the middle of a moving train?

[6/10 · 30 April 2024]

That's the question, when an experimental prototype car is being moved by railroad, and the train was going 50 MPH and never stopped along the route. I remembered how this one was done... it was the rest of the story I had virtually no memory of. Which makes re-watching it all the more fun.

William Windom (MY WORLD AND WELCOME TO IT) and Bert Convy (THE SNOOP SISTERS) are "Harry Wexler" & "Douglas Ruderman", owners of the company that designed the missing car.

Percy Rodrigues (STAR TREK: "Court Martial") and Herb Edelman (STRIKE FORCE) are "Faldor" and "Joe Haddenhurst", insurance company reps who would hate to pay out what the car was insured for; the latter has a personal hatred of Banacek, who will collect his usual 10% if he finds the car.

Peter Mark Richman (LONGSTREET) is "Andy Cole", owner of the rival car company, who will win big if the car isn't found and his own wins a big contract. More con-artist than designer, he's a prime suspect for who might be behind the theft.

Joanna Pettet (THE BEST HOUSE IN LONDON) is "Christine Verdon", who once worked for Cole, was also in love with him, and was caught stealing plans from his rival's company. She insists she was framed... and only conceited womanizer Thomas Banacek seems to be on her side.

Stafford Repp (BATMAN) is a helpful local police chief, who looks like he put on quite a few pounds since 1968. Bruce Kirby (who's been in practically everythng including 9 episodes of COLUMBO) is "Collier", an undertaker who also owns a laudromat. John Fielder (BUFFALO BILL) has a very unusual role as "Paddle", a hobo who once worked for a large bank, who provides Banacek some important info.

I mostly remember the ending of this because Banacek demonstrated how the crime was committed using a table-top model railroad set, and I was very big into those when I growing up. I won't tell you how it was done, but according to the Trivia section, the same method of stealing a train carriage from a moving train can be found in the story, "Sir Gilbert Murrell's Picture", from the book "Thrilling Stories of the Railway" (1912), by the Rev. Victor L. Whitchurch. Now if only this TV-movie had actually included that in the credits-- TSK!

Guns (1990)

Big Guns and Big 'Uns!

[5/10 · 26 April 2024]

A mobster wants to ship high-tech Chinese weapons to South America-- thru Hawaii-- and so decides to kill several DEA agents there to lure them to Las Vegas, knowing one will come after him, because ten years earlier, he killed her father. What follows involves action, violence, nudity, and occasional comedy (but not really enough of the latter two).

Andy Sidaris is at it again! Dona Spier, Roberta Vasquez, Cynthia Brimhall, Kim Malin, Donna Spangler, Lisa London, Liv Lindeland, Devin DeVasquez... how many Playboy Playmates (and the like) can you squeeze into one film? There's also Erik Estrada as the main baddie, Danny Trejo as his sidekick, George Cheung as his weapons supplier, Bruce Penhall, Michael J. Shane, Chuck McCann, John Brown & William Bumiller as DEA agents (more than usual this time, though some of them get killed off before it's over). The lesson I got from this movie is, if you're a criminal, operate in quiet. If you go out of your way to target cops-- especially Feds-- you might as well just be painting a target on your chest. (Actually, I think that was Lucky Luciano's MO as well.)

"Taryn" (Hope Marie Carlton) left after 3 pictures (perhaps her character made off with so much money she decided it was better to separate herself from all these dangerous DEA missions?) and was replaced with "Nicole" (Roberta Vasquez, who's beautiful, but far more serious, maybe too much so, throwing off the balance the previous films had). "Shane Abilene" (Michael J. Shane) STILL can't hit a moving target, not even with a massive .44 Magnum, prompting Dona to yell at him, "Don't just DO something, STAND there!", before she blows up a mini-plane with a rocket launcher. DEA agent and stage magician "Abe" (Chuck McCann), interrogates 2 thugs and asks, "Do you know what's the difference between a magician and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist!" When confronted with a pair of sword-weilding ninjas, Donna just SHOOTS them-- the 3rd time such a thing happened in a Sidaris film!

"Edy Stark" (Cynthia Brimhall), who in earlier films ran a restaurant as her cover, moved over to singing in nightclubs, so "Rocky" (Lisa London) took over the restaurant-- an interesting bit of continuity in these things. Edy's role REALLY expanded in this one (and it looks like her breast size did as well, but that may just be her push-up bras). The film opens (and closes) with Edy singing onstage, in what I can only think it a tribute to the Dean Martin-Matt Helm film THE SILENCERS (1966). And it suddenly hits me, lead character "Donna Hamilton" almost has to be a tribute to author Donald Hamilton, creator of Matt Helm!

Looking back over posters for this film, I find the original was quite misleading. It said, "James never had this kind of help!", and pictures a smiling Erik Estrada with Dona Spier & Cynthia Brimhall, as if he were the hero of the picture-- but he's the MAIN BAD GUY!

I wonder why Andy Sidaris didn't have a cameo in this one? (Or did I miss him somehow?)

Mission: Impossible: Memory (1966) Season 1, Episode 2

The Deadly DISCREDITING Affair

[6/10 · 24 April 2024]

To take down a dangerous Eastern-European official-- without actually assassinating him-- a man with uncanny perfect memory recall impersonates a suspected double-agent, allows himself to be captured, then interrogated, so the information forced from him will IMPLICATE said official. Just explaining that is more complicated than it should be!

Albert Paulsen (THE MANCHURIAN CANDIDATE) is "Joseph Baresh", whose ability to remember anything serves him well while impersonating a dead spy that the bad guys don't realize has been dead for 6 months already. It also helps when he happens to glance over a complete list of the main baddie's spy network. What I can't believe is that IMF team leader Dan Briggs actually intended to leave Baresh behind in prison, something suggested at the start of the last act, but which I did not get at all when the mission was laid out. What the HELL kind of "good guy" is Briggs, anyway?

Leonard Stone is "Dimitri Soska", head of security at the prison, who takes far too much pleasure torturing people for information. I've seen Stone in many things over the years, but what always blows my mind the most was his 2 episodes of LOST IN SPACE, where he played galactic showman "Farnum B.", arguably the most exagerrated, ridiculous, over-the-top character in the entire run of that show. Watching him in anything else, it's hard to believe it's the same person. He really was some kind of actor!

Gene Dynarski is the "Sgt. Of Guard" at the prison. I've seen him in numerous things, including 2 episodes each of BATMAN, THE MONKEES, VOYAGE TO THE BOTTOM OF THE SEA and STAR TREK. When it comes to big, tough, moustached bad guys, he was to 60s TV what Harry Cording was to 30s movies.

Martin Landau, as "Rollin Hand", is listed in the opening credits, so I began to wonder, WHERE the heck is he, when he didn't turn up until 30 minutes into the story! And then he winds up having only a 3-minute cameo. That's what I call "playing around" with the format. Similarly, this is apparently the ONLY episode out of all 171 where the mission isn't delivered to the team leader by some kind of recorded message.

Although Dan specifically mentions "no killing" at the beginning, by the time it's all over, their target, "Janos Kirk" (William Keene) is put before a firing squad by the baddies, and later, Barney & Willy casually machine-gun a couple of guards during the prison break. I guess it all depends on WHO's being shot, when and by whom.

McMillan & Wife: Night of the Wizard (1972) Season 2, Episode 1

"Why did you murder me?"

[6/10 · 23 April 2024]

Mac & Sally are invited to a seance at which a murdered man appears accusing his widow of the crime! Mac, refusing to believe in ghosts, wracks his brain for most of the story, trying to figure out who could be impersonating the dead man, who benefitted from his death, would benefit from driving his widow insane, and... is the dead man REALLY dead in the first place?

You know, if they'd swapped this story and the next one, this could have easily aired as a HALLOWEEN episode.

Sharon Acker is "Evie Kendall", the grieving widow. I had to look her up before I realized I'd seen her in a STAR TREK and 2 episodes of HEC RAMSEY.

Paul Richards is "Dr. Eli Spake", who's trying his best to help Evie avoid a nervous breakdown. Every time I see his face or hear his voice, I'm always reminded the most memorable line the actor ever spoke in his career was, "Glory be to the bomb and to the holy fallout" (from BENEATH THE PLANET OF THE APES).

Cameron Mitchell is "Harry Hastings", a semi-retired stage magician who admits he's in love with the widow. When spooky stuff happens at night designed to scare Sally, it became a bit too obvious that he was probably involved. (The previous season, he'd played a man who faked his own death in the McCLOUD episode, "Somebody's Out To Get Jennie".)

Eileen Brennan is "Nora Dane", friend of the family, who may know more than she says. I always mostly remember her for THE CHEAP DETECTIVE (1978) with Peter Falk.

Martin E. Brooks makes his 2nd appearances as "Deputy D. A. Chapman", convinced Evie DID kill her husband, accuses Mac of helping a murderess go free, and hopes to hit her with at least a purjury charge.

John Astin makes his debut as "Skyes", the eccentric police scientist who tries to determine if the body they buried a year earlier is in fact Evie's husband, or not. I always enjoyed him on this show, and was surprised that he didn't appear in that many episodes.

Philip Carey is "Arthur Kendall", the dead husband (or is he?) seen (mostly) in flashbacks. In the 1950s, he starred as PHILIP MARLOWE on TV.

This episode opens with a high-speed chase (WHAT, AGAIN???), once more causing me to ask, "WHY is the Police Commissioner taking part in chasing a bad guy?" I guess Mac must really like being that involved. Later, as Mac works to figure out the mystery, I'm reminded that this show really tended to have some of the most unusual murder mysteries ever seen on TV, and it's clear that Mac's mind does not work like normal people's. There's Charlie Chan, there's Hercule Poirot, and then there's Stewart McMillan-- and each of these characters' thought processes are unique. Time and again, when a new twist is revealed, or a new plot point suddenly figured out, it feels like my head is exploding as I watch. It's no wonder I like this show.

Sally, oddly, doesn't get to do much in this one, except look beautiful. I was reminded that, when this episode was made, Susan St. James had only recently become a new mother in real life. (But, very strangely, this was not reflected in the series-- despite Sally being pregnant in the PREVIOUS story. I guess there was a miscarriage.)

Picasso Trigger (1988)

REVENGE is never a good business model

[5/10 · 19 April 2024]

Drug lord Miguel Ortiz thanks his business partner Salazar for his help, but right after, Salazar is gunned down at an art gallery. Soon after, Ortiz has his men bumping off DEA agents, and plans to then murder civilians, all of whom were involved in the death of his brother. Luckily, 3 of the good guys targetted AREN'T killed, and one of them, cowboy "L. G.", gets in touch with his "Agency" friends and gathers them together for a massive assault to "arrest" (or, just plain KILL OFF) all the bad guys involved. Along the way, we have the usual helicopters, fast cars, speed boats, motorcycles, martial arts fights, high-powered guns, gimmicky exposives... oh yeah, and HOT NAKED BABES. All in beautiful, gorgeous, STUNNINGLY-photographed locations. Writer & director Andy Sidaris is on the loose again!

The 5th (yeah, 5th!) of Sidaris' sexy action flicks brings back several cast members from both HARD TICKET TO HAWAII (1987) and SEVEN (1979), the latter of which was apparently a victim of some legal rights problems for decades, and so never included in Sidaris sets or reissued on disc until 2018! But it's my FAVORITE of his films, so I was thrilled to see not only "Cowboy" / "L. G." (Guich Koock ) and "The Professor" (Richard LePore) return from that film, but also the near-identical fight scene and method of killing used wherein a drug boss is shoved thru a high window out of a tall office building!

Returning from HARD TICKET are Dona Spier ("Donna"), the adorable Hope Marie Carlton ("Taryn"), Cynthis Brimhall ("Edy"), Patty Duffek ("Pattycakes"), Harold Diamond ("Jade"), Wolf Larson (golf pro "Jimmy-John Jackson"), and Andy Sidaris ("Whitey"). Several other actors return in different roles, including John Aprea (crime boss "Salazar", nick-named "Picasso Trigger"), Rodrigo Obregón (crime boss Miguel Ortiz), Nicholas Giorgiade (white slaver "Schiavo"), and John Brown (DEA agent "Juan", previously hired thug "Luke" in MALIBU EXPRESS). It's fun how Sidaris' films has a stock company of actors not unlike the Universal Rathbone Holmes films of the 1940s. New Playboy Playmate additions this time are Liv Lindeland ("Inga", the Professor's Swedish girlfriend), Kym Malin ("Kym", Pattykakes' dancing partner), and the incredibly-beautiful Roberta Vasquez ("Pantera", who says she was once in love with the film's hero Travis).

Steve Bond is "Travis Abilene", and like Cody and Rowdy, CAN'T hit a moving target! The joke has gotten old and tired by here. Bond is all grown up since his appearance in TARZAN AND THE JUNGLE BOY (1966, released in 1968), and of all the guys in this film, I thought he was the only one who was, frankly, as hot-looking as the girls were. But his acting wasn't half as good as his 2 predecessors. I kept wishing Sidaris had brought back William Smith.

I was somewhat surprised that neither Hope or Roberta ever showed their breasts in this film. Sidaris once hilariously said, comparing his films to the 007 series, "Our girls are prettier, and they show their stuff." But I guess Donna & Cynthia made up for it.

I've repeatedly read this film's plot was "hard to follow". MAYBE. By halfway in, I was actually reminded of The Monkees' film HEAD (1968), in that both seemed to have a "stream-of-consciousness" feel about the way events played out. You MAY not know for sure what's going on at any given moment, but, keep watching, and it WILL all make sense as it goes.

Mission: Impossible: Pilot (1966) Season 1, Episode 1

"TWO ATOM BOMBS!"

[8/10 · 17 April 2024]

Daniel Briggs, leader of a mysterious covert government group known as the "IMF" (Impossible Missions Force) is assigned to go to the Central American country of Santa Costa, break into an impregnable vault in a lavish hotel, disarm and REMOVE a pair of atomic bombs to prevent their threat of use by the military dictator, "General Rio Dominguez", and get out alive with the bombs.

This is certainly as different as you could get from the movie WRONG IS RIGHT (1982).

Bruce Geller had a dream: get into feature films by producing a TV pilot that was SO complex, SO tight, SO involved, it would act as his resume to become a film producer. And there was no way this thing could ever get on TV. But the plan backfired when the seeming-impossible happened: the pilot SOLD! Suddenly-- he had to do it EVERY WEEK. I suppose we can "thank" Lucille Ball for this, as that year she used every bit of her power and influence in the business to virtually strong-arm network executives into buying not one but TWO of the shows created by her small, family-owned studio, DESILU. The other show was STAR TREK. Does it blow anyone else's mind that both these series debuted on TV the SAME week?

Very much following in the footsteps of such earlier productions as RIFIFI (1955), 21 BEACON STREET (1959-- there was actually a lawsuit involved!), THE LEAGUE OF GENTLEMEN (1960) and especially TOPKAPI (1964-- check out not only the similar format but the similar characters), the series showcased incredibly-complicated plots, storytelling and editing-- usually at the expense of characterization, as Geller wanted his team members to be ciphers, as most of the time they would be undercover portraying fictional people.

Steven Hill is "Daniel Briggs", who each week gets his assignments in odd places via recordings that "self-destruct" after use (in the pilot, it's a record LP that "decomposes" one minute after the air seal is broken). In his long career, he appeared in many things, but no doubt will always be remembered for his 28 episodes of M:I and his 230 episodes of LAW AND ORDER.

Barbara Bain is "Cinnamon Carter", who admits her job mostly uses her "natural talents". I honestly don't remember her being as sexy as she was in this, so I'm really looking forward to the rest of her 78 episodes here. I've also seen her as David Jansen's girlfriend in 5 episodes of RICHARD DIAMOND, appearances in both the Darren McGavin AND Stacy Keach versions of MIKE HAMMER, an early GET SMART (done shortly before this), as well as her unfortunate 2 seasons on SPACE: 1999 and the final GILLIGAN'S ISLAND movie in 1981.

Greg Morris is "Barney Collier", the tech wizard who's usually working in the shadows and rarely has much dialogue. Ironically, he's the only actor on the series who appeared in all 9 seasons (including guest-appearances in the late-80s revival, for a total of 174 episodes). He also was a regular for 57 episodes of VEGA$. Crazy enough, his son Phil, a regular playing his son in the revival, made his acting debut in a 1st-season STAR TREK not many weeks after this.

Peter Lupus is "Willy Armitage", a strongman who gets to lift 2 suitcases, which will contain not only the nuclear weapons, but also a man, without anyone watching being the wiser. He lasted 161 episodes, and also made 4 appearances as "Norberg" on the short-lived POLICE SQUAD! With Leslie Nielsen.

Martin Landau is "Rollin Hand", a combination stage magician and master of disguise. He gets to play an old man in a wheelchair, and impersonate General Dominguez (who, coincidentally, is also played by Landau). He also flirts quite a bit with Cinnamon in this, which she brushes off while trying to focus on the mission. Landau was originally scheduled for only a certain number of episodes in the 1st season, to allow him to appear in other projects and on stage, and so was listed as "special guest star". But, by season 2, he became a regular like the other 4 team members. Landau almost certainly has the most prestigious list of acting credits, having appeared in such things as NORTH BY NORTHWEST (1959), CLEOPATRA (1963), 2 episodes each of THE UNTOUCHABLES and THE OUTER LIMITS, THEY CALL ME MISTER TIBBS! (1970), THE FALL OF THE HOUSE OF USHER (1979), CRIMES AND MISDEMEANORS (1989), ED WOOD (1994), SLEEPY HOLLOW (1999), the hilarious READY TO RUMBLE (2000), as well as all 48 episodes of SPACE: 1999 and 76 episodes of M:I.

Wally Cox is "Terry Targo", a professional safe-cracker who has to figure out how to break OUT of an impregnable vault. Things get really tricky when his fingers are broken during the capture of "el presidente", and Dan has to do his job for him. Mostly known for comedy, Cox appeared in 104 episodes of MISTER PEEPERS, 26 episodes of THE ADVENTURES OF HIRAM HOLLIDAY, 119 episodes of UNDERDOG, as well as THE NIGHT STRANGLER (1972) and a LOST IN SPACE.

Preumably, director Bernard L. Kowalksi's work on this set the whole style and tone for the series. He'd previously done 25 episodes of THE REBEL and later did 10 of BARETTA, 5 of MAGNUM, P. I., 4 of COLUMBO and 4 of BANACEK. It's that last one that grabs my attention, as that show's "heists" were carried out in similarly-complex, mind-blowing fashion to the ones here.

I understand M:I burned out more writers in Holywood than any other series on TV, because of its excess complexity. I came in on the 2nd season, and was instantly hooked. But, strangely enough, until today, I had NEVER seen a single episode of the 1st season. But now I have the 2020 Blu-Ray set. Suffice to say, I've got a lot of "work" in front of me!

Madigan: The Manhattan Beat (1972) Season 1, Episode 1

The Cop and the Sociology Major

[7/10 · 16 April 2024]

A pair of ex-con punk brothers are mugging people and terrorizing others to keep them quiet, which make it hard for the police to charge them. This doesn't stop tough, old, grizzled Detective Dan Madigan from rousting them on petty misdemeanors to try and keep them off the streets at least for a night here and there, even if it does come under the heading of "police harrasassment". While this is going on, he's saddled with a new partner, fresh out of college with a degree is Sociology, who thinks "new-fangled" methods like communication and "encounter groups" may be able to help at least one of the brothers.

MADIGAN had to be the most "different" of all the NBC Mystery Movies series. Filmed entirely on location (at the insistence of lead actor Richard Widmark), it's like a tougher, grittier version of McCLOUD with nearly all of the humor surgically removed. I came in a bit late, but for most of the 1972-73 season, it became one of my favorite shows, despite how deadly-serious it often was. Re-watching this episode, it feels like it stepped out of a time warp. On the one hand, the attitude of his partner screams of the era it was made more than anything on any other Mystery Movie series, while the look and style seems at least 20 years ahead of its time. A shame that like too many of the series that came after the initial 3, it didn't last. In an interview in TV GUIDE at the time, when asked what he thought the show's chances were, Widmark replied, "All I know is, whenever I like a show, it only lasts one season." He called that one right.

What a cast! Richard Widmark (KISS OF DEATH, THE ALAMO, JUDGEMENT AT NUREMBERG, MURDER ON THE ORIENT EXPRESS) is "Dan Madigan", a cop who claims to hate his job, but keeps doing it because it's the only thing he knows, and, he's so good at it. I always remember being shocked when I got around to seeing the 1968 feature film MADIGAN, and found he was married in it, and, more, got KILLED at the end. This episode mentions he's divorced, and, as for the other thing, I guess he "got better". The nerve of whoever was responsible for taking a DEAD character and reviving him for a TV series.

Ronnie Cox (ROBOCOP) is "Norman Fields", the all-too-sensitive college boy with the way-too-long hair who isn't sure he's made the right career choice, tries to reach the younger mugger (and his sister), and oddly lies to his parents about what his older partner does on his time off.

Murray Hamilton (JAWS) is "Charlie Kane", Dan's ex-parter who's moved up to a desk job, and understands him better than anyone else. Hamilton replaced James Whitmore from the 1968 film, and while I know they only made 3 episodes set in New York City, it's very odd that Hamilton didn't come back for the other 2.

William Prince (THE GAUNTLET) is "Mr. Fields", Norman's father who asks Dan to "watch over" his son.

Tony Lo Bianco (THE FRENCH CONNECTION) is Joe Lakka, a scum if there ever was one, who mugs and terrorizes old people, but also brutalizes his own brother to keep him in line. Suffice to say, things don't end well, but he really had it coming.

James Sloyan (BUCK ROGERS IN THE 25TH CENTURY) is Tommy Lakka, the annoying younger brother who does whatever his older sibling tells him to, no matter how much trouble it means.

Earle Hyman has a brief part as "Detective Clark", who we see at the grimy precinct house. He later appeared in 40 episodes of THE COSBY SHOW!

Ann Wedgeworth is "Angie", the waitress Dan is friendly with. She later appeared in 99 episodes of EVENING SHADE!

I strongly suspect the location used for the police precinct was the SAME one that appeared in both the 1968 MADIGAN film and the 1968 COOGAN'S BLUFF. I found it interesting at the time that MADIGAN and THE STREETS OF SAN FRANCISCO debuted the same month, and both featured grizzled old detectives partnered with young college boys (on the other show it was Karl Malden & Michael Douglas). STREETS ran 120 weekly episodes; MADIGAN, a mere 6 tv-movies. So it goes.

At the moment, the series is available as bootlegs from OnesMediaFilms. The prints, taken from French copies (with the important credits altered to read in English) are a bit too dark and grainy, but at least they're watchable. I really wanted to upgrade from my own videotapes recorded off The CBS Late Movie in the early 80s, when they skipped my favorite episode, "The London Beat". But I would really love it if Visual Entertainment Incorporated (VEI), who put out the boxes of McCLOUD, McMILLAN & WIFE, and THE SNOOP SISTERS, would get aorund to doing MADIGAN, HEC RAMSEY, COOL MILLION, and the other later NBC Mystery Movie series.

Columbo: Étude in Black (1972) Season 2, Episode 1

The Cheating Conductor

[6/10 · 9 April 2024]

A symphony conductor who married his wife because her mother ran the orchestra is cheating on her, until his mistress demands he get a divorce or she'll cause a scandal, which would get him fired from his position. So he sets up an alibi, sneaks off, murders her, and makes it look like suicide. Too bad he dropped a carnation at the scene of the crime, which he realizes only when he's performing on live TV! When Columbo shows up to investigate, he sees the man pick up the flower from the floor, but we never learn for certain if Columbo SAW it there before that moment, or not. Meanwhile, I rather expected Columbo to check the mileage on the man's car almost a half-hour before he admits he did. The big surprise was when he asks the help of a young girl living next door if she can identify the man she saw leaving the scene of the crime, and when she does, it's SOMEONE ELSE! I didn't really find the relentless sparring harrassment amusing this time out. My favorite moment is when Columbo has a car mechanic who specializes in foreign cars look at his ancient Peugeot, and the man says, "There are limits!"

Dean Hargrove, veteran of THE MAN FROM UNCLE and fresh off the 2nd "oddball" season of McCLOUD, takes over as Producer of COLUMBO. And right from the start, someone decided, at the last minute, to expand this episode from the usual 90-minute format to 2 hours. BIG MISTAKE. I don't mind long stories, but stories PADDED-OUT after-the-fact are always a problem, and this one is no exception. A great number of the NBC Mystery Movies suffered when NBC decided a couple years later to make them all fit a 2-hour slot, but I'd guess at least some of them were written that way from the start. According to the trivia section here at the IMDB, Hargrove wound up writing the extra half-hour, and, overseas, this was actually broadcast in its original 90-minute format, and those who've seen that consider it the superior version. Too bad that wasn't included as an extra on the DVD.

John Cassavettes (DEVIL'S ANGELS, TEMPEST) is "Alex Benedict", the usual arrogant, egotistical, narcissistic murderer who's less likable than usual. He gets really fed up with Columbo's incessant appearances, though he calls him a "genius detective" after he's been NAILED for his crime.

James Olson is "Paul Rifkin", a trumpet player deeply upset by the death of the woman who, until Benedict came along, he was very much in love with.

Myrna Loy is "Lizzy Fielding", owner of the orchestra, who reveals to Columbo that NOTHING is more important to her (apart from her daughter), and that anyone even remotely causing a scandal would be fired-- EVEN her son-in-law.

James McEachin has a small role as "Billy Jones", Benedict's assistant, who has to straighten things out when their star pianist fails to show up for a concert scheduled to be televised live. A year later McEachin got his own short-lived Mystery Movie series, TENAFLY, and then in the late 80s became a fixture on the PERRY MASON revival-- no doubt thanks to Hargrove.

Dawn Frame is "Audrey", next door friend of the murdered woman, who taught her "how to handle men". It's somewhat amusing when Columbo is trying to be polite with her, while she keeps looking for ways to stay in control of their conversation. Among other things, she harrasses the Lieutenant about how to treat his dog, not knowing that he only just rescued the guy from the pound the day before! Frame only had a short career in Hollywood, but she really stood out in her brief scenes here.

Charles Macauley has a cameo as "Durkee", a friend of Lizzy Fielding. Like McEachin, he also became a regular on the 80s PERRY MASON revival.

I wish I could say I enjoyed this more, but then, they can't ALL be favorites. My bigger problem tonight was having to use a pair of pliers to bend part of the spindle in the DVD box to prevent cracking the disc while trying to remove it from the box. I love this 2018 VEI set, all 69 movies in one place, but the spindles holding the discs in place are simply the WORST I have seen in 5 years of collecting DVDs and Blu-Rays. Both the McCLOUD and McMILLAN & WIFE boxes use SLEEVES instead. MUCH better!

Also, this particular disc has advertisements for other movies (I hate whenever anyone includes stuff like that), and they also include the "preview" at the beginning (with no gap between it and the actual start of the film), but, oddly, while they include the "Universal" logo at the start of the disc and at the start of the episode, there's no "Universal" tag at the end. Which just feels WRONG.

Banacek: Let's Hear It for a Living Legend (1972) Season 1, Episode 1

The Football Player Vanishes

[5/10 · 3 April 2024]

On live TV, a football player is tackled by 4 guys. But when they up, the man they tackled is GONE. The police and the insurance company both believe it's a publicity stunt, but, the team owner tries to convince Banacek it isn't. He agrees to look into it because, as he says, "I'd like to know how they did it."

I'm not big on sports, especially football, but this is a mystery show, so, I did my best to pay attention. It wasn't easy, as somehow, the connections, how certain facts came together to steer the investigator in the right direction, weren't always obvious or clear. And I watched this twice back-to-back this week, something I never do! Still, my late best friend used to say, that COLUMBO and BANACEK share in common, that, to him, the crime at the beginning, and the solution at the end, are the ONLY parts worth watching. Everything in between is just scene after scene of people standing around talking. I never really agreed with that, and found his cynical attitude kind of sad. Of course, he was also a speed-reader, and often went through an entire novel in one sitting-- getting the plot, but NO human element out of any story in the process. Too bad. I'd rather take my time and enjoy the ride.

Robert Webber (12 ANGRY MEN, REVENGE OF THE PINK PANTHER) is "Jerry Brinkman", the team owner, who at one point, Banacek suspects is behind it all, since he's got the best motive.

Stefanie Powers (THE GIRL FROM UNCLE) is "Angie Ives", ex-wife of the vanished player. She says she just wants to know he's alright, while slowly becoming interested in the Polish guy trying to find him.

Madlyn Rhue (STAR TREK: "Space Seed") is "Holly Allencamp", a rather flaky barfly who may hold a key piece of info to solve the mystery.

Conrad Janis (one of those ubituitous character actors you've seen in everything without knowing his name) is the video technician who helps Banacek view the original films of the game where the mystery occured.

Jock Mahoney (TARZAN GOES TO INDIA) is "Albert Bates", an ex-military guy responsible for a KIDNAPPING pulled off in such a way that until a ransom note arrived days later, nobody even realized was a kidnapping.

A curious piece of trivia, never mentioned in the episode itself, is that the office of the team owner is in the SAME building that houses the Insurance Company that winds up paying Banacek for finding the missing player.

How did they do it? WATCH THE MOVIE! I'm not gonna tell you.

Mad Dog Coll (1961)

History vs. Hollywood-- BRUTAL GANGSTER style!

[7/10 · 31 March 2024]

2 years after THE UNTOUCHABLES did an episode about "Mad Dog" Vincent Coll, came this gripping low-budget thriller. Sure, they got pretty much ALL the details wrong. Sure, 95% of the people in front of the cameras and in back of them had incredibly-SHORT careers. But on the other hand, aside from headliner John Davis Chandler, you also had terrific spotlights for Telly Savalas (the tough cop who gave Coll too MANY chances), Vincent Gardenia (who makes Dutch Schultz seem more civilized than he probably was), and a very young Jerry Orbach (who tortures over whether to stick with his lifelong "friend", OR, help the cops PUT HIM DOWN. There's even a wordless cameo by Gene Hackman in his screen debut, as a uniformed cop.

There's also the loud, powerful, in-your-face score from Stu Phillips, whose work I know from countless things, including McCLOUD, BATTLESTAR GALACTICA and BUCK ROGERS IN THE 25TH CENTURY. Its nice to know some people made it out of this piece of obscurity and had long, successful careers.

Hey, I gotta hand it to the people who made this film for the simple fact that THEY MADE THIS FILM. And, it's watchable! That in itself is quite an accomplishment, no matter how you look at it.

For comparison, try watching this and the 1959 UNTOUCHABLES episode with Clu Gulager as Coll and Lawrence Dobkin as Shultz. Or, check out the 1981 mini-series, THE GANGSTER CHRONICLES, that had David Wilson as Coll and Jonathan Banks as Schultz (my personal favorite). My Dad always said that show had the MOST-authentic casting he'd ever seen for all the real-life characters involved. I always remember in that version of events, Coll & Schultz were the only 2 gang leaders who refused to sign the Atlantic City 'peace treaty' between all the major gangs-- and Coll got rubbed out soon after.

A quick Google search reveals there's also several other film versions of Coll's story. Hey, why not watch 'em all and compare?

The Man from U.N.C.L.E.: The Project Strigas Affair (1964) Season 1, Episode 9

The Non-existent Nerve-gas Affair

[10/10 · 28 March 2024]

A Russian diplomat is stirring up tensions between East & West, and Mr. Waverly wants him taken out-- in a way that will not make him a hero. When Solo asks his boss if he has any ideas how to do this, Waverly replies, "Oh, I'm sure you can come up with something." (If this were a McCLOUD, the hero would have replied, "'preciate yer confidence, Chief!") They decide to recruit the owner of a struggling exterminator company to pose as a government scientist who's invented a new form of gas that will all but eliminate regular warfare-- and the diplomat, though suspicious as he could be, can't help but eventually want to get his hands on it.

This episode is arguably one of the BEST in the entire series. It's so good, SO well-written, well-directed, well-acted, it hurt to watch it, knowing how the show began to drop off in quality in its 2nd season. And, it didn't depend on car chases or fight scenes! Writer Henry Misrock had a shockingly-short career, and this was his only UNCLE-- a CRIME! This was director Joseph Sargent's 1st of 11 UNCLE episodes, which ranged from deadly-serious to hilarious farce. There is so much style in this one, and it's played so straight, it's the incessant twists of plot & character that make parts of it funny as hell. This is how I wish more of the series had been-- and all of the '66 BATMAN as well. I was also blown away by the moody piano score of Walter Scharf, his 1st of 10 for UNCLEs, all in the 1st season. Scharf's long resume also includes THE ADVENTURES OF SHERLOCK HOLMES (1939), several Jerry Lewis films, 5 MISSION: IMPOSSIBLEs, NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC and JACQUES COUSTEAU specials.

William Shatner (STAR TREK) is "Michael Donfield", the reluctant recruit who soon dives in full-throttle with so much enthusiasm you'd think he did this before. It's one of the best acting jobs I've ever seen from him, which happened with quite a few guest-actors during UNCLE's 1st season. Werner Klemperer (HOGAN'S HEROES) is "Laslo Kurosov", the trouble-making diplomat who is the target of Solo's con game. Woodrow Parfrey (who I've seen in countless movies & tv shows) is a Russian agent who's conned by Waverly into switching sides. Leonard Nimoy (also STAR TREK, heh) is "Vladeck", Kurosov's henchman who Kurosov never passes up an opportunity to insult, leading Vladeck to try that much harder-- with surprising results.

One of the best scenes is when Vladeck supplies evidence that the Russian spy Ilya is posing as in disguise, is not who he claims to be, and right then, Ilya takes cyanide and KILLS himself. Instead of grabbing Donfield, they tell him to get rid of the body or they'll pass on evidence to the cops that Donfield murdered him. At that point, Donfield is terrified, until Ilya reveals that, NO, he didn't REALLY kill himself. But they fear their plan has gone astray... until those devious wheels in Solo's head start spinning. "Unless..." This episode really should be a course in how to play a story DEADLY serious, while still being hilarious.

The finale, when Solo, Ilya and Donfield are all standing there at the airport as Kurosov is being escorted back to Russia to face charges of embezzling one million dollars (!) is the sort of "twisting the knife" that Jim Phelps on MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE always avoided doing... until the late 80s, when he got much older and meaner (heh). When Donfield's wife says to Solo, "That's DIABOLICAL!", he smiles and replies, "We try."

Banacek: Detour to Nowhere (1972) Season 1, Episode 0

The Vanishing Armored Car Caper

[7/10 · 26 March 2024]

An armored car carrying over one million dollars in gold somehow vanishes in the middle of a texas desert. Tire tracks go off-road and end at a sheer cliff. After 60 days, the insurance company is obliged to allow "anyone else" to try and recover the truck and the money... but what one company man is really afraid of is... "Banacek". He makes a living-- actually he makes a TON of money-- by collecting 10% of what he saves the insurance company from having to pay out. He's smooth and suave and BRILLIANT and never, ever seems to lose his cool.

About 3 weeks after the 1st season of The NBC Mystery Movies ended, this 2-hour pilot movie aired. I guess it was successful, as the following September, when NBC expanded the Mystery Movies to 2 nights a week (Wednesday AND Sunday), BANACEK became a regular series, rotating with MADIGAN and COOL MILLION. I came in a bit late to the party, but I eventually got hooked on the first 2 of those. MADIGAN only ran one season, but BANACEK ran two-- until its star had "creative differences" with the network. (I'm not sure what that means, but the same problem also ended HEC RAMSEY after two seasons.)

Anyone who saw THE THOMAS CROWN AFFAIR (1968) before this would probably recognize where a big part of it came from. In that, Steve McQueen played a bored rich guy who plans a bank heist, while Faye Dunaway played an unscruplulous investigator bent on getting the money back. McQueen's "Thomas Crown" and George Peppard's "Thomas Banacek" could have been brothers separated at birth. The series essentially took the villain of the movie and turned him into the hero.

But there's more! It was pointed out that the plot of an armored car vanishing in the desert was resued from another film from 1968-- THEY CAME TO ROB LAS VEGAS. I've seen that recently! The main difference is, that film focused mostly on the bad guys, this one sees it from the point of view of the investigator. I'll also mention one other film about an armored car heist, GUNS GIRLS AND GANGSTERS (1959), which also involves someone with a rifle shooting out a tire as part of the heist. I just love tracking down "influences" like this.

This episode reveals how Banacek's father worked for a company for 20 years before suddenly being fired and replaced by a machine. We then find out it was the very same insurance company he takes such pleasure out of being paid HUGE sums of money for doing their work for them.

Murray Matheson plays "Felix Mulholland", owner of a rare book store who provides his friend Thomas all sorts of obscure information. I've seen him in countless things, but the ones that stand out are a McCLOUD ("The Disposal Man") and a BATTLESTAR GALACTICA ("Greetings From Earth"). He's sort of "Rex Harrison-lite".

Ralph Manza is "Jay Drury", an Italian limosine driver who becomes friends with his new employer, and likes to guess how things may have been stolen. I've also seen him in countless things, including an episode of THE NANNY where he was friends with "Grandma Yetta".

George Murdock is "Cavanaugh", the head of the insurance company who realizes that in the long run, it's cheaper to pay Banacek than keep wasting money on his own investigators, or, worse, paying out the full amount of whatever is stolen. He appears in several episodes of the series.

Charles Robinson is "Arthur Patrick McKinney", a young, arrogant, insurance investigator who absolutely hates Banacek, and would do anything to see him fail. I worked with someone like that in the 80s-- a real scum. He seems set up to be a recurring foil, yet somehow never returned after the pilot movie.

Christine Belford is "Carlie Kirkland", another employee of the insurance company, who winds up getting romantic with Banacek... before she goes behind his back. When he forgives his chauffer for doing the same thing, but doesn't forgive her, he says, "All Jay and I shared was a limosine." She returned in several episodes of season 2, but by then had become just plain annoying. Murdock and Belford also later turned up on BATTLESTAR GALACTICA, he as the ship's doctor, she as a dangerous convict assigned to a suicide mission.

Ed Nelson (a very familiar face on TV for decades, including 514 episodes of PEYTON PLACE) is "Geoff Holden", a rather-crooked rich land developer who is just so much of an obvious main suspect, you kinda start hoping he WASN'T behind the robbery and several murders.

As with too many of the NBC Mystery Movies, I never got to see this pilot until some years after the series ended! It's a good film that sets up a lot, but it's never been one of my favorites, perhaps because of that extra half-hour. To me, the 90-minute format (including commercials) was perfect for these kind of movies, but when NBC started wanting them all to fit a 2-hour slot, too many of them felt terribly-padded. I'm afraid that includes this one.

McMillan & Wife: An Elementary Case of Murder (1972) Season 1, Episode 7

The Philandering Husband Murder Case

[5/10 · 19 March 2024]

Sally is pregnant! And just then, an old (and formerly-serious) girlfriend of Mac's calls to ask for help, because her abusive, cheating and embezzling husband wants a divorce. That's when the cops suddenly show up, having found evidence-- including a tape-recording-- that indicate she may have murdered her husband. The problem is, nobody can find a body. Both the D. A. and Sgt. Enright think she's guilty, but Mac believes she isn't, and goes far beyond the call of duty to find evidence that he's right.

McMillan & Wife often had some very unique mysteries in its run, and I'd say this was definitely another one... except for 2 things. One: just 3 WEEKS earlier, COLUMBO had an episode where no one could find the body, so most people didn't believe there even was a murder. Two: it seems writer Brad Ranitz actually REUSED his script for a 1968 episode of IRONSIDE and expanded it here. The nerve of some people!

I also suspect Radnitz may have been at least partially paying tribute to a bit of Chandler's "The Big Sleep", as we never see the murder victim, and, another murder victim's body is found in a lake.

Martin E. Brooks makes his first of 6 appearances as "District Attorney Chapman", who accuses Mac of being too personally involved, and warns him that if the press come looking for him, he'll eagerly point them right at Mac.

Michael Ansara (STAR TREK: "Day Of The Dove") is "Ben Matthews", a nightclub owner who may have had reasons to kill the missing husband.

Selma Diamond (NIGHT COURT) has a cameo as a gas station attendant questioned about 2 missing people.

Barbara McNair (THEY CALL ME MISTER TIBBS!, THE ORGANIZATION), a singer in real life as she was in this story, is Mac's old flame "Lee Richards". Reading her bio, it's shocking just how close to home this episode would prove to be, as her real-life husband was murdered by the mob in late 1976, and the following year her accountant was charged with embezzling.

When this episode was made, Susan St. James was pregnant. Rather than hide it or write her out of the episode, her pregnancy was made a big part of the story. Yet when the show returned the next season, it was never mentioned. We have to assume there was a miscarriage, but it really makes you question the integrity of either the producers or the network, who insisted this episode be made after production for the season had officially ended.

Stacey (1973)

"The Playmate Private Eye"

[6/10 · 16 March 2024]

Beautiful, gorgeous female private eye "Stacey Hanson" (Anne Randall) is hired to investigate the family of aging "Florence Chambers" (Marjorie Bennett), and discovers infidelity, blackmail, murder, and worse. She and her assistant wind up the targets of paid killers (including Nicholas Giorgiade from THE UNTOUCHABLES), and it all climaxes in one VERY long, VERY fast and violent high-speed chase in the desert. Along the way, lots of nudity and other fun stuff punctuate the proceedings.

I rented Andy Sidaris' first 4 films from my video store back in the 90s and made copies of them. Been enjoying them several times since. Don't know why I didn't continue (job inconsistency the most likely reason), but it's okay, as I JUST ordered the "Girls, Guns & G-Strings" box set on DVD.

It's a toss-up as to which was my favorite, "SEVEN" or "MALIBU EXPRESS". Just re-watched "STACEY" tonight, and it remains a FUN film from start to finish. The copy I have has always been fuzzy- picture and sound- which made the film seem amateurish, compared to the later films. Was the film like that, or was it just a seriously-INFERIOR videotape transfer?

I never connected until tonight that the LONG climactic action sequence involving a shoot-out, a car chase, a helicopter, and another chase and shoot-out on foot parallels the one seen in "SHAFT'S BIG SCORE" the previous year! (Perhaps Sidaris didn't have the budget to actually blow up the helicopter this time- heh.)

I was researching these films this week, and suddenly found out the first 3 films had been co-financed by A- Roger Corman (New World Pictures), B- Samuel Z. Arkoff (American International Pictures) and, C- Hugh Hefner, respectively. However, Hefner argued over the content, then sold his half to someone else behind Sidaris' back. Sidaris was PISSED- and so raised more money, bought back Hef's half, and determined from then on to finance his films entirely on his own. WAY TO GO!

For whatever reason, it took until 2018 for "SEVEN" to be reissued on DVD and Blu-Ray. I wonder if Corman having sold New World, and NW then having GONE UNDER a few years later, is why "STACEY" is currently in some kind of "limbo"? SOMEBODY needs to fix that- and put out a DECENT-looking print of it, after ALL these years.

The Man from U.N.C.L.E.: The Double Affair (1964) Season 1, Episode 8

The Project Earthsave Affair

[3/10 · 14 March 2024]

Solo is kidnapped and replaced by a surgically-created double whose mission is to transport the secret combination lock of a high-security vault in Austria, that protects a powerful energy source designed to fight back against a potential alien invasion from outer space.

SAY WHAT???

UNCLE season 1 generally features the best writing, directing and acting in the entire run of the series. NOT THIS ONE, though.

The plot involving a Thrush doctor (Harold Gould, who's got more charisma than any other guest-actor in this episode) creating a fake Solo (too bad Robert Vaughn didn't get paid double for playing 2 parts, heh), the fake exhibiting virtually NO personality whatsoever (shouldn't anyone have noticed this, especially Waverly, his boss, and Ilya, who was good friends withy him in seasons 1 & 4), is problematic enough.

It's the "McGuffin" part of the plot that makes this fall right thru the floor. Every step-by-step as they go dealing with the security for the code, the attache case, the airplane, the entrance to the base, the descent into the vault area, the techs in charge, the EXPLANATION of what the vault is keeping secure, what it's for, how it "works", what it does if you accidentally aren't wearing protective glasses... it's all INSANE. It is the single WORST writing, directing & acting in the whole of season 1. (I don't even want to compare it to seasons 2, 3 & 3B, they had an entirely-different kind of problem.)

I looked up Clyde Ware. This was one of his earliest scripts, it was his ONLY episode of UNCLE, and the one thing he did the most of was 17 episodes of GUNSMOKE. I'd say he was completely out of his depth here. I also looked up John Newland. AHA. His main claim to fame was the series ONE STEP BEYOND. I wasn't surprised. The whole "Project Earthsave" plot did NOT fit on this show, it felt like it was a rejected VOYAGE script, or a script leftover from the 2nd season of THE OUTER LIMITS. This gives me the impression that Newland was more responsible for the content of this story than the writer was.

I also get the feeling this may have been filmed earlier than it was broadcast, since Ilya has so little to do with the story, it may have been written before they began to expand David McCallum's part on the show.

I've read that this was filmed IN COLOR in order to expand it into a Euro feature film (THE SPY WITH MY FACE). One very odd thing, watching it on DVD, is that somehow, the entire soundtrack sounded like it had been BADLY dubbed onto the episode. The sound quality was so "harsh", I couldn't escape the feeling that something strange had gone on technically behind-the-scenes before it was aired. (I wonder if it was like this back in 1964?)

McMillan & Wife: Till Death Do Us Part (1972) Season 1, Episode 6

There Must Be An Easier Way To Commit A Double-Murder

[7/10 · 5 March 2024]

A serial killer known on the news as 'The Asylum Killer', who likes to make his victims die slowly, has baffled the police, and a particularly-obnoxious news-caster is really getting on The Commissioner's nerves. So no sooner does Mac insists an arrest will be 'imminent', then the killer sends a letter claiming his next crime will have two victims simultaneously.

Sally, returning from a restaurant that Mac did not arrange to have dinner at, slowly discovers that all sharp objects in the house have been stolen. Meanwhile, someone has managed to get Mildred, Sally's mother, and Sergeant Enright out of town at the same time. What can it all mean? The part I found infuriating was that Mac DOESN'T call his own police force in to at least scan the house for fingerprints, or, get himself and Sally out of there.

There's a subplot involving a seeming prowler tampering with their trash cans. The resolution to this also made me want to smack someone. If a harried husband only has 4 trash cans, but needs 5, WHY can't he just go BUY another one? (This is the kind of thing one might just barely accept on an episode of GET SMART-- not M&W.)

I'm be honest. I gave this a higher rating than it probably deserved, only because, of the entire 1st season, this was the only story I really vividly remembered from when I saw it first-run. While most episodes of M&W are complex, confusing puzzles, this was more a simple SLOW-BURN of building suspense, right up to the finale.

Seriously, though-- both Sally & Enright should have known better than to take at face value messages allegedly from Mac that were "not his style".

Columbo: Blueprint for Murder (1972) Season 1, Episode 7

Where WOULD an architect bury his murder victim?

[7/10 · 27 February 2024]

An arrogant architect, financed by the wife of a rich horse-lover, suddenly finds his dream project cut-off just as it's getting off the ground. When the millionaire-husband suddenly disappears, allegedly on a business trip, it's his FIRST, ex-wife who calls the cops and suggests foul play. Thus, Columbo begins an investigation in which, for all intents and purposes, there may NOT have been a murder. But then he notices that the radio station in the missing man's car is tuned to a classical station-- when the man listened to absolutely NOTHING but country. And that's all it took to get his wheels spinning.

During the 90s, I always appreciated when this series would "play" with the format, so that every episode didn't just seem like variations of the exact same plot every time. Re-watching the early stories for the first time in around 50 years, I've been repeatedly surprised that, during the 1st season at least, they had already been "playing" with the format. I guess that's why I enjoyed it when I first got hooked, but began to get bored as the 70s went on.

Patrick O'Neal is "Elliot Markham", the brilliant but egotistical architect who seems closer to his client's wife than his client is (and, oddly, nobody ever mentions it). O'Neal had just played a ruthless businessman who had a contract put out on him by a member of his own family in a McCLOUD episode a mere 5 weeks earlier!

Forrest Tucker is "Bo Williamson", the financier who doesn't like his wife spending all his money behind his back, and winds up murdered for it-- OFF-CAMERA! I'll always remember him as "Sgt. O'Rourke" in the western military comedy, F TROOP.

Pamela Austin is "Jennifer Williamson", the younger "trophy wife" who's so busy hanging out with the architect, she doesn't seen the least concerned that her husband MIGHT actually be dead.

John Finnegan, a recurring supporting actor of many parts over the course of the series, is "Carl", the construction foreman.

John Fiedler (who I've seen in countless things, from STAR TREK to BUFFALO BILL) is the heart doctor who explains how the missing man's pace-maker made it imperitive that he come in for his yearly visit as soon as he turns up... and while he's at it, firmly urges Columbo to QUIT SMOKING!

Bettye Ackerman is "Miss Sherman", the overly-loyal secretary who, while interacting with Columbo, seems to have an absurdly-limited vocabulary.

Janis Paige is first wife "Goldie Williamson", who does all she can to convince Columbo her ex is really dead, repeatedly flirts with him and calls him "lover", and provides moral support when it looks like the Lieutenant may be following up a false-- and VERY-expensive lead. Paige was 50 when she did this episode, and all I could think was, she looked DAMNED good for 50, and I would asked her to dinner if I'd been there.

After a very slow boil for most of the story, the final act genuinely keeps you on the edge of your seat, wondering HOW exactly is this going to turn out?

Tarzan, the Ape Man (1959)

Denny Of The Apes

[3/10 · 25 February 2024]

Colonel James Parker, an African trader, is broke, but Harry Holt, on hearing of a legend of an "elephant's graveyard", is determined to find it, and make himself, Parker & Parker's daughter Jane rich. En route, they encounter rogue elephants, hostile natives, and a refugee from "Muscle Beach" who doesn't talk much, but has a bachelor pad in the trees, hangs out with Chimps, and takes a shine to Jane. After their entire safari is killed or run off by savage natives, the remaining party make a dangerous trek over a mountain range, one of them falls to his doom, and the rest are nearly killed by blood-thirsty pygmies (or the nearest equivalent on a low budget) who use ropes to drag Jane's father to a firey death, before an elephant herd breaks up the party. Finally, Harry finds the elephants' graveyard, but Jane, crazy enough, decides to stay behind in "paradise" with the un-named "ape man".

If all this sounds familiar to you, it's because MGM-- that once-great studio-- inexplicably decided to remake their 1932 classic epic TARZAN THE APE MAN, in color, but with virtually NO budget (or talent) at all. Most are familiar with the stock footage reused from TARZAN THE APE MAN, TARZAN AND HIS MATE (both filmed in B&W, by the way) and KING SOLOMON'S MINES (1950), plus a major prop recycled from THE PRODIGAL (1955). But let's dive further...

The producer was Al Zimbalist. This is the man responsible for such "classics" as ROBOT MONSTER (oh, geez!!!), CAT-WOMEN OF THE MOON, KING DINOSAUR and VALLEY OF THE DRAGONS. Need I say more? WHAT was MGM thinking? Across town, Sy Weintraub was kicking A** reinvigorating the Tarzan series with TARZAN'S GREATEST ADVENTURE, and followed it up with TARZAN THE MAGNIFICENT, and MGM gave us THIS? Why? WHY? (Yes, I know, "remakes" always seem like a good idea to soul-less, talent-less accountants.)

THIS was the film, no doubt, that inspired me to often yell at my TV while watching jungle movies, "SEE Tarzan battle the STUFFED LEOPARD!"

Denny Miller, a handsome, likable enough guy, surprisingly had quite a career doing mostly supporting roles in TV shows for decades after this. A shame this wasn't a MUCH-better film than it was.

Cesare Danove, whose "Harry Holt" isn't one fraction as likable as Neil Hamilton's was in the original, also had quite a successful career, but in my mind, will forever be remembered as "Carmine", the Mayor in ANIMAL HOUSE (1978).

Robert Douglas, almost invisible as Jane's father, actually appeared in some prestige films over the years, including THE FOUNTAINHEAD, IVANHOE, the 1952 remake of THE PRISONER OF ZENDA, KING RICHARD AND THE CRUSADERs, and much later, was the voice of "Prince Barin" in the epic Filmation cartoon FLASH GORDON: THE GREATEST ADVENTURE OF ALL (1979).

Joanna Barnes, who's almost lifeless as "Jane", also had quite a career in TV over the years, but the one thing she really stands out in my mind for is something I was never able to see until last year: 21 BEACON STREET, a short-lived summer replacement series that apparently helped inspire MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE. I doubt this film did her any favors.

One thing (among countless others) I couldn't figure. Since Denny's (they never once call him Tarzan) "tree-house" was much-more cozy & civilized than the tree-bound lean-to in the 1932 film was, WHY did Jane act so terrified of him when she woke up there? (Let's just call it "bad writing" and leave it at that.)

Columbo: Short Fuse (1972) Season 1, Episode 6

I've heard of exploding cigars before, but this is ridiculous!

[5/10 · 13 February 2024]

A spoiled, self-centered, egotistical and highly-erratic heir to a chemical company, is about to be pushed out by his uncle-by-marriage, who's had enough of trying to clear up his nephew's endless screw-ups and scandals. So he concocts a box of Cuban cigars set to explode one minute after they're opened, puts them in his uncle's car, and has a night on the town with his uncle's secretary to have an alibi when the inevitable happens. But before anyone finds what's left of the car, his uncle and the man's combination chauffer-private eye, his aunt calls the police because her husband's gone missing... and they send their "best man" to investigate... Columbo. (What, you were expecting someone else?)

All the company politics involved in this story I found over-complex and boring. But the murderer is so bizarre, exagerated and over-the-top in his attitude and behavior, he gets the wheels spinning in Columbo's head, while everyone else merely assumes the car that went over a cliff was due to an exploding gas tank. There's so much insistence that it couldn't have been a murder, it had to have been an accident, that, when the climax arrives-- and Columbo actually CONS the killer into believing it WAS an accident-- and that he's holding the UNEXPLODED box in his hands-- it actually kinda makes sense, if just barely. I've seen enough people with NPD to know, a lot of them are that unstable.

Roddy McDowell (BATMAN: "The Bookworm Turns") is "Roger Stanford", an overgrown child playing at being an adult, who really could not keep his mouth shut every time Columbo was around, practically telling the Lieutenant what he did when the detective merely had suspicions. His total freak-out at the end was absolutely the highlight of the episode.

Anne Francis (FORBIDDEN PLANET) is the secretary Roger is having a secret affair with. Did he ever care, or was she just a tool to get at his uncle? (Probably) Still very attractive here, she seems to be playing a character much-younger than her then-age of 40.

James Gregory (STAR TREK: "Dagger Of The Mind") is "David L. Buckner", who runs the company for his owner-wife, and used his former-PI chauffer to dig up dirt on his incessantly-troubling nephew, which results in both of them getting blown to pieces on a dangerous mountain road. Gregory had an outstanding role (as "General Ursus") in the only original PLANET OF THE APES movie that McDowell did not appear in. I always remember him for the line, "The only GOOD human, is a DEAD human!" Well, he certainly ended up dead in here.

Ida Lupino (THE ADVENTURES OF SHERLOCK HOLMES) is "Doris Buckner", owner of the company, who's convinced her fears about her nephew were unfounded... just before Columbo NAILS the punk.

William Windom (STAR TREK: "The Doomsday Machine") is "Everett Logan", next in line to run the company, until Roger convinces his aunt he was working against her and her husband. When Roger flips out, Everett clearly realizes (without any words being said) that he's no longer fired. (Windom had previously played one of Columbo's superiors in the pilot, who was misled into trying to remove Columbo from an investigation-- which only made the Lieutenant MORE suspicious.)

In a callback to the 2nd pilot, when Columbo was seen to have a fear of flying, here we see him suffering from a serious fear of heights while riding in a cable-car through very high, dangerous-looking mountains. I can only figure that he took that first ride deliberately, to try to overcome said fear, knowing he'd probably need to take a 2nd ride later. (In Jules Verne's "Journey To The Center Of The Earth", Professor Lindenbrook has his nephew Axel climb to the top of the tallest church steeple in a town, several times, to help him overcome a similar fear of heights, knowing he'll have to face even worse when they begin a descent into a volcano crater.)

At the climax, in a very-unusual scene, Columbo, without any real, hard evidence for once, instead plays a psychological game with his prey, loudly proclaiming nothing's wrong, as a way of convincing the killer that any moment, everyone in the cable-car could get blown to bits. Peter Falk apparently said he didn't care for this one, but I found the ending not only tense, but extremely-enjoyable to watch. As it happens, way back in January 1972, this was the very first COLUMBO I ever turned on-- just at the climax, in fact-- while waiting for NIGHT GALLERY to come on at 10 PM. That one scene got me HOOKED on the whole series, and I rarely missed an episode after that.